Disclaimer: Samurai Jack belongs to Gendy Tartakovsky and the Cartoon Network. All other concepts will be right to me or their other creators as they come up.
XXI. The Badlands
From the highlands and to the hills, down the hills and through the swamps, their journey seemed never ending. Their quest seemed impossible, but their hope stayed with them. Though they trudged through waist-high water filled with organic muck that stirred with creatures. The Scotsman, stern and tall, his eyes burning like torches with determination. Seth, with his hair floating behind him in the water, gathering frogs and other little creatures, stayed focused and determined to follow through behind his friend. Jack was the same as he always seemed, the stoic heroic warrior who pressed through the darkness with his eyes of light. He pressed on, regardless of the obstacle, and through his lead and the Scotsman's guide they finally arrived at the border of a dead and barren land.
"This be it, lads" the Scotsman said as they stopped in the grass. "This is their territory."
"Whose?" Seth asked.
"All of em" the Scotsman said. Before them was a sandless desert, a stretching red and brown terrain with only the remnants of skeletal life spotting the ground in all directions. No trees, just dead husks of brownish-red bark and brittle, thin limbs extending out. The ground was cracked and dry from the constant drain of water and the lack of rain. No clouds dared pass over the dead plain, but the damp clouds of the Highlands drifted freely behind the travelers. Even a rumble of thunder was heard from far away in the swamplands. They looked back and the creatures retreated from Seth's long hair. A more jovial Scotsman would make a joke, but there was work to be done.
"Let us go" Jack said. He took the first step into the dry ground. Seth followed him and the Scotsman's metal leg hit next. They started their walk in a brisk gait, nothing pressing or duteous about their pace. They didn't want to expend any energy until some random enemy showed its head.
"All of the clans you've fought" Seth began "live in this general region?"
"That's right, laddie" the Scotsman said. "This wasn't always a dead-man's land, though. Until they came it was nice, just a plain savannah with plenty of fast, tasty critters runnin around, skipping about...then they came with their machines and their factories, stripped the land bare."
"Aku" Jack said.
"Aye" the Scotsman said. "Pretty soon this land was deader than a whale beached on top of a mountain, deader than a ram lost at the bottom of the ocean! No one wanted it, no one wanted anything to do with it at all, so a bunch of roving bandits and outlaws settled here and made their base in the middle of this place. No one would want to fight em but us, because we didn't like them."
"Self-justified justice?" Seth asked.
"They were bastards" the Scotsman said, obviously lost in a very stern memory. "We did what we had to do and garnished a lotta hatred among them. They teamed up with other bandits and clans of criminals and grime-gropers to form one big alliance. We've been fightin them for the last few years, and they always seem to get an unfair advantage against us. Even so, with out sharpened blades and keen minds and rock-hard muscles, we overcome them and drive them back through our marshes to this blasted land..."
"How many times has she been kidnapped?" Seth asked.
"This ain't the first" the Scotsman said, "but I'd be lying like a lion-eating sheep if I said it wasn't the worst time! Any fortress I can penetrate, but even me Rune sword is no match against their natural magics. It's too pure, even though their not using it for purity-sake."
"We should make haste now" Jack said. He stepped up onto a tall skeleton and pulled out his Gem, placing it up to his eye. A pair of gleaming, golden eyes and a shining yellow grin appeared under the shadow of the boney structure. It looked up at Jack, who scoped through his round sphere, gazing at the horizon, and reached a thin and ragged-nailed hand up to grab his leg. Jack looked stunned. He was pulled swiftly down and the Gem fell from his hand.
"Jack!" Seth exclaimed. The Scotsman stopped Seth with his thick hand, stomped forward and raised his mechanical machine-gun leg.
"Get down, Jackie-boy!" the Scotsman roared. Jack struggled in the pitch darkness against this enemy force that he couldn't see. It was some lank and thin creature covered with hair with wide eyes and a wider, malice grin. It snarled and made excited, animistic sounds at it and Jack tumbled in the dusty dirt under the skeleton. The Scotsman started firing his gun leg at the mound. Jack took to the ground in cover while the creature escaped from the top. The Scotsman saw it, a little man-sized monkey-creature with a wide head. It's fur was raggedly stripped with dark brown and black from its legs to its neck. Two little black horns curved up from its head. Its hands and feet were thick and padded with callouses and raggedly equipped with torn and jagged yellow nails.
It leered over its shoulder with the fire Gem in its greedy hand. The Scotsman aimed and began firing again, chasing the creature with his bullets even as it ran away and maneuvered all around on the flat, dead ground. The Scotsman was kicking up a stormy dust cloud from so many missed shots and stopped himself. The creature made a four-legged run away with the Gem in its mouth, pressed between its thin lips. Jack emerged from the skeletal mound and immediately gave a daring chase.
"Let's go" Seth said as he drew his sword and chased after the beast as well. The Scotsman had to retract the barrel of his gun before he gave chase and accelerated as quickly as he could to catch up with the other two. Though his frame was bulky and heavy, his strength and determination to save his wife powered him through the pain.
