Chapter Nineteen
Pairing: W/T
Rating: PG-13 for slightly sexual situations
Angst/Drama Rating: This is about a 6 on the 1-10 scale.
Setting: The Grove - Tucson
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they're owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money – and trust me I don't have anything you would want anyway – is involved, this is simply for my own pleasure and hopefully for those who are reading it.
Author's Notes: I thought after the last chapter I might need a little time before I had the next one, and it appears I was right. Before I go any further, I'd like to thank my beta CYTEACH, Crystal, your encouragement and support mean so much, and you can now put the sharp stick away – or at least stop sharpening it, that last jab left a mark ^_~. This chapter has turned out to be a "music heavy" chapter, in terms of music being used in the chapter itself, it's also the shortest to date (I think). So click on the links, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and see how they could fit. The music used during the chapter was Bright Eyes "The People's Key", Iron and Wine "Kiss Each Other Clean", Cut Copy "Zonoscope", Sheryl Crow "The Globe Sessions", and The Decemberists "The Hazards of Love". The three songs Tara sings for Willow are all by City and Colour; "The Girl" aka "the proposal song", is from the cd "Bring Me Your Love" and "Like Knives" and "Hello, I'm in Delaware" are both from "Sometimes". These of course "technically" were even out if you want to be strict timeline wise, but in my timeline good music is always allowed so they get godmothered in…or would that be fairy godmothered in? Whatever works. ^_~ I also suggest looking the songs up on YouTube for a listen - very much worth it (in my book).
The Road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And must follow, if I can.
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way.
Where many path and errands meet.
And wither then? I cannot say.
– J.R.R. Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings
The strange looking little group stood staring out into the Tucson early summer dry heat, waiting for the rental car to be brought around. What an odd little group they must have seemed; Amy's pseudo-goth look and semi-drugged stance, her arm being held tightly by Giles sans his usual tweed-y-ness, but stiff nonetheless, followed by Tara's fresh faced, blonde hair and blue eyed beauty, and rounded out by Willow's peaches n' cream girlish sweetness, holding tightly to each others hands, and obviously a couple.
An overly cheery young man hopped out of an SUV and gave Giles a conspiratorial smile while he opened the passenger doors, onto whom Giles leveled his best British condescending sneer before ushering Amy into the backseat of the vehicle, while Tara and Willow took care of the luggage. Giles had thought far enough ahead to add Willow as a driver, and asked her to drive them to The Grove. Tara rode up front resting her hand protectively on Willow's thigh, while Giles and Amy sat in the back; Giles focused totally on Amy who appeared to doze during the drive.
The shared cautious looks between the rest of the passengers made it obvious they thought something else entirely about Amy's docile napping. Everyone was on high alert during the drive, with Willow taking the quickest route from the airport back out to The Grove, she was able to make the drive in just under forty minutes. As Willow pulled into a parking space and turned the SUV off, a grim-faced Dana was approaching to meet them.
Opening Amy's door, Dana spoke. "Merry meet, Sisters, merry meet, Giles. I assume you to be Amy Madison, then, yes?" She looked down at the thin young woman who didn't respond or even look at her.
Everyone simply nodded.
"Merry meet, Dana," Giles responded.
With a cheeky grin Willow asked, "Did you miss me, Dana?" as she moved to the back of the SUV to start pulling bags out.
Tara giggled, "Merry meet, Sister."
"Like a heat rash in August, Sister Willow," Dana replied teasingly.
"She's got your number, Will," Tara teased as she gave Willow a wink.
"Hey, no ganging up on me! You are supposed to be on 'Team Willow' here," Willow said with a good natured pout.
"Yes, now that we have that all out of the way, where does Rowan want me to take Amy?" Giles asked archly.
"Oh, lighten up, Giles, you got her here, we can take over. Besides, you look like hell. Did she do that after we left?" Dana asked.
"Umm, well, yes we had a bit of a…disagreement, shall we say?" Giles said.
Dana smirked at Giles. "So I see. Girls, just leave any bags Amy has at the main desk. Rowan wants to see her right away, of course. She also would like to see you before dinner, Willow."
