I continued to try to avoid Edward in the house. It was harder as Carlisle and Esme kept moving him around, trying to include him in the family.

"Mom?" I heard as I came down the stairs. Hunting and fist-fighting had somehow increased my resistance to that second hunger so I wasn't caught off-guard by his scent. I was by the words though.

Esme was at his side in less than a second. "Yes, Edward? What is it?" She had a huge smile on her face. She hadn't heard or seen me.

I tried addressing him this time. "Yes, baby?" I asked.

"Love Mom," he murmured.

"I know you do, baby." I turned and walked away from Esme's crestfallen face. Once outside I was able to breathe more easily.

She came to me again on the lawn. "Why does he call you mom?" she asked me.

"Because he's stuck in Rosemarie's mind." I hadn't told any of them. I took a moment to dredge what I could from those shadowy human memories. "When I came he asked who was thinking about Jacob. Of course we were all thinking about Edward, except the baby. She had always responded to Jacob. And then when he asked who was thirsty, I was certain. I was craving because she was. Rosalie told me he was muttering about needing out and loving mom. It was all Rosemarie. And somehow, when he bit me, he got stuck there. He called me mom as I lay burning too."

Esme didn't answer but stared at me agape. "I need to tell Carlisle about this. Why doesn't he respond to Rosemarie then? He's met her. We don't see her anymore. She was too upset after the last couple of visits and Jacob stopped bringing her here. I couldn't blame him. Sometimes Carlisle or I will visit at the cottage, but usually it's just Rosalie. She's there almost everyday."

"I'm glad. That's why I named her Rose, after all." The little girl that wasn't mine. She belonged to Rosalie and Jacob now. "I miss Jacob."

"Why don't you go visit them?" Esme suggested.

I shook my head. "Rosemarie gets upset around me too."

"You're her mother, Bella. You should see her." Esme put an arm around me.

I continued to shake my head. "I was her mother. I'm not anymore." I shrugged off Esme's arm and went to hunt.

Emmett got tired of fighting with me. Truth be told, he got tired of losing to me. I'd gotten faster with practice. But more importantly, I'd gotten more clever. It was less and less of a challenge and we spent more time straight-up wrestling, which I always won.

"It's not my fault I'm a newborn," I complained when he whined that I'd ripped his arm off. I had, but it wasn't like it didn't fix easily enough.

"Try me," Rosalie said with a smirk.

"All right!" I cheered jumping off the ground to launch myself at her. She was much faster than Emmett. She ran up a tree and rather than follow I kicked the base to knock it down. Emmett laughed as Rose had to jump to catch another trunk. I was half way up that one when she jumped again.

I chased her through boughs, jumping from one tree to the next. It was so close to flying. But I wasn't gaining on her at all. I needed to be smarter. I climbed as I ran, trying to get above her. She climbed too when she noticed what I was doing. When she was swinging on the tender tops I jumped ahead and kicked the tree she was in, breaking the tip off. I tangled with her on our way to the ground. We both laughed at the needles and branches flying in our wake.

Rosalie wasn't around to spar with often, but we were well matched when she did. I was stronger, when I managed to catch her, but that wasn't often.

The weather was warming and my second thirst was getting stronger. I started to snap when I found Carlisle or Esme with Edward in the family room.

"Why can't you keep him in his room? Why do you taunt me?"

"Mom? Don't hurt mom."

"Shut up!" I screamed at him and ran from the room.

Carlisle came to Edward's room where I had holed myself. I was in the process of destroying the netting by separating each individual thread. I was a good three inches in when Carlisle knocked. "Go away."

"Please?"

"Oh fine, come in. It's your house." I pulled three more threads from the net.

"Can't you help us, Bella?"

I tore the net in half, so much for my careful work. "What do you want me to do? Bring him up here and have my way with him again? I can't sit and talk with him, Carlisle. You've seen how effective that is. He's a child. He's trapped himself in a child's mind."

"Marie doesn't have a child's mind," he told me.

"What?"

"Her thoughts were simple because she didn't have experience. She has an adult mind. She has shown it many times to Rosalie and Jacob. She reads and writes. She understands musical theory and writes her own compositions. She is extremely intelligent. But before she was born she would only know you and Jacob."

