Mary found herself alone in a church. It took her a few minutes to realize she was in St Paul's Cathedral, and then another to figure out that she had finally fallen asleep after a lot of crying. Mary went on her knees and stared up at the stain glass depicting Jesus on the cross on the far window. She needed guidance, and she believed this was why her subconscious had brought her here. Mary was so tired of being angry, so tired of being so cautious, of being frightened. It was all just too much.
"Dear Lord, what do I do now?" Mary spoke to the stain glass as if expecting it to answer. "Is there really nothing for me in this earth? Am I not to be queen? There has to be a reason I was the only child of my parents to survive, you must have some great purpose for me" She bowed her head and began to sob. It was too much work to be so angry, she felt it eating at her every day, and she hated the thoughts that crossed through her mind daily. The most vivid one, the one that made her secretly smile sometimes, where she was queen and she would burn all heretics in the name of restoring the church. Mary knew she should not think such evil things, she should hope to convert the people without the shedding of blood, but this was what her anger was doing to her and it was slowly destroying her.
Mary sobbed harder this time, and buried her face in her hands.
"My sweet Mary, do not weep" Mary's head snapped up and her eyes widened when she saw her mother standing before her, alive, healthier and much younger than she looked in death.
"Mama" The words were barely a whisper, but Catherine smiled at her daughter, who was still frozen in place.
"You look troubled, my Mary" Catherine said extending her hands, It took less than a second for Mary to get up and run into her mother's awaiting arms. She knew it was a dream, but her mother felt as real as ever. Mary held on so tightly, her arms were tingling but she didn't care. She cried even harder, her tears falling unto Catherine's dress.
"Mama, I have missed you so much" She sobbed "I've been all alone. All those years, I tried, I tried so hard to come and see you, but he would not let me, nobody would let me" Catherine rubbed soothing circles on Mary's back until she calmed down. She led Mary to one of the benches and they both sat. Smiling sadly, she took Mary's chin in her hands.
"You need not explain anything, my love." She said gently "look at you." Catherine paused as she took in her daughter's appearance. The last time she had seen her Mary, she was still a child, only thirteen. "You've grown to be a beautiful young woman, and you are married now"
"I did not have a choice…"
"God has a reason for all things, don't fight it" Catherine said wiping away the fresh tears on Mary's cheek "You have such a bright future ahead of you Mary, but you need to let go of all that burdens you. You need to leave it all in God's hands and let his will be done."
"Accept my marriage to Tom Boleyn? Accept Anne as my step mother? Accept bastardry?"
"Do the right thing for yourself. Let yourself be happy. Be a good wife, if you must, be a good mother, and daughter. Do not let hate guide you my dearest Mary, the Lord himself says, to love your enemies"
Mary did not like the sound of succumbing to her enemies. Her eyebrows creased as she looked upon her mother.
"Mama, you want me to love the people that destroyed us?"
"No. never let them walk all over you, always stand up for yourself, but never be wicked or hateful" Catherine held Mary's hands "I have forgiven them all, not because I wanted to, but because it is the right thing to do. What goes around, surely comes around, Mary. Those who have harmed you would get their judgment, but it is up to God to avenge on your behalf. It is pointless to become just like your enemies."
"When will their time come? When will it all end?"
Catherine shook her head. "Do not let that become your concern, Mary. For I fear if you continue in that mentality, even if you become Queen like you wish, you might continue on a dark path." Catherine smiled gently and moved the hair away from her daughter's face. "What part of scripture did I write in the last letter you received from me?"
Mary thought about this. She remembered the letter well. It was a few months after her mother had been sent out of court, just before she was sent to Hatfield. Ambassador Chapuys had been able to smuggle that one letter from her mother.
""For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" Mary said and Catherine nodded her approval.
"Hold on to that. Be happy, patient and pure of heart, and everything would be alright, my darling" Catherine placed a kiss on Mary's forehead and just like that everything turned dark.
Mary opened her eyes to find herself back in her chambers. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Mary could still hear her mother's voice ringing in her hears, she could still feel the spot on her forehead where she had kissed her goodbye. It felt so real, though it was only a dream… or was it?
