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Chapter 20: Routine

Bella

I can't be mad at Edward. I physically just can't, apparently.

I was just about to give him an entire ramble on how fucked-up this situation was and how angry I was at him for not talking to me about what happened, but then I saw the look on his face. Anxiety.

I was scaring him. Again.

My whole demeanor instantly relaxed and every bit of anger that coursed through my veins was washed away. No, I couldn't be mad at him. I couldn't. Damn him.

I had still called him out though, only a bit friendlier than I had first intended. He didn't even protest when I took a seat next to him, to which I internally squealed.

Yes, squealed.

I didn't know if it was for the fact that I had finally been able to put Mike in his place or that I had Edward back. I guess maybe a little of both, but mostly the latter.

It was only in that moment that I realized how much I hated his distant behavior for the past few days. I had missed him and just the easy atmosphere when I was around him. No pressure, no awkwardness, just us, just Edward and Bella.

So to say it was easy to fall back into our routine would be an understatement. It was a little too easy, but I didn't want to spend time worrying about it. I just wanted to enjoy the moment, as cheesy as it may sound.

Just as before the entire unfortunate encounter with Mike, I went over to Edward's place every day after school for homework. I had already had the "pleasure" of meeting his mom, Esme, briefly but every time I was around she was usually locked away in her office, "working on her newest creations", Edward had explained with an eye roll.

She did say 'hey' to me when I arrived or when she was passing us in the living room and had already told Edward once that she was happy that he had made a friend, but other than that she seemed like a cold, distant person. Just like the house they lived in. It missed joy and happiness. Like all of the love was sucked out of it.

I guess that feeling was lost when Edward's father died. It mustn't have been easy on Esme to raise a child who had not only lost his favorite person in the world but also his ability to speak fluently, while she had to deal with her own grief as well. I didn't blame her for her cold demeanor, but I wished she would just open up more to her son, at least.

Every time I tried to broach the subject with Edward, he would just shrug it off and tell me he was used to this lack of relationship he had now with his mom. It saddened me, but I realized that I couldn't do anything about it. Not when both of them were settled in the arrangement.

So for the next two weeks, I just tried to focus on homework and made a serious attempt not to get involved in the personal relationship between Edward and his mom. I did try to get to know Edward, and much to my relief, he had easily opened up again and had even shared some childhood stories with me. He had once been a happy, carefree child, enjoying his life and now there was hardly anything left. I was proud that I at least was sometimes able to put a smile on his face and sometimes, like when we would play some stupid old game, like the old Simon game he had found in one of the cupboards, I could see a glimpse of the child he used to be.

"Edward, are you happy?" I asked suddenly, looking up from my goddamned math book. Today, the rain was pelting merciless against the wall high windows, causing us to seek shelter in the living room instead of taking place in the yard, like usually, to finish our endless amount of homework. No games today.

He shot me a pointed look, probably wondering why I was asking such a random, yet hard question all of the sudden.

"I d-don't know," he replied, confusion still etched over his features. His brow was furrowed and it was as if he was now really considering if he was or was not happy. Just as I was about to shrug it off and tell him to let it go, because I didn't want to pry, he mumbled, "B-but I know that you m-make me happy."

The smile that almost split my face in two must have been enough of an answer for him, and I intended to vocalize it as well, but before I could, an older, little woman stepped inside carrying a vacuum cleaner behind her like it was a puppy. She looked between Edward and me with an apologetic look before turning on her heels to leave the room again.

"I-It's o-o-okay, C-C-Carmen, w-w-we c-can leave," Edward told her, glancing at me as if he was asking if I was okay with it. I quickly started gathering my stuff and slung my backpack over my shoulder.

"Where to?" I asked, looking outside at the downpour. Definitely not outside!

Edward followed my gaze, realizing the same as I did, and for a second he looked as if he was have some sort of internal battle.

"W-we c-could go upstairs," he suddenly mumbled, his eyes showing the hesitation behind his offer. I was nodding in approval, trying to contain my excitement over this. I hadn't seen the upstairs floor yet and after all those days I had already spent here, I was literally going crazy wanting to see it, even if it would just be a glimpse of it. It felt like I was going to see another secret part of Edward and his secret life here.

He smiled as he walked towards the hallway, where a big marble stairs led to the second floor. He hesitantly took the first step and I slowly followed, wondering if he was about to change his mind, but he didn't. In fact, after the little indecision, his steps were determined and he never looked back. It was as if he had made up his mind about showing me the upstairs floor and I had to bite the inside of my cheek not to squeal.

"M-my room o-okay?" he asked, and I swear I saw a little blush appear on his cheeks.

His room?

Holy shit.

I thought we were going to some other room; whatever room there must still be here in this huge house, but it never crossed my mind that he was nervous about this because he was bringing me to his room. I had thought he didn't want me upstairs because it would be full of pictures or something. I was literally rolling my eyes at my own ignorance at that moment.

"Only if you're okay with it," I said, trying not to push any pressure on him, even though I wanted to just scream yes and run into his room.

He nodded, smiling one of my favorite smiles of his, a huge, teeth baring one, before walking to the end of the corridor, to a simple brown door with a little tag that simply said 'Edward'.

A/N: You guys are the best! The support I get for this story is so amazing!

Momma2fan gets all my love!

Love, Ellen