"Sure, c'mon baby, the quicker the better," Willow shuddered a little. "Do you want to keep the keys, Giles?"
"Uh, what? Uh no, Willow. If I need them I know how to find you, and I don't anticipate leaving tonight at least," Giles said as he helped to grab bags and follow Dana who now held a death grip on Amy.
With a chirp of the car alarm, everyone headed for the main entrance. The desk that normally held Tabitha was empty, and Willow shot a look to Tara as she set a bag down, and took another from her, to which Tara just shrugged.
Taking Tara's now free hand in her own, Willow turned and said, "Well, we're gonna get settled in, we'll see you at dinner, I guess?"
Dana smiled sadly, and nodded, while Giles mumbled something as he waved in their general direction before moving off towards Rowan's office following Dana and Amy. Willow and Tara again exchanged looks at the uncharacteristically curt behavior from Giles.
Making their way back to their rooms was a quick and silent little trek through the corridors of The Grove. Entering through Tara's door, there were already several boxes waiting inside for her that had been shipped previously by Xander. Willow walked in through Tara's bedroom and into hers to find some boxes waiting for her as well.
Dropping her bags on her bed she walked back into Tara's room, toeing off her shoes, Willow flopped down on the bed and waited for Tara join her. Tara walked into her bedroom and smiled. Kicking her shoes off, she crawled onto the bed next to Willow and started blowing in her ear gently to make her giggle.
Willow suddenly rolled over onto Tara, kissing her soundly. Tara eased her legs open a little more so Willow could slide between them, giving their bodies better contact as their kisses grew more passionate. Tara's hands wandered to Willow's bottom of their own accord, kneading the flesh beneath her palms.
Willow broke the kiss with a slight moan. "Mmm, that feels nice."
"I agree, I was beginning to feel a little Willowkiss deprived," Tara said before nipping at Willow's chin.
"Baby, I promise to do my best to make sure you will never be Willow deprived again."
"Promise?" Tara asked softly.
"I promise," Willow said sincerely as she brushed hair away from Tara's face and looked deeply into her eyes before kissing her.
Tara's hand worked up Willow's back kneading a pathway up Willow's spine to the long red hair spilling down past her shoulders. Wrapping her finger's around it, Tara tugged it a little, not hard but enough to get Willow's attention.
"Mmm, yes baby?" Willow asked her eyes a little glazed over.
"Sweetie, were you serious about our hair, you know changing it or something?' Tara asked.
Willow rose up a little to look into Tara's face as she thought.
"Yes, I think I am. Change is good, change is painful, change is necessary, I read that somewhere, or maybe Lady Rowan said it...we are making some big changes, why can't we do something as small as change our hair? Cut it short, or change its color, baby it's only hair. If we don't like we can fix it, well when it comes to color we can. I mean I'm not suggesting shaving your head…you won't shave your head will you? But you know it could be fun. Besides it grows back, right?"
Tara started laughing at the willowbabble she just witnessed. Working her hands into the back pockets of Willow's jeans she pressed her hips into Willow.
"Yup, it grows back, and color is just that. We can change it if we don't like it. When?"
Willow thought for a moment and the wiggled so the keys in her front pocket pressed into Tara's hip but not painfully so. "Well, I still have the keys, we could go now if you want, or how about tomorrow? We can make an afternoon of it? Marisol has a younger brother that I've met several times, and he's a hairdresser, we could go see Bunny. I can show you around a bit; it's down on Fourth Avenue. We'll have fun, ooo, there's a great restaurant there, it's inexpensive and the food is awesome!" Willow enthused.
Tara raised her head giving Willow a quick kiss to 'seal the deal', before effortlessly flipping them over so she could roll off of Willow. "Sounds like a good plan, sweetie."
Tara walked into the living room to grab her bags and bring them back into the bedroom. Willow rose up on her elbows to watch Tara move around the room while she talked.
"Wait til you meet him, he's 'family', Wiccan, and a drag queen on top of being a riot. I had never met anyone like him, and coming from Sunnydale, that's saying something. I think you'll like Bunny."
"Bunny?" Tara asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, I'm not sure what his real name is, I don't think I've ever been told, but he does drag under the name 'Bunny FooFoo'," Willow giggled, "See, I told you, he's a riot."