"So, why don't you get Rosemarie to help him? Let him back into her mind so he can think again?"

"She's tried." Carlisle sighed heavily. "She held his head for hours, trying to reach into his mind. She said that he was empty."

"He is. I don't know where he went, Carlisle, but he isn't in there anymore."

Carlisle hung his head. "I know. Don't you still love him, Bella? Doesn't that make you want to help him?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "I told you how he hurt me. He killed me Carlisle. He took my baby from me. Not tried to, did. She isn't my baby even if she were a baby, which she isn't. She hates me. I don't even know her and she hates me. I don't blame her. She thinks I did this to Edward."

"But, don't you want him to get better?" Carlisle continued to plead with me.

"No. I want him to burn. I want to take everything from him just like he took it from me." The words were empty though, because they weren't true. There was enough of my human self left to love Edward. I screamed my frustration. I couldn't let him hurt me again.

"I see. I'm sorry, Bella." He got up and walked away.

"Bring him here," I muttered.

He turned to me, surprised.

"Bring him here. I've resisted just about as long as I can anyway. Don't hold me responsible for what you get on the other side though."

"Of course not. He would probably follow you up. It might be better that way."

My lip curled at that thought. I followed him downstairs anyway. I walked up to Edward. He raised his black eyes to my face but seemed to look right through me. Like he was looking at some ghost of me. Maybe it was my ghost, my human soul. "Mom?" he asked.

"Come with me." I said and turned. He rose from the couch and I heard a couple of gasps. I climbed the stairs quickly, but I didn't run. He didn't seem capable of speed and I was sure that if I got too far he'd go comatose again. His smell already had me burning to take him. I felt sick with myself. I needed to find a way to shut my brain away.

I opened the door to his room and walked to the netting I had destroyed. I rolled it quickly and wrapped it over his eyes. Maybe it would be easier when I couldn't see them.

"Love mom." His hands found me now and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't have any trouble shutting my brain down as it turned out.

I came downstairs feeling like the monster I was.

"Any change?" Carlisle asked.

I shrugged. "He was... more engaged this time. But he still doesn't say anything of interest. And he didn't move when I got up." I closed my eyes and breathed in the smells around me. My head had been full of sex so long that it was a relief to smell something else. I'd been indulging myself for a solid week. I imagined the family was starting to worry for Edward's safety with me. "What is the date?" I asked.

"June 12." Alice answered. "You made it Bella. Graduation was yesterday."

I looked up and silently thanked Edward for distracting me through the most dangerous day of the year. "Thank you, Alice."

"Come, Jasper wants a chance to spar with you too."

I laughed. "Everyone wants their turn to kick the newborn. Is that it?"

She laughed too. "I don't think so."

I met Jasper in the clearing near the Hoh forest station. "You were looking for me?" Alice sat high in one of the trees, watching us.

"Yes. Rosalie tells me you've been improving. I wanted to see for myself."

I sighed and prepared for an ass-kicking. I crouched and watched for Jasper's move.

It didn't come. We stood opposite each other for two hours. I refused to make the first move and apparently he did too. "Just take her, Jas," Alice called from the tree top.

He lunged then and I whirled. I evaded his teeth and grabbed his waist from behind spinning him away from me. Then I crouched and waited for his return.

He circled the clearing and I turned to follow him. He tried the same trick I had with Emmett, flying at me. I ducked him and jumped landing atop him. I put my lips to his neck as I knelt on his back. "Wow, got ya."

"Yay! Go Bella!" Alice cheered.

"You are very patient," Jasper mused. "Too patient."

"You got me on a good day for patience," I told him as I released my hold. "I have just been sated. I can wait a very long time right now."

"A year?" he asked.

I felt a pang. I had missed graduation. I still wanted to fill my album. The monster in me still wanted those kills. "Yes, a year."

"You can wait longer," he assured me. "You can wait forever."

I closed my eyes and tried to let the idea go. It wouldn't dissipate. "No, not forever."

He nodded. "Well, I have nothing to show you today. You don't fight like a newborn, that's for sure."

I laughed. "Good. Maybe I'll have to find some wolves to take me on instead."

