ANOTHER update? Yeah, yeah. This chapter turned out NOTHING like it originally was supposed to, but in a strange way I had a lot of fun with it. And I can't lie...there's some serious OOCness on behalf of one of them. But I mean, it's not really their fault, so you'll survive. :P
Sooooo thank you to anonymous, MissG2020, jayjai107, DarkPhoenixSaga, child who is cool, and Goku's Daughter for the reviews! And I forgot to mention this last chapter, but thank you to Ryuu Jaganshi who basically reminded me to get busy and keep going with this. Otherwise it honestly might have been delayed another couple weeks. :O
So, yes. You're all awesome. GO YOU!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Boondocks.
Twenty One
On the morning of Sunday, February seventh, the now twenty one year old Huey Freeman lifted his head from his pillow to greet the new day. To bask in the glory of being a year old, a year wiser. To appreciate the joy of knowing that-
"I don't feel like listening to goddamn "Big Poppa" on repeat, Jazmine! Dang!" he yelled hoarsely before sneezing, rolling back over and tugging the blankets over his head. "This is…bullshit."
Or not.
Because irony was so, so cruel, it had chosen to let Huey get sick for probably the first time in forever. He supposed that his immune system crapping out on him while he still had insurance would have been asking too much. He suspected that getting sick during a time period that wasn't around his birthday would have also been asking too much. In fact, he was sure that the universe just hated him. As much as he hated the fact that Jazmine was blasting Biggie at eight in the morning.
He was genuinely glad that she'd gotten more into black music, but really?
"Sorry." Jazmine poked her head in the door, frowning. She was holding a steaming mug of tea and had on a light blue face mask which muffled her voice. She'd taken to wearing it from the first moment he'd sneezed nearly ten days before. Unlike him she probably got sick at least every other month. And given the current…circumstances, that might not have been the best thing. "I got excited. I love that song!"
"Along with the rest of America." He started to say something else but instead threw the covers over his head to block his sneezing fit. She winced, her frown deepening.
"Huey, you've been sick for over a week." She flopped down on the end of the bed, mindful of the used up tissues that were scattered over the covers. She handed him the mug, which he took while giving her a nod of thanks. "And you're not getting any better."
"I'm fine," he mumbled, sniffing and setting the cup aside. "I'm just…tired."
"Huey, Whitney Houston is "just tired"." She gestured to him. "You're…you're just done." When he glared at her in response she grabbed the thermometer off the nightstand and held it out towards him, giving him a look. He sighed, popping it in his mouth and rolling over onto his side again. "Thank you."
His shoulders shrugged. She sighed, offering his back a tiny smile. Too bad he couldn't see it.
"Sooo. Guess what today is?"
He glanced over his shoulder at her, pointing to the thermometer still sticking out his mouth and gave her a "duh" look. She rolled her eyes, sighing.
She felt bad. She couldn't help it! After all, he had school and two full time jobs now and the stress of it was probably what got him sick in the first place. And it wouldn't even have to be that way if she weren't-
"Sunday."
She looked up, glancing at him as he took the thermometer out since it was beeping.
"Well, you told me to guess." He shrugged. "Today's Sunday."
"No. Well, yes, but besides that, smarty pants." She stuck out her tongue, even if he couldn't see it from behind her mask. "What else?"
"The eleventh amendment to the constitution was ratified."
She blinked. "…Wait, what?"
"Haiti's first democratically elected president was sworn in."
"How do you even know all this?"
"Jazmine, you and I are both aware it's my birthday." He sighed before letting out a sneeze. "Your point?"
She blinked. "Did you make all that other stuff up?"
"No."
"Oh…" She shook her head. "Well, aren't you excited?"
"Oh, yes." He grabbed a tissue, proceeding to go into a series of coughs that made her eyes narrow. She snatched the thermometer back from him, studying it. "It is riveting."
"When did your chest start crackling like that?" she asked him, giving him a worried look.
"Huh?" He looked genuinely confused. Then again, the poor guy looked so out of it there wasn't much a surprise there. "What are you-" He broke off as she let out a tiny yell, her eyes widening as she stared down at the flashing digital numbers.
"One hundred four point six?" She shot him a horrified look. "That's even worse than before you started taking the Tylenol days ago! Huey, that's worse than yesterday! And the day before that!" She paused, looking close to hyperventilating. "And the day before that!"