"And is Marisol here at The Grove?"
"No, but yes, she doesn't live here; she takes care of her mother, and a niece I think. Her sister was killed, and that's how her niece came to be with her, but I don't really know much more. You'll meet Marisol, you'll like her too, she works in the stables."
Just then the phone next to Tara's bed rang and she sat to answer it.
"Hello…oh h-hello, My Lady…yes, she is, w-would you…yes, certainly…well, we had planned to go into the city tomorrow…yes, that works, y-yes My Lady, blessed be." Tara looked at Willow. "I assume you know who that was?" She said softly.
Willow nodded as she slid off the bed, and reached for her shoes. Slipping back into them without untying them, she scrambled next to Tara and put her head on her shoulder.
"I'll be back as quick as I can, baby. We still have lots of time before dinner; I can help you unpack some of your boxes if you want…" Willow's voice trailed off in tones of awe.
Tara slipped her arm around Willow pulling her close, dropping a kiss on her head. "What is it sweetie?"
"You…here…with me…baby, is it wrong to feel so happy?" Willow asked quietly.
"You should never feel guilty for your happiness, and you should never take it for granted," Tara said in gentle earnestness. "It can evaporate overnight…we know that to some degree, don't we?" Turning to face Willow, she lifted her chin and kissed her deeply.
Slowly running her hands up Willow's arms, Tara broke from the kiss that left them both flushed. "You should go, she probably shouldn't have to call for you twice," Tara whispered.
With her gaze a little unfocused, Willow nodded. Taking a deep breath and blinking a few times before rising, Willow smiled broadly at Tara. "I love you."
"And I love you," Tara said as she smiled back, and watched Willow bounce out through her room. Tara heard the soft click of the door closing behind Willow from the other room.
Sitting for a moment, Tara looked around the room; through the door into the living room she could see her guitar case. Deciding to finish with her unpacking first, Tara moved slowly around putting things in drawers, here and there, while she hummed to herself. Not knowing how long Willow would be gone she took her time, set up her personal alter and placed some favorite objects around the room to make it more 'hers' and feel more like 'home'. Truthfully, now being here with Willow, part of her felt that if they never went back to Sunnydale that would be fine as long as they were together.
Sitting down on the bed again, Tara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She listened to the sounds around her. She could hear a dove coo outside, and took another deep breath to center herself. She heard something scurry against the wall under the window, another breath. She heard the air conditioning kick on and begin to blow over the top of her head, another breath. Rolling her shoulders and then her neck, Tara opened her eyes. She felt a noticeable difference in herself being away from the hellmouth and she'd only been gone a few hours. She wondered what Buffy and Dawnie would be like if they got away, and how getting away would be so good for them.
As her thoughts turned melancholy, she picked up several of her favorite candles, a cone of dragon's blood incense and moved out into the living room. Slowly she paced the candles around the room, when she had them where she wanted them Tara went into back into her bedroom and pulled out a small incense tray especially for cones. Placing the ornate brass dome on the coffee table, slowly she went around and lit her candles, turning off any lights as she went. When she got to the last candle she lit the cone from it. Tara watched the tip flare and smoke, then begin to glow. Blowing it out, Tara placed it on the stand covering it with its intricately designed dome before she picked up her guitar case and sat on the sofa.
With the lights off, the only light came from the window in the bedroom, so with the blinds closed the candles lit the living room in soft, somber light. Tara waved some of the smoke from the incense up and over her head, and then around her body, using the smoke to cleanse and reinforce protection, and love in the rooms she shared with Willow. Willow's question about happiness, her own feelings about being away from the hellmouth and how those dear to her would benefit from it immensely although it would probably never happen, weighed heavily on Tara as she began to tune her guitar.
Being a singer, she had an ear for pitch and while she didn't have perfect pitch, it was pretty darn close. This made tuning by ear easy for her; once she was sure she was tuned, she began to strum aimlessly with no particular melody in mind to warm her hands up. Starting with a favorite and one that seemed appropriate, and that she had been practicing prior to seeing Willow again; she started the opening chords of "All Along the Watchtower", and sang along as she began to roll through a few of the songs she had learned over the last year.