He laughed with me.

Alice took me shopping with her. I got to drive. It was the first time I'd been behind the wheel since my conversion. I started at my normal highway pace. "Are you kidding me, Bella?"

I looked at her and put my foot down a little further. We gained more speed, then more, and more. We were flying soon and my grin was as wide as hers. It was fun to go fast. My reactions were so quick that everything seemed slow in comparison. At this speed it was actually possible to keep up with myself. I would see something and it would be gone. Instead of seeing it and having time to size up everything about it. It was exhilarating, like running. I loved to run. The wind in my hair was missing in the car. I mentioned this to Alice.

"That's no problem. We'll get you a convertible."

I laughed and pulled in to a shopping center in Olympia. Alice took me through all manner of shops, as she loved to do. I was bored to tears. Then she let me loose in a giant Barnes and Noble. I went ape and brought home enough to fill a bookcase.

"You're sure no one will mind?" I had replaced all my Austen, and picked up several new series as well. Lucy Maud Montgomery took a noted place in my collection. The bill had been rather horrendous to my mind.

"No! If anything they should be embarrassed we didn't have some of these before." She picked up a book of Shakespeare sonnets. "You're sure Edward doesn't have this one?" she asked.

"I couldn't find it. He has some of his other works, but not the complete sonnets." I was flying toward home.

"Hmm, well, if you need a new shelf or bookcase, let Esme know."

I laughed. I would never think to deny Esme the chance to decorate.

"I do wish I'd had the chance to do your wedding," she complained picking up one of my newer novels. A woman in a wedding dress graced the cover.

I snorted. "Yeah, well, with parents like mine, marriage wasn't exactly high on the to-do list."

"I saw you marrying Edward more than once."

I focused on the road as my thoughts raced. She had? When? Was I human? Why was she telling me this? "You did?"

"Yes. Before we left. He has a ring for you. His mother's. I saw him try to propose to you several times. He must have seen it too. That's probably why he never did."

"Why?" I asked with a smile now. "How did I react? Badly, I'm sure." I laughed.

She laughed too. "Yes. In most you fainted. Then slapped him when you woke up. Sometimes you just said flat out, no. He hated those ones the most. Especially when you followed up with 'are you nuts?'"

I laughed loudly. "Yep, sounds about right. Renee would be appalled if I married before I turned thirty."

"Well, then I guess you never will."

We both laughed at that.

After sating my sexual hunger, I was much more capable of enduring Edward's endless presence in the house. I still had the undeniable urge to rip every piece of clothing from him, but I could resist it. I even addressed him from time to time.

He sat between Emmett and Jasper as they played another video game. "Is that actually fun?" I had to ask.

"Is reading girly books?" Emmett asked.

I stuck out my tongue at him. "Well, make sure you give Edward a turn too, Jasper. Emmett should get to win sometimes."

"You are going to pay newbie." Emmett dropped his controller and jumped up.

Edward stepped between us. "Don't hurt Mom," he told Emmett.

"Edward?" Emmett asked. Jasper rose to stand with them too.

"He wasn't going to hurt me, Edward. Now be a good boy and let him kick your butt at his little game." I teased.

Edward sat back down.

"He spoke to me," Emmett said. "He hasn't spoken to anyone but you before."

I shrugged. "Maybe I'll abuse him more later." I ruffled Edward's hair and a smile came to his face.

I turned to Carlisle who had come to stand behind me. "He spoke to Emmett?" he verified.

"Yes. Told him not to hurt me. Just like a good boy." I gave Edward a mocking smile.

"You are having an effect on him, Bella. Will you continue to work with him?"

I snickered. Then I chuckled. I looked to Emmett. "He means what I think he means, doesn't he?"

"You are sick, Bella. Sick." But his smile wasn't condemning.

"Yes, Carlisle. I will 'work' with Edward again. Anything else you want me to try?"

"Take him hunting?"

My mouth fell open. "Are you serious? You want to let him out of the house? With me? Where's Alice?"

"Here!" she called and appeared. "You can do it Bella. He will feed, but not right away. You'll have to, encourage him. Lead the horse to water so to speak."

