*thank you SO MUCH for all the comments! It's good to know I'm not failing you in every way!*
*extra-long chapter this time, I was going to cut it in the middle but I decided against it*
*also, I'm having a hard time deciding if Karma is a red-head or a brunette... her hair seems to go back and forth in the show*
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
I'm Walking On A Broken Roof, While I'm Looking At The Sky
Part I
By 8pm Liam Booker had drank himself into a mood. The boy was mad with lust and he had all but forgotten about Karma Ashcroft.
Shane spent that first hour watching Liam from the bar but when the tanned blonde girl seemed to be just as drunk, amorous, and wild as his dear broken friend he decided his presence was virtually unnecessary.
Inside Clara's car Amy's phone began to buzz.
"Oooo," she said, grabbing it out from her pocket.
"Your mom?" Karma asked.
"No, Shane," it always seemed to be Shane.
"Hiiiii," Amy answered excitedly. Karma had been dazing on Amy's shoulder. She could hear Shane's voice on the other end of the line even though Amy had the phone at normal volume and directed straight into her own ear.
"Amyyyyyy," Shane whined. "Please say you're bored…" He begged.
"Well, that's not the word I would choose," Amy smiled over at Karma and squeezed her hand. "Where are you?" She asked.
"Oh God, I dunno," Shane confessed truthfully. He swirled his empty glass around in a circle on the table. "Some popular place in town," he groaned. Using his hands, he rummaged for a menu or something, anything that could say where exactly he was. He found a few cheap matchboxes with a coyote logo on the front almost eclipsed by a rising sun. "The Twilight Coyote," he read out loud and then instantly chuckled.
"Shane… Are you drunk?" Amy asked in a light but condescending tone.
"I may have had one to five beverages containing alcohol," he didn't even sound phased, let alone smashed, just a little bit sad.
"Okay, stay there," Amy said.
"Okay," he mirrored, hoping soon he wouldn't be so all alone. The line went dead but he had expected that.
"Can we go to the Twilight Coyote?" Amy asked loudly, surprising Clara.
"Ew, why there?" Clara asked knowing it's raucous reputation for housing anyone looking for a quick and meaningless hook-up. There weren't many places to go in Sedona for a scene like that and The Twilight Coyote was surprisingly common.
"Shane's stuck and drunk and bored and he sounded kinda sad…" Amy begged.
"Oh boy…" Clara sighed. She had already assumed her baby brother had gone a little too long without making trouble.
"The Twilight Coyote, it is," Clara agreed. Judging from the way Liam looked after the cave fallout, Clara was sure he was in need of a chaperone. Without meaning too Clara locked her serious eyes with Karma through the rearview. "You sure you're okay to see this?" Clara asked.
Karma just shrugged, she wasn't okay. Just thinking about Liam put her stomach in knots.
"See what?" Amy asked. Whatever wavelength she was on Clara and Karma both envied it.
Rory held Clara's hand the whole way to the restaurant. She felt if she let go at all none of it would be real.
Part II
They got there in five minutes time since the town was that very small. As expected it was the busiest spot in town with the most noise emanating from within. It was an all-in-one place that transformed into a club at night after mostly just being a large restaurant and bar during the day. They even had bouncers at the door despite there being no line what-so-ever since everyone could fit inside.
When they parked they were almost hit by some drunk rich asshole in a brand new yellow sports car.
"This will be interesting," Clara mumbled as they approached the door.
Inside it was dark and loud. Clara held the door open since the bouncer didn't add that to his job-description. She cursed her unlucky stars as she crossed over the threshold and into the environment she tried so to avoid. She hated clubs and crowds. Most of all she hated the biting thought that her baby brother was probably deep inside publically dry-humping some skanky girl on the dance floor, without shame. Their parents had easily done a number on them. Liam's last year was in no way lost on her. Their older sister, Robin, had been sending her emails and voicemails almost constantly about Liam and how he's the most popular boy now at Hester High. There was a lot of family drama that Clara had heard but chosen to stay out of.
It wasn't bad that he was popular but it was bad that he actually thought he deserved it enough to play around sexually with almost every young girl at his school. Clara had heard enough about that in the past year, if not from Robin than from Liam himself. He wasn't boastful but he didn't hide anything and she knew what was going on. She had actually been relieved when the mention of Karma actually stuck longer than a month or two. The Booker's were always popular, especially in high school, but Clara felt a lot of shame for the way she used to act. And yeah he was young and he should be allowed to make his own mistakes but…
Clara knew eventually everything Liam was happy about now would catch up to him and slap him in the ass. He wouldn't like himself after graduation. They were way too similar for her to be wrong about that.