When Willow got outside their rooms she heard guitar music and the unmistakable sounds of Tara singing. She stood at the door listening, resting her forehead against the door and closing her eyes; then decided to enter from her own room.
Closing the door carefully so she could be as quiet as possible, she stopped at her bed to take her shoes off. She sat breathing in the comforting scent of the incense and listened to the song Tara was currently singing come to an end. There was a pause, and a riff of random notes before another song started slow and sad. Tara started to sing softly, it wasn't the high soft voice that sang to her almost two years ago, but a warm contralto, with a breathy delivery. The words began to sink in to Willow, bringing tears to her eyes, and leaving her stuck to her bed as she listened.
Your words are Like knives
They peel my skin and pierce my soul...
Your body will burn tonight...
Though your heart may still remain cold
And I will blame myself
And I will blame myself
For holding on to what I hoped would keep you by my side
I will blame myself
The Sheets are stained with...
Memories of your soft kiss
Now this is all I have
Paper and pen to remember you with
And I will blame myself
And I will blame myself
For holding on to what I hoped would keep you by my side
I will blame myself
Can I have you?
Can I have you?
Can I have you?
Can I have you?
Can I have you?
Tara's voice cracked on the last breathy, "I will blame myself", and freed Willow to move towards her, to let her love know she was not alone, her Willow was with her. She stood just inside the door out of Tara's line of sight, one hand over her mouth and one over stomach, held in place as Tara belted out the last five lines. Willow struggled to hold in the emotion that the words and the sound of Tara's pained and emotive voice brought up in her.
There was only a brief pause, and Willow thought she heard a sob come from Tara, as she pushed into the next song.
So there goes my life
Passing by with every exit sign
It's been so long
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong
No sleep tonight
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
And as the moon fades
One more night gone, only twenty more days
But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
Willow couldn't bear for Tara to sing these sad songs; she wanted to know why, what had upset her, what she could do to ease the pain these songs so plainly embodied. So she moved forward enough to be in Tara's peripheral line of sight and so the movement would catch her attention.
And there goes my life
Passing by with every departing flight
And it's been so hard
So much time so far apart
And she walks the night
How many hearts will die tonight
And will things have changed
I guess I'll find out in seventeen days
Tara, turned her head, her eyes were closed and her smile sad as she sang. When she opened her eyes she saw Willow and smiled sincerely, and with a nod of her head invited her into the living room to listen to her. Willow crept into a chair across from Tara to watch her face as she played, her foot tapped and her head bobbed along keeping time with the music.
But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
My body aches,
and it hurts to sing,
and no one is moving
And I wish that I weren't here tonight,
but this is my life
And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
With a flourish of a few extra chords Tara finished the song and watched Willow, who was wiping at her nose, tears glistening on both their cheeks. Tara sat the guitar next to her on the couch and suddenly had a lap full of Willow. Willow buried her face in Tara's neck, and began to speak in between sniffles. "Baby *sniffle* are you unhappy, unhappy with m-me? *sniffle* We can *sniffle* g-go wherever you want*sniffle* tell me what you need, baby*sniffle*."
Tara wrapped her arms tightly around the sniffling girl on her lap, and stroked her back to soothe her. "Shh, shh, sweet love, shh. That is farthest from the truth, sweetheart. Let me explain them a little, okay? You remember the guy I told you I had tutored in exchange for the guitar lessons I mentioned, right?" Willow nodded into Tara's neck. "Well, he was fond of that band and used one of their songs to propose with, so I listened to them a lot, and got to liking them quite a bit. Some of their songs fit how I was feeling at the time, and our situation." Tara rubbed the soft denim on Willow's thigh, as she sniffled too.
"He proposed with music like that?" Willow squeaked, making Tara laugh.
"No, sweetie, all their songs aren't so sad, some are actually very sweet. The one Leif used is very sweet; would you like to hear it?" Tara asked as she wiped away her own tears and reached to gently wipe away Willow's.
Willow tightened her hold on Tara, covering her face and neck in kisses. "Tara, baby, you know I love you, don't you? Please don't ever doubt that. I know so much has happened – we've been forced through…" Tara cut Willow off with a soft lingering kiss.
