Warning: Disturbing thought and image ahead.

Author's note: I realize just pasting the warning is enough. No need to clarify which chapter is M rating. Anyway… THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS! Thank you everyone! And I mean, every single comment from you all! (Omg I went to Moscow once and it's super cold and everyone looked cold but they helped me to go to red square so I'm happy to see Russian comment. Is it weird? No, it's not as long as I'm happy! And I learn a bit of Spanish so… ahem, okay I'll save it to reply back to you lol;;;;). I feel a bit better and life must go on so time to get back on the track...

Off topic, E3 2017 brought a lot of promising game. I don't like horror movie or novel, but I start to like horror game since they canceled Silent P.T. I grow up seeing this series but never played it so I thought now I'm not a little kid I should give it a try lol. But… I can't T_T. So, Evil Within 2, I'm waiting for you. It's more psychopath and less ghost so I'm okay lol. I also discovered Brothers: A Tales of Two sons a few days ago and as much as I want to write the ending like this game, I couldn't because it'll be too cruel for you and for myself. I CRIED IT'S SO SAD T_T. Probably save the plot for next fic...

Er… sorry… I know not a lot of people here play games, so let the story begins!

"-barged through the door without even knocking. He must be so frustrated-"

"Huh?"

Leo blinked. Once, and then blinked again as if he didn't believe what he was seeing in front of him. Raph, in person and alive as much as he remembered, arms crossed and looked annoyed at everything like his usual self. Leo blinked again and the visual didn't falter. Raph was here, staring when he was quiet for too long.

"You all right?" That voice, that gravelly voice he missed for months. He was hearing it again. Raph was here. He was really here, was he? "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, go on." He heard himself answer. His mind was trying to make sense of this situation. He was back in the lair, on earth, not some abandoned building full of Kraang zombies, but how?

If he was here, then where's Mikey? He had to- He needed-

"Anyway, that nutcase invited himself into my room and asked me how to use this stupid pair of sticks. It's just two wooden sticks! Just make them stay on your hand! I mean he's usually good with stuff in the kitchen but how come he still can't use them? So I told him to get out and don't bother me again but he insisted on staying and asked me again. I almost punched him 'cause if it's some kind of joke it's not funny, but he looked like he was emm… sincere about it."

He always remembered Raph being soft every time Mikey pleaded him like a normal little brother. No pranks, just need some help. And Raph always helped him eventually because deep down he was nice big brother. But what were they talking about? Leo thought this conversation happened before but he couldn't recall it. His mind was playing a trick with him. He looked down and saw uchiko ball, a small bottle of choji oil, and nuguigami. These were in his private katana cleaning box. Right, so he was cleaning his katana while talking to Raph.

"How hard it is to keep two sticks between your fingers? We're practicing how to use chopsticks for two hours straight and he still can't do it! Well, I tried, but it's no good 'cause somehow he needs four fingers to make them stay. And it's impossible for us. So I kicked him out to go to Donnie but he told me Donnie gave him a training chopsticks for practice before. You know, wooden sticks with rubber bands. And I was like, problem solved! Now shoo! But he can't use them properly 'cause rubber bands are too narrow and his thick finger can't go through." Raph huffed, taking a break after he told the story. It was far from finished, he knew, because Raph was still leaning on his door and mumbled about how stupid his little brother was.

Then Leo felt an urge to say 'of course our finger couldn't even go through the trigger guard,' and he blinked, wondering where that thought came from.

"So Donnie took them back to fix. That's why Mikey came to me. He whined about being the only one who still uses a spoon on the table and everyone will make fun of him," Raph grinned for the first time. "Yeah, of course, definitely."

"Why doesn't he go to Master Splinter? He's the one who teaches us in the first place." His calm response was too calm for his liking because he still couldn't figure out why he was back in the lair and talked about not so important thing like chopsticks. He had to find Mikey. Now!