"And that would be my eardrum." He shrugged listlessly, coughing into another tissue and sighing tiredly. "It's no big deal-" He gave her a grossed out look as she grabbed his tissue from him, opening it and examining its contents. "Oh, that's disgusting, Jazmine-"
"Shut up." She tossed the tissue aside, tugging back the covers. "Get up. We're going to the hospital."
"What?" He snorted, rolling over and coughing. "The hell we are. You can go. I'm going to sleep-"
"Get. Up." Jazmine's voice was hard. "Now."
He slowly glanced up, giving her a look before sighing.
"Okay, fine." He grabbed his tissue box, grumbling under his breath (when he wasn't coughing) and started to sit up…only for a strange look to fall over his face. He suddenly shook his head, lying back down.
"Changed my mind." He closed his eyes. "Not going."
She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. You're dizzy."
He cracked an eye open to glare at her. "The way you say dizzy makes me sound so weak."
"Then you're lightheaded! Whatever! Huey, come on." She tugged him back up to his feet, throwing his arm around her shoulders so that she could at least keep him on balance. He sighed.
"Got me going to the damn ER…on a Sunday…on my birthday-"
"Boo hoo. You weren't doing anything else anyway." She grabbed his car keys, tossing him his coat and putting on her own. "Now, come on."
The drive to the hospital took more time than Jazmine liked being that it had snowed the night before and people were acting like they hadn't seen it in their lives before. She called the Emergency Room just to make sure she wasn't wasting her time taking him there and had to tell the nurse and a doctor what was wrong just for them to say "We can't diagnose over the phone". Never mind that they'd made her waste ten minutes of her time.
By the time they did get to the emergency room Huey had fallen asleep in the passenger seat and she had to wake him up, which made him grumpy all over again. By the time they made it inside and got up to the triage desk, her worry and frustration had manifested together to make a not-so-pleasant mood for herself. She placed her palms on the counter, staring at the bald black man with glasses who was typing something on the computer. He grabbed a form and a pen, glancing towards her.
"Name?"
Jazmine ignored the exasperated sigh that came from the man beside her, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the counter. She jabbed her thumb towards him so the man wouldn't think she was the sick one. "Huey Freeman."
"Birthday?"
"Two, seven, eighty nine."
The man's eyebrows lifted. "Sucks for him." He shrugged when Jazmine cut her eyes at him. "Sorry. He allergic to anything?"
"Penicillin and iodine."
Huey sniffed, rubbing his eyes. "I am? Forreal?"
Jazmine sighed, pointing past him. "Please go sit down."
He shook his head, sneezing and walking towards the group of chairs on the others side of the waiting room. It figured that he'd only listen to her when half out his mind.
She sighed, turning back towards the amused looking man.
"And what's the problem?" he asked.
"The problem?" Jazmine rolled her eyes as Huey burst into a series of coughs. "I told the nurse on the phone the problem. I told the doctor she put on the line the problem! Why the heck do I have to go into it again-" She stopped as she heard Huey sneeze and sigh tiredly. She shook her head.
"He's had a fever for five days and nothing's making it go down," she said, giving him a concerned look. "He's had a bad cough. And he's been really tired and nauseated and about three days ago he started having diarrhea-"
"No one wants to know about my diarrhea, Jazmine," Huey nearly growled from his seat before coughing again.
Jazmine shook her head at him before turning back to the receptionist, who was rapidly writing something down on a slip of paper. "He started getting chills and night sweats and he had a lot of trouble breathing when he was sleeping earlier this morning. I think he's got pneumonia."
"Jazmine, I don't want to be here-"
"Shuddafuckup," she hissed, silencing him instantly. The receptionist, meanwhile, sat up and evaluated her with critical eyes.
"You think he's got pneumonia, do you?" The receptionist looked annoyed. "You're the self diagnosing type? Think you know more than the doctor?"
Jazmine blinked in surprise. "No…but I'm a premed student. I just-"
"Ooh, so you must be smart-"
"I don't appreciate your attitude," Jazmine said in a low voice, causing Huey, along with the man, to stare at her with wide eyes. "And I don't need you acting like a wiseass. What I do need is for you to get a damn doctor to see my sick boyfriend or the only one that'll have to worry about getting a correct diagnosis is you!"
"Whoaaaaaa…okay." He quickly wheeled around, grabbing a chart and thrusting it towards her. "Here. Sit. Please."