"Lovely. All right. Edward, come with Mommy. We're going to find you something to eat." I rolled my eyes at Alice and Carlisle. The first giggled, the second smiled. I was pretty sure the humour was lost on Carlisle who was simply smiling because Edward was following me.

I took Edward's arms and wrapped them around my shoulders. "Hold on, Baby. I'm going to jump."

His arms tightened and I leaped the river bank. "Love Mom," he said when I landed.

"Does that mean you liked that?" I didn't look over my shoulder and he didn't answer. I kept him latched on to me as I ran now. He couldn't run properly any more, having gone so long without feeding.

I diverted from my path when I picked up a familiar scent. "Jacob?" I asked.

"Jacob?" Edward answered.

I rolled my eyes and groaned, following the wolf scent. I tracked for several miles before losing the scent at a river. The wolf must have swam. I sighed and followed the river's bank, hoping to find something drinking.

I was in luck. I found several deer on the shore. I put Edward down and turned to face him. "Baby. Mommy knows you're thirsty. Go drink, okay?" I turned him to the deer.

"Thirsty," he murmured and ran for the deer. He caught the slowest. He wasn't very fast at all. He fell on the deer rather than lifting it. The injured animal managed to shake him off once but was too hurt to get far. Edward finished it off. It was the most ungainly kill I had seen. But he finished it. It was probably the first blood he'd had since he found out I was pregnant. That was almost a year ago now. I couldn't imagine what that did to him.

I approached slowly, not wanting to startle him. Who knew what having blood in his system would do? He looked at me, not past me. His eyes had a shade of brown to them. "Edward?"

"Mom?" He wasn't himself. I hadn't expected that much after one deer.

"Still thirsty? Should we find another?"

"Thirsty." He stood up and came behind me, putting his arms around my shoulders. "Love Mom."

"I love you too, Edward."

I ran on looking for something equally easy for his second kill.

After a few failed attempts I was sitting with Edward, watching a woodpecker slowly extracting termites from a fir tree.

"Love Mom."

I ignored Edward, watching the bird. It had a red streak on the back of its head. I smelled Alice approaching. I wasn't surprised. She'd know I was getting discouraged.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, Alice."

"You got him to eat something," she said with a bright smile and ruffled Edward's hair. He leaned into her at the affectionate touch. "Are you still thirsty, Edward?" she asked.

"Yes, thirsty," he said. He didn't use baby-speak, where a person intentionally pitches their voice higher. It was his normal voice, just simpler. It was the same voice that would have said, "Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly, do you?" Only now he said "thirsty." It was hardly surprising I was discouraged.

He also didn't act like a baby. When he leaned into Alice it was just as I would have looked for support from a friend. When he was with me, he was anything but a baby, he wasn't even a boy. I couldn't even call what we did the last time 'using' him. His mind may have been gone, but some instinct had obviously survived the trauma.

It was very disconcerting to have so much of Edward sitting here next to me, but that vital piece - his mind - missing. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. I was abruptly being mounted. I pushed him off and he flew a little way before landing gracefully on his feet.

"Sorry, Mom."

"Another time, alright, baby?" I told him while still convulsing. That was revolting. One thing hadn't changed, I wanted to be the initiator. My hate had definitely waned, but my need to be in charge had only intensified. I was still afraid of Edward. Obviously, in his current state, I could have dismembered him before he managed to say "mom." And yet I was still sure the day would come that he would hurt me again.

"Bella?" Alice asked, her face full of concern.

"I'm all right. Just. Don't want that right now."

"I see. Well, would you like me to try for a while? Edward? Would you like to hunt with me?" She looked to him where he stood a short distance from us.

"Mom."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." I finally rose. "Come on, Edward. Let's find something lamed."

"Lamed?" Alice asked.

"He's had three deer escape him. He's as slow as a human, Alice. I'm hoping that's just the lack of blood in his system, but he's not having any luck catching anything. I thought I'd try to lame them first."

"Yes. That will work." She spoke with certainty. "Did you want me to tag along for a while?"

"Yes." Relief flooded the word. I was desperate for better company than Edward. We'd been at this for days.

She giggled. "Carlisle was thrilled that you did this. He has tried to feed Edward before but it has never been very successful."

