Author's Note: It kind of broke my heart to leave out the Megstiel scene in this chapter. I am a huge shipper of Megstiel, but I couldn't find a way to work it in with Ember. It just didn't seem right. My love for Megstiel is undying though.

Also, this being the first kiss was completely unplanned, it just sort of came to me. I'd wanted it earlier, actually, but it didn't fit until here. The full story is in the sister fic, Ember: Half-Demon, Half-Human. I don't own Supernatural.

November 14

After Dean and Benny had left Purgatory, Castiel had run, endlessly. He had lost track of the days he was there, though before Dean and Benny's escape he had been the most likely of the three to keep track of it. It was all the same now – running, and fighting, and running, and fighting.

And then one day he found himself by the side of the street in Illinois.

He had no idea how he had gotten out, though perhaps it was God – it had always been God. That didn't seem right, though – not this time.

He sought out the Winchesters immediately, though it took three days before he was able to catch up with them. He hadn't been restored at full power, and he knew it would be at least a week before he was able to fly properly again.

He had been brought back from Purgatory just in time. Somehow, his old adversary the King of Hell (Crowley) had found the demon tablet, written by the Scribe of God and dictated by God himself. Castiel knew it held all sorts of secrets. Worse, Crowley had also managed to capture the prophet, Kevin, to help him translate the tablet. Castiel assisted the Winchesters in rescuing Kevin, but he was only able to obtain half of the tablet, while Crowley hung on to the rest. Castiel wished he could have done more, however he still wasn't at full power.

The prophet Kevin revealed that there were other tablets, and also that the demon tablet revealed a way to shut the demons in Hell forever. Castiel knew what this would mean to the Winchesters, and he was willing to help. Perhaps he was needed here on Earth… perhaps his penance was over.

November 27

"Cas!" Ember exclaimed, and jumped into his arms.

Castiel had forgotten how she made him feel, and so his senses were immediately assaulted by her smell – citrus, and demon, and whatever that bit of her was that made him so damn attracted to her. It was worse than ever now. It hadn't been like this, he reflected, since sometime before the Apocalypse. After that he had become a seraph, and then he had tried to become God. And then he had let out the Leviathans, and then he had been crazy, and then he had been in Purgatory.

It had been just under two years since he had last been this close to her, and he had been so distracted at the time by realizing his true identity, rather than the miracle-healer Emmanual, that he hadn't felt her presence as potently as usual. It had been just under five years, before the Apocalypse, since they'd spent more than five minutes together one-on-one.

Perfect. It was all perfect.

"Cas," Ember said gently, and Castiel realized that he still had his arms around her.

"Sorry," he mumbled, extricating himself and feeling strangely cold.

"I'm glad you were finally able to come," she said, ignoring the awkward moment. "Sam and Dean have gotten to hang out with you for a week now, but I've been so busy with work, I haven't been able to get away to come visit."

Castiel nodded. "They're out getting food now," he said. "I needed some time to recover since we took back the prophet, but I came to see you as soon as I could properly fly again."

"Good. I mean, it's been, what, like, five years since we sat and talked… like, really talked?" Ember asked, echoing his earlier thoughts. "I've got food, but I know how you are."

Castiel smiled, happy to simply watch her scurry around her kitchen. She grabbed a beer and brought it to him, knowing that it was the only human food or beverage that he even halfway enjoyed.

"No idea how you got out of Purgatory, then?" she asked when they were both settled with drinks.

"None," he said, watching the way her hair swung as she talked. "I've thought perhaps God… but somehow it doesn't feel right."

Ember shook her head. "Your grace seems brighter now," she commented. She tilted her head somewhat and seemed to scrutinize him. "Not as bright as it was when you were God. Then it was… blinding. But… dark, somehow, too. Not angelic. Now it's just… bright. In a good way."

"It's because I'm happy," he said, without thinking, and she raised an eyebrow.

"I'm… enjoying myself," he added. "There are no wars now, and my head is clear, and I do not desire to return to Heaven and face my brothers and sisters. So I am simply exercising my free will in a way that will help others to the best of my ability."

Ember gave him a wide smile. "Good for you, Cas," she said. "Good for you."

Winter

Over the winter, Castiel drifted. He was not lost – quite the contrary, in fact. He was simply enjoying himself.

First he went on a hunting excursion with the Winchesters. It was an interesting endeavor, and they encountered Fred Jones, a man who possessed very strong powers of psychokinesis and could bend reality around him. Fred was elderly, however, and no longer in his right mind. The owner of the nursing home where he stayed was taking advantage of Fred's condition and manipulating him in order to rob banks, and several people had been murdered in the process. After everything had been put right, Castiel stayed to watch over Fred to ensure that he died in peace, and that no one else attempted to use him for ill. A psychchokenetic that powerful could not be left unchecked, Castiel knew, but Heaven was busy. Fred died a natural death on December 31st, and Castiel felt that finally, he had done something right.

