Hello :)

Short warning: Some of the sentences used in this chapter are from the first Thor-movie and with that don't belong to me. And one is a slightly different version from the third Hobbit movie.

Hope you enjoy reading. Until then.

Truth

This is the curse of every evil deed,
That, propagating still, it brings forth evil.
Friedrich Schiller, The Piccolomini

No, no, Thor. Get it finally in your head. We're not brothers anymore. We both made sure of that. And I don't want that.', Loki yells in his direction, tears on the brim of overflowing. Thor wants to kiss the expression from his face, wants to hug him, reassure him he'd never be just his brother for him, wants to explain that for him his brother means everything, that it's as much an endearment as 'love' because they are so much closer, because Loki taught him to associate the word 'brother' with his lover, his friend, his life.

This is the moment when his friends decide to step in, ruining any chances to comfort his now crying lover who vanishes with an acid comment, Thor knows not where to. He hopes Loki will come back, he isn't angry at Thor but at their situation and all the bliss of the last days has just shown them all the more what a dilemma they call their lives.

Thor turns to his friends who just leave the edge of the forest behind them after staring at the spot where Loki had stood mere moments ago. Anger boils up but he tries to ignore it and smile at his friends, he fails miserably. They hadn't ruined his chances to make up with Loki on purpose.

'What are you doing here?' It comes out more accusing than he intended.

'We're here for company.' Fandral smiles, trying to lighten the mood.

'This was supposed to be just Loki and me.', Thor states, not quite ready to forgive his friends just yet.

'We thought you could need a rescue. And we weren't wrong as it seems.' Volstagg raises an eyebrow, daring Thor to disagree.

'I didn't need a rescue.', Thor forces out between his teeth.

'Than what was that about? He was about to jump your throat. We heard him yelling from afar.', the red head claims.

'I've never seen him in such distress. I'm impressed you stayed that calm.'

Thor sighs. 'I am starving. Why don't we first make breakfast?'

'Agreed.' Volstagg beams.

The four friends quickly light a fire and prepare the food.

'So?', Hogun prompts after everyone had received their share. 'What is this really? I thought you'd get along better by now?'

'Not according to Loki apparently.', Fandral chimes in.

Thor chews on his eggs to gain some time. 'It's complicated.', he settles for this non-committing answer.

'From what I heard it isn't. Loki doesn't want to be your brother anymore. So what happened between the two of you?'

Thor sighs. 'We fought a lot, things were said.' It wasn't today but it is no less true.

'But I thought you settled the matter?', Fandral half-asks.

'Not for his sober mind, friend.' His sober mind would probably ruin again Thor's chances to get him to agree to leave.

'So you pretend to get along? Since when?'

'For some time now we pretend to still see each other as brothers.', he rephrases.

'But everyone knows you aren't the best friends.'

'Mother insists on a good relationship, Loki wants to do her the favor.'

'That's why you are on vacation? To pretend it gets better?'

'Yes, but also to get away from everyone for a few days and drop the act.', he confesses though they won't understand. The questions start to wear on him. How is his lover just coping with these half-truths?

'It doesn't seem to work though.', Hogun observes.

'What? Why?'

'Because your mother send us after you to make sure you wouldn't do anything you'd regret. We needed two days to find you.', the ravenette explains. Thor frowns, he hadn't thought their mother would think they don't get along.

'Has Loki yelled at you all the time like that?'

'No, we haven't spoken much. We.. busied ourselves.' Thor ignores the faint blush that creeps on his face.

'Where do you think he went?'

Thor shrugs. 'No idea. Hopefully not home.' Silence drops over the group as they continue their meals.

Fandral nods, chewing on his lips. 'Can I confess something? And you won't be mad?'

'Sure.', Thor answers confused.

'I thought the reason for all this secrecy was that you and Loki'd...'

Thor almost freezes and tries to play his nervousness down. 'Loki and I what?', he asks a little too loud.

'That he was your maiden.', Fandral says in a small voice, looking anywhere but Thor.

'Fandral! How can you? Thor is honorable and Loki may be up to nothing but mischief but even he knows limits.', Volstagg exclaims heated.

'I am sorry, okay? I completely misjudged it. I am truly sorry, Thor.'

'You're forgiven.', Thor says with a monotonous voice, not trusting himself. 'It wasn't fair to keep this from you.' They think he veils his anger because he gave his word, not realizing he tries to keep the hurt and shock from his face. Their reaction shows him that Loki was right all along. They would never accept this relationship, well, apart from Fandral apparently. The blond had kept this to himself. Thor wonders why but only for a moment.

