AN: Thank you pointless-ramblings, nzOptimist, enuj1799 for your reviews.

Chapter 21: More And More Tragedies

"Dear Nessy,

I miss you. You don't know how much I wish you were here with me. I am so alone here. No one to share my deepest darkest secrets with. But I am glad to know that you are safe and well. However, I don't know how to feel about uncle Viserys's death. He was family, yet I never wanted anything to do with him. Aunt Daenerys must be relieved to be finally free from her abusive brother, considering her husband killed him for her.

Speaking of brothers, I'm having issues with my own. Jon has fallen in love with me. And unfortunately, I have too. I could no longer lie about it, even to myself. But it is indeed unfortunate because Jon is out and out a Stark and he doesn't understand the Targaryen way. He finds intimacy between a brother and sister sinful, as he should. I've always known this, yet only recently I've realized, how much he is against such relation.

A few things did happen between Jon and I, promises of love are made to each other, feelings exchanged, also kisses but fortunate for me, it is still not too late yet to undone all that. I am aware that everything that transpired between us, is my fault. Perhaps I have given him the wrong hints, led him on, acted the wrong way around Jon to make him fall for me. I should have been like a sister to him from the beginning. I'd like to blame my Targaryen blood for that. I only knew how to be a sister wife. I never really learned how to be a sister only.

Well, I must learn it now. I don't even care anymore if I have to make Jon hate me to stop him from loving me. Better he hate me than unknowingly commit a sin by loving me. He would never forgive that when he will learn the truth.

At this point, you must be getting worried about me. But I have good news to share with you too. My magic is improving everyday. I can start and manipulate fire now. Though there is still much room for improvement. I practice everyday. Maester Aemon really believes in me and so does the lord commander. They have high expectations from me. I won't lie, sometimes it scares me. What if I fail them?

I must stop here my friend. If I write down everything I want to say to you, Ryder won't be able to carry that letter. Write back to me as soon as you can. I shall be looking forward to it as always. Stay safe and most importantly alive.

Your sister friend

Hope"

Hope put down the quill and nicely folded the letter. She would send it after a couple of days. Gods knew the falcon needed rest and care. Hope had already burned the letter Nessysa sent her. It was for safety reasons of course. No one must find out what they write to each other. Though not all information that Nessysa gave Hope were meant to be kept a secret. Such as Viserys Targaryen's death. Hope needed to inform Maester Aemon about it. Truth to be told, she was shocked about it but not exactly sad. He was a threat for Jon anyway. Hope wondered if her aunt Daenerys would become a threat for her brother now. Though from what Nessysa said, her aunt seemed to be a kind and compassionate person.

Daenerys was learning to be a khaleesi for her khal. Ser Jorah Mormont was helping her with that. Nessysa suspected Ser Jorah's loyalty to king Robert might be changing. He had began to truly serve Daenerys. It was funny really, though not in a laughable way but here on the wall Lord Jeor Mormont was helping Hope and on the other side of the sea, his son Jorah Mormont was helping Daenerys. It seemed Mormonts were fated to assist the remaining Targaryens and help them rise again. Suddenly, Hope heard noises outside the door of her chamber. Someone seemed to be standing right outside the door. Wondering who it could be, she hid the letter properly then went to get the door. When she opened the door, she sighed out in relief.

"I was just writing to my friend that I'm alone. That I have no one here to share my secrets with. How cruel of me to forget about you." Hope couched down to pat Ghost affectionately.

It wasn't unusual for Ghost to seek Hope. But he didn't usually come all the way to her chamber looking for her. Perhaps the smart wolf felt that she was feeling sad and lonely. No matter how unrealistic it sounded but Hope did have a bond with Ghost.

"Oh my, Ghost how long has it been since you have taken a bath?" She asked the wolf when she saw how dirty and smelly he was.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Hope took Ghost inside the chamber and also prepared a bath for him with warm water.

"Get in." She gestured for Ghost to get in the tub. The wolf obediently listened to her. As Hope started washing Ghost's snow white fur, she started speaking to him as well.

