AN: A short fic I managed to write in a day. It's inspired by a Tumblr sentence prompt of "It's not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger." After UAO. Canon Divergence. Features a softer side to Stohn, like a comfort fic. Enjoy.
The glittery cave couldn't hide the sad sound of the hiccuping. Nine opens an eye and listens to the whimpering before he gently sat up in the sheets of the tattered cot and looked over his shoulder.
Their relationship was new, maybe only a month or so old.
A month since John touched down at the construction site of the Human Garde Academy and opened up about every single thing he was feeling. Lonely was the only word Nine remembered. John had asked him to help build the future and to heal alongside of him, seeing right through Nine's own ghosts the same way Nine watched the way those blue eyes lit up and dimmed over and over.
They were a match, a pair that was meant to cross and balance one another; fitting that the two that relied the most on the presence of the other, or even just another trusted person, isolated themselves to heal. Nine knew the changes he personally went through during the last days, but he could only speculate exactly how much of John was new. He was the only one who never pushed him to talk about it, never tried to step ahead of him and prevent him from working through his emotions in the way he felt he needed to; he drew the line when John's behaviors became self destructive to a point he no longer saw a future for himself.
Their reunion became a journey. Their journey brought them back to this desolate cave. This cave brought out every repressed feeling Nine felt towards John and every drop of him was met with the same splintering reaction from the other boy.
How Nine would continue to play games with himself of what pathetic, brave act he wanted to perform for everyone that he needed to impress or how Nine would rather hurt himself than admit he needed others.
How John shut out every other person that mattered to him up until those moment with Nine because he couldn't lose anyone else. How John almost gave up his life and everything in it in the name of his first, short lived relationship.
They pushed each other to talk, but it wasn't easy. Nine could barely put his emotions in words to himself and John stopped talking almost a year ago.
Touch became their communicator, but never in a harmful way. A careful hand on a shoulder or against an arm, a ruffle through hair and the lingering brush of thumb against a cheek.
From casual, brief touches to long, established contact, whether they overcome shyness to hold hands or embrace each other during the nights that the darkness of the cave becomes too much.
From hand and skin contact to the one night Nine couldn't hold back anymore and had to lean in to capture John's bliss against his lips.
Their bond became romantic shortly after they arrived here and argued endlessly about everything they should have said before, unpredicted but passionate moment underneath the stars a few miles above where they currently laid side by side, guided to whatever they wanted to label this by every piece that put it into place. When Nine couldn't bare to put off his feelings any longer, when that spark for John that died after his vanished came back full force when John first gently rested his palm against Nine's cheek and held his eyes during one of their softer fights.
Their relationship was new, young, but Nine still has since memorized the intensity of the nightmares by the sound of John's tears when he slept. He never cried when he was awake, just wore the dark, sunken bags under his eyes along his newly pale skin like they didn't exist.
John's back was to him, tensing instantly at the sound of Nine sitting up. Like he was terrified of being caught so vulnerable; the thought alone forced Nine to frown further. He struggls to remain still, shaking ever so slight with softer sobs as the blonde tried to turn into the soft pillows to cover his face.
"It's not bad to cry, you know," Nine starts quietly, moving a hand to rub along John's back. "Even the best people have to let themselves break into pieces, John."
The other Garde didn't respond, but his body seemed to melt under Nine's touch and after Nine's words.
"I think it makes a person stronger," he adds with a sad smile, hoping John would turn to see him. "I mean, that's what I keep telling myself when I feel like I finally have to cry."
John freezes beneath the tenderness of Nine's petting, then wilts against the sheets beneath him.
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you when you needed it," he said suddenly, his voice just above a whisper, trying to mask the way his words broke with the sound of his crying just seconds before.
"You can't do everything, John. You had other places to be, other things to worry about. I'm sorry I'm sort of bad at talking and being open," Nine retorts in a tone just as quiet, leaning down and pressing a kiss to John's hair. "I'm getting there, I'm far from perfect in this art, but you helped me get to where I want to learn how if it means I can be here like this with you. Maybe... that's what you can do. Maybe you should try to talk to me and tell me what these dreams are about, or what happens in them."
"You won't like it," John replies, closing his eyes and trying to turn from Nine. To close himself off once more from Nine, terrified of what ever things he saw in his dreams coming true. Terrified of letting himself go and letting someone else help him.
Nine moves his hand to John's side and turned the other boy to face him, laying down besides John and softly tracing his hand down John's arm and side. He moves his fingers up and nestles them in the hair at the base of his neck, running a thumb against John's neck to his chin. The blonde responds by leaning his forehead in against Nine's, unable to escape the comfort and safety Nine's touch brought out in him.
"I want to hear about it all," Nine urges, leaning and kissing his partner softly. "You can let me in too, John. I'm not the only one who needs help being free and that's ok."
John goes quiet, responding by opening his eyes and meeting Nine's with a sad glint, but his hand slowly moves up and plants itself on Nine's side, tightening against the skin to pull Nine closer to him. He takes a shaky breath.
"Promise?" He asks in a cracked voice. "No matter whatever the dreams are, or what is going on with me, you'll stay here."
"It'll take more than a couple of scares to drive me away from you, Number Four," Nine leans in and kisses John again but doesn't move to pull away immediately. They kiss quietly, pulling each other into a space only they could exist in. When Nine broke it again, he was barely a breath from John's lips when he spoke again.
"Nothing can push me away."
John let out another deep, shaky breath, but he doesn't try to move from Nine's contact.
"I won't lose you," he murmurs.
Nine smiles a little and kisses John's forehead, nose, cheeks.
"If you're scared you can't help me, I'm flattered but I'm ok and I will be ok. Right now, John, you need to be ok."
John nods once, barely, then lays an arm down against Nine's arm in a lazy cuddle, settling back a little so he could meet Nine's eyes. He holds Nine's eyes, the blue depth changing from sad to quiet determination.
Then, he started talking.