When he wasn't with Fred, Castiel spent time with the Winchesters, with Ember, or simply righting various wrongs in the world. He did quiet things, such as feed the homeless, heal the occasional pious sick person, and kill the occasional demon when he ran across them. He spent a memorable Christmas with the Winchesters, only slightly marred by the fact that Ember was apparently back together with Dean.

Castiel had thought many times of going back to Heaven. At first he was scared. It was like he told Dean. "When I was… bad… and I had all those things, the Leviathans, writhing inside me… I caused a lot of suffering on Earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I can't go back."

"'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you," Dean confirmed.

"Because if I see what Heaven's become, what I made of it, I'm afraid I might kill myself."

January 16

He had been curing a hernia in a baby when he heard Samandriel's distress call on angel radio. Had he really heard that on angel radio? He had turned angel radio off, and it was still turned off…

He had recruited Sam, Dean, and Ember to help him rescue Samandriel. He remembered that Samandriel had watched over Ember, a long time ago. He remembered that the angel had seemed bored with the job and wanted to see battle…

Just as they were about to confront Crowley and a screaming Samandriel, however, a horrible ringing started in Castiel's ears. He remembered, suddenly… sharp pain, and screaming, and an angel called Naomi… There was a silver tool, coming closer, and closer… The screams coming from Samandriel became his own, from a distant memory, and Castiel was frozen in fear.

And then Samandriel had been dead in his arms. Samandriel had come toward him, crazed from the torture he had undergone, and Castiel had killed him in self-defense. That's not right, either. Samandriel wouldn't do that. You know him. The memories aren't right… There's something he said, something important, and it's been forgotten…

And he was crying blood…

Suddenly the urge to go to Heaven was overwhelming. None of this makes sense.

Heaven

He was surrounded by Dean Winchester, dead. He was numb, so numb. This wasn't real. It was of no consequence.

"Finally, you're ready," said Naomi.

This was wrong.

March 20

Castiel was doing Heaven's bidding. He was a righteous angel again. He was no longer a Fallen.

That's what you thought last time.

He was killing demons, and searching for the angel tablet. The demons had told him it was in Lucifer's crypt.

When did he receive these instructions?

He should've known Sam and Dean would catch up with him. He hadn't exactly been quiet about killing the demons.

There was something different about Sam. He was sick, very sick… it wasn't his concern.

Of course it's your concern!

The search for the angel tablet was difficult, but he was finally able to track down the hostage that had been feeding Crowley's demons information: Meg.

She looked terrible. Castiel had heard that Crowley had caught her on the same day he had been sent to Purgatory. That meant Crowley had been torturing her for over a year…

She took care of you… remember that?

Fortunately, Meg had been giving Crowley and his men false locations to Lucifer's crypts, which is where the angel tablet was being kept.

"I just get them in the ballpark," she said. "Enough time's passed and enough's changed that they bought it."

"Why lie?" asked Dean.

"Buy myself some time, dummy. Try to find a way to get free."

"Wait - so... A bunch of innocent people died so you could... buy yourself some time?" asked Sam.

"Hi. I'm Meg. I'm a demon," she said sarcastically.

"So, what have they found?" asked Castiel.

"Bupkis," she said. "Every crypt's been one Al Capone's vault after another. And on top of that, someone kept picking up the trail and icing demons. I'm guessing that was you, Castiel. But Crowley just keeps sending more. He's hell-bent on finding that Angel Tablet."

Angel tablet… Naomi…

Who was Naomi?

Meg sighed, staring at Castiel and the brothers intensely. "I lied to the demons, which means they're digging in the wrong place. But not for long. They'll be back here soon. So, who's up for fleeing?"

"She's right," said Sam. "We need to find those crypts before they do. Meg, you're the only one who's been there."

"We need your help," agreed Castiel.

~ANGELS WILL FALL~

"Cas!" Ember exclaimed that evening, hugging him. "I haven't seen you in months! I prayed, but-…"

"I heard your prayers," he said, relishing the feel of her. "I apologize, but I was very busy."

"Sure, he's nice to her," Dean grumbled.

There was a flash of something in his head. A silver tool, coming close to his eye… He was screaming… Naomi…

"Cas? You okay?" Ember asked him, and he realized that he was across the room from her now, but he couldn't remember why.

"Yes, sorry," he said, straightening his trench coat. "I'm fine."

March 21

It was so clear now. Now he understood. He was being mind controlled. He had known it all along, but until now he had been able to ignore it. Naomi had sent angels to break him out of Purgatory because he was a strong warrior, a seraph, and she thought she could control him with her mind control. And she had been right.

