Thanks for my reviews :) I guess I can say we're kind of getting near the end of the story. I think there will be around seven more chapters. That's just an estimate though, I still have a few things that need to happen.

So here's the next drama-filled chapter :P

PASSAGE OF HESITANCE
Over

"Seventh year!" James said excitedly when they entered their dormitory on the first day back.

"NEWTs," Remus said dully. "Ugh, I wish we were still in third year or something. You know, when we didn't have to worry about exams?"

"You worried about exams in third year," Peter pointed out.

"Well," Remus huffed. "Not as much as I do now. Come on, James. We have to go."

"Okay," James said, looking slightly nervous. Tonight was his first night as head boy, and he had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore. Remus quickly kissed Sirius on the cheek before leaving for his prefect duties, with James right behind him.

"So," Peter said as the door closed. "I'm turning in. Goodnight."

"Night," Sirius said. As soon as Peter was in bed, he grabbed James' invisibility cloak and headed out of the dormitory. It was just past six, so he was running a bit late. He sprinted up towards the Room of Requirement, and nearly ran straight into Regulus, who was standing waiting for him.

"Jeez Sirius," Regulus said, as Sirius pulled the cloak off. "Trying to give me a heart attack or something?"

Sirius shrugged sheepishly, and the door appeared. They headed inside and almost immediately Sirius was pinning Regulus to the wall and ripping his clothes off.

##

Over the next couple of days, the horrible feeling that Sirius had felt on the night before returning to Hogwarts had come back. It was like dread – dread that Remus would find out he was cheating, dread that Remus would hate him, dread that he would break Remus' heart again.

He thought back to Valentine's Day when he had asked Remus to marry him. He thought of how perfect everything had been, and how messed up things were now. He thought of their holiday, and he felt sick at the thought that he was cheating on Remus.

He hated himself. Weren't relationships supposed to be about trust? Remus was good enough to trust him after everything, and now he was betraying him again. What an awful way to begin a marriage, Sirius thought.

It was like the realisation of what he was doing had finally struck him, and he wished more than anything that he could turn back time and stop himself from cheating. He wanted more than anything to be honest and truthful with Remus, but he couldn't do that while he was betraying him.

After thinking it through over and over again, he knew what he had to do.

##

"Hey Sirius," Regulus said softly when Sirius entered the room. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah I did," Sirius said quietly, sitting down next to him. "I, er, we can't do this anymore."

Regulus just stared at him as if he hadn't said anything. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean we can't do this," Sirius said, trying hard not to let his voice crack. "It's a mistake. I shouldn't have done it."

"It's not a mistake!" Regulus said quickly, grabbing his hand. "Please, Sirius. Please listen. I love you so much, please don't leave me. You can't do this to me!"

Sirius blinked a tear out of his eyes and pulled his hand away. "I have to do this, Reg. I'm so sorry."

"Why?" Regulus said desperately. "Is it... is it because I'm a Death Eater?"

"No," Sirius said. "It's because it's wrong. I'm cheating on my boyfriend again, and I feel terrible about it."

"You wouldn't have to cheat on him if you just dumped him and chose me instead!" Regulus said.

"I don't want to dump him!" Sirius replied angrily. "I love him!"

"You love me, too."

"I know," Sirius whispered. "That's why this is so hard for me, and I want more than anything for there to be some way I can be with you both but there's no way. I can't be with both of you without hating myself."

"Why are you choosing him then?" Regulus asked.

"He's the one," Sirius replied. "I'm sorry, but it's him. I close my eyes and think about the future, and I picture myself with him."

"You can't do this to me, Sirius!"

Sirius tore his eyes away from Regulus and stared at the wall. "I am doing this. It's the right thing to do. I've spent the majority of the past two years hating myself, and I want to do what's right."

"So it's right to break my heart, is it? Really?" Regulus asked, his voice breaking.

"Listen, we had our chance, and you screwed up. If you hadn't screwed up, we'd still be together, but as it is, you married somebody else and tossed me aside. The only reason I started doing this with you again is because I wasn't completely over you, but this time, I will get over you."

