DISCLAIMERS: No, the show still isn't mine.

SUMMARY: While Castle is away, Kate tries to hold down the fort while she deals with Hope's first cardiologist appointment on her own.

A/N #1: There will be a time jump of a few weeks in this chapter.

A/N #2: Part 2 will deal with Hope's condition and Josh's upcoming parole hearing. While Kate will still be dealing with the postpartum psychosis, it's going to be a mere backdrop for this part of the story.

A HOLE IN THE HEART

PART II

CHAPTER 21: Holding Down the Fort

"Daddy will be home on Tuesday," Ari stated, looking up at her mother. "He can give Hope a bath when he gets home."

"No way," Jack shook his head in disagreement. "She needs a bath now because she really, really stinks." He wrinkled his nose to emphasize his point.

Kate was standing in front of Hope's crib with Ari on one side and Jack standing on the other. The three of them were staring down at Baby Hope, who stared up at them, kicking her legs and smiling. Smiling was something that Hope now did a thousand times a day. However, at the moment, the three of them were faced with a larger, smellier problem. Hope was in desperate need of a bath, which up till now, Kate had only done with Castle's help.

Castle was in Washington DC, on a book tour that was taking him into Maryland and Virginia. He was due home in two days, but Kate knew that there was no way she could leave Hope unbathed for two more days. "Mom, there's no way she can wait two more whole days," Ari spoke up, voicing Kate's thoughts.

"I know."

"I have a great idea," Jack jumped up, thrusting a tiny forefinger in the air. "We can undress her, put her on the floor and let Royal lick her. He'll get her really clean."

"Jack, that is disgusting!" Ari made a face while Kate tried to keep from laughing. "Do you know how many germs are in Royal's mouth?"

"Royal licks me when I'm dirty," Jack argued quite logically.

"There's only one thing that we can do," Kate looked at her two older children. "We have to launch Operation Bathe Hope. Ari, you get the baby bathtub and take it downstairs. Jack, you get the baby soap from your bathroom. Meet me in the kitchen."

"Cool! This is like war!" Jack ran from the room in excitement.

Kate scooped the baby up, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "Girl, you are one smelly baby. That's okay, we're going to get you smelling all nice and pretty again."

Once the lithium had finally kicked in, Kate felt herself feeling more normal, the good days now far outnumbering the bad ones. But the bad ones were still really bad. On the bad days, it was hard to function. Castle had been reluctant to go on the book tour, his first one since Kate's illness. But Kate had insisted. He'd only be gone a week and she promised to reach out to Martha or Alexis if the need arose.

For the past few days, she'd been getting by with just washing Hope down with a soapy washcloth, but today both of the kids had insisted that Hope needed a bath badly. Kate had to agree with them. She was getting pretty ripe. She took the baby into the kitchen and placed her on a towel on the kitchen counter, removing her clothes just as Ari walked in, lugging the tub. Pulling one of the footstools over, Ari stood on it and placed the tub over the sink. "Thank you, baby. Where's Jack?"

"Right here!" Jack ran in, brandishing the bottle of baby wash.

Kate ran some water into the tub before carefully placing Hope into it. Ari could see her starting to panic. "Mommy? It's okay. You've got this," she said the words she'd heard her father say hundreds of time in the past.

Kate gently wet Hope's hair before washing her carefully. She then washed her body, as Hope cooed and kicked her legs, making Kate smile. She loved how her personality was beginning to come alive with each passing day. She finally took the cloth and washed her face, which Hope never liked. "I think you are finally as clean as you're ever going to get," Kate lifted her from the tub and placed her on the towel, wrapping her up before taking her into the living room. "I forgot her clothes. Can one of you bring me a onesie and a diaper?"

"I'll do it," Ari offered.

"No, I'll do it!"

"Hey guys, come on. One of you can get the onesie and the other can get a diaper."

The kids stomped up the stairs while Kate continued drying Hope. She then rubbed some baby lotion on her just as the kids came down the stairs with clothes. "She smells much better, mommy," Jack told his mother.

"Yes, she does," Kate lifted Hope up, smiling at the adorable grin that came across her two-month-old daughter's face. "You two were a huge help. Thank you."

"We made a great team," Ari looked at her brother, who nodded eagerly.

"Yes, we did," Kate agreed.

"Sissy and I can stay home from school tomorrow so that you don't have to take Hope to the doctor alone. We can be your oral support," Jack said.