"I still don't need to be here," Huey protested, sighing before sneezing into his sleeve as Jazmine threw herself into the chair beside him while studying the form. He rested his chin in his hand, his eyes narrowing at a plant that was past Jazmine. He obviously thought he was looking at her. "I mean, people who got shot or have forks sticking out their eye sockets need to be here. I don't. I just need to sleep."
"You don't know what you need," she snapped, annoyed as she uncapped the pen. No doubt her motherly instincts were kicking into high gear. "Because for one, I'm not even over there." She snapped her fingers, pointing towards herself. Huey blinked, shaking his head slowly. "For another, I don't believe you. If you would have just let me take you to a doctor before it wouldn't have gotten so bad-"
"I don't need to go at all!" he nearly yelled, causing a good portion of people in the waiting room to glare at him. "That's what I have an immune system for-"
"Blah blah immune system blah blah whining blah blah shut up and sit there, Huey," Jazmine nearly growled. He glared at her before resting his forehead on his knees, closing his eyes. "Geez. I've never met someone who's such a baby about going to the Emergency Room-"
"If they make me get any kind of shot," Huey mumbled. "You will be sorry. You will be very sorry-"
"They're not going to give you a shot," Jazmine said softly, writing. "At the most you'll pee in a cup, get a culture and a prescription for some antibiotics. Maybe since you, you know, waited so long, they'll stick you on an IV-"
"What?" Huey shook his head. "Oh, no. Hell no. They are not sticking me with one of those…" His words trailed off as he started coughing again. Jazmine pat his back, sighing.
"Just try to relax-"
"I don't. Like. Hospitals."
"Well you're sure going to be a big help when I have to go!"
"That's different! You're gonna be admitted, not me!"
"Just hush."
"I don't wanna."
She rolled her eyes. Leave it to sickness to bring out the kid in him.
"Then don't. Keep talking. Make it harder on yourself to breathe. I don't care."
Huey glanced up at her, frowning.
"What the hell are you mad at me for?"
"I am mad at you," Jazmine shot back. "Because you need to take better care of yourself."
"Oh, my god." Huey rolled his eyes. "It's a cold-"
"It's pneumonia!"
"Then if you know what it is, why are we here?" he snapped.
"So you can get something to get rid of it since it's probably not viral!" she shot back.
"I don't need anything!" His words were followed by a series of coughs that made the closest patient wince and move down a few seats. Jazmine rolled her eyes.
"Of course not." She paused, glancing down at the form. "So, you're social security number's two two five, one six, seven two eighty four, right?"
"Yes." Huey's tone was filled with sarcasm. "Just say my social security number out loud. That's perfectly smart."
"Sorry." She paused again. "How tall are you?"
"Jazmine, I don't know. Just put something!"
"Eight foot twelve."
He glared at her. She glared back. Finally he sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Six two. Or something."
"Six two…or something. Got it."
"You did not just write that."
"I did."
"Give me that-" Huey wrestled the form away from her, sitting up to finish it. "God." He groaned at the stationary page. "I wish this stupid paper would stop moving! Then maybe I could read it!"
The mulatto sighed, taking the form away from him.
"It's not even the paper that's messed up, it's your vision. Just give me that."Jazmine shook her head as she wrote, aware of Huey staring over her shoulder. He sighed when he saw her get to the last portion, where she paused and bit her lip.
"Insurance information. Lovely." His tone was dry. "Let me just fill that out. Oh, wait. I can't. Because I don't have any."
Jazmine closed her eyes, massaging her temples. "Huey, don't do this-"
"Which is exactly why I didn't want to come," he went on, ignoring her. "Do you know how much ER visits cost when you don't have insurance?"
"You could possibly need a chest x ray which is going to run between one twenty and two hundred since a radiologist will have to read it along with another doctor before it gets sent back," Jazmine said in a flat voice, shooting him a dirty look. "Antibiotics I'm willing to say are going to be from fifty to a hundred, depending on if the bacteria's wiped out all your natural flora from you waiting so long. Depending on how advanced it is they might inject you with something here. It's going to be anywhere from five hundred to one grand, no doubt."
"Ah." Huey sighed before coughing again. "That…helps. Really."