Feeling the goosebumps on her arms, Mary pulled the covers up to her chin and turned over. It was then that she saw Tom was missing…again. Curious, she slowly got out of bed and put on her robe. She wondered if he had slept again on the window seat. She hoped he hadn't, that was hardly comfortable, and for two nights in a row!
She remembered she had been crying the night before, and her face flushed when she realized he might have heard her. UGH! Mary felt shame warm her skin.
She got to the window seat and Tom wasn't there. He wasn't in their rooms at all. Mary wasn't sure where else he'd be, but she was sure there was nothing to worry about. Mary returned to bed planning to talk to Tom when she saw him in the morning.
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Morning came and with the help of her ladies, Mary got ready for the day. The day was bright and beautiful. She could see the River Thames just below her window, flowing gently; the people going about their day. She could hear children's laughter and the merchant's wives calling in customers. Today was the first day of the rest of her life. She had decided after tossing and turning all night that she would heed her mother's advice. She woke up this morning and took off the burden. She decided she would live her life and be happy. She would laugh because she wanted to, she would be silly for silly's sake and she would wait and see where life would take her.
Mary smiled into the mirror once Margaret was done fixing her hair.
"You look lovely today, my lady." Margaret said and Mary took her hands in hers in thanks.
"You say that to me every time, Madge, when you and I both know that you are only admiring your handwork" They both laughed
"That may be so," Margaret said sobering up "but today, there's a glow on your face. I'm happy for you"
Mary looked back into the mirror and she realized it was true. Her eyes were not sad anymore and that made all the difference to her appearance. Today was going to be a good day, she was sure.
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She walked into the outer chamber to join Tom on the dining table. He greeted her softly, but kept his eyes on his plate. Mary knew it was because of how she had went about things last night, how she had run away.
"I would like to try and be friends" Mary said, looking at him intently.
Tom stopped moving his knife and looked up at her, a bewildered look on his face.
"I thought about it, and you were right" Mary shifted in her sit. That would be the last time she would ever say that. "If I am to live the rest of my life in close proximity to you, we might as well be friendly"
Tom smirked at the way she put it. He dropped his knife and leaned back in his chair.
"Alright then. Friends it is, and as for my family–"
"As much as I'm trying here, I am not ready, nor will I ever be ready, to refer to Thomas Boleyn as a friend. It is impossible. I may speak cordially with Wilshire, though I doubt it. I am already getting to know Marianne-"
"Maryanne?" Tom cut in "Well, there you go, you are already friends" He was smiling and Mary shook her head furiously.
"No. I am getting to know her. She told me to call her Maryanne because it gets confusing having two Marys' " Tom nodded his in understanding.
"I reckon, that is as far as you would go"
Mary nodded.
"Anne and I will never be friends. I will try not to call her names though…not in front of you anyway"
His left eyebrow rose and Mary rolled her eyes a bit too much. "I meant all the time" Tom laughed out loud now and Mary smirked at that. She began eating her own breakfast as well, when she remembered Tom had not slept in their rooms the night before.
"You did not return last night. Where were you?" The question seemed to catch him off guard and it took him a second to reply.
"I was…around"
"Throughout the night?" She laughed. And then a thought of where he might have been occurred to her and she grinned wickedly. It was odd that she was grinning at this thought, but not a bone in Mary's body cared, she would rather it this way "If you have a mistress that is perfectly okay. Just don't tell me who it is. I do not want to know why one of those blonde women are mocking me. She is blonde isn't she? That's your type? "
Tom was utterly nonplussed.
"I knew it!" Mary said as though proud of herself "I just assumed with Malti's mother and all" Tom opened and closed his mouth, not exactly sure what to say until he eventually decided to let everything just go.
"Eat your breakfast, please Mary, and lets not ever have this conversation again" He is smiling and clearly embarrassed. Mary laughs
"It wasn't a conversation, I easily figured you out"
"Breakfast" He said tossing a grape at her causing her to laugh again. Tom looked at her amazed. She was like a completely different person. It was hard to imagine this was the same girl he had married at the tower only two months ago. Shaking his head, he went back to cutting up his cheese when Mary spoke again.
"Just one more thing. Just as long as it is not the Lady H–"
It was then that the doors opened, cutting Mary off. One of the queen's page boys– a distant cousin of his– ran into the room, almost out of breath.