For Thor the only question left now is when he can get his lover off-world. The sooner, the better.

xXxXx

He flees because he has to. He couldn't stand their judging eyes on him if they guessed the true meaning of his outbreak, nor the stares if they didn't. He is the evil Loki, jealous of Thor and just trying to make him lash out in an attempt to twist it for himself.

Loki teleported himself back to the palace, not wanting to be near to hear Thor either deny their bond or to have him ruin their lives by admitting it. The palace had been the first place on his mind, he can maybe go to the stables or out into the gardens as to seek comfort, maybe he'd just go to his rooms until it'd be dark enough to sneak back. He landed almost on the opposite side of the palace, having been too emotionally compromised to concentrate properly. Silently he makes his way through the hallways, his mind racing.

Loki doesn't pay attention which way he takes or where he generally walks.

This had been the last impetus he needs to finally agree with Thor. They would never be happy here and they can no longer be brothers, even if just on the outside. With his abilities they would be able to leave Asgard, maybe even the nine realms behind them. They would be free to be whoever they went to, they could be a family, different from what they are forced to be now. A plan begins to ripe on his mind. Most of the realms he rules out at once but stops at Midgard. It might be primitive but again big enough to vanish there. Thor loves it furthermore. He could use the full extent of his powers and hide them permanently from the keeper's gaze which is easier than diverting it anyway. He can see their life in front of him, the life they deserve, not the one they are forced to live. Maybe he could fake their deaths, make it easier for them and their family. He'd find a way to carry Thor's children, somehow.

'You're back.', Frigga has a small smile tugged on her face when Loki raises his eyes to meet hers.

'Mother.' Realization hits him. 'You send them after us.', he says before he can stop himself. That's why she is not surprised to see him.

'Yes.' She doesn't even deny it. 'I was already waiting for you. Your father and I want to speak to you.'

'Without Thor being near.', Loki concludes.

She nods. 'He is very protective over you. And we want to give you the choice of sharing the information with him just yet or not.'

'What information?'

'Not here, please come with me.' He follows her, suspicion and curiosity fighting for the upper hand. She leads him to her private rooms, Odin sits on a sofa near the grate, waiting for them. She must have detected his magic when he teleported and informed her husband. She takes a seat next to Odin, Loki occupies the sofa opposite of them.

'How did you know I would return?', he asks the question burning on his mind, ignoring the worried sad faces of his parents.

'Loki.', Frigga starts softly. Her next words shatter the world around him. 'We know.'

Loki's mind jumps to top-speed, thousands of thoughts and possibilities playing in the mind, add up to an undefinable mess, intangible.

'Know what?', his voice sounds hollow.

'About you and Thor.' Frigga's eyes scream of sadness.

They can't know, Loki always is careful. This must be a wild guess, a test, a ruse, a filthy lie. They can't shatter what Thor and he have like this! A thousand ideas run through his head, he wants to deny it, be offended, disgusted by the sole idea, wants to magic the truth out of their heads, scream and yell his despair into the world.

One thought becomes prominent on his mind. Thor. He concentrates his seidr, enough to blow up the whole tract of the palace but instead of directing it at the cause of despair in front of him, he seeks out this beloved in the midst of the forest. The second his magic reaches him though him though, it is hurled back at him. Frigga must be blocking his attempts to reach Thor. Damn her abilities!

'How? Did Sif tell you this? She hates me, she'd say anything.', Loki says, trying to bring conviction into his voice. It can't end like this.

'No. She wasn't able to tell me. I tried to question her about who Thor is seeing. She was bewitched to not say a word about it. I knew just you would do something like that and that there could just be one reason.' Frigga swallows. 'I saw you two.' She shivers from the memory. Loki would have never guessed he'd once see disgust on her pretty face. And he wouldn't have guessed it would break his heart. 'I didn't want to believe it.'

Loki stands up and begins to pace the room because he can't stand the stares of his parents anymore. When magic won't help, maybe a lie will. He just needs to hope the blond won't be too stubborn to accept it.

'It is all my fault. Thor is under a spell of mine. He doesn't know what he is doing around me. I fell in love with him and couldn't stand him not loving me back. He doesn't know anything about us. It is all my fault, you cannot punish him.'

'Loki, I would have detected such a powerful spell on him long ago.'

Curse her! They don't believe him, Hel, he doesn't believe this shit! And without prove..

