Divided We Fall
Chapter 21 Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You
"Olivia?" Samuel called from the hallway.
"Living room sweetheart." She answered back hearing him pad over to her gently, "you're up early, is everything okay?"
"Elliot is making funny noises, he's growling." He yawned and climbed up on the couch feeling his way to Olivia who was reading a book.
"He's not growling." She laughed, "Sometimes when he's really tired, he snores." She informed him letting him crawl under the blanket she had around her.
"Are you and Elliot going to drop me off at school today?" he asked leaning against her.
"Well, actually I had an idea, I thought I'd run past you." She smiled setting the book aside, "Want to play hookie from school?"
Sam frowned, "What's that?"
"Means you don't have to go, Silly." She chuckled running her hand over his head, "Elliot and I talked about it last night and he said he'd really like to do something with you today…but no girls allowed." She whispered her last part.
"Just me and Elliot?" he asked half way between want and fear.
"I told him I'd ask you," she informed him, "I'm gonna go into the city and take care of some things, for tonight, I'll have my cell phone on…and I promise I'll pick up this time." She assured him.
"Will you be gone a long time?" he whispered.
Olivia ran the errands through in her mind, "No, maybe one or two hours…is that too long?"
"No." Sam whispered as he started to bite his fingernail.
"Sam," Olivia spoke his name gently and slowly pulled his hand away from his mouth, "He promises that he wont go into the bathroom unless you ask him and there won't be showers or changing…I promise you Sam." She reassured him and then smiled when he finally shook his head in agreement.
"Ok…but if I'm scared I can call you?"
"And I'll come home." She smiled.
"Why are you up early, Olivia?" he asked through another yawn.
"I was reading a new book Elliot picked up for me." She confessed, "I just started it."
"What's it called?"
"Left Behind." She informed him, smiling at his curiosity.
"Christoff read me the first one…but it's for kids." He told her holding out his hand and feeling for the book within hers, "This one is big, this is the adult book."
Olivia raised her brows in surprise of his knowledge, "Want me to read it to you?"
Sam grinned, "A big people's book!"
"Yeah." She smiled, "I'll take that as a yes."
"Please!"
Olivia laughed and flipped the book back to the first page and began reading, "Rayford Steele…"
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Paul Novak reached for his wife and found only tussled sheets. He opened his eyes and squinted against the harsh sunlight, looking at the alarm clock to see that it was entirely too early to wake up on a day off. He forced himself to crawl out of the comfort of the bed as he walked through the house in search of that good looking red head, he'd just been dreaming of.
Paul ran his hands over his face and through his hair he knew must be standing every which way except for the correct one. He smiled seeing Casey in the nursery holding Addison. He leaned up against the door and found himself covering his mouth in order to not die of laughter at what she was telling him.
"See, Addy," She smiled letting the infant grasp her finger as he drew sustenance from her, "the constitution was written for the people, by the people, which is why the preamble starts out that way…now, let's go over the bill of rights again, this is very important stuff, son esp-"
"Casey," Paul whispered walking into the nursery, "you could have just sang him to sleep…you didn't have to bore him to death." He smiled kissing her cheek softly.
"I'm sorry," She feigned hurt, "are you suggesting that I'm boring?"
"Nope…just the subject matter." He kneeled next to her and looked at his sleeping son eat, "I wish I could eat and sleep at the same time…that would be heaven."
"Yeah, yeah, back to more important things, I am not boring." She smiled in protest.
"Never said you were."
"It was implied." She whispered kissing him softly on the mouth feeling him sip gently from her bottom lip.
"Why don't you show me how un-boring you are?" He spoke suggestively.
"Are you asking me to engage in some naughty morning encounter with you?" She asked with a spark in her eye as she kissed him gently again.
"Not naughty…but definitely engaging…I had a dream about you." He smiled following the contours of her jaw, "I think you should lay Addison down so I could show you."
"You can't tell me?" she teased him.
"Definitely not." He whispered resting his hand on her thigh and sliding it up further until his finger grazed the juncture of her body, "This is a sort of…show and tell, type dream."