"Oh, I don't know, Fearless. He probably wants to ask someone who has three fingers like him." Raph said smugly, grinning at him. "So tell me, how can you turn him down 'cause he's annoying as hell. When did you become a worse teacher than me? With you, he should be the master of pinching stuff now."

That was when Leo looked up at him. He couldn't control his body. At all. Everything flew with a memory.

"He didn't come to me."

"What?"

"He didn't come to me," Leo repeated with a flat voice, emotionless. But his mind was racing and he tried to get control over his body, but he couldn't. "I think he only asked you and Donnie."

Raph stared at him for a long time before he snapped. "That little rascal! So he's just messing with me and not with you!? This is a joke again!? All right, that's it!"

Before Raph stomped off, Leo spoke again, turning back to his cleaning tools. Oh what was so important about it when his brother needed him- "Don't mad at him, Raph. Maybe he really needs your help, not mine."

"What the fuck are you sayin'? I can't help him. I'm not there."

Leo flinched. Because he remembered Raph didn't say this. Yes, when they were seven years old Master Splinter taught them to use chopsticks, traditional ancient eating utensils that Raph would rather not use it because he thought they were outdated. Then it turned into a challenge since the first one who could use them would be the best ninja, although Master Splinter said using them didn't mean you become a ninja but they didn't care much. It was a challenge between siblings. Leo was the first turtle who could use them skillfully, following by Raph (who didn't want to lose) and Donnie (who spent too much time wondering how they work). But he didn't know Mikey couldn't use them yet. He didn't notice. When he got up, Raph was out of his sight. Leo sighed and went to the kitchen in case he needed to stop Raph from killing little brother.

'But this is not real. It already happened in the past.' Leo tried to tell his body to listen to him, but it was like he was inside somebody's mind, watching everything through the stranger's eyes. 'It is not real. It's just my memory…'

The dim light in the kitchen revealing the edge of the island. Leo was confused to see Mikey alone at the end of it, hiding in the shadows. the fifteen-year-old Mikey wasn't looking at him. He was busy scratching something on the island. He tried to focus to see what it was.

And he gasped because Raph's body was lying on the island, his eyes were blank, mouth slightly open with a trail of blood at the corner. His head was cracked open and oh god he didn't want to know what color of their brain matter. And his body, cut open, his entrails was slowly falling to the floor with a sickeningly sound. His foot caught with cold liquid, god it was cold because he was dead dead dead for a long time and there was so much blood on the floor but nobody cared why why why because this wasn't in his memory before and Raph was not dead he was safe at home, right? He was just talking to him a minute ago, he was fine. Who killed him? Leo wanted to scream, to dash to him and oh god maybe he could-do something to ease his pain, to-

Then he heard a noise. Mikey poked Raph's head with a spoon in his hand. For the first time since Leo came into the kitchen, he noticed his little brother was all right. He didn't get hurt or anything, but when Leo reached his face he saw that his pupils that should have been clear blue like sky were gone. His eyes were dark, no, black, like he was looking at two small black holes, like he was possessed. Mikey blinked once. His eyes were still pit black. He bit the tip of the spoon like he usually did when he was nervous. Leo met his eyes and he actually heard Mikey soft voice.

"...I'm hungry."

Despite the gruesome scene in front of him, Mikey acted as if there was nothing wrong. His gloomy black eyes stared at him, begging for something he couldn't give. Leo studied the expression on his sweet little face, trying to see into his eyes and realized that they were pleading. Leo wanted to ask him what he did but his body wasn't his own. Leo moved the chair and sat down. The blood coated the island, dripping on his lap. His mind tried not to think about it. But why he had to sit calmly, unconcerned about Raph was lying dead not so far from him. Oh god, he wanted to scream-

"Is it weird?" Mikey suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

"What's weird?" He asked back. Didn't know why because he already knew the answer. Everything. Every single thing in this room made him sick. He wanted to puke, but his body didn't allow to. And his voice, damn, he hated himself. His younger brother was dead in front of him and he sounded too calm, too peaceful. He should grab Mikey and slammed him into the wall, asking about what the hell was happening.