Jazmine sighed. "Huey-"
"I could probably just sleep it off-"
"Huey-"
"-And be perfectly fine in a few days-"
"Huey-"
"- Instead of spending all the money I'mtrying to save on damn hospital visits-"
"I don't give two shits about money, Huey!" Jazmine suddenly yelled, making him nearly fall out his chair. Everyone's heads whipped up. "You're sick and you need a doctor or you could die and you can't use saved money if you're dead! So just shut up and sit there and stop all your damn complaining because I care enough to bring your sorry ass to a hospital! I'm sorry you being so sick scared me! I'm sorry I want you to get better! My bad!" She threw up her hands. "My fucking bad!I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON!"
The entire waiting room fell silent. Huey gaped at her. Jazmine was so upset tears were dancing on her eyelashes and her nose was already turning red, a sure sign that the floodgates were about to burst open.
"Jesus, Jazmine. I'm sorry." He shook his head, exhaling lightly before coughing all over again. "I'll stop. Just…don't cry, okay?"
She sniffed, slouching in her chair and nodding. The man at the desk let out a low whistle, shaking his head and picking up a phone.
"Yeahhhh…we're just gonna push you through." He crooked his finger towards him. "Come on, sicky boy."
"He did not just call me that," Huey mumbled as Jazmine nearly wrestled him to his feet, tugging on his arm and stomping towards the desk so quickly he tripped, nearly throwing his chart to the receptionist. Said receptionist held up a sheet.
"Make sure all the information's right and give me your left arm." Huey sighed, shooting Jazmine a dark look while the man attached a hospital band around his wrist. Jazmine scanned the sheet, nodding.
"That's right."
"Alright…Charlene!" He snapped his fingers again towards a doctor who was poking her head out a set of double doors, pointing to Huey. "He's next."
A few other people in the room groaned, Huey included. Jazmine rolled her eyes, heading back towards the chairs and flopping into the one closest to the doors that led back into the hospital. Huey gave her a look.
"You're not going to let me go back there alone…right?" His voice was filled with disbelief. She pointed to her face mask.
"I don't think that would be a good idea." She lifted the mask long enough to give him a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine. Okay?"
He shot her a dirty look, mumbling "Traitor" before following the doctor back through the double doors, both of them swinging shut. She sighed, grabbing a magazine and flipping through it, not really reading it.
This really sucked. Not for her, but for Huey. It was his birthday for crying out loud! And while he was never one to get worked up over birthdays and always refused any sort of celebration…well, he didn't have to have pneumonia. And the fact that he refused to go to a doctor because he didn't have insurance was just wrong.
She wished she could do something to cheer him up.
Well…he was never exactly cheerful, so it was more like she wished she could do something where he would be less miserable than usual.
Unfortunately, a good hour later, she still hadn't come up with any good ideas. And, when the doctor poked her head out the doors, crooking her finger towards her, she had a feeling that her lack of creativity was the least of her problems.
"So, is he okay?" she asked, following the woman through the doors. She nodded.
"Well, yes." She made a face. "Unfortunately, he stopped cooperating when one of the nurses tried to insert an IV. He had to be held down by five other doctors. And…then he threw up on the floor."
Jazmine winced.
"He was…pretty apologetic after that," the doctor went on, looking somewhat amused. "But he was apologetic to the clock a good foot away from my head, not to mention his oxygen levels were a bit lower than average. So he's going to be here a few more hours."
Ooh. He was gonna be pissed about that one.
"His lab work's still getting done, but we're positive it's bacterial pneumonia and if so, it's a bit farther along than preferred. But he'll be fine," she added upon seeing Jazmine's face. "He's feeling a lot better since we gave him something to help with chest pains he said he was having. He's just…a little drowsy."
"A little drowsy?" Another doctor walked past, not even looking up from his chart and snorting. "I think the stuff they gave him has driven him out of his sick little mind."
Jazmine blinked. "Why do you say that?"
"Because he is currently watching The Powerpuff Girls and won't stop laughing at the bowl of rice pudding on the table by his bed that isn't there."
Jazmine's eyes grew large. He smirked.
"Forgive me for saying this, but…doped up Mr. Freeman seems much funnier and less depressing."
"He's not that depressing-" When both doctors gave her "Girl, please" looks she rolled her eyes. "Never mind." She followed the doctor down the hallway and around the corner, pausing behind the woman as she stopped at the fourth door on their right. She knocked on the frame before walking in.
"How are you-" she stopped, giving him a funny look. Jazmine did the same. "Why is there a clown in your room?"
Huey, who was looking way too calm about being in a hospital for him to be normal, shrugged and glanced at the clown who was standing beside his bed, attempting to make some sort of balloon animal.