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Cragen straightened his tie out and folded his collar over it before giving himself one last look over in the mirror. Deciding he was still bald he walked out of the bathroom and retrieved the morning paper from his counter top before eyeing the telephone. He exhaled and took it from its cradle dialing the Stabler residence and putting the phone to his ear.
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"Can I answer it Olivia?" Sam asked with a smile.
Olivia rested the book down and handed him the cordless phone before giving him instructions on how to answer it and encouraging him not to be scared if it was a man on the other side.
"Stabler residence this is Samuel." He said confidently as he held the phone, after a pause that Olivia recognized as fear, he swallowed hard trying to keep it at bay.
Olivia furrowed her brows knowing a male voice must have been on the other side, she wondered if it was a good idea to let him answer the phone without checking the caller I.D. but when he started talking again she decided to let things play out.
"May I tell Olivia whose calling?" he said slowly still not sure if he liked the voice on the other side. "One second please." He informed the caller as he handed Olivia the phone, "He has a silly name." He smiled, "It's Captain."
Not that she was glad Sam couldn't see her, but in that instance she was glad he couldn't see the anger that just ripped across her face. Stiffeling it quickly, she kept the phone covered and found a soft voice for Sam, "Honey, why don't you go wake up Elliot, do it nicely though okay?"
Sam grinned, "Okay." He journeyed off of the couch and naturally made his way to the back of the house, confident with the lay out of the house after only a week.
Olivia took a deep breath and put the phone to her ear, speaking dryly, "This is Olivia."
"Olivia," Cragen's voice was nervous, "How are you?"
"Are you calling to fire me?" She asked unconcerned with his previous question.
"Absolutely not," He informed her, "I completely deserved that."
"Yes. You did." She agreed, "Are you calling to have us come back to work?"
"I'm sorry…no, you still have another seven weeks." He said softly.
"So…this is a personal call?" She asked with boiling anger.
"Sort of…yes." He said softly, not sure of her next response.
"Well Don," She said harshly, "I really don't have anything personal to say to you right now, so if you don't mind, I have things to do…goodbye."
"Oli-"
Click. Olivia hung up the phone and exhaled deeply wanting nothing more than to crawl into Elliot's embrace. She walked down the hall, frustrated and angry that he would have the audacity to call her, it was the site of Sam trying to wake Elliot up that soothed her immediately.
She watched as he shook him softly and got no response, she listened to him whisper for him to wake up and still received no response, "Sam," Olivia whispered, "Come here."
Sam walked back to the sound of her voice until his hand reached her hip, "I can't get him awake, he keeps growling."
"Snoring, Honey." She corrected as she kneeled and spoke in a whisper, "Do you know what a cannonball is Sam?"
"No."
"I want you to run with me and were gonna jump on that bed and get that big ol' monster awake…sound like a deal?" she smiled.
"Deal." He grinned.
"One," Olivia took hold of his hand, "Two…remember where the bed is Sam?"
"Yeah." He smiled griping her hand.
"Three!" They both ran, "Jump Sam." She told him just as they got to the bed, both delivering two perfectly executed cannonballs that would scare the crap out of any sleeping monster. Elliot shot up immediately and tried to move but was covered with Olivia's slender frame.
"What?" He rubbed his eyes and looked around startled until he saw the smiling faces in front of him.
"I see she's got you up to no good, huh Sam?" Elliot smiled sneaking a soft and silent kiss from Olivia.
"Guess what Elliot." Sam smiled getting himself as close to him as possible as Olivia straddled his thighs like a child herself.
"What?" Elliot entertained him.
" I get to play hooker today." He smiled.
Olivia grinned at the mispronunciation as Elliot tried to hold in his laugh.
"Hookie, baby." Olivia corrected him softly with a kiss on the head before returning to Elliot, "I'm gonna run into the city take care of some things, I'll be back in time to start cleaning the house and getting dinner ready for tonight."