Sirius stood to get up, but Regulus grabbed his hand.

"Please don't!" he sobbed. "Please Sirius. I'll do anything!"

"No, Reg."

"What do you want me to do? I promise I'll do it, just as long as I can be with you. Please!"

"Regulus, it's over, okay?" Sirius said quietly, trying to stay calm. "Just try to move on. Get yourself a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or whatever. Get over me. It's for the best."

"I won't do that, I can't do that," Regulus said.

"That's your own problem then," Sirius said. "I'm just trying to do what I believe is right, and I'm sorry."

Regulus let out a sigh and nodded. "Fine," he said, storming towards the door. "If you want to choose a fucking werewolf over me, then that's completely fine!"

"What the-"

"-NO, I'm not finished!" Regulus shouted. "I've had enough of this! I'm leaving this place and I'm not coming back! But one thing, Sirius. You'll pay for this, I swear. You'll be sorry you ever let me go, because I'll make your life hell!"

He opened the door and ran out, slamming it shut behind him. Sirius stood, wide-eyed at where he had just been standing. The horrible feeling from earlier had returned, and now it was one hundred times worse.

##

Sirius could feel a lump in his throat as he thought about what he was about to do. He knew that Remus was going to hate him forever. He knew that he wouldn't even get to keep Remus as even a friend. It was as he had first feared when he and Remus had started going out two years ago – he was going to lose an amazing friendship.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping into the dormitory, where he knew that Remus was alone with help from the Marauder's Map.

He found Remus lying in bed sleeping, and climbed in beside him, inhaling and thinking to himself that it would be the last time he'd be able to do this. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed him on the forehead.

Remus stirred and Sirius held him closer, not wanting Remus to wake up. Unfortunately, he looked down to see Remus' eyes opening, and felt Remus' arms close tightly around him.

"Sirius," he mumbled into Sirius' chest. Sirius lifted his hand and ran it through Remus' hair, kissing the top of his head.

"Hey," he said. Remus stared up at him and smiled.

"You smell nice," he said quietly. Sirius laughed.

"Like a cloud?"

Remus stared at him in confusion. "A cloud? What does a cloud smell like?"

"Nothing," Sirius said. "It's just something you said when you were drunk on holiday."

Remus blushed and bit his lip. "Well if a cloud smells nice, then yes, you smell like a cloud."

"Thank you," Sirius said, laughing and taking hold of Remus' hand. He felt sick at the thought of what he was going to do, but there was no backing out. It had to be done.

"Remus," he said softly. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I... did something... bad," Sirius said, feeling more and more nauseous every second. Remus looked at him with a mixture of worry and confusion.

"What did you do?"

Sirius sighed and gritted his teeth. This was much harder than he'd expected. Looking into Remus' eyes – filled with so much love and worry and care for him. He just couldn't.

"Sirius, what did you do?"

"I did something really really bad," Sirius said, his voice cracking mid-sentence. "You're going to hate me."

He saw Remus let out a breath and bite his lip. "Is this... have you done something that's going to hurt me?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Sirius couldn't find anything to say, so he nodded instead. Remus nodded quickly and looked up at him with sadness in his eyes.

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Sirius said. "But you need to know."

"Are you about to break my heart?" Remus asked, now with tears in his eyes. "Because if you are, I don't... I can't deal with that. Not after last time."

Sirius swallowed. "I cheated on you."

He saw the pain in Remus' eyes and the hurt of betrayal. He felt like reaching out to him and hugging him and telling him he was so sorry and that he didn't mean it, but he knew that there was nothing he could say or do to stop Remus feeling so heartbroken. He hated himself.

"I t-trusted you," Remus whispered. "I can't believe you'd d-do that to me. I just... I d-don't... why? Am I not a good enough boyfriend for you?"

"Oh god no," Sirius said quickly. "No way! You're amazing. I'm the jerk. You're perfect, Rem."

"Then w-why?"