"You know Ghost, I have always been so proud of being a Targaryen, I never really stopped to think why should I feel proud about it? Just because my ancestors rode dragons? Yes, house Targaryen was a great dynasty but great in what sense? Now that I think about it, most of my ancestors only knew how to burn things down and shred blood." Saying that Hope sighed out heavily to herself.

"I guess that's what it means to be a dragon. A dragon only looks after itself. They don't pack together like wolves or live in herds like other animals. A dragon can be very selfish too and obviously destructive. No wonder why Targaryens fought each other more than they fought others. But I would do anything to keep Jon safe. It appears I have a Stark inside me after all." Hope smiled to herself at that. Ghost listened to her as if he understood every word she said. And perhaps he did. But Hope didn't need to worry. Ghost was incapable of betraying her trust.

"You know my mother told me everything I needed to know about my house. But she never described any of the things as flaws. Like the tradition of marrying brothers and sisters. Up until now, I honestly believed it to be a necessity to keep the bloodline pure. Alais even mentioned to me once that the reason dragons creased to exist is because Targaryens started to mingle with other houses. Thus ruining the purity of the blood. That's why at one point, the Targaryens couldn't form a bond with dragons any longer and the dragons decided to leave this world."

"But only after meeting Jon, I am having doubts about what I have been led to believe my whole life. I never thought this tradition might be the main reason Targaryens fell. After all, all the gods consider union between brothers and sisters a shameful sin. And it must be. The saying- 'Every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will end' exists for a reason. And even I cannot deny that most of my ancestors were unhappily married to their spouse. It was nothing but duty for them." Ghost made a sound in his throat as if agreeing with Hope.

"Only if my mother made me see it when I was a child. But I cannot blame her. She was a true Targaryen loyalist. She couldn't have said things she didn't believe herself. It was really up to me to see the truth. But I also never really cared to. If I had then Jon and I wouldn't be in this situation with each other." Hope closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath before opening them again.

"But don't worry Ghost. I will end this sin. No matter what I'll have to do for it." She said with determination in her voice. Silence befell Hope and Ghost. She continued pouring water on him. The bath was coming to an end. Hope was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even hear someone opening the door and entering the chamber. However when that person spoke up, it startled her to no limits. She almost let out a yelp.

"I never thought I would say this but I feel threatened by Ghost." Jon said mirthfully as he watched Hope cleaning up their wolf. Yes their wolf.

"And jealous." He said while approaching the tub. Well approaching Hope actually.

"Since Ghost is getting a bath here and I am being ignored." Jon got over to and stood very close to her. It made her become alert. But she forced herself to behave normally.

"I'm not ignoring you Jon." Hope said and she sounded convincing enough. She knew that there was no point in trying to ignore him. It'd only make him pursue her more. She needed to do something to make him stop loving her altogether. And it wouldn't be achieved by immaturity.

"But you are upset with me" stated Jon. Hope simply shook her head in response. Which obviously didn't convince him.

"Is it about what I said about the Targaryens? Did your ancestors used to serve them? Are you a Targaryen supporter?" Jon asked all those questions at once. He looked worried as well. Worried that she was too mad at him to forgive him. Hope however breathed out a small laugh.

"It's nothing like that. What had bothered me is the fact that you hate someone you don't even know just because you were told to hate that person, without knowing the other side of the story. But that's how it is, isn't it?" Jon frowned at her with confusion when she said that.

"People do not question what they believe. Men let a king rule over them because they believe that they need to be ruled. Northerners hate wildlings because they believe the wildlings are not worth saving. The wildlings kill everyone because they believe everyone is their enemy. (Hope fell in love with her brother because she believed she could and should.) We are all prisoners of our own believes. And hardly anyone ever asks questions starting with why." Hope said very wisely. Not that Jon understood it all that much. On the other hand Ghost was done taking a bath. So he quietly left the siblings as if giving them privacy.

"Do you ask a lot of questions?" Jon asked curiously.

"Lately, a lot" replied Hope. Not hesitating to look at him in the eye.

"What kind of questions do you ask?" He asked wanting to know more. Hope wasn't going to shy away from answering the question.

"Like why do you love me?" She said straight away. Even though Jon was a little taken aback but he masked it well behind his stoic expression.