"I don't know." His voice sounded airy and lost. "Everyone keeps telling me it's my birthday so I'm just going with it."
Jazmine snorted, covering her face mask with her hand. Huey glanced at her, his eyebrows lifting.
"Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?"
Oh, god. He was gone. It took all the restraint she possessed to keep from laughing. "Um…yeah. They have."
"Oh." He glanced back to the clown. "Are you…is that supposed to be a corndog?"
"It's a giraffe, nigga!" the clown yelled angrily, flinging the "balloon animal" to the floor. "Can't do nothin' nice fo' nobody!"
"It…kinda does looks like a corndog, actually." Jazmine tilted her head to the side, examining it through squinted eyes. The clown's fists clenched.
"I ain't come here to volunteer just to get laughed at!" he snapped. She frowned.
"So, do you always yell when you talk?"
"Okay, Jojo." The doctor made a cutthroat motion with her hand, shaking her head. "One, you're supposed to be in the children's ward. This is the ER, honey. Two, you were a temp. And three…" She winced, holding up her hand. "Just…just go home."
"Yeah!" "Jojo" stomped through the door, his laughing heard even when he was way down the hallway. "Fuck this joint!"
"Hey!" Huey sat up. "That bastard took my pudding!"
Jazmine exchanged looks with the doctor.
"This…is one weird hospital."
The doctor looked heavenward. "I'm trying to get transferred."
Jazmine nodded before walking over to the chair beside Huey's bed, sitting down and sighing in relief. "I see you're doing better. I doubt you're going to remember…any of this, but I'm glad you're okay."
"Oh, my god, pretty lady." Huey sighed. His autumn brown eyes were literally sparkling. She wished she had a camera just so she could prove that this actually happened. "You won't believe this shit. They gave me magic juice."
Jazmine slowly turned back towards the doctor. "Whatever you gave him, I want some."
The doctor laughed, turning around and walking out the room. "I'll be back to check on you in a while, Mr. Freeman!" she called over her shoulder. "If your chest is still bothering you let us know and we'll start another line of-"
"If whatever you're gonna give me is gonna keep me feeling this good, you can give me whatever you want," Huey said. It was as if he'd hit nirvana. The doctor shook her head, glancing at Jazmine.
"The drowsiness should wear off in the next half hour, okay?"
She nodded. The doctor left and Huey glanced back at Jazmine, grinning.
"I love your eyes."
She blinked. "Huey, do you even know who I am right now?"
"…it starts with a C, right?"
Well at least something had him over his hospital and needle phobias (not that he'd ever admit to having them). She sighed, shaking her head as she heard familiar footsteps and Riley strutted in, freezing after he spotted his obviously delusional brother. His nose wrinkled.
"Ewww. Dis nigga got SARS!" He shook his head. "Nuh uh! Deez niggas ain't tell me dat when they called!"
"He has pneumonia, Riley." She gestured to his IV. "And, after they take him off whatever pain meds he's on, amnesia."
"So, how come the kids never gave the rabbit any Trix? Ain't he the one on the front of the damn box?" Huey looked away from the TV, blinking at Riley. "You have a funny face."
His younger brother's eyebrows lifted. Jazmine pat Huey's head, giving him a sympathetic look.
"My poor baby." She sighed. "My poor, delusional baby."
"Delusional' nothin'! Dat nigga straight retarded!"
"Riley!" Jazmine grabbed the remote, throwing it at him. He glared at her when it smacked his arm and clattered to the floor. "Cut it out. I mean, it's his birthday-"
"Birthday?" Riley scratched his head. "I really though his shit was in August."
"…Well, it's not." Jazmine sighed, giving Huey a look. "I feel so bad. This is a crappy way to spend your birthday."
"It's not your fault, Georgia." Huey pat her hand. "These things happen."
Jazmine started to speak, then stopped. She gave him a look.
"Who the hell is Georgia?"
"Uh…you are." Huey poked her nose. "Duh."
Jazmine turned to Riley and mouthed "Georgia?" before turning back to him. "Okay, well…you just go to sleep. Please." She shook her head. "Anyway." She looked back at Riley. "I feel terrible. I really wish we could do something for him."
"We?"
"Yes, Riley. We." Jazmine shot him a dangerous look. "You're gonna help me do something nice for his birthday!"
"You have to listen to her!" Huey interjected, causing both of them to look his way. When they did, he shrugged. "Well, she is the good looking one."