"You sure about dinner?" He asked wrapping his arm hesitantly around Sam then more confidently when the youngster didn't protest.
"Yeah…I talked to her yesterday, I think we'll end up working it out." She informed him but couldn't hide her down cast eyes.
"What else?"
"Cragen just called."
"What'd he want?"
"I don't know…I hung up on him."
"Ballzy Woman!" he laughed then settled and pulled her close, "When you're ready, you'll talk, he knows that."
"Yeah." She exhaled then turned to Sam, "Honey, we're gonna have two friends over tonight, they're very nice and they have a little boy that they want you to meet."
"Really? A little boy?" he grinned.
"Yep…and they are really excited about meeting you." She assured him, "You up for it?"
"Is there gonna be a man?"
"Yes, his name is Paul, but he's very nice." She smiled, "What do you say?"
"Can we have sgabetti?"
"You mean spaghetti?"
"Yeah…can we?"
"Sure."
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Casey Novak stood in front of her closet starring into the abyss of fabric, nervous and frustrated. She exhaled feeling Paul's hands wrap around her, "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"Terrible liar." He whispered, "You've been standing here in you're bra and underwear for fifteen minutes staring at you're clothes…what is it."
"I'm so nervous." She confessed, "She's my best friend and I'm nervous to go to her home for a simple dinner."
"Well, you and I both know this isn't a simple dinner…Casey, I don't want you to think I'm against you, but what Cragen and you guys did was harsh, even for someone as strong as Olivia that had to sting...let her lick her wound-"
"She couldn't even bring herself to hug me." She shook her head in frustration.
"Intimacy, for her, is hard, you've told me that a lot about her…without trust there can be no intimacy and I'm sorry to say it Case but what happened…seeing her best friends standing around her son's grave…that had to break some trust levels."
"I feel like such a jerk." Casey exhaled.
"You should." He said softly.
"What the hell Paul!" She scolded, "I hope you don't plan on giving motivational speeches because you suck!" She bit.
"Casey," He held her tighter, "We've promised each other honesty, that's what I'm giving you…don't hate it, I know I sound like I'm nailing you, and I'm sorry, but if you want that relationship back, you've got to fight for it."
"What if she decides she doesn't want it back?"
"Case…she came to our home and invited us to hers…that's an olive branch if I've ever seen one…give her time, and if she decides to walk away from it, then she's missing out on a pretty wonderful woman." He kissed her temple as she reached into the closet for a black blouse.
Paul covered her hand with his, "No." He whispered and moved three shirts to the left, "You've always looked gorgeous in this."
"I don't want to look gorgeous." She protested.
"That's why you need to wear it." He smiled taking it off the rack.
"My favorite red socks shirt…I'm supposed to wear that to dinner, it still has a stain on it?"
"They're our friends…stop panicking."
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"What's wrong with Olivia?" Sam asked softly as Elliot sat on the couch.
"What do you mean?" he furrowed his brows.
"I tried to talk to her but she keeps moving and growling and throwing things." He said, "Is she mad at me?"
Elliot stood and smiled down at Sam, "Buddy, do me a favor and sit on the couch and I'll be back in awhile."
"Is she gonna be okay?" Sam asked concerned.
"Sam," Elliot exhaled, "She's changing…things could get ugly." He laughed and tickled the little boy, "I'm playing, I'll go see what's up, wait here." Elliot laughed as he walked into the bedroom and suddenly found himself ducking a shoe that was tossed.
"Holly hell," He looked around the room seeing the extreme disarray, "Liv…what happened to the room."
"Where's my shirt?" she said digging through the closet.
"Can you be more specific, you've got about a million." He teased catching the next shoe that she blindly tossed behind her.
"Elliot!" she barked out, "This isn't funny! I need that damn shirt!"
Elliot could sense her angst about the dinner, he could sense it all day, but he didn't feel the need to ask her anything until now. He walked to her slowly, ready for the next heel to come at any point, he kneeled behind her, putting his legs on either sides of hers and embracing her tightly, "What's wrong?"
