A/N: BIG apology for taking so long to post this chapter, but couple writers block with college work and you have your answer. Also I never realised how long Jacob and Edward's conversation was until I started writing this!! And it's even harder when you need to reread the chapter each time you sit down to write it! Anyway enough of the excuses!! And I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter!
Edward's POV, anything in italics is what Edward hears and is from BD as is all speech, everything else is my own creation. Please review as always, really do make my day :) Enjoy!!!
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"Outside Jacob" I snarled.
If Jacob wanted a fight then I would give him one, and for once, I didn't care what Bella thought if he didn't make it out alive.
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I had never wanted to kill anything more in that moment. Jacobs words flashed round my head, only serving to fuel my anger more, we were both stood up, facing one another, our eyes intent on one another. Both of us had waited too long for this moment, in the past we had always tried to push our differences aside for Bella's sake, but that was then and this was now. So much had changed in the past few weeks, and quite frankly, right then and there I didn't care what Bella thought about me and Jacob. All the anger that had been building within me since our honeymoon was on the brink of exploding and I was grateful that a release was on its way.
"Outside, Jacob" I snarled at him, the venom in me rising up and pooling in my mouth.
Jacob extended himself to his full height at which he surpassed me, he looked down at me, pure hatred in his eyes. Once I feared this hatred, but now I knew no look of hatred could mirror that I saw within myself.
"Let's do this" he said, his face curling up into a smirk.
Instantly by each of my side I felt Emmett and Jasper, like me they had waited too long for this, it was them who long ago had urged me to teach Jacob Black the lesson he had asked for. But I had always resisted, until now was. I had to stifle back a laugh when Jacob imagined the rest of his pack finishing us off if he did not finish the job, the dogs had a constant problem of undermining us Cullen's. A smug part of me wanted to remind Black that in the hunt for Victoria last year it was him and no Cullen that had got themselves injured, but I restrained myself, concentrating on the matter at hand.
Jacobs thoughts entered my brain once more, and the venom in me rose faster and faster as his thoughts rested on Alice and Esme, he was right, we would sure as hell kill him before he could lay one finger on either of them.
I didn't want to kill girls.....even vampire girls.
How compassionate of you Black I thought to myself, my venom beginning to pool back down inside me as the threat went away.
Though I might make an exception for that blonde.
Instantly the venom was back, Rose may not have been my favourite person at that moment at time, but even I in all my anger and misbelief would fight to the nail for Rose, and I pitied Jacob if he found himself against Emmett, even I would not wish that on Black despite all the hatred. I'd seen Emmett fight grizzly bears for fun and I pitied them, I hated to see what he'd do when he was fighting for a life, not least that of Rose's.
"No" came Bella's voice, piercing through my thoughts, everything else in my mind stopped and nothing else but her sweet, melodic voice mattered, I turned around to face her. She'd moved up from her safe haven on the sofa and her arms were outstretched as if she were trying to grasp at me, as always Rose was there, protecting her.
Inwardly I sighed, I wanted to stay and hold Bella, try and reassure her. But too many times in the past I had done what Bella had wanted where Jacob was concerned, and now was my chance to tell my side of the story, free from interruption, for my own sanity I needed that.
"I just need to talk to him, Bella" I said as calmly as my voice could muster given all the emotion.
Her face was flustered and I could see concern written on every inch of her face. My heart sunk, the concern wasn't just for me. Just as it had been from the moment I returned from Forks, Bella's heart was torn in two, my half and Jacobs, and never did the two work in symphony. I reached up to touch her face, stroking it as gently as I could, trying to calm her as much as I could. There was some sick satisfaction in seeing the reaction it provoked in Blacks mind, how dare I touch her? It would be my pleasure to remind him that after everything she was still my wife, my heart swelled with pride, ultimately she had chosen me. I left my ego and returned to Bella, she was still in desperate need of reassurance.
"Don't strain yourself" I warned her, she was already so weak I hated to see her exert herself more than necessary. I hated myself for what I was about to say but I had no choice, I had to reassure that second half of her heart that was not mine "Please rest. We'll both be back in a few minutes".
I hated promising to return him to her, that I wouldn't rip him to shreds the second we were on our own, that I wouldn't transfer all my pain and anger onto him, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything, one look into Bella's face and my humanity returned, she was my conscious, my soul if I had one. I had promised myself long ago that I would be the man that Bella deserved, and that was not a killer, no matter how much it was in my make-up, I couldn't, I couldn't hurt her more than she already was.