Jazmine smirked while Riley scowled. "Actually…I think I like him like this."
"Man, whateva." Riley suddenly snapped his fingers. "Ooh! I gots an idea!"
"Really?" Jazmine sat up. "What is it?"
"What is it?" Huey asked excitedly. Riley blinked.
"Loopy Nigga Huey's real weird. Anyway." He grinned. "Hospital party."
Jazmine blinked. And then she was stomping over to him, smacking his arm.
"Ow! What the hell?"
"That's a stupid idea, you…stupidhead!" she yelled. "How would you even have a hospital party? Who would want a hospital party?"
"Well…if dey wuz gettin' me a cake I'd want one. You know, as long as the hoes be there."
Jazmine massaged her temples. "Riley, that is so-"
"You know, that tile in the corner? Up there?" Both Jazmine and Riley looked up at the ceiling to where Huey was pointing. "It reminds me of...wait." He frowned. "What was the question?"
"Jazmine, I think at dis point tha only thang dat nigga gon need fo his birthday is a straight jacket." Riley let out a low whistle. "Betta luck next year."
"Ugh." Jazmine smacked her palm against her forehead. She felt her phone vibrating and slid it open, pressing it to her ear. "Hello?"
"Damn, Jazzy Fresh." Cindy's cheerful tone sounded through the phone. "You soundin' all mad and shit!"
"I'm not mad." She sighed, glancing back towards Huey, who was back to watching the ceiling tiles and Riley, who was now slouched in the chair she'd vacated, looking angry. "It's just I'm at the hospital and-"
"What?" Cindy's voice was so loud in her ear she almost dropped the phone. "Are you okay? Oh, my god are you in premature-"
"C-Cindy! It's only been like, five months!" She rolled her eyes. "I'm not in the hospital. Huey is. He's sick and drugged out of his mind and Riley's not helping and all I want is for Huey to have a good birthday! And for his drugs to wear off, because he is creeping me out."
"Oh. Dang." Cindy paused. "Well, he's never cared about birthdays before. Remember when we were fourteen and you were going out with that Darnell guy who he was friends with before he realized he liked you and then hated?"
"Darnell…" Jazmine snapped her fingers. "Oh, yeah! He tried to sing him happy birthday and Huey punched him in the throat!"
"Exactly."
Jazmine griped her neck. "You don't think he'd punch me in the throat if I tried to sing him happy birthday, do you?"
"Jazmine, you can't sing for shit."
"You know what-"
"Hey, I've got an idea!" Cindy sounded cheerful. "If you want him to snap out of it then why don't you let me wish him happy birthday?"
"Why would I do that?" Jazmine made a face. "No offense, I'm gonna love you till the day I die, but…he hates you."
There was a chuckle in Cindy's voice. "Exactly." When Jazmine blinked in confusion she heard Cindy sigh. "His hatred for me is so strong it'll knock the drowsy right out of him. And then, once he's not being so insane, you can ask him what he wants for his birthday!"
Jazmine looked skeptical. "Huey doesn't like a lot of things…or people…or places…but I doubt he feels that strongly about you."
Cindy's voice was dry. "Try me."
Jazmine shrugged, wandering back into the room where Huey was still staring at the ceiling and Riley was still looking angry. She stepped up to Huey's bedside, holding out the phone and shrugging.
"Er…someone wants to talk to you?"
Huey slowly stared at the phone, then back at her face. Then, he burst out laughing.
"Nigga, you stoopid," Riley mumbled. Huey took the phone from Jazmine, holding it up to his ear.
"Hello? Hello?" He blinked. "HELLO?"
"Huey! You're holding it the wrong way!" Jazmine snatched the phone from him, gently turning it to its opposite side and handing it back to him. He stared at it as if it was a new piece of technology from the future.
"Ohhhh." He put it up to his ear again, coughing and lying back against his pillow. "Hello?"
Jazmine shook her head, watching him. For a moment he didn't say anything as he listened to whatever Cindy was saying. And in the next…he was sitting up, his eyes narrowing and a familiar scowl falling over his face.
"Cindy, you are lame and you have no friends. You are weird and you probably snort. No amount of association with anything positive could ever make anyone like you." Jazmine's jaw dropped. Riley's eyes widened. Huey rolled his eyes, holding the phone away from his ear and glancing up at a perplexed Jazmine. "What the hell am I on? I feel like…petting puppies or hugging trees, and that shit's just not gonna happen." He held the phone back out to her. "You let her tell me happy birthday? Really? Like I care about a birthday right now?"
