A/N: Sorry Friday's post is on Saturday.

Thanks to Seelieprincess for being my beta!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Like you do, and I was made for you

Kel blinked down at the wrinkled parchment and wondered why Dom had sent her a letter only two days after leaving; she prayed that it wasn't bad news.

Dear Kel,

We reached what used to be Third Company's fort yesterday and I have given the men the day off. I think we will all be using it to dry out because it has not stopped raining since we left you. I'm afraid the rain, mud and lack of you did nothing to improve my humor and I probably owe all my men a round of ale for my foul temper.

Her lips twisted into a wry smile. Few people knew Dom's foul humor, but since a scouting trip with him where a rogue centaur had stolen their supplies and Dom's horse, Kel could now count herself as one of those people.

I realized I left with certain aspects of our relationship unresolved. I have spent the last two days trying to find an eloquent way to ask this of you, but since inspiration has yet to hit me, I have decided to simply plunge into this like the uneducated soldier that I am.

Kel snorted.

I thought maybe I should start this at the beginning, since that is usually the best place to start such things. While that might sound simple enough, I quickly ran into a small problem: I was unsure of where the beginning was.

Kel frowned down at the parchment, what was the man going on about?

Don't look at me like that, I realize I'm speaking in riddles, but there is a point to all of this, I promise.

Her frown only depended as she realized that, even without being able to see her, he still knew how she'd be reacting.

I thought the beginning might be when I saw you on the road heading back to Corus with the princess and my heart stopped in my chest. It literally felt like the damn thing shattered into a million pieces when I looked up into your face.

Kel's breath caught as she read the words.

But that's not the beginning at all. So then I thought it might be when I first met you, that night as the Own headed out and I handed you a bread roll. While that might be the most logical place to label "the beginning" it wasn't even then, because I had been reading Neal's letters for months and felt like I already knew you. So then I asked myself "Okay, when was the first time you felt it?" and I thought about that scouting assignment where my horse got stolen and we doubled part of the way back to the nearest fort. As my men and I trudged along these last few days I was convinced that moment was the beginning for a few leagues, but then I realized, that was simply the first time I had felt you. Riding behind you, with my arms wrapped around your waist drove me practically mad with desire to kiss you, but I figured if I tried you'd break my jaw.

Kel could remember that ride perfectly; she'd sat, leaning against Dom, and thanking the centaur who had stolen his mare every step of the way. She had been a little hurt by the fact that touching her had put Dom in such a terrible mood, but she had let herself indulge and pretended that wasn't the case for a few hours of riding.

So, then I tried to find the moment when I first felt it. There were several moments that came to mind, like the time we were looking into the spyglass and teasing about Yamani ladies, but how in truth I didn't really care; I was only pursuing it because I knew that was what was expected of me. At the time I didn't know why the ladies didn't interest me; now I realize it was because I was already stuck on you.

Then I remembered this one moment where you'd beat your own hands to a pulp trying to swing a hammer. I was standing there holding your hand when Raoul came by and told you we were headed back to the progress. You jumped up and hugged him before running off and I was struck with this powerful urge to beat the man's head in with a rock. I stayed there, staring at Raoul and wondered what was wrong with me. I realized two things: you'd just hugged him and we were headed back to the oaf you were courting. That was when I realized I cared, when I realized I was more interested in you than simply as a friend.

Still picturing the ride back from their disastrous scouting trip, it took Kel a moment to register the words she had just read. When they did, she stopped reading and blinked down at the page. Dom has cared about her back then? He hadn't acted on it for years! Wow, was there ever a lot to learn about the man.

So then I realized how cowardly I was. It took me a very long time to admit that I wanted you, and when I did I was still cowardly about the whole thing. For a while I let myself believe that you loved the oaf and that I wasn't to intervene, but then the idiot let you go and I still didn't act on it, letting myself believe you needed to concentrate on your duties to Haven. Then there was the last scouting mission when I didn't set up my own tent and it started to rain. You invited me to share yours and I didn't argue. A real man would have refused and put up his own tent. That night you snuggled into me.

Had the man not slept that night? How did he know those details?