"You know I'm infected but you still want me to come home," Mikey spoke through the deafening silence. "You'll endanger their lives. Everybody will get infected."

It took some time to register what his little brother said. He felt his own emotion bottle inside this stranger's body, unable to release. So Mikey already turned into… that thing? No, no, no, no way he couldn't-

"I won't allow it." was Leo's calm response. His eyes fixed on the red liquid dripping from Raph's stomach.

Mikey's bright smile was so opposite to Leo's serious expression.

"Do you have a choice? You bring a zombie back home and think it'll be fine?"

Leo curled his fists. His lap was already soaked by blood. No, Mikey was immune, he was sure. Mikey didn't turn, he couldn't. It had been months since he was bitten so he couldn't turn. But, maybe he was the host. Zombie disease was still in his body…

Mikey snorted, leaning back in his chair casually when Leo didn't reply. "You're so selfish, Leo. Everything is about you and only you."

"No..."

"You just can't let me go because our father will be disappointed."

"That's not it," Leo said, still not meeting his little brother's eyes. "I won't give up on you. Donnie can help you."

"No, no one can help me. Raph can't even help me with stupid chopsticks." Mikey pouted, dropping the spoon on the island. He glared at the corpse as if to blame Raph. "No one can heal a zombie. You have to accept the truth."

Leo began to wonder what the hell was happening again. Raph died. Mikey didn't care. He himself also didn't care despite the fact that his mind was literally screaming at his own body to move. He couldn't control himself at all.

But then his curiosity slipped through the barrier, Leo tilted his head slightly.

"Why didn't you come to me? About chopsticks."

He got an unexpected reaction from Mikey because no sane man would feel guilty about the chopsticks over killing your own brother. Mikey flinched, averting his eyes, hands fidgeting.

"I'm sorry…"

Big brother's instinct kicked in, Leo shook his head lightly. "I'm not mad, Mikey. I just want to know why."

Mikey's voice was quiet, timid, like he was afraid he would get chastisement for explaining his reason. "I-er… I saw you praise Raph."

A surprise crossed his face because he thought that Mikey was close to Raph so he preferred the red-banded turtle than him. He remembered that day. Raph was in a good mood and Leo gave him a pat on his shoulder. 'Jealous…? No, that's not it.'

Mikey spoke so fast as if he stopped he would never have a chance to tell him again. "Then Donnie figured it out and join your squad. You were standing outside the dojo and I saw you talk and laugh with them. I saw you play with your chopsticks and I thought they're perfect because all of you could use them within a day after father taught us while I… I..."

Then Mikey shrugged nonchalantly as if to brush off his question. "So I went to ask D first, then Raph. And D fixed a training pair so I practiced for two days. That's all. We're now can use them so it's not a problem anymore."

Leo waited patiently, knowing it was not the real answer. When Mikey met his eyes again, he repeated. "Why didn't you ask me for help?"

This time Mikey was stuttering, shaking his head defensively. "I-... I don't- It's-"

Somehow Mikey didn't have to say it. Leo earned the answer beyond those two black holes on his head.

His little brother didn't want to see a disappointment from him.

He was at a loss for words, knowing his little brother expect that kind of reaction from him. Arguably, it wasn't like he did every time Mikey fail to learn a new thing. He knew Mikey was the fast learner when he actually focused so he didn't judge him too harshly, but seeing him praising Raph and Donnie made his little brother feel a little bit left out. Oh no. How long has this been going on?

"I said I won't give up on you, and I mean everything about you. I can help." Leo said with a quaking voice. it was all he could do even though he wanted to pound the island to stop this madness.