"You mean moral support," Ari corrected him.

"That's what I said."

"While I'd love to have the company tomorrow, you should really go to school. Do you remember when we talked about how I have to start doing things on my own?" The kids both nodded. "This is one of those things that I need to do by myself."

"But what if it's bad news?" Ari asked.

"Then I'll have to handle it. Or I'll talk to daddy and he'll help me to handle it. Ari, you and Jack are little kids. Daddy and I want you to be little kids. Daddy and I are the grownups. I know that you two want to help and you are, more than you will ever know. But let me and daddy handle any of the bad stuff from now on. Okay?"

"Okay," Jack looked at Ari, who nodded her agreement. "Can we eat now? I'm starving."

"Yeah, let's go make dinner."

Later that night after she'd fed Hope her last bottle of the evening, but before putting her down for the night, she opened her laptop and called Castle via Skype. "Hey," his smiling face soon greeted her. "How's my family?"

"About to turn in for the night. We all miss you. Hope's right here beside me. She's not quite asleep yet." She moved the computer so that Castle could see Hope lying on his side of the bed and sucking her thumb.

"Hi, Hope," Castle smiled when Hope opened her eyes, which were turning into miniature replicas of Kate's. "I miss you guys, too. Two more days, Kate. What did you do today?"

"The kids and I gave Hope a bath. We had to. She was about to run us out of the house. How does a small baby get so smelly? I was cleaning her several times a day, but she still stank."

"I used to wonder the same thing when Alexis was a baby. So, I take it that the bath went okay."

"It went fine. The kids were a huge help. They offered to stay home from school tomorrow when I take Hope to see Dr. Sayid."

"It's going to be okay, Kate. You have to keep telling yourself that. Call me tomorrow when you get home. If Dr. Sayid sets up an appointment, go along with it. I trust him, Kate. I trust that he knows what's best for Hope."

"Okay. I'm scared, Rick."

"I know and I'd be with you if I could. But I'm going to be at a book signing tomorrow, otherwise I'd fly in to go with you."

"I know that you would. What time will you be back at your hotel?"

"I should be back by five."

"I'll call you at 5:30. I'll text you before that if he tells me something bad."

"Kate, he isn't going to give you bad news. Look at her," he nodded toward where the baby was now soundly sleeping, her thumb still in her mouth. "She's happy and she's doing so well. She's perfect, Kate."

"Yeah, she is," Kate placed her hand on Hope's chest, feeling it rise and fall with her breathing. "I'll call you tomorrow evening and I'll see you Tuesday. I love you."

"I love you, too. Put Hope to bed and get some sleep yourself."

Kate ended the call and closed the lid on her laptop before placing it on the floor by the bed. She then lifted Hope into her arms, smiling when the baby stretched before settling against her mother's chest. "Let's go to bed, baby girl."

The next morning Kate took the kids to school before driving to Dr. Sayid's office for Hope's appointment. Rather than dealing with the Baby Bjorn, Kate opted for the stroller instead. She snapped the car seat into the stroller base before going into the building.

Once again, she found herself in a room with parents of other children, all of them battling heart defects of one kind or another. "How old is your baby?" The woman sitting beside her asked. She was holding a little boy of about two on her lap.

"She's two months old. How old is your little boy?"

"He's almost three. Dr. Sayid is going to schedule him for surgery."

"Open heart surgery? He's so little," Kate blurted out before wishing she could take it back.

"He's had surgery twice before. The first time was when he was 18 days old."

"What's wrong with him? I'm sorry if that's too personal, but I'm new to this and—"

"It's terrifying, I know. My name is Glynnis," the woman held her hand out to Kate.

"Kate and this is Hope," she nodded toward the stroller.

"This is Ben," she cuddled the small boy in her lap. "He has Tetralogy of Fallot. It's several defects, each of which has to be treated differently. He'll have several surgeries throughout his life. One of those surgeries was for a ASD."

"How do you—"

"Stay strong? I don't have a choice. He's happy. He knows that his heart has a boo-boo, but that's all that it is to him."

"Hope has an atrial septal defect. I still don't really understand what that means."

"Honestly, it means that she's luckier than most of the kids here. If Ben hadn't been born with an atrial septal defect along with the other defects, he would've died. Even if Hope eventually has to have surgery to correct the defect, it's a one-time surgery. She'll be in and out in less than an hour."

"Hope Castle," the receptionist called Kate and Hope to the back room.