Shane didn't see them when they came in. His table was facing the door but since it was dark outside any entering and exiting seemed almost invisible between the crowds moving about in every which way. The lighting of the place was almost exactly the same as the lighting outside. It was the soft-sex lighting that a place of such stature naturally preferred to operate in.
Amy found him quick and rushed up to his table.
"Hi!" She said with giddiness on her face. She wanted to be his rescuer.
"Sweet baby Jesus," he gasped, fighting his drunk self into a standing position. He had not expected her so quickly and he had not expected her like this. Amy Raudenfeld looked like and absolute knock out. He hugged her hard and then pulled away to stare.
"What?" Amy asked nervously. Shane had been staring at her rather fixedly and his hands had clasped her arms above her elbows. She looked down at herself and remembered almost instantly that she was wearing THAT dress. "Ohhhhhhh," she realized. "Forgot about that."
"Damn Raudenfeld," he fanned himself slowly and instinctively.
"Scoot," Karma said, forcing them both inside the booth. She didn't want Liam to see her. Shane and Amy weren't expecting the shove. Amy fell on top of Shane and crushed him with her body.
"Shit sorry," Amy breathed clumsily from on top of him.
"Don't be," Shane smiled queerly feeling oddly heterosexual for a brief fleeting moment since Amy's dress was low cut up top as well as below. Amy blushed and hit him hard. It was no secret that she had breasts. She used to be able to think Shane was immune to these kind of things.
"SHANE!" She yelled. He laughed as she moved up off of him.
"I'm gonna go check on him," Clara groaned. She had been worried at the house and if she could've she would've avoided this whole scenario. But things happen for a reason so when Amy asked Clara knew it would weigh on her if she chose to do nothing.
"Should I come with you?" Karma asked. She wanted the answer to be no but she knew she was fully responsible for whatever Liam was feeling.
"Probably not such a good idea," Clara confessed.
"Oh," Karma said mopily. Clara shot Rory an apologetic glance.
As predicted Liam was on the dance floor with a girl that oozed sex. Of all the things, that could happen on this trip, Clara never thought she'd be having to do this one.
"Liam!" She yelled over the bass and the noise once in earshot.
"Huh?" he seemed to wake up to her a little.
"LIAM! COME ON!: She pulled at his arm.
"STOP!" He mumbled, taking his arm back and placing it where it had been on the tan girl's hip.
"LIAM!" Clara yelled again. She wasn't going to spend all night watching him dance like a horny dog.
"God Clara! WHAT?!" He yelled, letting go of the girl and turning towards her angrily.
"It's time to go," she said. It was the best course of action.
"I don't need a FUCKING BABYSITTER!" He roared. Immediately after doing so it was obvious to Clara that he had even scared himself with that one.
"Nice…" Clara sighed calmly, staring at him in that level-headed gathered way of hers. Liam was lashing out because he had been hurt.
"FUCK!" He yelled, mad at himself for yelling at her. He rubbed his face with his hand and felt the scruff on his chin.
"Are you done?" Clara asked.
"Who's dis bich?!" The blonde girl slurred. She couldn't even insult correctly, she was that fucking drunk.
"I gotta go," Liam said, leaving the girl all alone. Once he said it Clara turned from him quick and walked straight out of the bar. Liam followed her with his head hanging down. It was for the best anyway.
The breeze outside was more pleasant than 3 minutes ago and Clara breathed in the quiet of the parking lot, trying to calm herself.
"Clara! Wait!" Liam said, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around.
"Look!" She said, allowing herself to be turned. "I know you're in pain but that shit was royally fucked!" It wasn't like her to lose her cool. Only her family could affect her that way.
"Clara! I'm sorry," Liam whined.
"Arizona is OUR THING!" She yelled.
"I know," he whined again.
"It's supposed to be you and me and the rocks and NO DRAMA!" It had all finally gotten to her.
There was a reason she almost didn't come out for the trip this year. A full year without family had cleared her head and made her feel sane for once in her life. But she loved Liam. She raised him. He wasn't supposed to be like their cold money-grubbing older sister or their vacant and unaffected older brother. Her and Liam were a pair. They came and went together and they always chose love over hate. This wasn't like Liam. Liam was drowning.
"Clara Please, this is my lowest of lows," he explained.