"Wow." Jazmine gaped at him as he coughed. "Do you…do you remember anything from before?"
"What?" He looked annoyed. "Oh, my god. What the hell is this on TV? Someone kill me. Please."
She frowned. Wow. She missed drugged up Huey already. Shaking her head she turned back around and pressed the phone up to her ear. "Uh…hello?"
"Hi." Cindy's voice was sour. Her best friend cringed.
"Sooo…you told him happy birthday."
"Yeah."
Jazmine frowned. "Well…I'm sure that was just the pneumonia talking."
"…but he said the same thing to me on his twentieth birthday!" Cindy yelled. Jazmine winced.
"Well…maybe they're terms of endearment?"
There was a pause. "Maybe I'm just always going to hate your boyfriend."
"Well, thanks for…you know. Being…you?" When Cindy merely sighed in response she hung up, turning around to face the other two. Riley was laughing. Huey was glaring at him. She cleared her throat, causing them to stop and stare at her.
"How are you feeling?" she asked softly. Huey shrugged, looking tired.
"Better. I guess-"
"WHATDOYOUWANTFORYOURBIRTHDAY?"
Huey blinked. "Was that…English?"
"Funny." She gave him a pleading look. "Huey, you've gotta tell me something you want for your birthday. Because this has got to be your crappiest birthday ever. And I feel bad!"
He snorted. "You always feel bad." When she frowned in response he rolled his eyes, letting out a cough before going on. "I don't care. Birthdays are just another day of the year where you remember your increasing age, which means you are that much closer to dying. I don't want to celebrate my rapid acceleration towards my death, Jazmine. But thanks anyway."
She tilted her head, examining him. "You…are one depressing person."
"Man." Riley kicked his foot in the air, folding his arms over his chest. "Today sucks."
Jazmine looked so bummed out that Huey sighed.
"Okay, look." She glanced at him. "I have accepted that my birthdays suck. I don't care. The only reason I even celebrate yours is because it's one less thing I have to hear you whine about-"
"Wow. It's like you're normal Huey, only even more vicious."
"What I mean," he went on, not the least bit affected by her words. "Is that having good birthdays makes you happy, and having stupid ones is fine with me, because I couldn't care less."
"But-"
"I don't giveeee a shitttt Jazmineeeee." He drew out the sentence as if talking to the hearing impaired. She glared at him. He glanced down at his arm, cringing at the IV sticking in it. "If you're so hell bent on me having a good birthday, get this thing out my arm, get me the hell out of here, and erase the hospital bill they're going to slap on my insurance lacking ass-"
"Done, done and done!" Jazmine cheered, clapping her hands together and spinning around, rushing out the room. Huey bolted up.
"I was being sarcastic!" he shouted after her. Doctors and nurses were turning around, giving both him a strange look. "Don't you dare pay that!"
"Too late!" he heard Jazmine call in a singsong voice. He groaned, grabbing his IV pole and struggling to rise to his feet. Riley cringed.
"I aunno mane, you wuz on dem drugs hard…I aunno if you should be tryna walk nowhere-"
"Oof."
Riley shrugged, grabbing the remote and changing the channel, ignoring the pained groaning coming from his brother, who had stood to his feet only to fall over not even a second later.
"Told ya."
"Riley," Huey managed weakly, pushing himself up to his elbows. Luckily his IV was still intact. "Stop…her…"
"Nigga, dat's a long walk. Uh uh."
"I don't want her paying my…" He stopped as he spotted a pink balloon…thing on the opposite side of the bed. "Why am I staring at a balloon shaped as a corndog?"
"NIGGA, IT'S A GIRAFFE!" A sudden shriek from out in the hallway made him jump, his eyes wide. Riley shook his head, propping his feet up on the edge of the bed.
"Damn." He picked up the remote, changing the channel. He ignored Huey's glare. "Well, nigga…welcome ta twenty one."
"Man, Fuck you."
The sad part is I know someone who had a shitty birthday somewhat similar to this. Minus corndog shaped giraffes.
I remember the year everyone forgot my birthday because of the Olympics. Oh, boy. Pissed. haha.
But since noooo one caressss, thanks for reading! Review, if it tickles your...pickle...
...Nothing about that statement seems okay.
-Kelsey