Jack and Seth stood atop a short mound of dirt bordered by animal skulls in the middle of the wastes. They looked in all directions, spying hard with the stark equipment on hand. Jack used the binoculars to scan the horizon for signs of life or some dwelling fit for a creature while Seth concentrated and tried to track the fire Gem with his lightning one. He was able to make a very feint light that seemed to only glow out from the Gem, but it didn't focus and point in any one direction. The Scotsman finally caught up, panting and sweating up a storm, only to fall at the foot of the mound and plant his chin at Jack's feet.
"Are you alright?" Jack asked, looking down.
"I'm fine" the Scotsman said. "A little walk never did anyone in, now did it...?" Though he spoke so carelessly he could barely breath and turned himself over to wheeze and catch his breath. "I ain't as young as you lads. Just gimme a minute and I'll be up again..." The Scotsman breathed while Jack and Seth searched.
"Damn that little thing" Seth said. "A sneak attack. They must have known we were coming."
"I am doubtful" Jack said. "If they knew we were coming, why prepare such an inconvinient and unorganized attack on us? They would be sure to lure us somewhere, possibly in the swamp, if they were to dispatch of us."
"True" Seth said "but someone was waiting for you at that place. It's obvious that they planned an ambush."
"They aren't pretty fighters" the Scotsman said as he sat up a bit. "They'll hide around any corner or under any rock they can fit in and not even bother to shout surprise before they dive out and shank ya. You gotta be reeeeal careful in this place, lads. It ain't called the Deadlands for no good reason, you know..." Seth suddenly became a bit suspicious and took his eyes away from the Gem, drifting them down, glaring at the mound of dirt under his feet. Jack followed his friend's intuition and slowly turned his head to the side. The Scotsman had finally caught his breath and was preparing to stand up with a creaking crack of his spine.
"Ooooooh, haggis" he groaned, pushing out his back. A hand latched onto his arm, jutting out from the mound of dirt. Jack and Seth hopped from the dirt and let the Scotsman stand with the feeble arm weakling trying to pull at his thick, muscly bicep. "Wha? What's this? Hey, lads, I caught some kindda twig on me arm hair!" A monster came out, lanky and furry like the one they all searched for, this one with a green face and solid deep-blue fur and longer, sharper teeth in its mouth. It leaped forward and sank its teeth into his arm. The Scotsman just looked at him and laughed.
"You think you're enough of a monster to tackle with me?" he said. He gave his arm a strong flex and broke the monster's teeth off in his arm. Then, with a harder flex, the shattered enamel shot out at the paralyzed monster's body, impacting like a hail of dull arrowheads. The blow had barely scratched the Scotsman. He just brushed the blood off and tied the marks with a thick cloth of wool. "You think you're gonna stop me you worm-liver'd little hack-spotting, gizzard-choking ass-hatted puke-of-a-poodle punk!" The Scotsman raised his arm up high over head and slammed it down. The Runes shined brightly and the monster's corpse evaporated on impact.
"Nice job" Seth said. He hopped forward and stabbed into the dirt mound. Jack hacked and slashed at the mound, scattering solid dirt in all directions as he attacked. "Come help us out here!"
"You got it!" the Scotsman said. He jumped up and delivered a powerful blow, exploding the mound of dirt. A group of the little, lanky demon-monkeys popped out and pounced through the air at the men. All three of them saw the attacks, and their eyes flared up with combative threat.
Jack jumped up, grabbed a furry head and kicked it down to ascend even higher. In the air he performed multiple attacks against the charging enemies. His sword deflected off the slashing claws and biting teeth of the monkeys that flew at him, and in no time he was back on the ground. He made a rotating kick that led down, smashing the head of one monster to the ground, and he slashed another one out of the air.
Seth had a longer breadth to attack with and used his long sword to his advantage, keeping them away and kicking the ones that got close. He took his Gem into his hand, lowered his sword and let them charge in. The dust around him started crackling with static energy and in an instant he threw his arm straight up and a bolt of arcane lightning blasted the enemies away from him. A clearing formed around him as well and the dead ground crackled briefly with a biting electric flash. He slowly lowered his arm, which twinged and seemed to shake with tension. Seth tried to calm it down but it took an incredible strain of energy just to open his fingers.
"I can't do that anytime soon" Seth decided. He put his Gem away and grabbed his sword with his right hand and turned to the monsters still conscious that got to their feet and snarled at him. He glared them down and wound a slash up, his arm tight across his chest and the blade over his shoulder. The monsters foolishly charged in and with a step forward and a mighty swing he blasted them away with his blade. The dust was finally settling and the air was finally cleared. Seth looked to Jack and the Scotsman, both of whom had cleared their respective enemies and stood in the middle of their quickly evaporating bodies.
"What is happening to them?" Jack asked as he watched the magical dissolve.
"They're earthen creatures" the Scotsman said. "Made from cursed wood and dark-magic dirt. Weird little beasts that feed on flesh to become real."
"I guess these were a fresh batch" Seth said. "No blood on the ground."