"Well there's a simple answer to that." He said as he stepped closer to Hope and raised his hand to gently caress her face. Hope didn't stop him. She wanted to know his reply.

"I love you because you are mine Hope. Why wouldn't I love someone who belongs to me?" Jon said. Suddenly the blood started to flow a little faster in Hope's body and despite all her effort, her breathing became louder, heavier and uneven. Jon was about to lean in and kiss her but she stopped him by speaking up.

"That's a little frightening." She said. It made Jon pulled away and frown at her with confusion.

"What is?" He asked.

"Your possessiveness." Hope answered truthfully. Jon however smirked at that failing to see the trouble in her eyes.

"Do I scare you now?" He asked mirthfully.

"But last time I checked you are the one who can wield fire at her will and have magic in her blood." He said.

"Is that suppose to make me immune from fear?" Hope asked quietly. Jon looked at her carefully this time as he realized something was bothering her.

"Something is troubling you. What is it?" He asked sounding serious this time. Hope inhaled a deep breath and sighed out heavily.

"I'm not troubled Jon. It's just I've received a letter from my friend Nessysa. And I'm realizing now how much I miss her." She said as she couldn't really tell Jon what it was that was really troubling her. Jon gave her a sympathetic look. He pulled her into an embrace that Hope couldn't really fight without making things suspicious for him.

"It's alright to miss your friend. I miss my family too" said Jon trying to make her feel better.

"One day you will see her again. As I would visit my family one day. But until then, each other is all we have." At that moment, it was proven that not only Hope but Jon could be mature too. After staying in the embrace for a moment longer, Hope pulled away from him. But before she knew it, Jon leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Hope however abruptly pulled away which confused Jon but then she smiled at him to cover her questionable action.

"I need to go speak to lord commander and Maester Aemon. Nessysa informed me of things that they should know about." She said quickly taking Jon's mind off of her unwillingness to kiss him.

"What information?" He inquired curiously.

"Jorah Mormont, lord commander's son seemed to have become loyal to the Targaryens he was sent to spy on by king Robert. And Daenerys Stormborn has recently had her husband kill her brother Viserys Targaryen" said Hope. Jon wasn't really shocked to hear that. And most importantly he didn't give a fuck about any Targaryen on the other side of the sea.

"Well siblings killing siblings has always been the Targaryen way to gain power." He stated it as a matter of fact but then he looked at Hope worriedly. He didn't want another argument between them regarding Targaryens. Jon wasn't even sure yet, why the first one happened in the first place?

"No wonder they are history now." She said. Jon inwardly sighed out in relief as she agreed with him. Before another moment of intimacy could take place, Hope decided to get away from him.

"I'm gonna go now. Would you like to come with me?" She asked just so that Jon wouldn't think she was trying to get away from him even though she was. It was just that, Hope didn't want any bitterness or tension between them just yet.

"No, you go ahead. I have work to do anyway. But do tell me, why would lord commander care about this Viserys Targaryen's death? The night's watch doesn't even get involved in the politics of the seven kingdoms." Jon asked as he and Hope left the chamber and started walking together.

"He may not care but it wouldn't hurt him to know about it." She said. Besides, this news was more for Maester Aemon than for the lord commander. But Hope kept that to herself. Walking together, they reached the place where they needed to go separate ways.

"I will see you at dinner" said Hope sounding as normal as possible. Jon however sighed out heavily.

"You may not. Ser Alliser might put me on watch duty again with Sam." She gave him a pitiful look for that.

"Do you want me to talk to lord commander about it?" Hope asked but Jon looked at her with disbelieve and immediately shook his head.

"Of course not. He already thinks I am a boy." He said making Hope raise her eyebrows at him.

"But you are a boy." She stated as a matter of fact but then laughed when Jon threw a dark look at her.

"Alright you want to prove yourself a man by putting up with Alliser. Fine. Have it your way. I'll see you tomorrow if you get stuck with watch duty." Hope said with a pleasant smile.

"I wish you had sounded sad about it" said Jon pouting a little. He was talking about the short separation of course. Instead Hope playfully rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes, you are becoming a man indeed. Not to mention a very mature one." She said sarcastically earning a playful glare from Jon. Hope didn't say anything else and only gave Jon a toothless smile before she started walking away from him. Jon stood there for a while longer. There was something different about Hope today. He couldn't put his finger on it but he felt it in his bones. Only if Jon knew why she was being off and what their future had in store for them.