'Fine, fine! I started this whole thing! Thor wanted to talk me out of it but he felt sorry for me. I talked him into all of this, he wouldn't have wanted any of this.' He runs his hand through his hair. Loki grows desperate and almost sobs. His breath comes out in pants and he wants nothing more than to run.

'That doesn't sound like Thor at all, Loki.'

'But I should have stopped it. It's all my fault. Please. It's not his. Punish me, banish me, kill me, but please, not him.' Tears burn in his eyes and he turns to his parents. 'I am sorry but, please, don't punish Thor, he is good. I dragged him down, I poison him. Please. Not him.', he begs. He doesn't care anymore about his pride. This is Thor's life they are talking about. There is no price high enough. 'Please, it's my fault. I am to blame.'

'Loki..'

'Please, Mother. I love him, you can't hurt him.' Tears are spilling over now.

'Loki, there is something we need to tell you. Or rather show you.', he sounds sad but stern. Odin stands up and motions over to a small table Loki had payed no heed to.

'The Casket of Ancient Winters.' This is the way Odin chose for him to die? It would look like an accident. Quite poetic to be frozen to death, Loki thinks. He almost thanks them for accepting to just punish him and not his lover.

'Come, son.' On weak knees Loki crosses the room, evading looking into Frigga's sad eyes or into Odin's face full of regret. It is necessary, Loki knows.

He takes a deep breath when stretching out his hands. Maybe they'd say he'd tried to steal it after all.

'I love you, Thor. I am sorry.', he whispers too quiet for anyone to hear. His pale hands touch the Casket. It is surprisingly light, it isn't even cold. The blue hue it casts off is oddly beautiful. Loki feels his magic merging with it, being drawn towards the Casket, his wards shatter and something he never realized was there goes with them. Slowly his hands turn blue, a dark cerulean as if it is frozen. Is this punishment? He briefly wonders if the painlessness is why his parents chose this. He looks up and is about to ask when his eyes fall on the mirror. Blood red eyes stare back from a blue face. The ridges on his skin form half-circles on his forehead. The frost giant wears his features.

How? Their father.. No, Odin, had said they weren't allowed to touch the Casket ever because it would kill them without the proper protection and had so effectively kept Loki's curiosity for it at bay. Now the truth why he never might have touched it is revealed.

'Am I cursed?', Loki asks, hope swings in his voice when he places the Casket back on the table.

Odin shows up behind him in the mirror. 'No.' Finally Loki can place this last layer of magic that has been washed away. His shape-shifting, the natural ability he had from birth, he never realized he's constantly been using it. His pale skin and green eyes slowly replace the monster staring with big eyes at him. A realization too horrible to be true dawns on him.

'You took more than the Casket from Jotunheim in the last war, didn't you?' He now realizes that what he thought would be his usual magic buzzing in him is actually him using it without knowing it. It feels natural to be of Asgardian shape, he never wasted a thought about this sensations. It's the only logical deduction. How could he have been so blind his whole life? He doesn't resemble anyone in the family, he is never cold, he was born within days after Odin's return from one of the longest and fiercest wars Asgard can remember, the hate of the others he supposed are his race, his magic, his attraction to men, ..

'Yes.', Odin confirms his worst fears. Loki turns to him. He wants to be angry, wants to rage but hopelessness curses through every fiber of his being. 'When the last battle was over and their king defeated, I went into the temple. No living soul was around except for a baby. It was small for the child of a giant. I picked it up because it was alone, abandoned, suffering, left to die. The baby instantly ceased its crying and begun to change. It took on Aesir form and then smiled at me.' Loki tries to process this information. 'It was Laufey's son.'

'Laufey's son.', he repeats as if he could change the truth by it. He is king Laufey's son. He remembers his old nightmares and they slowly begin to make sense. He was cast out to die, left by his own people for his size. Even now he is smaller than any giant he ever encountered, shorter than a great deal of the Asgardians. Weak babies don't survive a war, and especially not a small runt in the icy Jotunheim. 'Why would you take me? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why bother?'

'You were an innocent child. And I never regretted taking you once. You're my son.'

'I am not. I am one of those creatures! You could have told me from the beginning, why didn't you?'

'We wanted only to protect you from the truth.' Frigga stands next to him, offering him her hand. Loki ignores it.

'I am one of those monsters parents tell their children about at night? I am just another stolen relic to you, a burden till the day I might be of use!', Loki all but yells. 'You wanted to gain Jotunheim's throne through me. Admit it!' Tears pool in his eyes. Is this his fate? Being unwanted by everyone because he is of no use?