"So STOP FALLING!" She yelled, opening the door to her car and getting in. He got in too, feeling horrible. He never yelled at Clara, not since he was really young and didn't know any better. Their dad was always the one to raise his voice. Their mom was always the one to wound with words and hands. Liam never wanted to be like them, ever. This was a big deal. A very big deal.
"She messed me up, okay?" He asked sorrowfully, knowing it wasn't really an excuse. Clara watched him lean his head on the back of the seat. His whole head must be spinning and she knew it.
"She's hasn't left Liam," Clara said. Karma hadn't died and she hadn't told him to each shit or ran from him without explanation. "She hasn't left, she's just not fucking you." It was the thing she had wanted to say more than anything else. Any sane person in Karma's position would have left. "She didn't excommunicate you from her life or treat you like creton."
"And I'm supposed to be happy about that?!" He asked it rhetorically but Clara was going to answer him.
"I wouldn't been," she confessed. As far as she knew Liam only knew Karma for one year, if that. His heartbreak was nowhere near as epic as the one she had experienced for what felt like years upon years with Rory. Karma wasn't making Liam feel wrong about anything. Still, Clara hated herself for being harsh and even comparing things. It wasn't fair but she couldn't take the way the world worked. "It's not a contest. Pain is pain," She swallowed hard. "But your girl is still here," she reminded.
"She's Amy's girl," Liam sighed grumpily.
"And she's your friend," Clara said, taking his hand in her own and looking at him in that wise way of hers. He gave her a pathetic forced smile. He didn't want to think about any of it but Clara was right.
Abandoning the sober to drive Liam home seemed the only option. Clara knew that Liam had some growing to do. The first step of which would be to stop drowning and start letting himself feel.
"Did you come out here alone?" Liam asked.
"Nope."
"So where's everyone else?"
"Twilight Coyote," she said drolly once they were a few miles away and pretty close to the hotel.
"Wait, so you just left them there?"
"None of them are drunk, they'll be fine," Clara said calmly.
"Oh, but Shane," he remembered. He was trying to think of an excuse to not go home. Any excuse to go back and lose himself again would be a good excuse.
"Amy's got him," Clara pushed. She wanted for silence. Booker's were known for saying rash things they would regret later and the day had been so strange Clara could feel things falling apart. Her control was slipping. "Kate died," she blurted out. She wanted to distract her mouth and her mind. Liam sobered almost instantly.
"What?" He asked, sure he had misheard her.
"Kate's dead." Clara repeated.
"Whoa… And Rory came…"
"Rory says she's in love with me…" Clara knew it all sounded bizarre. These were the kinds of things that happened in movies. The older she became the more aware she was of the fact that life was an unpredictable mess.
"Do you think she loves you?" Liam asked wondering the answer himself.
"I think I've never seen Rory like this," it was enough.
"Wow…" Liam said, it was too much for his groggy muddled brain. If Rory was back Clara could really get hurt. He felt for her instantly and checked himself for his own dramatic contribution to Clara's current problems.
"I know…" Clara mirrored.
The rest of the drive was quiet. They both had too much to think about and too little to smile about. Each of them were hurting in different ways and they were both sorry for the ways they had handled one another.
Clara brought Liam inside, made him drink a bottle of water and she watched him until he fell asleep. Since he was drunk, sleep came quickly.
When she got back to to her car in the circle drive, she checked her phone and noticed a text from Rory that simply said, miss you.
Rory had kept her number after everything… And she knew that now.
Part III
"So, tell me everything," Shane smiled mischievously.
"What do you wanna know?" Amy asked.
They ordered drinks and nachos and Karma was fretting silently about Liam. Rory sat back in the booth and tried hard not to stare at the redhead who seemed damaged beyond repair. For some reason Rory's eyes were drawn to Karma. Eventually it began to stress Karma out so she got up and moved to sit by Rory and stop their eyes from doing that dangerous roaming thing.
"Tell me about Clara," Shane ordered.
"I don't think that's appropriate," Karma said. She motioned her eyes to Rory so that both Amy and Shane could see.
"Oh, come on, give me something!" Shane groaned.
"Fine, I'll bite," Rory said, surprising them all. "Clara said that her and Amy were only on for a few days." The truth of it sat in for Amy. Even Rory knew the truth.