Bella was searching my face intently for any sign that I would go back on my word, but she found none, the human in me won out over the monster and I would not hurt Jacob Black.
Bella nodded and made her way back to the couch, Rose helped her sit back down. All the time she kept her eyes fixed on Jacob, it was enough to turn my stomach and resent myself for being so weak where Bella was concerned. Instantly the instinct to kill in me resurfaced much to my annoyance.
"Behave" she said, I couldn't help but note with much glee, to Jacob. "And then come back".
Unlike me Jacobs thoughts were making no promises, apparently some of us knew the way to Bella's heart and others didn't, and that is why she is Mrs Cullen not Mrs Black I thought to myself gleefully.
I quickly turned to both Emmett and Jasper, and in a movement too quick for human eyesight to see I shook my head to the both of them. I appreciated them wanting to support me, but I needed to do this myself, I needed to confront the demons that I saw in Jacobs eyes and I didn't need them there to witness my moments of weakness.
They nodded understandingly, I knew that they wouldn't be far behind if I needed them, as always. Taking in one last deep inhale of breath to calm myself more than anything I headed out the front door, Jacob on my heels.
Jacob I noted was congratulating himself on what he saw as separating me from my family so easily, little did he know that this was my choice, that if I had wished I could have the entire family stood behind me, Emmett and Jas as always my flanks. But it was my own choice that I walked out that door alone, never unguarded, but definitely alone. I walked ahead of Jacob so I didn't have to meet his gaze, despite his childish thoughts I felt no sense of attack imminent, that would come much later I was sure, once he heard more of the facts.
"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black" I whispered, more to myself than to him, his time would come I was sure. No-one would take greater pleasure in killing me than Jacob if Bella lost her life for the 'monster', not even the Volturi. But that time was not now, not whilst Bella was still breathing. "You'll have to have a little more patience".
Jacob growled, evidently my whisper had been loud enough for him to hear.
"Patience isn't my speciality" he said with as much menace as his voice would allow him.
I kept walking, I wanted to explain to him, that he wouldn't need a lot of patience, that when the time would come I would beg him, how I would be on my knees infront of him, desperate for him to re-unite him with my love. Then there would be no Emmett or Jas as my flanks, then it would be just him and me, and I would be grateful for the mercy of my death.
I walked further and further down the drive, trying to work out the best plan of attack, metaphorically of course. As always when I was away from Bella I could feel the strain of the situation return to me, and I felt the true age of my years, the cold wind of the day turned my body into an even harder granite it seemed. Maybe this was the best way to explain to him, for him to see, that it wasn't just Bella hurting. That this wasn't some ego trip of mine, that I hadn't asked for this. Without warning I turned round to face Jacob and I couldn't help but notice that he had stopped dead in his tracks.
Finally he was beginning to get some concept of my pain, he could see it in my eyes, and he was right, he would have to live a lot longer before he understood what it was I was living through. I could feel sweat building up on my forehead and I brought my hand up wipe the sweat, but instead it was my fingers that made contact with my skin, I dragged them across with such force, that if I was a human the skin would have come clean off. Every moment of mine, Jacob and Bella's strained relationship flashed across my mind, that night in the tent being the most vivid. Seeing Bella's course as it should have been if it was not for me had hurt me the most, in an ideal world her and Jacob made sense, but that was in a world where magic and myth did not exist alongside mortality, but it did so we were left with the cards that fate had dealt us, the cruellest being the fate it had condemned Bella to. I opened my mouth to talk to Jacob but no words came out as the familiar image of a Bella in unimaginable flashed through my brain, rendering me speechless.
This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake.
For once in his life, Jacob Black was talking sense. At least, I consoled myself, despite what may happen next, he understood, he understood that I had not asked for this, that this had never been part of my plan, that I was suffering with Bella, more even at the knowledge of contemplating a life without her.
The pieces of the puzzle were slowly beginning to fit together in Jacobs mind, he too was speechless. He took his time, putting mine and Bella's expressions within the house together, and then coupled with my expression now here in the open it wasn't long until he came to his conclusion.