Dean had the tablet. It was in his hand. Naomi's voice was in his head. She was telling him to kill Dean, to kill Ember, if he needed to. Castiel did not want to kill Dean. He did not want to kill Ember or Dean. He had been trained to kill Dean – he knew that now, on some amount of a conscious level. He had not had training to kill Ember. The angels did not understand how he felt for her because they had never known her personally. They thought that it was no concern, because she was a half-demon. How had he hidden that from Naomi? Castiel didn't know.

But that didn't matter now. What mattered was that Dean was not giving up the angel tablet, as Naomi had commanded. "I can't let you take that, Dean," Castiel said.

"Can't or won't?" Dean asked. Ember's eyes were blown wide and fearful as she looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Both," he answered.

Dean gave a significant look to Ember, who gave no response. He paused for a second, then asked, "How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?"

He didn't want to kill them. There had to be another way. Naomi was screaming in his head. And Castiel was advancing on Dean.

"Just tell me how you got out of Purgatory," Dean said. "Be honest with me – for the first time since you've been back – and this is yours."

"We don't trust you, Castiel," Ember said. "Something's off about you. Who's controlling you? Why did you kill Samandriel? How did you get out of Purgatory? Dean said he saw you die." She was covering Dean now, backing up with him, but both were standing their ground.

No. No, I don't want to. It's not a drill this time. This is real. This isn't me. I don't want to. I lo- I love her. I love them both.

"Cas," said Dean. "Cas, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but if you're in there and you can hear me, you don't have to do this! Cas!" But Castiel had struck out against Dean, who had put up the tablet in defense of himself. And Ember had taken the trunk that the angel tablet had come out of and used her force powers to hit Castiel over the head, but it hardly distracted him. Gone were the days when she was more powerful than him…

This isn't right. I won't hurt Dean. I won't hurt Ember.

But Naomi was screaming in his head, and he could feel himself fighting, as though he had no control over his body. And he remembered. "The Apocalypse is over, and Lucifer is locked up again. Why is your demon attraction still so strong?" … "Hey, assbutt!" … "With you, this plan might fail. Without you, this plan will fail. Got that?"

"Cas, fight this, this is not you!" Dean was screaming. "Fight it!"

Ember was screaming, too, and he could feel the effect of her power, but it was futile against him.

What have you done to me?

"What have you done to me, Naomi?"

He only realized he had said it aloud when Dean and Ember both shouted, "Who is Naomi? Cas?"

But she was still screaming in his head. He felt his fist collide with Dean's face, and heard Ember scream, "No!" and launch herself at Castiel. He sent her flying, and she hit the other wall and screamed in pain, her leg twisting under her horribly, and sunk to the ground.

"Castiel… I may be a half-demon, but I'm pretty sure I'm more righteous than you today."

But just as he remembered, he felt Dean's wrist crack beneath his hand. The tablet had escaped from its stone encasing, and there was thunder outside. "You want it? Take it!" Dean said, his face bloody. "But you're gonna have to kill me first. Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!"

Why wouldn't his vessel obey him? And Ember launched herself on top of Dean, somehow, screaming in pain as she did so. But he was still hitting both of them, and he wasn't sure which one.

He felt himself raise his hand up one more time to finish them both, because he had listened too long to the resisting voice, and should have smited them both in the first place. "Cas… it's me," Dean said. "We're family. We need you… I need you."

But he could feel that he wouldn't be able to resist. And suddenly there were lips on his, and he wasn't sure how it had happened, because he hadn't seen her coming. Shock coursed through his body, and stars exploded behind his eyes, and he dropped his angel blade and his fist without realizing he was doing so, and backed up in horror.

"I'm sorry, I'm – oh, what have I done?!" he said, alarmed. As he backed up, he found the tablet on the floor, and picked it up. As he did so, he felt the last bit of Naomi's control break. He was free again.

"Heal him!" Ember screamed from his feet, gesturing at Dean, who Castiel realized with alarm was bloody and swollen.

Castiel reached down slowly and healed both of them. "I'm so sorry," he said again.

They were both out of breath, and it took a few minutes before Dean and Ember could speak again, despite their complete healing. Castiel could still feel her lips on his, and it scared and confused him. What did it mean?

"What the hell just happened?" asked Dean, distracting Castiel from his thoughts.

He began to tell them about Naomi. He owed them an explanation, after all this.

"So, this "Naomi" has been controlling you since she got you out of Purgatory?" asked Dean when Castiel had finished.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"And, what?" Dean snapped. "A kiss woke you up? Was it some sort of demented sleeping beauty sort of bullshit?" Ember flinched, and had not looked him in the eyes since the kiss.

"It surprised me, that's all," Castiel lied. "A good shock seemed to be helpful."

He decided a subject change was best. "I have to protect this tablet," Castiel said.

"From Naomi?" asked Dean.

"Yes," agreed Castiel. "And from you."

"From me, what are you talking about?" But with one final look over his shoulder at Ember, Castiel flew away.