Suddenly his vision flickered for a moment like he was watching TV with bad signal. When he blinked, Mikey was back to his unusual cocky attitude. His grin was wider and wider. "Of course, you can try, but you'll fail. And you'll not only lose me; you'll lose everyone else when you bring me home. Do you really want that?"

"I won't leave you," Leo whispered.

Mikey folded his hands. If it was another situation, Leo would think he was trying to be serious. "It's the only option left, bro. You should be happy that it was me not you."

"You're wrong," Leo wanted to scream, but all he could do was reply calmly. "If I could, I would trade my place with you."

"Li~ar~." Oh god he wanted to punch him for making high pitch voice like that.

"It's true."

"You're so selfish that you don't allow me to die."

Like a stab to his heart, this time it was him who stuttered. 'Don't say that, stop...' "I-I'm not..."

Mikey took a chance to give him a silly grin that stretched from ear to ear. "You just want to be a good guy. Just tell me you really don't want to be a zombie. Tell me you're happy that it's me, your useless brother- "

Something inside him snapped, then his long awaiting emotion exploded. He pounded the island so hard his fists almost splitting the surface.

"No!" 'You're good enough enough enough I told you and I'll tell you a million times until you believe it.' Leo looked at him intensely. Was the person opposite to him was really Michelangelo? Because this Mikey said like he could read his mind. Leo drew a breath, looking at his supposed-to-be little brother. Real one or not, he didn't have a reason to lie to him.

"I-I'd admit I'm scared, and I can't imagine the pain you've got when you know you're infected. But even if I'm scared, I won't allow you to walk on this path alone."

He felt as if his heart popped out of his chest then he lost all control of his body again. He fell back to the chair, panting like he ran a thousand miles. Why did he feel so tired just for a simple action? But it was worth it, because even if Mikey's eyes were pitch-black he could see a light, symbol of hope in them.

"Really?" Mikey's voice was small and timid. "You promise?"

"I swear."

Then Mikey began to smile again, this time without cockiness. He was back to his usual self. They stared at each other for a long time until Mikey chuckled. "And this comes from the person who sleeps all day."

"Huh?"

"Wake up, bro. If you still want to go home with me then wake up before you can't."

"Huh...?" Leo felt lightheaded so suddenly. Mikey left the spoon in Raph's cracked skull and walked to him, unconcerned about the blood pool on the floor. Leo turned to see his hands and body and the vision crashed in. He was covered in Raph's blood from head to toe. His immediate brother-still dead in front of him-he tried to get to him but Mikey shoved him back to the chair and straddled his lap, conveniently blocking Raph from his sight. His little brother laughed and cupped his cheeks, licking his own lips.

'Tasukete…'

He heard an overlapping voice in his head. Someone was calling. But when their eyes met, those big, round black holes sucked all the protests he would have made.

"I'm hungry, Leo… please."

'Tasukete…'

"Please..."

He heard it again. It was Mikey's.

'Tasukete…'

And he let his little brother lean closer, too close for comfort...

Leo jointed awake as he came to his sense. His vision blurred for a moment as he blinked several times. It was dark and quiet and he was disoriented. He blinked again, trying to catch some noise but he didn't hear anything except his own breath. Too quiet. He turned his head and found a dim white light near his head. It was his T-phone. he tried to lift his hand to reach for it but the sudden sharp pain rushed over his right side, unpleasant reminder of what happened to him. Leo lied still and gasped for breath, too weak to move again. Summoning all his strength, he tried again slowly. Once the screen brightened up, he saw the gray cold ceiling greeted him silently. He shook his head a bit to cast the dizziness away.

Something was wrong. It was too quiet. It should have been his brother who greeted him when he woke up.

He tried to get up slowly, gritting his teeth every time the flash of sharp pain comes. Maybe Mikey was sleeping, too exhausted to stay awake. His hand reached clumsily on the freezing floor to find his brother and almost flinched when he knocked the papers over. He gripped T-phone and examined them. It was the pink colored paper with the fade illustration on the back. The crayons were rolling nearby. He grabbed the first paper on the top and saw familiar large handwriting.