"Feed him? Donated blood?"

Alice shook her head. "No, Jacob told us how he drained meat for you. We did that. It still didn't do any good. He wouldn't drink it. He has really only responded to you, Bella. The rest of us could be furniture as far as he's concerned."

Edward followed us at a human pace. I didn't bother running; I wanted the time with Alice. "Well, that seems to be improving at least."

"Only because you're around. If you ran off right now, he'd just stop and stand. I would be nothing to him." Her voice was so sad, pained.

"He's getting better, Alice. Though I wonder why I bother. Jacob is still going to want his ashes at the other end."

"Carlisle plans to move when he's better. He's really only staying for Rosemarie."

"Rosemarie? I thought they never saw her?"

"Not much, no. But she's growing too fast. He wants to know when or if it will stop. He's very curious about her. Rosalie is reluctant to move for the same reason. Of course, Carlisle has told her she could just stay behind and visit us wherever we go."

"He's really good at busting up the family isn't he?" I commented.

Alice laughed. "He has a knack." We walked a little farther. "Keep leading him toward that group of deer. I'm going to lame one." The scent had just reached us.

I nodded and stopped to let Edward catch up. "Edward. There are some deer ahead. Do you smell them?"

He nodded and smiled.

"Can you run to them?"

He pumped his legs and jogged like a human toward the smell. I closed my eyes and wished I could cry. I ran ahead of him to where Alice had lamed one of the deer, the largest doe. She was trying to limp away, but Edward wasn't far anymore. "Faster, Edward," I encouraged. "She's getting away." He managed an extra turn of speed. It was still a human sprint but I was impressed he'd managed that much. He still didn't lift his kill, but he didn't fall on her either. Bending over the animal he drained her quickly and let her fall.

Alice and I stood nearby, waiting to see the result.

"Good." His voice was warmer. His eyes were a little lighter, a little more focused on us. "More."

"We'll find you some more, Edward." I assured him. "Run with me?" I didn't actually run, but jogged at my pace. He was able to keep up. I sighed with relief. Each consecutive kill would be easier now.

Alice turned us back in the direction of the house. We'd ranged out pretty far. She lamed an elk this time, and Edward had been able to catch that as well. "I need to go, Bella. You'll be all right?"

"I'll be fine Alice. We'll be back at the house tomorrow, probably." I didn't know if this would work as well when I had to lame the kill. I didn't want to leave Edward out of my sight.

"Of course. You are going to stop for some reason, I can't understand why, but you'll be home tomorrow."

I tried two more groups of deer, but they'd both spooked before I got close enough to lame them without losing Edward. It was while I was looking for a third attempt that I came across the strange but familiar smell of cherry and rain. I followed it and found Rosemarie stripping meat from an elk carcass.

"Hello?" I said, trying not to startle her.

"Hello. Oh, Edward." She approached us then.

"Mom?" Edward asked.

"Edward, this is Rosemarie. You've met her before."

"He's better," she mused coming toward us.

"A little. He's eaten something. I see you have too. Is this your normal diet?"

Rosemarie appeared six or seven. She was actually just over a year. I didn't even think of her as my daughter. My baby was taken from me. This girl was Jacob's. Her bronze curls fell to her waist but were tied back. She was dressed simply in jeans and a tee.

She looked over her shoulder. "Yes. Jacob likes me to eat human food, but I prefer blood."

"Human?" I asked.

She wrinkled her nose. "Yes. That tastes the best, but I know I'm not supposed to hurt people. I've never actually had any. I've had wolf a number of times." She blushed as she said it.

"Jacob?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes."

"Jacob?" Edward mimicked.

Rosemarie came up to him cautiously. "He still isn't in there, is he?"

I shook my head. "He still thinks he's you. Well, something like that. He got stuck in your infant mind." I looked at Edward and smiled, making him smile back. "He only really responds to me. Watch." I ran from his sight, hiding in the trees behind him.

Rosemarie stepped up to him cautiously. He didn't seem to see her. She jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist so she could touch his face. I wondered what she was showing him. Regardless, he didn't answer. At first.