"Thank you for talking to me. I hope everything goes all right with Ben."

"Thank you. Believe me when I tell you that Hope is going to be fine."

After settling in the examination room, Kate placed Hope on the table and removed her clothes except for her diaper. After undressing her, she wrapped her in a pretty pink blanket that had been a gift from Martha and sat down in a chair, holding the baby close to her. She smiled when Hope grabbed the satiny edge of the blanket and tried to put it in her mouth. "I know you're hungry," Kate kissed the top of her head. "Mommy will feed you as soon as we're finished here."

Hope gave a bright smile in response. Kate lifted her up so that she was eye level. "Daddy will be home tomorrow. I miss daddy. Do you miss your daddy?"

Hope just smiled more, which made Kate laugh. At that moment, Dr. Sayid entered the room with the nurse. "Good morning, Mrs. Castle. How is Hope doing?"

"I think she's doing well. She's starting to sleep through the night now."

"Let's take a look at her heart today and then we'll discuss whether I still feel that she needs an angiogram," Kate walked over and placed Hope on the table while the doctor turned on the ultrasound machine before placing a small dab of gel on the baby's chest, causing her to start crying.

Kate rubbed Hope's leg, hoping to calm her while she watched the video monitor. "Will the angiogram show you if the hole has got smaller?"

"Yes, it will."

"What happens if it hasn't got smaller?"

"We will give it more time. I won't do anything surgically until after Hope's first birthday. If it hadn't closed by that time, then it probably isn't going to."

"Will it cause problems if it doesn't close by then?"

"As long as Hope is kept on the beta blockers, she will be fine. Right now, it appears as if nothing has changed. Mrs. Castle, I understand that you're apprehensive about the possibility of an angiogram."

"I had a bad experience with one. I don't want my baby to be in pain."

"I promise you that Hope won't be in any pain. You and your husband can be with her when she has the procedure. Are you all right with scheduling this today while you're here?"

"My husband is away, but he told me last night to agree with an appointment."

"Dress Hope and we will set a date."

Kate dressed Hope, whispering to herself, 'Please don't make it the fourth of February.' After the baby was warmly dressed, she wrapped the blanket around her and settled in the chair while Dr. Sayid brought up an electronic scheduler. "What date works for you in February, Mrs. Castle?" He asked.

"Let me check," Kate reached down in her purse for her iPad and turned it on. "Any day during the second week will work. Can you do it then?"

"How about February 12th at 8:45 in the morning. I'll do the procedure at New York Presbyterian. It will take approximately three hours."

"How long will it be before we know the results?"

"You'll know the results that day. I can tell you the results as soon as the procedure is over. Hope won't like the procedure, but not because it will be painful. I will give her sedation for the pain, but she will need to be held down and I've yet to meet a child who enjoys that," he smiled.

"How will she be afterward?"

"She will be groggy and cranky, but she should be her normal self by the next day. You said that you had a bad experience. Was it because you were in pain?"

"No, I think I let my fear get the better of me. I guess we'll see you on February 12th."

Kate strapped Hope into her stroller and made her way back to the reception area where she was stopped by Glynnis. "Kate!" Glynnis ran up to her and placed a piece of paper in her hand. "It's a support group of sorts. I've met a lot of parents during hospital visits. We get together once a week and vent our feelings. It's pretty informal, but you're welcome to join us if you'd like."

"Thank you. I'll talk to my husband, but I'd be interested in meeting other parents."

***CCC***

That evening after letting the kids talk to their dad, Kate sent them upstairs to play. She rocked Hope in the baby swing by her side while she brought Castle up to date on what Dr. Sayid had said that morning. "He definitely said the angiogram will show if the hole is decreasing in size?"

"That's what he said. Castle, I met a woman in the doctor's office this morning. She said that she has created a support group with other parents of kids with heart problems. She said that they meet once a week to vent. I was wondering if you'd be interested in meeting these other parents."

"I don't know, Kate. What if Hope is improving and their kids aren't? It doesn't exactly seem fair."

"I was just thinking that if Hope isn't getting better, some of these parents can at least tell us what we can expect. Doctors never tell you everything."

"We'll talk about it when I come home tomorrow."

"But you promise that we will talk about it?"

"Tomorrow when I get home. I should be home shortly after you get the kids from school. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner?"

"No. I think I'll just call in for a pizza."

"That sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a safe flight."

***CCC***

"How was it holding down the fort while Rick was away?" Dr. Burke asked Kate the following morning.