Olivia exhaled and leaned into him, "Nothing."
"You'll never be able to fool the box…what is it?" he insisted.
"I can't find my shirt."
"What's the real reason you're upset?" He asked gently, "You're sitting here in your bra and panties and you almost took me out with a stiletto…talk, Liv."
"I will so make love to you, right now, if you don't make me have this conversation with you." She offered slyly.
"Ah," he grinned, "Tempting offer, but I love you too much to let this go, plus, according to you, I don't get any fun for three to seven days…talk."
"She's my best friend El…do you know how much I had to let down my guard to let her in?" she finally confessed.
"I can imagine." He assured her.
"I don't know what to do, forgiveness is a must, but reconciliation…that's work."
"It's a process, look at Casey and Paul, look at you and I…reconciliation is hard, it takes both people, but it's possible if you're willing to do it."
"What if she doesn't want to?"
"Then she's nuts." Elliot smiled and kissed her cheek, "What shirt are you looking for?"
"My favorite one." She informed him as he stood and helped her up, "It's comforting."
Elliot smiled and walked over to her dresser opening the second drawer and pulling out his old NYPD shirt, which was Olivia's favorite, "Same place it always is honey."
Olivia exhaled and took the shirt with a sheepish smile, "Thank you," she whispered kissing him softly on the mouth and hearing the doorbell ring, then Samuel's voice.
"Can I answer the door?" Sam yelled to the back of the house.
"Hold on." Olivia called back, slipping quickly into the shirt and grabbing a pair of jeans, to which she slipped on as she walked out of the room, giving him instructions, "Sam, there's gonna be a man on the other side of the door okay, don't be scared, but ask who's at the door before you open it."
Sam acknowledged her instruction and walked to the door as Elliot and Olivia waited a few feet behind him. "Who is it?" Sam called through the door, when the identification came back from a woman's voice he asked Olivia for permission to open the door to which she gave it.
Casey and Paul stood starring at a little blond boy, "You must be Samuel?" Casey smiled sticking out her hand for a handshake.
"Chest high." Olivia informed him as he stuck his hand out and shook hers.
Samuel grinned, "Did you bring the little boy? Olivia told me you were bringing a little boy."
"Yep, we sure did." Casey smiled.
"Let them in Sam." Elliot instructed with a smile.
Samuel took a step back and opened the door a little wider, "Elliot says you can come in." he informed them letting them into the foyer. They took their coats off hanging them in the same spots they normally did when visiting.
"Sam, these are our friends." Olivia smiled walking to him, "You met Casey." She informed him knowing that Paul might be a little harder, "Can I introduce you to her husband?"
Sam took a visible step backwards into Olivia and clutched her hand, "He's you're friend?"
"A very good one." Olivia assured him and found herself surprised when he agreed so quickly.
"Sam, this is Paul." She told him, feeling his hand clutch tighter around hers as he extended his right hand to shake Paul's.
Paul crouched down to his knees and smiled at the young boy he had just figured out couldn't see him, he wondered if the gift he brought him would be offensive, but decided all kids love presents just the same, "Hello Sam, it's good to meet you."
Olivia didn't think Sam could lean any further into her body but he did. Paul noticed the body language and insisted on gaining the little boy's trust. "I stopped at the store today."
"Ice cream store?" Sam grinned still holding onto Olivia who had since crouched behind him so that all were at his level.
"No." Paul laughed, "Are you an ice cream man?"
Sam shook his head affirmatively, "Perhaps, you could also be a Lego man?" Paul suggested.
"What's a Lego man?" Sam asked him, then turned to Olivia, "What's a Lego man, Olivia?"
"I don't know honey, let him tell you." She smiled noticing his clutch was loosening and she could feel the blood circulating to the tips of her fingers again.
Paul handed Sam a brown paper sac, "These were my favorite toys when I was younger, and I think you'll have fun building with Elliot."
"Building!" He exclaimed with a smile, "Olivia, I can build with Elliot now."