"Aye" the Scotsman said. "That can only mean we're close to the Gorge. They wouldn't place their nests all the way out here for the exercise walking in the sun all day...Let's get moving." Jack and Seth silently agreed. They sheathed their swords and walked after the Scotsman, who headed off into the horizon that was spotted with short, dirty bumps...
A loud and raucous rattling of metal bars rang out through the loud, stone halls of the cryptic, dark fortress. Two orcs stood guard at the source of the noise, though they stood a few paces away from the actual cage where the Scotsman's wife was being held. It certainly wasn't the first time she'd been help captive, but it was certainly no less frustrating than any of the other times that it happened ti her. She shook and pounded upon the bars with all her steely rage while screaming the worst, most crass and threatening obscenities any of these trolly monsters had ever heard.
"Is she still at it?" one of the guards asked. The other shrugged and opened the reinforced iron door leading to her room just a crack.
"I swear it, too!" she raged. "You won't stop bleeding out yer arse for EIGHTEEN WEEKS!!! You better start praying I kill the lot of ya before I get a chance to-" The door was slammed shut. The orcs returned to their positions and nervously stood firm.
"I wonder" the second began "what kind of man is attracted so such a woman..."
"There can't be any man alive with those kinds of ears" the other said. "To take all that in and remain loyal...I can't even think about it." They stayed silent for a while, stil hearing the muffled shouting and banging through the stone walls. Inside the room where her metal cell bars held her inside, the Scotsman's Wife was slyly carving a hole through the thick stone wall that led right outside. An automated voice-recording device was blaring out her previously voiced ranting rage while a set of robotic fists were pounding and rapping at the bars.
"If those fists" she began to herself "don't wear down the bars before I'm done digging I'll just have to repel down to the side of this building and get myself home through the swamps. This is no time for me to be a damn damsel in distress. This lout lot is out for me blood, and me husband's blood too. The sooner I blitz their king over and out of his throne the sooner we can end this stupid war and the sooner we can redecorate that godless, ugly little hall of a mansion I live in!" With her rage she punched a solid hole through the wall with her broken sword hilt. She looked down hopefully and continued digging.
Suddenly the doors were thrown open, and her escape attempt was caught and halted suddenly. She turned with a start to see the wretched Goblin King in his regal red robes and golden armor standing in the doorway, completely dwarfed by both the orc guards at his side and by the very sword he carried that squeaked behind him on its wheeled sheathe. He stepped forward, standing barely under three feet, and looked up at the pouting, irked woman, and he looked at her with a wide grin of his yellow teeth.
"Well, well, well" it said in a booming, deep voice. "Here we are again, eh my dear?" She reached down and shut down her machines, bringing a silence to the room, then slowly set her fists at her hips and cocked her brow down at the little king. "I've grown more than tired of our constant warring against you and your terrible company of warriors."
"So stop" she said, crossing her arms. "It's not that hard, I think, to stop losing if you abandon a losing campaign."
"Your husband is a fool" he said, now invoking a bit of reserved wrath. She just glared at him. Her wire required more tension for an appropriate snap. "Even now, our scouts tell us that he is walking through the Deadlands with the Samurai Jack and his other companion with silver hair. They come to seek to rescue you, but we have already taken one of the means they have of entering the Gorge!"
"What?" she asked.
"You see" the king began, pointing one of his long and thick fingers up, "our entire citadel within this gorge is surrounded and protected by a mystical barrier, a power we inherited in ancestral times long, long ago, a power to command nature, the very dirt and ground under us all! Why else would we-"
"You done talking, shrimpy?" she asked. "Hey, I'm hungry. Go get some of your brothers and whip me up some scampi!" The king looked at her curiously through his glowing, orange eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry. You're the runt of your clan, ain'tcha? No one's as big a shrimp as you, are they? Well then, why don't you just hop on a hot plate and serve yourself like a good host should!?" The King snapped his fingers together and the orc guards poked their spears at the woman. They stopped far enough away from her body and flipped a switch on the hilt, sending a paralyzing shock of electricity through the tip. She was shocked, but it only showed in the cringe of pain on her face. Otherwise, once she stopped smoking, she was perfectly fine if more visibly angry.
"With all four of you out of our way" the King continued, "our power will be heightened a billionfold! The very earth will sunder and move from under our feet and rise up to fulfill our ultimate prophecy!" He turned and shot his arms out, billowing his cape in an artificial gust. "The Goblin Kingdom will reign supreme over the earth, the sea, the sky, and the entire world!"
"But you'll still be ugly!" she said. The King lowered himself in defeat and walked out of the room with another snap of his fingers. The second shock served to better hurt her, as she went down and sat on the floor while she blew on her smoking skin. The orc guards were inside the room now, wearing protective headgear with built-int ear guards just in case she started up another stormy rant. However, what happened was much more moving and frightening to them. She just sat against the wall and glared them down, casting an impatient and warring glower their way, no matter which one looked, switching her glare back and forth. She played them like fools and continued to dig with one arm behind her back as she laid her side against the wall. They were too nervous to watch her.
Now, to make things worse, she grinned as she glowered, and enhanced the disturbing factor of her cold glaring.