Following day, early in the morning, Jon and Sam were still up on the wall. Their shift would end within an hour. Jon was a little worried about Hope. Therefore he remained quiet as Samwell chattered away.

"I miss girls." Sam picked up another random topic to talk about.

"Not even talking to them. I never talked to them. Just looking at them. Hearing them giggle. Yes, Hope is a girl and she is beautiful but I can't look at her like that. She is more like a sister to me. Probably that's why I can talk to her so freely." He was going to say more but Jon interrupted him.

"Something is not right with Hope. Ever since that argument in the library, she's been acting a little differently." Jon said expressing his worries to Sam.

"Different how? Is she still angry with you?" Sam asked curiously. Jon shook his head in reply.

"No, she doesn't seem angry but- I don't know how to say it but she just felt different to me the last time we talked." He said.

"Have you asked her if she's a Targaryen supporter?" Sam inquired.

"She denied it" said Jon.

"She could be lying about it" said Sam. Jon looked at him thoughtfully as he said that.

"No, I don't think she was lying." He said. Though Jon couldn't be absolutely sure about that.

"The only two people who seem to know everything about Hope are, lord commander and Maester Aemon. I won't be able to talk to lord commander about her. He makes me nervous. But I can certainly speak with Maester Aemon." Sam offered. Jon really thought about it. But in the end he decided not to let him pry about Hope.

"No Sam, whatever it is, I want Hope to tell me herself. If she really trusts me as she claims to, then she will tell me everything herself." Jon said, and unknowingly he put Hope to a test. However Sam said something right then that made him think again.

"You know sometimes its not the trust that keeps a person from saying something. Sometimes it could be fear too." He said wisely. Jon suddenly remembered Hope saying that she wasn't immune from fear. Was she trying to tell him something in disguise of all those wise words that she had told him. Before Jon could think about it more, his eyes fell below the wall. He noticed something moving towards the gates. He looked harder along with Sam. It appeared to be a rider returning.

"Riders!" Sam exclaimed. "The horn. We have to blow the horn."

As he went to blow the horn, Jon kept looking at the rider. "Why is he alone?" He said to himself.

"One blast for a ranger returning, two for wildlings, three for-"

"There's no rider" said Jon when the horse came very close to the wall and he could see it properly.

Jon and Sam quickly went down to find out what was the matter. Lord commander was informed about the horse as well. He came to see it himself. Jon walked a lot faster than Sam. Fear had his heart in the grasp that moment. A boy brought the horse inside the castle yard. When Jon saw the horse, his fear became true.

"That's my uncle Benjen's horse." He said with horror in his voice.

"Where's my uncle?" Jon asked the lord commander who wanted to know the answer himself. Words reached Hope as well about uncle Benjen's horse returning. She came to the yard as fast as she could. Everyone was still gathering around the restless horse. The stable boy could hardly control it. Hope and lord commander looked at each other.

"What got him so terrified?" She asked herself.

"Is there a spell to calm down a horse?" Sam asked very enthusiastically, not jesting at all.

"Let me see what I can do." Hope said with uncertainty in her voice. She approached the horse carefully. Then she gently pressed her hand against the horse's neck. She began to say some words in low tone of voice therefore on one could really understand what she was chanting. But the trick wasn't saying the spells properly. The trick was believing that she could really calm down the terrified beast. Hope imagined it happening in her mind and then willed it to happen with her magic. The restless horse indeed started to calm down a bit but Hope accidentally accessed the beast's recent memories. She saw what had the horse so spooked. Suddenly she could not only feel the fear the horse was feeling but she could literary taste it in her mouth. It sent a nasty shiver down her spine. Hope pulled back her hand immediately. The horse became more restless than before. So much that she had to step away from it quickly.

"I am sorry. I can't help." Saying that Hope fled from the yard.