"Yep," she kissed his cheek, and whispered into his ear, "Remember our thank yous."
"Thank you, Paul…thank you Casey." He smiled and took his new booty to the back of the house
"Thank you." Olivia smiled standing to her feet, "He's been wanting to build, how did you know that?"
"Please," Paul scoffed, "He's a man…I'm a man…building is in our blood."
"Yep," Casey smiled and nudged him, "Just like that bookshelf you put up."
"A very nice bookshelf I might add." He responded.
"Yeah," Casey teased, "Who cares that it's not level."
"You're grumpy when you're hungry." He smiled.
"Well then," Elliot interjected noticing the avoiding glances between the two women, "Lets get some food in you."
"I'll get the drinks." Olivia informed them and padded barefoot to the kitchen.
"Can I help?" Casey asked willing to weather a backlash if it came.
Olivia eyed her carefully and slowly shook her head in agreement, "Yeah, four hands are better than two." She said walking to the kitchen as Sam already made his way back to Elliot who was already in conversation with Paul.
"So…um," Olivia opened the refrigerator, "thanks, for the Legos, I think he'll get a kick out of them."
"That was all Paul, he wouldn't let me see what was in the bag." Casey laughed nervously taking the pitcher of tea from Olivia as she handed it to her.
"How's Addison?" Olivia asked knowing that when in doubt, having someone talk about his or her kids always breaks the ice no matter how thick it is.
"He's doing good…sucks the energy right out of me, but Paul is like the energizer bunny with him." She chuckled.
"The first month with Isaac was hard," Olivia informed her pulling glasses out of the cupboard, "but eventually he fell into a very punctual eating schedule." She smiled, "I could set my watch to that little boy."
"I'm sorry for what I did to you Olivia." Casey whispered bluntly, "I had no right to keep that from you."
"Like I said," Olivia exhaled, "I think I understand you're reasoning…I don't like it and it hurt more than you can imagine…but I understand it, and ironically, I'm not sure I would have done any differently if you were in my shoes."
Casey smiled barely readable, "In any case I'm sorry, and if it makes you feel better, Fin and Munch went to bat for you…Munch almost lost his job from what Fin tells me…we might have made a bad call as you're friends…but we never stopped trying to protect you as a friend."
Olivia shook her head in understanding and closed the gap between the two embracing Casey warmly and chuckling softly, "I swear Casey, if you ever hide something from me again I'll kick your ass."
"Point taken." Casey laughed through fallen tears and gave a soft squeeze just as Elliot walked in.
"Ahhh," He cooed through a smile, "I hate to bust up the Kodak moment here." He chuckled at the women trying to hide their tears, "But, Liv…you have three starving cavemen in the dinning room."
"Well then," She grinned at him and handed him glasses, "make you're self useful and take these in for me."
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After holding a tiny Addison in his arms and grinning uncontrollably Samuel had finally confessed to being tired.
"Alright, do you need helped getting into you're jammies?" Olivia asked taking the infant from him and softy returning him to the couch, placing a pillow on the side for safety.
"No." He yawned and shook his head, "I'm suppose to sleep in here today Olivia." He reminded her of their deal.
"Well," she smiled, "I think one more day in our bed is okay, if you don't mind."
Sam smiled, "I don't mind."
"Alright," She watched him hop confidently off of the couch and down the hall, "We'll be in later on."
Sam stopped in his tracks and turned back reaching for her and hugging her tightly, "Good night Olivia."
"Good night sweet boy." She whispered sending him on his way.
"You got a good kid right there." Paul smiled as she returned to her friends.
"Thank you." Olivia grinned claiming a spot next to Elliot.
"Any word on permanent placement for him?" Casey asked.
"Well," Elliot exhaled, "If it goes the way we want it too, he'll be placed permanently with us in seven weeks."
"Really?" Casey grinned, "That's so great, I had no idea!"
"He's a really good kid." Elliot smiled wrapping his arm around Olivia as the group continued to talk. Laughter was paramount that night, a forgiving laughter between two women on the brink of emotional annihilation if it weren't for two husbands, a little rough around the edges, but encouraging just the same.
