Thanks for the reviews. I really wanted to reach the two hundred mark so I'll tell you what: 10 more and I'll write the second epilogue. I'll even try to make it long.
I was really gutted when I got one overnight (out of 173 hits) for the one shot I posted a few days ago. It made me feel like it was complete and utter crap and I actually considered deleting it. So even just a few words from you guys would go a long way towards giving me back my confidence in my abilities. Cause I've gotta tell you, I'm getting really self-conscious about posting anything here, especially anything new. Which means the likelihood of me starting another fic after I've finished this one is pretty slim at the moment. Hits are wonderful but they don't tell you whether people are actually reading or just clicking on the link. ;)
Epilogue
Somewhere Jack could hear Kate speaking.
He forced his eyes open, tilting his head towards her, but the covers had been thrown back on her side, and sitting up, he saw that the baby wasn't in her bassinette either.
As he listened, he caught snatches of her voice, so soft and distant that couldn't make out what she was saying, and he realised that it wasn't coming from another room. It was coming from the speaker on the nightstand.
With a smile, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and headed out into the hall, the sight that greeted him when he reached the nursery stopping him in his tracks.
Kate was in the rocking chair with their daughter swaddled in a pink blanket against her chest. He could tell that she'd just finished feeding her because her top button was still undone, the baby's cheek resting against her bare skin.
She was whispering things close to her ear as she rocked her; she looked tired but so peaceful that, as he watched, it occurred to him that this was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen: the woman he loved holding their child without doctors or nurses or machines to interrupt them.
The weeks surrounding their daughter's birth had been difficult, from his frantic 911 call to the hospital to the time they'd spent visiting her in the NICU, but it had all been worth it when – satisfied that she'd put on enough weight – Sophie had finally agreed to let them bring her home that afternoon.
Jack admired the image for a moment longer, committing it to memory before crossing the threshold. "Hey," he said to alert Kate to his presence. "You should've woken me. I would've gotten up with you."
When she glanced up at him she was beaming. "It's okay, we've got it under control. She just needed a feed and a cuddle, didn't you, angel?" she cooed, kissing the tip of the baby's dainty upturned nose.
"Baby needed a cuddle or Mommy did?" he teased her with a grin. He was pretty sure that the only time she'd put their daughter down all evening was to sleep, and even then she couldn't stay away from her for long.
She laughed at these words, a pink flush creeping into her cheeks, but she didn't apologise, and he didn't really expect her to. More than anything he was just glad that she'd fallen as deeply in love with their child as he had.
"I wish we didn't have to call her 'the baby'," she told him as she watched their daughter's tiny eyelids flutter shut. Her tone was almost wistful as she added, "I can't believe she's almost three weeks old and we still don't have a name for her."
They'd tried but nothing was good enough; each time Jack looked at her she was still as much of a miracle as the first time he saw her and he knew that it was the same for Kate.
He moved the rest of the way into the nursery, picking the names book up off the dresser where it lay on top of the baby's worn copy of Goodnight Moon.
He'd read it to her at the hospital each night before they settled her in her incubator and returned to their room, and then again that evening when they put her down.
He was sure that she must recognise it because her eyes grew wide each time he began, and he could see her becoming more alert, but by the end she was always asleep, her fingers clutching limply at the fabric of his scrubs or his shirt.
"Well maybe we should try again," he suggested, pulling a chair up beside them. "Sooner or later something's gotta stick, right?"
He opened the cover, flipping through the pages that they'd taken turns marking, her in yellow and him in pink.
"Ella," he read, choosing on of his own, enjoying the way that it rolled off his tongue. "That's a good name – not too unusual, but not too common either."
It wasn't amazing, but he couldn't see any reason why she would reject it until she shook her head, jerking her chin towards the highlighted entry.
"See there? It means 'young girl'. Almost everything she owns is blue – we don't wanna give her a complex," she insisted and he chuckled, knowing that she still felt guilty for thinking their daughter was a boy, and for calling her one when she was able to hear her.
"Okay, so how do you feel about Grace?" he said, moving on.
She wrinkled her nose.
"We could call her Gracie if you think it's too formal," he continued in case this was her only issue with it, realising that he was losing again when she frowned.
"It's not that, it's just a lot to live up to," she explained with a sigh. "What if she turns out to be awkward and clumsy?"
He could still remember her disgust at learning that her name meant 'pure' and 'unsullied' when neither of those were words that she would use to describe herself.
"Hannah?"
She laughed, bumping his knee with hers. "That's just a different way of saying 'grace', Jack," she complained, rolling her eyes as she scanned the page over his shoulder.
"Now who's being difficult?" he teased her. "I'm pretty sure you've found something wrong with everything I've suggested."
She bit her lip, averting her gaze to the baby. "I'm sorry, I guess I always thought when I heard her name I'd just know," she confessed, giving him an uncomfortable smile. "I just want it to be something really special, like Nathaniel was. I just hate that we have to give it up."
As much as he loved the ones he'd just listed, and all of the others that he'd checked off, he knew that she was right. They'd been through too much to get her to give her any name.
He kept turning the pages until he saw something that both of them had managed to overlook.
"How about this one? Maia." It was simple but still gentle and sweet, and feminine without being too girly. "Maia Shephard." When he tried it out loud he decided that it even sounded like her.
Kate smiled. "That's pretty," she agreed.
Encouraged by her positive response, he skimmed the rest of the entry. "It means 'dream' in Sanskrit," he told her with a grin.
It was perfect. He thought that it might even be better than Nathaniel because she was more than a gift. She was a dream come true. He knew that he should be used to it by now but he still had moments where he couldn't believe that this was real, that this was his life now.
"What about you?" Kate murmured to the baby, stroking the downy curls that covered her scalp. "D'you think you can you live with Maia?"
The baby's eyes drifted open, and they both chuckled when she blinked up at them, drowsy and confused, but still enjoying having her parents' full attention.
Kate smiled up at Jack when exhaustion overtook her and she let them fall closed again. "Looks like we finally found it."
I can leave it here or with the second epilogue which (just as a little teaser) is set two years later and features Claire and Aaron as well as the Shephard clan... ;)