"My lord Winchester, the Queen, she's losing the babe sire"
The color drained completely from Tom's face and before Mary could process his words, Tom was already running out of the room, the boy following. Mary sat in shock. Margaret walked into the room, their eyes met, both not sure what to do.
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Tom nearly ran into his father as he skidded into a halt in front of the queen's chambers. His heart racing and still trying to catch his breath, he asked his father to recount what had happened.
"Mary said she had a sleepless night and she awoke with pains. I was just about to go into a meeting with Master Cromwell when she comes running into my office." Thomas Boleyn is clearly annoyed as he pulled at his greying hair and returns to his pacing. Tom flinches when he hears Anne's agonizing screams. It seemed more a howl of pain, something very animalistic and Tom was sure it was not because of the pain her body was feeling, but the thought of what was happening. His stomach clenched and he balled his fist, a reflex of his when he was nervous.
"Who's in there with her? Is the doctor helping her?" Tom asked, but Thomas Boleyn dismissed his question with a wave of his hand.
"We need to find ways to solve this if she does lose the child. I will perhaps send for Elizabeth, to surprise the King and remind him that Anne is capable of having children. For some women, it is the first pregnancy they lose, for Anne it is the second, the king will forgive her, after all he gave the Spanish witch nineteen years' worth of chances" Boleyn was mostly talking to himself, and Tom could only stare with wide eyes. There was nothing in his speech that mentioned Anne's wellbeing. Was It just him or has his father always operated this way?
Tom didn't get the chance to figure out the answer just yet, as the doors opened and Elizabeth Boleyn walked out, tears in her eyes and her dress slightly stained with blood.
"We could not save it." She said quietly. Her eyes were downcast as her husband yelled obscenities and punch the nearest wall. Tom ignored him as he could hear his sister's cries from outside the door.
"Mother, will Anne be alright?" Elizabeth wipes her tears and nodded her head. She was unable to speak at the moment. Yes, it was true that women lost pregnancies and babies died, but they all had hope for this one. They all wanted to see a Boleyn son be born, just so that Anne would be safe, so that they would all be safe.
"We'll discuss her later" Thomas Boleyn interrupted "Tom you must got to the king immediately. Cromwell's boy is already heading there. He must hear the news from your mouth"
Tom looked at his mother once more, hoping whatever emotions he was showing would comfort her for now. He turned the corner and hurried to the King's presence chamber. He thought about what he would say, and he tried to imagine what would be said to him, no, it would probably be yelled at him.
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So far it seemed as if the king was taking the news quite well. Tom dared assume it was because he was used to hearing news like this. His mind took him back to the day the king announced to the court Anne was expecting. One would think that a man that has been in this situation too many times would not care to be excited for the child until it quickened, but not the king. Tom realized that while he was a hard man, stubborn and indulgent, King Henry also fell in love so quickly. Now, how deeply he loved could be debated but the prospect of a child, of a new lover, of a new game, always put the biggest smile and loudest laugh on his mouth.
"I will not be made a fool of" Henry said darkly. It was the first thing he had said since Tom broke the news. "Your sister promised me a son, and she WILL hold on to that promise!" The sound of the king's chalice colliding against the desk caused Tom to clench his jaw and sit up straighter. He thought about his words carefully before he spoke.
"Your merciful Highness, as you and I know, these things unfortunately happen to our women." He began "My mother had two between Anne and I and then a couple before she had Mary and then George. My sister has proved that she can have a healthy babe in the Princess Elizabeth. I assure you the next time, it would be a prince for sure. A healthy prince."
Henry stared at the man sitting across from him. It was only for a few seconds, but it seemed to Tom like hours that he was under the scrutiny of the king. After though, Henry nodded his head in understanding and then with a flick of his fingers dismissed Tom from the room.
When Tom reached the doors to leave, Henry stopped him.
"Your wife was also evidence that her mother could bear healthy children." Tom met his hard gaze and once the king looked away from him, he had to force his now heavy legs to walk out of the room. There was no doubt about it. The King had just threated them.
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"It was that witch of a girl, no doubt about it" Thomas Boleyn said "If we can prove to the king that her presence and attention in court is causing you a lot of stress, then he would have no choice but to send her away."