It was just after Elliot suggested a board game that there was a knock at the door. All four adults frowned at one another. "Are we expecting someone else?" Elliot asked his wife with furrowed brows.
"No." She shook her head and stood, "I'll see who it is, get the game, I'll be right back."
Elliot stood and walked down the hall to the closet they had kept games, puzzles and various other things, that until this year, they hadn't had the time to do. When he finally retrieved the Risk game and already committed himself to world domination, he walked back to the living room to see both Paul and Casey watching Olivia, who was starring angrily at a group of four on her doorstep.
"It's late." She told Cragen and Melinda coldly, noticing that, while Munch and Fin were standing behind them, it looked like they would rather be having their teeth removed than be there today.
"We need to talk." Cragen said softly.
"I have nothing to say to you, Don." She advised him feeling Elliot's presence behind her.
"Don," Elliot interjected, "It's late and Olivia has a lot to do tomorrow." He lied sensing the angry currents that shot out of her body.
"Elliot. Olivia." Melinda finally stepped into the conversation seeing that Cragen was sunk, "We have something very important that you need to know."
Olivia looked Cragen square in the eye and if looks could kill, Elliot was sure Don would be in cardiac arrest as she spoke coldly to him, "What could be more important that knowing someone you loved betrayed you?"
Cragen took a deep breath, "I understand your angry and you have every right to be, but we need to talk."
Olivia was just about to lay into him when Elliot interjected, "Come in, but make it quick we have friends over." Elliot informed him, using a very deliberate choice of words, "and please keep you're voices down there's two little one's sleeping."
The group sat down and stared awkwardly at each other until Olivia angrily interjected, "Don't just friggin stare at me, if you have something important to say…say it Damnit."
"Olivia," Cragen exhaled, "We, have been doing some investigating-"
"Believe me," Olivia said harshly, "when I tell you, I know."
"There's no tactful way to put this Olivia." Cragen whispered, "The baby you buried…wasn't Isaac."
"What!" she shrieked clutching Elliot's leg, she had tried to prepare herself for those words, tried to build up a tolerance so she didn't' crumble when everything toppled on her again, but here she was hearing them…hearing the words she needed to hear, suspected deep within herself were always true…but couldn't handle.
"What the hell do you mean?" Elliot asked in shock looking at six people who were looking back at he and his wife like the day they'd buried Isaac…or whomever they buried. Elliot looked angrily at Cragen, "You said the body was burned beyond recognition."
"I told you the information I was given Elliot." Cragen whispered in shame, perhaps if he'd allowed Olivia to identify the body, rather than rely on a detective's information, some sort of mother's intuition would have kicked in from Olivia and they wouldn't be in this mess.
"My son's alive?" Olivia whispered almost not being able to hear her own words, "What the hell is happening?" she suddenly barked, then stood to her feet, "What in the hell is going on? What made you guys start poking around? " She yelled, "Tell us Damnit!"
"Someone sent me the case file on Isaac." Melinda confessed, "On Christmas."
"Christmas?" Olivia shook her head in anger, "you know what I was telling my husband on Christmas?" when there was silence she yelled effectively startling everyone in the room, "Ask me!"
"What Liv?" Fin whispered unwilling to look at her.
"I was telling him that I missed my son…who apparently is still alive!" She hollered feeling her throat start to tense, "You could have told us!" she pointed at Melinda then back to Cragen, "I have always backed your play, I've always done what you asked because I respected you."
"Oliv-"
"No!" she yelled over him, "When I needed you most," she finally came to a whisper, "you turned your back on me…on my husband…on my son." She began to cry softly as Elliot wrapped his arms around her.
"You need to calm down Liv." He whispered softly, holding her tight as she leaned against him.
"Elliot." Cragen spoke softly knowing he had to finish, but didn't know if they could take what he was about to tell them. "There's more."
"Don," Elliot separated form Olivia, "She's had enough."