'Okay this is my fourth attempt. Hi Leo! If you're awake there are dried berries in the can on your right. I know, I know, we're all sick of berries but I'll find some meat for you soon. You need it! And, umm, we're in the basement. There's no one here, I checked, so we can stay for a while until you get better. I write this letter in the morning because I have to hunt for food so don't worry I'll be back before dark! And, umm, I borrow your katana. Just one! I hope you don't mind. Miss you, bro.'

Leo blinked before turning to see the dried berry can, half full water bottle, and one of his katana. Seeing his own weapon made his heart warm a bit, at least he felt safe. He flipped the paper to see if Mikey leaves another message, but he only found a dull Christmas tree on the back. This paper was probably a letter paper with random illustration on the back.

His eyes caught the same writing on the papers on the floor, Frowning, he lowered T-phone and the bright screen showed that Mikey wrote so many 'letters' for him. Leo rubbed his forehead and exhaled. Maybe he was out for a few days that Mikey left a pile of letters for him. But as he was reading, he learned that Mikey just wrote all of them today.

The second paper said, 'Okay I write a new one since the first one didn't make sense… I keep some dried berries for you on the right. It tastes worse than yesterday but that's all we have left. I'll find more food. But it's so cold… there's nothing here… But hey I'll be back soon.'

His heart ached as he was reading. It seemed that Mikey, his typical enthusiastic brother, was lonely. The back of this paper was the painting of red leaves and sunbeam on a bridge.

'I'm sorry I don't want to leave you alone but my stomach asks me to go out umm I'll stop here 'cause this letter sounds pathetic...'

The more he picked the papers, the more he could see his little brother suffering alone, trying to stitch his wound. Some papers were written only two or three words before crossed out like Mikey couldn't make up his mind what he should write.

'I don't like needle but I have to stop the bleeding hope you don't feel hurt much. It's so cold so I brought blankets for you. Please wake up.'

Leo shut his eyes for a moment, his hand shook slightly and not because of the cold. He was awake but his little brother didn't know yet. Where was he? He picked the next paper and found the large words filling the whole paper.

'Wake up. I can't take it anymore.'

and then there was nothing.

That was Mikey's first 'letter', and the last one that Leo read. He found the illustration on the back was a boy sleeping under the yellow stars as if Mikey purposely chose this paper for him. There was no more letter for him. the rest of papers were blank. He knew that if he was still out for a few days he probably got a ton of letters coming, but somehow he wanted to read them. He wanted to read about his little brother more. He clenched it as if he was holding his dear life. Leo could see the pale fog of his own breath as he had to get up. He had to. He gripped tightly on the hilt of his remained katana and tried to stand. Swaying a bit, he put his hand on the wall, ignoring the stab of pain shot up from his side. There was still a blood on his wound, and whenever he saw it on his palm he saw the vision of Raph's blood coating his own hand. He had to find Mikey before he lost his mind.

That was just a nightmare. It's not real...

The stairs were killing him and he probably spent an hour just to crawl upstairs. It was already dark outside. the wind blew through the broken window.

'don't worry I'll be back before dark!'

Leo was gasping for breath, leaning heavily on the door frame. It was snowing he couldn't see anything even if he got the light from T-phone. Then he saw a bright orange light painting the sky. Something big was burning, probably the house because of a big pile of smoke. Something in the back of his mind told him that his little brother was in trouble. The Kraang might follow them and tried to capture them, no, bite them again. Even if it wasn't the Kraang, Mikey was out and not coming back yet, and he bet it had something to do with that fire. Leo held T-phone in one hand, the katana in another. It was like a suicide mission, wandering in the middle of the snow and the only guide he had was the burning house from the distance. But Mikey was out there, and he wouldn't leave him.

'Tasukete…'

Slowly and carefully, Leo took the first step on the snow.

Note: Tasukete = Help