"Useless." She heard Ser Alliser say after her. But Hope couldn't careless about that at that moment. She headed straight to her chamber, thinking about locking herself inside for the rest of the day. But before she could reach the tower, her chamber was in, someone stopped her. Jon came after her when she fled. He tried to block her way first but when Hope kept attempting to walk away; he grabbed her arms tightly.

"Hope, talk to me. What happened?" Jon asked with concern. He was certain that something happened when she touched the horse. Hope on the other hand didn't know how to say what she knew. She looked up at Jon once before casting her eyes down again. As if she didn't have the courage to meet his eyes. And she really didn't. However Jon cupped her face with one hand and forced her to look at him again.

"Please tell me." He pleaded. Jon wanted to know what was causing the pain in Hope's eyes.

"Jon-" She began to say but stopped.

"Jon-" She began to say again but stopped. Jon patiently waited for her to say more. At that time, Sam finally caught up with them. He was running after Jon as he took off after Hope. Sam watched quietly as Hope tried to say something to Jon.

"Jon- uncle Benj- I mean lord Benjen. he-" She stopped again but Jon had lost his patience that time. He urged Hope to speak up.

"He what Hope?" Jon asked with force in his voice. Sam however wondered why Hope called lord Benjen, uncle? Was it a slip of tongue? Since Jon called lord Benjen, uncle Benjen all the time. He couldn't ponder much on it, as Hope finally said what happened.

"He is never coming back Jon." She blurted it out at last. Jon got shocked even though he was already expecting something worse.

"Is he dead?" He asked quietly but anyone could tell, he was hurting. Hope would obviously know. She felt his pain. She felt sad about uncle Benjen herself. They weren't close but it'd have been nice to get to know him well. Lord Benjen was a good and honorable man just like Ned Stark. They could have gotten along well. But alas the opportunity was lost forever.

"No." She said which confused both Jon and Sam.

"He is undead." Hope saw it in the memory of that horse. Lord Benjen surrounded by the white walkers. He was still human in the horse's memory but Hope knew he couldn't have stayed human for long. Jon on the other hand couldn't believe his own ears. His beloved uncle has met a fate worse than death. Why? He was always such a good and honorable man. Jon felt broken inside. He didn't say anything. Didn't shred tears. But his heart indeed started bleeding. Hope and Sam looked at each other as Jon got lost in his pain. Sam gestured for Hope to do something, like consoling Jon. But she didn't know what she could possibly say to make him feel better, even though a little bit. But then Hope did the only thing she could do. She wrapped her arms around Jon's neck and pulled him into a hug. A comforting, SISTERLY hug. Jon also melted in her arms. He buried his face in the curve of her neck. Hope felt wet there after a moment indicating that Jon was finally shredding some tears. It almost made Hope cry too but she remained strong. She had to remain strong for Jon.

Hope glanced at Sam who nodded his head back and then left, understanding that they needed the privacy. Also someone needed to inform the lord commander about lord Benjen. Hope would have let Jon hold her as long as he wanted and needed but she didn't want anyone to come across them and see them embracing each other. It would certainly start some scandalous rumors. Therefore she made Jon walk with her. They would be safe and away from prying eyes in her chamber. Jon let Hope take him to her chamber quietly. Once inside the chamber, she took off his cloak and made him sit on the bed. She lit up the fireplace with her magic. Jon simply sat there looking numb.

"You've been up all night. You must rest." Hope said to him but he didn't say anything.

"I'll bring you some wine. It'll help you." Saying that she was about to walk away from Jon but he hurriedly grabbed her hand and stopped her from going anywhere.

"Stay." He said only one word but Hope lost all her will to leave him. She pulled Jon into a hug once again. Hope was standing and Jon was sitting on the bed so he wrapped his arms around her midsection and pressed his face against her belly. Hope combed her fingers through Jon's curly locks. Yes, she was taking care of Jon, providing him comfort but as a sister would her brother, not a girl would her lover. There was intimacy but not the passionate sort at all. As Jon held onto Hope, she wished she could do more to take away his pain. What Hope didn't know was that, Jon didn't need more. He only needed her. Unfortunately she planned to do just that, take herself away from him. Because she knew that Jon wouldn't be looking at her like his sister anytime soon but Hope couldn't bring herself to look at him as her lover anymore. The connection that bound them together, must be broken soon.