Elizabeth Boleyn said nothing as she watched her father pacing the room and trying to come up with a plan with her Brother, the Duke.
She was sitting by her daughter's large bed, holding her hand in hers, while Maryanne placed a cool cloth on Anne's forehead.
The men were talking to Anne, but Anne was not listening. Anne was in tears. Anne was heartbroken. Anne did not want to talk strategy or come up with plots, she wanted to cry for her dead baby, her baby that did not even get to grow. They could not even tell if it was a girl or a boy, it had lived for such a short time, however formless it was, it was still her child.
"The doctor said the king can bed you again by St. David's day, a day to honor a saint, that can only mean well" Her father continued, but Anne only stared at the window behind her mother, as silent tears fell from her eyes.
The chamber doors opened, and Anne tried to sit up as fast as she could, but her efforts had been in vain. It was only her brother, not her husband, the person she had been hoping to see all day.
"How did the king take it?" Boleyn and Norfolk pounced on him the moment he stepped into the room. Tom looked at his mother and sisters and shrugged slightly.
"As well as possible." He said "He is assured that more will follow, and is presently focused on completing a deal with Scotland" He would not mention the threat. Not now, especially when Anne was still hurting. There would be time to plan, but right now was not it. "Father let it rest for tonight. Let Anne recover and then together we will figure something out" Surprisingly enough Boleyn agreed. He mumbled a goodnight to Elizabeth and his children and he and the Duke were off to God knows where.
Tom walked closer to the bed, his mother getting up so he could take the sit closest to Anne.
"Hey Annemarie" Anne teared up some more when she met his sad gaze.
"Truly, tell me Tom, how did he take it, and do not try to spare my feelings" Tom sighed and moved some loose strands away from her face.
"As I said." Tom replied, tough he highly doubted he'd believe him "Okay. He mentioned the promise, but that was it. He understands that this happens Anne. This is a small hiccup. Next time, everything will go well"
"I cannot fail, Tom" Anne said "I cannot, I just can't"
Tom gathered her hands in his and squeezed them gently. "You won't"
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By the time he returned to his chambers, he was drained and utterly exhausted. The entire day had basically passed. Anne was now asleep, thanks to some tonic from the doctor, Mary would stay with her through the night. It was after Anne had fallen asleep that Tom decided to return to his own chambers.
Mary was in the same spot he left her on the dining table. She had obviously moved from there because now she was in her night clothes and her hair was let down.
"Is she well?" Mary asked. Her voice was flat and devoid of any emotion. Tom looked at her for half a second, not decided what her reaction would be.
"She lost the babe." He said. Mary's face did not change, but as she was about to open her mouth he stopped her "Don't say anything, Mary. I'm not sure I want to know how you feel about this" He walked past her and toward the chair directly in front of the fire place. He relaxed into it, avoiding facing Mary and focusing on the dancing flames before him.
"If you think I feel joy, you are wrong. I would never wish ill for an innocent soul. Believe it or not, I actually love my sister, Elizabeth." Mary told him as she came around and stood behind him. She gingerly placed her hand on his shoulder, her weak attempt to comfort him.
"I am sorry for your loss" Her voice was gentle. Tom reached for her hand and took it in his. Her palm was soft, her fingers small. They were not like every noble woman's hands, Mary's had begun to toughen up just the slightest from her years of hard work. He gave it a little squeeze in thanks and did not let go.
"I'm sorry too" Tom said. It was silent then. Tom lost in his thoughts about how his family would solve this and regain some favor from the king before Anne gets pregnant again.
Mary on the other hand was thinking about her dream she had of her mother. She thought about all the times her mother was mocked for being 'childless'. Nothing about this situation pleased her, but Mary could not help the tiny spec of joy that came with hearing her mother's adversary had suffered a fate similar to her mother's. With her other hand Mary crossed herself. Then, looking down at the man sitting before her, she placed her free hand above his.
It was true indeed. What goes around, comes around.
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Thanks so much for reading guys, I really appreciate it. As you can see things would be picking up a bit from here, can't wait to hear what you all have to say about this chapter. Have a lovely week. ValleyDew