When the thunder woke us in the middle of the night, you rolled over to look at me and in the light of the lightening, I could see how close your lips were. I kissed you. I'm sorry I didn't stop it Kel, I let it get deeper and then it all happened so quickly and was so terrible for you. I remember you taking a deep breath, squaring your shoulders and heading out for the day's work. I lay there and wondered how I had been so selfish to hurt you so. I wondered how, after all the years of terrible things said about your reputation, I had managed to destroy it in one careless, early morning.

Her stomach clenched at his words; that was nothing compared with what she had done. The one last thing she hadn't told him, could never tell anyone. It made her queasy to think about what he would think if he truly knew the state of her reputation.

I felt ashamed and guilty for the rest of the trip. I tried to show you I cared about you, that the morning hadn't simply been a moment of carelessness on my part, and then we parted ways.

Kel remembered that, the smiles he had given her, the soft touches.

I resolved that I would tell you in words how much you meant to me. I realized that was my mistake, thinking you would simply understand that I cared deeply about you even if I didn't say the words out loud. So I promised that the next time I saw you I would sweep you off your feet and ask you to court me.

Kel's heart stopped. He had wanted to court her? She had known he had cared to a certain extent, at least enough to be nice, but she had also known Dom went for the simpering ladies, not fellow warriors. He only spent time with ladies; from the rumors she had heard he hadn't even pursued the women Riders. So she had simply thought he had woken up beside her, a female body, and enjoyed himself, but then hoped they would go back to being friends. She had wanted him so badly she had convinced herself she would be okay with that, as long as she could arrange to wake up beside him a few more times in her life. Now he said he had wanted to court her. Did that mean that because of the things she'd told him he didn't want to anymore? The thought made her throat clench.

Well screw him, she wasn't okay with going back to friends, she wanted him to accept all of her or not at all. She threw down the parchment and stormed out of her house to find something useful to do with her time. The two-faced liar had made her finally feel almost okay with her past and now he didn't want her because of that past? Well she didn't need someone that mendacious in her life. She knew deep in her heart that even if he had still wanted to court her, she would have to say no. She pushed that one last moment on the ship while it was docked in the Yamani Isles out of her mind; she must simply accept that she couldn't court him, or anyone.

Turning back on her heel, she strode back into the room and grabbed the letter. She considered throwing it in the fire. Instead she found herself sitting down to finish it, though she hated herself for doing it.

So I promised that the next time I saw you I would sweep you off your feet and ask you to court me.

Kel winced as the phrase pulled at her bruised heartstrings.

However, within the week we were on a ship headed back to the capital. I would have asked you then and there but you acted like there was nothing wrong and were very busy. I got to thinking that you might not want to be courted, so I thought I'd ask you later, in private, in case you turned me down. Then the Gods paid me for my cowardliness and you went missing. I spent six months thinking that I had finally found the woman I wanted to take seriously and because I had not been man enough to ask you, you had been taken from me. Honestly, after the third month I came to believe that not only had you been taken from me, but that you had been taken from this earth for good. So when I stopped your horse and stared up into your face, I was so shocked, my brain quit functioning. Had I had any sense at the time, I would have asked you right then and there, but I didn't. Then you were so closed off and cold, I wasn't even sure if you would give the idea of courting me proper thought, or if you would just slam the door in my face.

Kel bit the inside of her check. He was right; she would have said no had he asked her, thinking her burden was too much to forgive herself for. Though she still thought that, she reminded herself, a bit belatedly.

So again I did nothing. Recently, I heard that a squad was being sent north to map the border while our squad was being sent east. I practically ran to my Lord and convinced him to send us north instead. So I got a few days to see you, and again I have not asked you. I'm sorry, there was a lot to think about and I have already admitted I'm a coward. So now it's been almost two years since you returned and I still haven't asked.

I realize this is the second worst way to do this, the first being not doing it at all, which is what I have been doing, but Keladry of Northmostpoint, would you please accept my courtship?

Kel dropped the letter. Swearing, she picked it back up.

Kel, you know me better than anyone else, I believe that I was made to be there for you.

Dom

She shouldn't, she really should not say yes, but oh how she wanted to say yes. Unable to make herself pen the letter that refused him, she set the letter aside and went out to groom her horse. If she cried silently while doing it, she knew the horse wasn't going to tattle to anyone.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. A special thank you for the reviews from beee, Angelbaby1991, Mel, moleking, meka loves chocolateeee, stormwinglover, Guest and Madrigal of Rose, it was amazing to hear from all of you.