"They were flirting from the second they met," Karma said, passive aggressively, butting in. As much as everyone seemed to want to boil everything down to just a small fling, it was obvious to Karma that Amy and Clara hit it off. That sort of relationship is very uncommon. Karma knew it was particularly uncommon for Amy. Amy hit it off with her and Clara and Shane and that was it.
"Hey! Exaggerate much?!" Amy yelled.
"Not an exaggeration," Karma warned avoiding her eyes. It really wasn't an exaggeration at all. They really had flirted from the very first second they met up until just then on the stairs. They obviously couldn't control it.
"So you were jealous?" Shane said, looking over at Karma. She suddenly regretted switching sides. Shane's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the conversation. He was so hungry for the drama he practically forgot about all the heartache that had accompanied it.
"I was something," Karma explained. It wasn't just jealousy. She was envious too. But there was sadness there as well and a heaviness like none of it was avoidable.
"She was jealous," Amy answered, sipping her coke and barely paying attention.
"Can we all just agree that I was having feelings?!" Karma was mad that people kept wanting to put words in her mouth and make her into something she wasn't. It had never just been jealousy. Jealousy made little sense at first, even to her. It was obviously more than that, much more. It hurt Karma to have Amy belittle her feelings like that but she knew that she had put Amy through a lot.
"Fine," Shane and Amy agreed together and then laughed at how similar they were to say that at the same time.
"I assume you were in bed when you met Mrs. Booker." Shane was trying to piece it together. It was like a game of clue, Amy Raudenfeld in the Library with Miss. Scarlet, Amy thought.
"Ew, gross. Virginia." Rory moaned, unable to contain her disgust. She was actually more than curious as to the events of the past few days. Amy and Clara seemed like they had been dating for at least a year. Her own feelings had been off the mother-fucking charts as far as her jealousy, envy, and over-all regret for losing Clara.
"Yes, we were in bed together," Amy backtracked. "But we didn't have sex then." She would answer the questions but she wouldn't feel happy about it. None of them could know what Clara had meant to her or what Clara would always mean. None of them could piece together the events of Amy's brief affair and deduce its overall meaning or the strength of Clara and Amy's connection. It was a once in a lifetime thing. Even as a young woman, Amy was sure of it. She had never ever felt that instantly connected to another person her whole life.
"And in the cave?" Shane asked. Karma and Amy shot each other nervous looks. All Karma knew was that she had found them like that and it took Amy at least 2 hours to reach her at the hotel after her unexpected freak-out.
"The cave was complicated," Amy groaned. She was suddenly sick of the topic and, looking at Karma, she felt ill for even answering what she had.
"Well that means something," Shane mused. His mind immediately went to Amy and Clara having hot sex in the hot cave.
"It's not really our business," Karma defended, looking down. She knew that Amy could feel the tension in her just like she knew Amy and Clara had something rare and hard to define. Karma could read Amy like an open book. That was part of the problem with the Arizona trip, for days upon days Amy was completely unreadable to her. There were secrets and lies and new emotions that Karma had never felt or even seen.
"Right, so you don't want to know if Amy got it on in a cave…" Shane joked.
"Maybe I don't," Karma said, surprising everyone.
"Wait really?" Rory asked almost astonished. She had been sipping on a long island ice tea and pretending to ignore all the talk. Since Karma had taken the spot next to her she had leaned her back up on the side of the booth so that she could better look at her. She wasn't aware that it was making Karma nervous. She just thought she was pretty and wanted to gaze in the downtime at the nice girl who had let her open up to her.
"I don't want Amy knowing all of the things I did with Liam…" Karma confessed looking over at Rory.
"Yeah but, you love her, aren't you curious…" Rory didn't want to push but she was embarrassingly curious. Karma couldn't take the way Rory's eyes would wander up and search her features one-by-one before drifting back down to her drink. It was intensely sexual the way Rory stared. And Rory was intensely sexy. She had smokey eyes and mystery about her. Rory's interest in anything sparked an interest in everyone else.
Rory, on the other hand was unaware of her odd way of staring. All she could think about was Clara and the things she'd probably never know. How many times did Amy and Clara have sex? Did Clara really love her? Was Clara even happy before all the lies and the teasing? Rory wanted to know everything that Clara had done from the second she left her room a year ago to the second she stumbled onto her in that stuffy Sedona restaurant. The curiosity burned in her like acid. It ate her up inside. So many things could have gone on. She wanted to know it all.
"Do you want to know what kind of sex we had?" Karma asked heatedly and almost angered. She was pissed and turned on. Karma was so heated that she hadn't realized she was staring at Rory with her anger instead of Amy. She twisted her head to show Amy her face.