"It was rough, at times, but it also felt rewarding. I proved to myself that I can take care of the kids without fear of falling apart."

"But you're happy that Rick is coming home today?" He smiled at her.

"I'm so happy that he's coming back today. I met a lady yesterday when I took Hope to the doctor. She has a support group for parents of kids with congenital heart defects. When I mentioned it to Rick last night, he seemed reluctant to meet these other parents. Why do you think that is?"

"I can't answer that question for you, Kate. Rick's the only one who can tell you why he's apprehensive. Did he tell you anything?"

"He said that if Hope gets better while these other children are so sick, that it doesn't seem fair. I guess he feels we'd be flaunting Hope's good health."

"What are your thoughts about Hope's upcoming angiogram?"

"While I'm still not crazy about the idea of her having one, at least now we'll know something regarding the ASD."

"I hope that all goes well."

"So do I."

***CCC***

It was drizzling when Kate picked the kids up from school the next afternoon to drive them home. "Will daddy be there when we get home?" Ari asked.

"He told me last night that he'll probably be home right after you get home from school. Are you excited to see daddy?"

"I miss him when he goes on a book tour."

"I miss him, too," Jack chimed in. "But I also missed you when you were at that bad place, mommy."

"Jack, the hospital wasn't a bad place. They helped me to get better so that I could come home to you and your sisters. Who told you that the hospital was a bad place?"

"Nobody. I just thought that it was a bad place because daddy was so sad all of the time."

Kate pulled into the garage and shut off the engine before getting the kids out of the car. She then unlocked the door leading into the house and hung her keys on a hook by the door. She took the baby carrier into the living room before taking Hope out of it. That was when she heard the laughter and squeals coming from Castle's office. She was about to go and investigate when her husband walked out of his office with a child in each arm. "Look, mommy!" Ari shouted joyfully. "Daddy's home! He got home before we did!"

"So I see," she walked toward Castle with Hope cradled in her arms. "You're early, Castle."

"I know. Nice surprise, huh?" He kissed her, laughing when he heard the kids groan. He then lowered Ariel and Jack to the floor before reaching for Hope. "Hello, Baby Girl," he laughed when she gave him a huge smile. "I missed all of you so much."

"We helped mommy give Hope a bath," Ariel told her father. "Jack, mommy and I were a team."

"I'm glad that you two were such a big help while I was gone. And the three of you make a great team."

"Let me change her and then I'll order pizza," Kate took Hope before going upstairs.

That night it was difficult to get the kids to bed because of their excitement over their father's homecoming. By the time they were finally asleep, Hope was awake and demanding her last bottle of the night. Kate was sitting in the nursery feeding her when Castle walked in and collapsed on the floor at her feet. "I am wore out," he threw his arms over his head. "So, she's really doing okay?"

"Dr. Sayid seems to think so. Castle, I'd like to go to the support group that Glynnis told me about. It would be nice if you'd come with me, but I understand if you don't want to."

"How many parents are in this group?"

"I don't know. Glynnis didn't say. It would be nice to be with parents who understand what we're going through."

"Kate, I just worry . . . when I was researching Hope's condition, I saw so many other defects. Defects that are just devastating. What if Hope gets better and these other children don't? I'm not sure I could handle that."

"One meeting, Castle. That's all that I'm asking for right now. Let me call her and we'll go to one meeting."

"Okay. I can do one meeting. I'm going to go and take a shower. Come join me when you're finished with her," he stood up and kissed the top of her head before leaving the room.

"Your daddy loves you so much," Kate looked down at the drowsy baby. "You're special to him because you were born right into his hands. I know that he's going to tell you that story a million times as you grow up. He's going to tell you about how I woke him up in the middle of the night because you were already on your way. You were in a big hurry, Hope."

After placing Hope in her crib and covering her, Kate walked downstairs to their bedroom. She smiled when she entered the ensuite and saw Castle through the shower door. She quickly undressed and opened the shower door, laughing when he pulled her in and closed the door behind them. But her laughter soon died away when his lips crushed down on hers, his hands hungrily traveling over her body.

When they got in bed half an hour later, Castle pulled Kate down onto his chest, allowing his fingers to trail down her spine. "I'm so glad that you're home," she murmured sleepily into his skin.

"I'm happy to be home. Get some sleep," he kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes and drifted off.

A/N #3: I'm going to be delving into Josh and the parole hearing in the next chapter.

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