"Sweet love, I know, it's just that the sadness still lingers over it all sometimes. It will fade away, we just have to be patient, you just have to be patient with me, okay? I can forgive you, but I won't forget, Willow. We also didn't deserve to have decisions made for us, I won't forget how I was toyed with by others, and neither should you, love."
"Tara, I don't know that I can forgive, much less forget, especially when in part it was my decisions that caused you so much pain. I have learned though, does that help any? I've learned so much, and I know that I didn't do things the right way with so many things the first time." Willow shook her head, and sighed heavily. "Will you sing for me?" She asked softly.
Tara looked closely at Willow, her head cocked to one side as she took in the weight of Willow's words before she nodded. Willow slid from Tara's lap and back into the chair across from her, and watched as she picked her guitar up again. Tara cut her eyes at Willow in a suddenly nervous glance, tipping her head to hide behind a fall of blonde locks, as she pretended to tune her guitar again before she started.
Then she began to play and Willow sat enraptured. She watched Tara's long, slim fingers move over the fret board with grace and skill, and then wondered how she could have missed the calluses that would have formed after a year of playing regularly. As Tara started to sing, Willow's attention was pulled away from her hands to the song and its words. Tara sang softly with her eyes closed.
I wish I could do better by you,
'cause that's what you deserve
You sacrifice so much of your life
In order for this to work.
While I'm off chasing my own dreams
Sailing around the world
Please know that I'm yours to keep
my beautiful girl
When you cry a piece of my heart dies
Knowing that I may have been the cause
If you were to leave
Fulfill someone else's dreams
I think I might totally be lost
You don't ask for no diamond rings no delicate string of pearls
That's why I wrote this song to sing
My beautiful girl
ooooo ooo ohhh ohh oh oh
Tara opened her eyes and with a smile looked directly into Willow's eyes as she paused, her eyes sparkling with affection. She beat on the body of her guitar to count out and pick up the pace of the song as she started again.
One, two, one two three four
I wish I could do better by you
'cause it's what you deserve
You sacrifice so much of your life
in order for this to work
While I'm off chasing my own dreams (my own dreams)
sailing around the world ('round the world)
Please know that I'm yours to keep
My beautiful girl
And when you cry a piece of my heart dies
Knowing that I may have been the cause
If you were to leave and fulfill someone else's dreams
I think I might totally be lost
But you don't ask for no diamond rings (Diamond rings)
No delicate string of pearls (String of pearls)
That's why I wrote this song to sing
My beautiful girl
ooooo ooo ohhh ohh oh oh
ooooo ooo ohhh ohh oh oh
ooooo ooo ohhh ohh oh oh
ooooo ooo ohhh ohh oh oh
But you don't ask for no diamond rings (Diamond rings)
No delicate string of pearls (String of Pearls)
That's why I wrote this song to sing
My beautiful girl.
Willow applauded loudly, which made Tara blush. "I hope she said yes."
Tara nodded as she set her guitar in its case. "She did. Leif had me, and two other people help him. I don't know them, though. A girl on a stand-up bass, and this short little guy with a snare drum. We came out at the count in the song to round out the sound. Then he got down on one knee, with a ring. She cried, you know the typical proposal scene, it was all very sweet though."
Willow stood, and held her hand out to Tara. Taking Willow's hand Tara followed her back into the bedroom, where it was cool and dark. Willow slowly undressed Tara, and with every piece of clothing she removed she whispered "I love you" just loud enough for Tara to hear her. Willow pulled the covers back and eased Tara into the bed, before quickly undressing herself and joining her under the covers.
Willow pulled Tara close and wrapped herself around her until not even air could get between their bodies. She kissed Tara's ears, her eyelids, the corner's of her mouth, the tip of her nose, covering her face and shoulders in soft, loving kisses. Each kiss Willow punctuated by a soft "You are my heart and soul". Gentle caresses up and down each others backs, across shoulders and hips, sweet kisses until they both drifted off to sleep. Wrapped together almost like they had been braided that way, they were so entwined. Taking comfort in one another, they dreamed.
TBC...