'That's not true and you know that. We love you like our own son.'

'The Jotnar will never have a runt like me on the throne.'

'Loki.', his mother tries to calm him.

'You know it all makes sense now. Why you always favored Thor all these years! An abandoned frost giant could never sit upon the throne of Asgard.'

'I know we should have been honest to you, I wanted to tell you so many times but it always seemed to be the wrong time.'

'We're still your family, Loki. Nothing has changed.'

'This changes everything. If it wouldn't have been for me corrupting your son, you would have never told me.', Loki states.

'Thor still loves you.'

'Not like this.', he whispers. What would the blond say to this? His thinking stops. He's a monster, just a different one than he thought. His love might not be as wrong but just as selfish as before. Thor deserves better than some Jotun freak whose own people wouldn't even take him. Loki looks up to his once-parents, tears shining in his eyes. He finally understands why they told him. 'I am sorry. I know I never deserved Thor. I won't go anywhere near him again.' He vanishes without another word.

They all deserve better.

xXxXx

They are just about to finish their meal when Thor nearly passes out. He can feel the magic in the air.

A cold cloth is pressed on his forehead and he wakes up to the sound of his friends' voices calling for him. Memories and pictures float through his mind still but Thor begins to feel his body again and becomes aware of his surroundings once more when the stream slows.

'Loki.'

'What?'

'Something's with Loki.', Thor repeats and sits up. He'd recognize his brother's magic everywhere. What was all this about? Dread fills him but he can't place it.

'You okay?' Volstagg's brow is furrowed with worry.

'Yes.' He can feel Loki's uproar as if it's his own. His magic still hangs in the air though it can't attack him anymore.

'What was that about?'

'Not sure.' They continue to question him but he blocks of most of them. Panic turns into despair until the vibes stop completely. They stop fawning over him but worry is still evident on their faces. Thor starts to pack the bags, he wants to leave as soon as possible. He wouldn't care what they think but can't explain to his friends his urgency. He can't even explain it to himself but he needs to get to Loki immediately. And something tells him he is in the palace. Someone must have found out about them, that is the only explanation Thor finds for Loki's spell.

'Loki?', Hogun asks outside of the tent. Thor doesn't hesitate for a second to run outside, seeing the ravenette standing in the middle of the clearing with tears streaming down his face.

'What happened?', Thor asks upon seeing him, hastening towards him. Ragged breaths come from his love. 'Loki, please talk to me.'

A whimper escapes Loki when his eyes settle on Thor who had stopped a few feet away from him. 'It can't be true. It can't be. It isn't.', he starts muttering and paces the lawn in front of Thor. He seems to be still fighting down tears and sobs.

'Loki.' Thor steps in his way. His lover is frightening him.

'I am sorry, love. I am sorry.' He throws himself at the blond, clinging on for dear life, sobbing and crying. When Loki's knees give in, Thor keeps him up, whispering soothing words into his ear, kissing his hair and temples.

'Thor, I love you.'

'What is it, love?'

Loki shakes his head, still crying. 'I can't. I am so sorry. I swear I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Thor, please.'

'Whatever happened, we can fix this, together.', Thor tries to calm him.

'We can't. I love you.' Their noses touch and Loki's stare bores into his, begging. 'I love you, don't let them tell you something else. I don't deserve you but I always wanted the best for you, believe me, please.'

'Loki, everything will be alright. Just tell me.'

He merely shakes his head vigorously again before pressing his lips on Thor's. He is too confused to do anything but let Loki kiss him with all he got and hold him tight.

'Please don't hate me, Thor. I didn't know, please, I didn't. I am not a monster, don't hate me.' He begins to form incoherent sentences again.

'I never could, Loki. I love you, you're my life, my air.'

Loki's sobs grow louder. 'I am sorry, love.' He places another kiss on Thor's lips. 'You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, don't doubt that I love you. Forever.' His lips barely touch Thor's. 'Farewell, love.'

Thor hadn't realized Loki had extracted himself from his arms. The tears make his face glisten in the sun.

'What is the meaning of this?'

'I can't stay here. I am a monster, I can't stay here.' Loki slowly backs away from him. 'You deserve better, I love you, don't let them tell you otherwise, please.'

'Loki, where are you going?', Thor asks with dread.

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes fixed on Thor. 'Farewell, love. You're all for the better without me. You don't need some monster ruining your lives. I love you.'

'Loki, wait.' Thor attempts to grab him but his hands only snatch empty air.