"Elliot I ha-"
"Don! Enough!" Elliot barked.
"Look Damnit!" Cragen finally barked backed, "I know you hate me, hell I hate me, I get what I did was wrong, but Damnit I'm trying to tell you the rest of what's happening."
"Don't you dare!" Olivia shot back with a second wind of rage, "Don't you dare come into our home and take that shitty tone with us! You have NO RIGHT!" she yelled, unconcerned with their relationship at this specific point, and if the truth were told, unconcerned about her job.
Knowing he wouldn't be getting through to them in a civil tone he yelled back, "There's a cover up! That's why it took so long, that's why things were so confusing in this case, I didn't mean to sell you two out!" he barked.
"The cover up was true?" Munch finally asked and it dawned on Olivia and Elliot that Cragen was the only one privy to the information.
"I just got all of the information." Cragen said softly, "This is bigger than all of us."
"You knew today?" Munch asked closing the distance between he and the captain.
"Who ordered it?" Munch asked with seeming calmness as he boiled inside.
"Joh-" Cragen tried to maintain his authority but there was a slow and steady mutiny forming on a personal level.
"WHO!" Munch barked suddenly.
Cragen exhaled, "Chief Serna."
Olivia furrowed her brows and wiped her tears, "Serna…form the Morris commission? He's running for chief of police thi-" she stopped mid sentence realizing what had happened, "He covered it up because of the press."
Cragen shook his head affirming her speculation.
"You knew about Serna today?" Munch asked again.
"Yes, John. I knew." Cragen said in annoyance.
"Did you put him on report?" Munch asked taking a step closer.
Cragen turned to face Munch more squarely, as he spoke through clenched teeth, "Are you questioning my command Detective?"
Six people, all co-workers and friends, albeit stressed friends, watched in stunned silence as John stared at Cragen for seconds that seemed like minutes and then slowly removed his dark glasses never breaking eye contact, "At this point," Munch said inches from his commanding officer's face, "I'm starting to question everything about you."
John turned to Olivia still feeling the shocked stare of Cragen on him, "Liv, you don't have to forgive me, God knows you deserve better friends than all of us maggot infested carcasses. I 'm sorry I didn't have the testicular fortitude to come to you, first." He whispered before backing away.
"Munch!" Cragen barked, "You will stand down."
In a rage that no one had seen from John before, he turned back to face Cragen, "DO NOT presume to tell me what I will do!" he edged closer to Cragen causing both Paul and Fin to step closer as he shook his fist violently, "You preach about that badge like it's holy," John yelled, "but you've forsaken everything it's stood for!"
"Mu-"
"SHUT UP!" Munch hollered so close to Cragen that Paul gently wedged his arm between the two.
"I think we all should go." Paul spoke softly, "They need time alone and this yelling isn't helping them."
"You turned your back on them Don!" Munch barked backing away and walking out of the house slamming the door behind him.
In the stunned silence of everyone Addison's cries were heard, Casey went to him immediately as the rest of the group stared at one another.
"Get out." Olivia whispered hoarsely.
Fin tried to sooth her, "Oliv-"
"GET OUT!" she yelled, "You," She said pointing at the uninvited guests, "get the hell out of my house…NOW!" she barked
"Olivia." Elliot wrapped his arms around her seething body as she continued to yell, he'd hoped his touch would calm her but there seemed to be no clam in sight for her and he wondered if Olivia Stabler had finally found her breaking point.
"Leave please." Elliot barked, "She's had enough, already." He informed them as if they didn't already know. The three gathered their belongings and left the house quietly.
"We're going to head out too." Paul said softly as Elliot let go of Olivia.
"We weren't…we weren't upset with you two." Elliot explained.
"I'm sorry Paul." Olivia whispered in exhaustion.
"Don't be." He smiled softly and embraced her warmly, "You two need to be with one another and were going to let you, that's all." He assured her as Casey walked into the room with Addison strapped securely in a car seat.
Casey gingerly placed him at her feet and hugged Olivia tightly; "You'll call me if you need me?"