"Mom!" he said happily, stretching a hand past Rosemarie. She jumped down. I came out of the trees, but was still behind him. He turned, probably at my scent. "Mom." He hugged me and his hands started to roam my back as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck. "Mom," he murmured.

"Sit, Edward. I'm going to talk with Rosemarie some more."

He obeyed and I took Marie a little distance from him. Enough that I felt more comfortable. I sat on what remained of her elk. She climbed into my lap. "It's nice to have you back, Mom."

I froze. "What do you mean?"

She put her hand to my cheek and I couldn't see anything, but I could hear. I could hear me laughing with Jacob. Talking with Quil. Comforting Alice. Loving my bump. She was telling me that I was like I used to be.

"Hmm, maybe I can visit Jacob again."

She hissed.

"Not like that. Not that I wouldn't like to," I admitted, "but he's yours. I understand that. He wouldn't want me, for all that I want him. But he can be my friend again. I miss him so much."

Rosemarie touched my face and I felt Jacob hugging her, kissing her forehead and cheek as he tucked her into bed.

"Thank you." I felt pricking in my eyes and realized I was trying to cry. "I'm so sorry you never met your father." I looked to Edward now. He was sitting staring blankly. "I'm bringing more of him out. Hopefully one day you can."

Her hand was on my cheek again, replaying Jacob. "That filthy bloodsucker. I swear, if it weren't for the fact that Bella has every right to be the one to torch his ass, I'd take him apart right now."

"Please, Jacob. We'll keep him contained. He isn't a threat to anyone right now." Carlisle was trying to reason with him.

The perspective turned and I remembered I was seeing through Marie's eyes. She was looking up at Rosalie now. "Don't worry, Marie. We're going to make sure you get to meet your Daddy."

"He was a threat to Bella. He killed her! I'm going to kill him!" And Jacob was gone from sight. I heard the familiar sound of metal grinding as Rosalie kissed my cheek and urged me not to worry.

Jacob came back down the stairs. "Keep him here. If I see him outside this house, I'll burn the pieces."

Jacob took me from Rosalie and carried us away.

I blinked as my own vision cleared. I nodded. "I understand. I wanted him dead so badly too. I don't anymore. I love him, Rosemarie. I always have. Alice is talking about us leaving when and if I can bring him back. Would you like that? Would you like knowing that your father is in his right mind out there somewhere, even if you never saw him?"

"Yes," she said with tears in her eyes, the tears I was trying to shed but no longer had. I kissed them and felt my lips burn on her cheek.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry I lost myself. I love you." And I did. She was suddenly mine again. And I wasn't going to keep her this time either. She was going to go back to Jacob, my Jacob.

"I love you, Mom," she whispered as she hugged me.

Larger arms held both of us. "Love you," Edward whispered.

I looked into Rosemarie's eyes. She looked shaken. I punched Edward, knocking him on his butt. I smiled at her, never looking to him. "Sorry about that."

She laughed. "I better go. Jacob will wonder where I am, and he can't see Edward."

I nodded. "I'll come visit you, if you don't mind."

She shook her head. "I won't mind at all." She jumped down and ran away from us. She was as graceful as Edward too. Well, as graceful as Edward was.

"Should we find you something to drink, baby?" I asked him.

"Love you," he said again, approaching carefully.

"Oh, did I hurt you? You were making Rosemarie uncomfortable."

"Love you," he repeated, coming closer.

I smiled at him. "I suppose this is as good a time as any."

"Love you," he said again, his hands finding me as I smiled tenderly at him.

I have an entry in the Canon Fodder challenge. Voting at .net/forum/Twilight_Canon_Fodder_Forum/74762/ stories at .net/u/2277143/

Thanks to my betas CullenObsession and Sharebear. Thanks to all the great people who have been writing with me on Gchat. Apologies for writing too damn much to read it all. Hehe. I say this as I went on a posting spree and launched 10 chapters of Twisted Fate in the last few days. I'll go back to regular posting now.

November 10/10: I don't usually mention stories, but rereading the first chapter and the Bif lyric, I thought I'd also mention Rise Against, Savior. This part of the story (right to the end) always springs to my mind when I hear it:

if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know
that's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have