"Because I'm an idiot, and I'm so so sorry," Sirius said. "Please believe me, I'm so sorry."

Remus wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sighed. "Who?"

"I think you know who," Sirius said.

"For god's sake, Sirius! What was the point in getting back with me and putting me through all of this when you were just going to go back to him anyway? Was this some sick joke of yours?"

"No, Remus. I love you! I swear, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"You obviously don't love me. You would never do that to s-someone you love. I would never cheat on you."

"I do love you," Sirius said, reaching to hold his hand but Remus slapped his hand away angrily.

"Do you love him?"

"I do," Sirius said. "I'm sorry, but I do. I think that's why I did it. I love you both so much. That's why I cheated in the first place. I wanted to be with him, and then when I was with him, I wanted to be with you, so I cheated and now I've done it again. I know it sounds terrible, and I hate myself for it, but it's how I feel. I ended it with him, though. I told him to get over me and I'm never going back to him again, I swear."

"You know what?" Remus said. "Fair enough, you cheated on me once. I've forgiven you for that, but to do it again? With the same person? And we've... we've b-been through so much. I've fallen so in love with you, and you ch-ch-cheated on me."

The tears were falling down his cheek and onto the sheets of the bed, and Sirius felt his heart break slowly as he watched his damage to the boy he loved so much.

"Do you hate me?"

"I wish I did," Remus said. "I really wish I did, but I can't. I love you, and that's what makes it so much worse."

"Remus, you have to know I'm so sorry about what I've done to you."

"I don't c-care," Remus said. "I really don't care. I wish somebody would cheat on you and show you how much it hurts. I f-f-feel like you've just ripped my heart in two."

"Baby-"

"-DON'T call me that!" Remus shouted, reaching a shaky hand out to remove his engagement ring from his finger and slamming it down on the bedside table. "I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Stay away from me."

"Remus!" Sirius cried, looking from Remus to the ring. "Please. I'm so sorry! I don't want to lose you," Sirius said, grabbing for his hand but missing as Remus pulled his hands out of the way.

"Sh-should have thought of that before cheating on me," Remus said.

"I know you don't want to talk to me... or be near me. I understand that. I know I deserve it, but please know that I am so sorry for what I did."

"I can't trust you."

"At least I told you what happened!"

"Oh, and that makes it all okay then?" Remus asked. "I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this! You're EVERYTHING to me! Do you not remember how long it took me to get over you the last time? And now you're expecting me to go through that pain and heartbreak again, but a hundred times worse? You're evil," he spat.

"Rem-"

"-You're evil and you should have been in Slytherin. You're as bad as the rest of your family! All this time I thought you were different, but you're not! You're as bad as them."

It hurt more than Sirius would have thought. He'd spent his whole life trying to show everybody that he was nothing like the rest of his family, and to have someone that he cared about tell him that he was the same as the rest of them – it hurt. It felt like Remus had slapped him hard in the face.

"I deserved that," he whispered, nodding. "And I'm truly sorry, Remus," he said, blinking away the tears and running out of the room.

He ran and ran, not really taking anything in apart from the fact that he had lost Remus, and this time it was forever. He was suddenly outside, and still running as fast as his legs could carry him. He toppled over as he ran down the hill leading to the lake, and he couldn't even find it in himself to get back up.

The one thing he was glad about was that it was all out. Remus knew, and there were no more lies. He knew he would never get back with Regulus, and that felt good at least.

But he had lost everything. He hadn't expected Remus to act any different to how he acted, but he had still had that lingering feeling of hope that just maybe Remus would forgive him for telling him straight what had happened.

He had no intention of returning to the dormitory tonight. It would only make things worse. He decided that he would do as Remus wished – stay away from him. That way it would give Remus time to heal and maybe, just maybe, forgive him. He knew that was hoping too much. James would hate him, and so would Peter.

He lay there on the grass staring up at the night sky trying not to break down and cry. It was going to be a long night, and even though he was tired and desperate to get some sleep, he wanted to lie there forever and forget about everything that had happened.

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