"Wha- uh… No. Ew." Amy lied, pulling a face.
"Amy," Karma smiled and whined, calming down in an instant. She hadn't guessed that Amy would actually want to know. Amy was constantly telling her that she talked TOO much about Liam Booker. And now she's learning that she really didn't talk enough.
"Sorry," Amy shrugged, drinking her soda. Karma had read the lie on Amy's face. She had a particular EW face for things she was actually rather intrigued by. Karma brushed her hair out of her face and tried to calm herself down.
When the nachos arrived they all took to them like animals.
"I think we better order more," Amy said, her mouth half full. They were happy to eat at last and not be talking or thinking. Amy blushed under Karma's gaze and no one mentioned the sex again that night.
Clara came back to the club eventually. They were about to call when Amy saw her approach with her serious look and her serious walk and that way she seemed to hold all her pain inside so visibly.
"Are you okay?" Amy asked, looking up at her. Clara smiled forcibly. She loved Amy's face and her concern. Amy never hid anything.
"Yeah, I dunno," Clara answered truthfully, allowing her gaze to meet them all one by one. At the end her eyes landed on Rory and she saw the panic there behind Rory's eyes. Rory seemed just as scared about things as Clara was.
When her gaze finally hit Karma she realized she should explain.
"I took him home.." Clara sighed. "Reminded him that you're still his friend."
"That was sweet," Karma said. Clara didn't have to defend her, she never did. "It's not your fault he chose you kiddo," there was nothing more that she could say. "You love who you love." Clara's eyes flitted back to Amy for a sec and then to Rory and then they flitted away super fast up to the ceiling where there was no eye contact to be had whatsoever. "Whattaya say we go find some real food?" Clara asked, her eyes at the sky. Amy smiled at Karma and held her hand and Rory watched Clara knowingly before smiling softly to herself.
"YES. PLEASE." Shane agreed. They had devoured two plates of nachos and the food at the bar was only so-so.
They left together and found a late-night burrito joint. They ate outside on the abandoned dark tables and looked up at the stars together. Amy and Karma pretended to see actual constellations but Clara knew them and pointed them out quietly into Rory's ear. Where Amy and Karma were seeing the Unicorn Man and the Lady With Taser, Clara and Rory were seeing Orion and the great Phoenix.
Clara held Rory between her legs on the table and Shane watched as she whispered softly into her ear. The two couples were so very precious he felt whimsy.
"I wish Pablo was here…" Shane sighed.
"He'll be back soon enough," Amy said, taking his hand.
"Who's Pablo?" Rory asked.
"Boyfriend," Shane smiled. "I don't usually keep them."
"Just like Liam," Clara smiled knowingly, a tear in her smiling eye.
"Just like," he confirmed.
"You're a good friend Shane," Clara said. It had meant a lot to him to be there for Liam.
"So, what if we do turn into stars when we die?" Amy asked, ignoring all the sentiment and breaking from reality.
"I don't think it works that way," Karma smiled, brushing a hair from Amy's face.
"Egyptians used to think so." They stared.
"Egyptians built large pyramids for absolutely no reason," Karma scoffed.
"We build skyscrapers," Amy reminded. "And we also worship cats."
"Ew, yuck, speak for yourself," Shane grimaced.
"You don't like cats?"
"Hell no."
"That's it, we're done." Amy joked.
"Ha-ha. I'm a dog person."
"Dogs are nice too." Amy agreed.
There was a lot of silence and downtime. A lot of hand-holding and cuddling. Shane Karma and Amy all laid down on the top of a table with their heads practically touching. They couldn't believe how many stars there were up in the sky.
"I've never seen anything like this," Karma gasped. They had been silent for so long it almost hurt to form words.
"I told you it was amazing," Clara said once she had noticed how quiet they had all become. She wanted to be kissing Rory. It hurt just to hold her hands and touch her skin. She wanted her all over her, to be loving her. Rory felt it too, the heat all about them. The touching felt loud and obvious and they both ached in it but needed it all the same.
"You always see pictures of the sky like this in bookstores or on tv…" Amy mused, staring in awe. "I never thought I could see this with my own eyes…"
The stars were so numbered that to count them would take years.
"Come on sleepyheads, lets get back to the villa." They had spent long enough gazing up from the burrito benches.
Slowly they gathered and traveled back to the hotel. There would be more time there to stare if they wanted.