Olivia shook her head in agreement as the two hugged Elliot and then gathered their son and walked out the door silently. As Elliot closed the door Olivia finally let out the sob that had been lingering within her.
"Go ahead." He whispered pulling her close to him, "cry." He whispered through his own tears, "we have a lot to cry about."
"Please hold me." She whispered into his chest.
Elliot held her, both crying into one another, both knowing that the path they had in front of them would be just as unpleasant as the path they'd been forced to take when they thought their son was dead.
He'd never seen it happen before, but after several minutes of exhausted crying Olivia had fallen asleep standing up against him. He wiped the tears from her eyes, "Olivia, come on, let's get you some rest." He whispered watching her eyes flutter back into a reality they didn't want to be in.
They walked quietly back into their room and flipped on the light to find the bed empty. Olivia looked around quickly, "Samuel?" she called as Elliot knocked onto the restroom door and opened it to find it equally empty.
"Samuel?" Olivia called out again, her voice already hoarse from the crying. She kneeled quickly and looked under the bed finding no sign of him.
"Liv." Elliot whispered pointing to the closet door that was slightly ajar.
As she walked closer to the closet, the softest whimpers were heard, "Samuel?" she called into the closet not immediately finding him until she opened the door completely and pulled a mound of clothes that she had tossed about earlier that night, away from his body, revealing a very frightened little boy rocking back in forth with his walkman on, his hands covering his ears as he shook his head and chanted, "No more yelling please, no more yelling please."
"Sam." She called to him struggling through her own emotions. She rested her hand softly on his knee as she crouched closer to him, "Sam honey." She whispered covering his hands with her own and lowering his to his knees, "It's me Sam." She sniffled, "What's wrong?"
"No yelling, no more yelling… please and thank you's, no more." He told her frantically.
"The yelling scared you Sam?" she asked softly wanting to kick herself for letting things get out of control with him in the house.
"Too much noise." He whispered finally slowing the rocking movement.
"Sam, I'm sorry." She said softly, "It's just me and Elliot now…nice and quiet sweetie."
Sam trained his ear as if to double-check her statement, "They're all gone?"
"All gone." She assured him, "Want to come out and sleep with me and Elliot?" she asked extending her hand to his and helping him up checking to see if he'd wet as he walked into the light of the room, when she was satisfied he didn't look wet she helped him into the bed and kissed him softly on the cheek, "I'm sorry we scared you." She apologized tucking him in softly.
Sam held his arms out for her, and hugged her tightly, "Good night Olivia."
"Good night sweetie." She smiled sadly and returned to the restroom to change, and to cry.
"What are we going to do?" She asked him softly as he held her.
"We'll start looking for him." He assured her, "We know he's alive-"
"No we don't." she said bitterly, "All we know is he wasn't who we buried, what if he's dead and in some…some…some sewage drain or something."
"Liv." He kissed her forehead, "don't do that to yourself, we have hope now…were gonna find him." He assured her helping her out of her clothes and into her pajamas for the second time this month. "We've beaten everything that comes at us Liv…and were gonna beat this too." He told her softly as he ducked his head to kiss her cheek.
Olivia raised her hand up and back to touch his cheek as they watched each other in the mirror, she sniffled and smiled softly, "You need a haircut again."
Elliot wrapped her snuggly in his arms, "You can cut it tomorrow if you want." He offered knowing she was going to want to do anything to keep her mind busy.
"I'm exhausted." She whispered, as another tear slipped out of her eye.
"Come on." He whispered leading her back to the bed and pulling back the comforter for her, then surprising her when he slid in next to her.
"You hate my side of the bed." She informed him.
Elliot reached over and slid a sleeping Samuel a little further over to his side and then turned off the bedroom lamp. He pulled her as close to him as possible and kissed her softly on the lips, "Tonight, I'm going to hold you."
A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting, I took a pretty good hit in a sparring session and I was literally having vision problems and vomiting blah blah blah…hope ya all like it and believe me when I tell you…things are about to go nuts!