"It's killing her, right? She's dying" he said, pain entering his own eyes. It was nowhere near as strong as mine but I knew given time it would be a close second to mine, he was still in shock, he would get there eventually. For Jacob the pain would never match mine as he had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he had lost Bella, she'd never been his to begin with, even when I wasn't there. She'd always belong to me, and he was right, his pain would never be as deep as mine because it wasn't his fault.
"My fault" I whispered, the words tripping out so easily knowing I wasn't going to be comforted by some reassuring member of my family, but instead chastised as I deserved. My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor in front of him, making myself the world's easiest target to him, more vulnerable than he could ever have dreamed to find me, yet there was now no desire to in him to fight, that had been lost the moment he'd realised that Bella was dying.
"Yes" I groaned, my agony overtaking me and I bent over further so I was now facing the ground, anything to avoid the look in his eyes, I didn't want to know what I might find in them. "Yes, it's killing her".
I was annoying Jacob now, his sympathy rapidly disappearing, he obviously expected me to be smug and arrogant about the whole matter, but instead I was making this far too easy for him, not the fight he so craved.
"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" he growled at me. " He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her".
I wanted to laugh, instead I looked up and gritted my teeth. If only it had been that easy, hadn't that been what I had wanted from the very beginning? And here he was all, trying to be all superior suggesting what we had all thought from the very beginning, he really did underestimate us.
"She won't let us" I said through gritted teeth and annoyance.
It took him a moment to work out what I had just said
Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.
Sadly Jacob was figuring all this out much faster than I had, my heart sunk as I realised that in many ways Jacob knew Bella better than I could ever dream of.
"You know her so well" I continued. "How quickly you see.....I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened.... that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand that after one second...."
My voice trailed off into a half sigh/half groan. It felt like such a relief to be able to air my true feelings to someone who would not palm me off with reassurance, but at the same time my long standing jealously resurfaced, it had taken me so long to work out that Bella would fight for the child, yet he had worked it out in seconds, maybe they had belonged together.
"Just back up a second. She won't let you"
His voice dripped with acidic sarcasm.
"Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred and ten pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs".
Yet again I wanted to point out this had already been thought of but I thought it wiser to just let Jacob air his anger and not provoke him more than necessarily.
"I wanted to" I whispered, admitting it out loud for the first time. "Carlisle would have...."
I smiled weakly when I heard Jacobs thoughts on that.
"No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things" I explained, only a fellow mythical creature would dare call us noble, even sarcastically.
I listened carefully to Jacobs next set of thoughts, he had already shown an evident dislike for Rose back in the house and I was curious to know what he would make of that little bombshell.
His story hadn't made much sense before, but it fit together now......So what was Blondie up to?.....What in it for her though?.... Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?
My protective streak was back up and running again, there was a part of me that wanted to explain to Jacob just why Rose was how she was, why she was so desperate for this, but I couldn't betray my sister in that way, and not least to someone who was not guaranteed to understand, so instead I carried on.
"Maybe" I said, lying through my teeth in order to protect Rose. "Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way".
There, a little bit of the truth mixed in with pure fiction.
"So take the blond one out first. Your kind can be put together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."
I wished I could live in Jacob land, everything seemed so simple there. Didn't he understand I had already dreamed up all these scenarios, envisaged them all in my mind enough times that I wondered if they would come true, until I remembered the irreparable damage it would cause my family.
"Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us..... and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it...." my voice trailed off as I recalled all the conversations, the arguments I had seen in my head, it hurt me to know the damage that this mess had caused to my family.
"You should have left Bella with me" said Jacob, his tone deadly serious.
"Yes" I answered immediately, as much as it pained me to say it, if it meant Bella had a long life ahead of her I would have gladly left her with Jacob, to know her heart was still beating would have been enough, and time would have eventually healed all the other wounds.
He was right, it was too late for what ifs now the damage was done, I had kicked myself enough times for not seeing this outcome before our honeymoon and I didn't need to hear it from him. I looked up at him, and I knew he knew how remorseful I was for that.
"We didn't know" I said, my voice barely a whisper. "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us-"
"When the human gets ripped to shreds in the process"he said angrily.
Or pillows or bedheads I thought to myself, trying not to think of Bella's distorted body.
"Yes" I agreed tensely, my thoughts returning to the current moment. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one survives".
The words pained me to say and I shook my head as if doing so would clear my brain of the images that plagued me.
"I didn't realise they had a special name for what you are" Jacob all but spat at me.
I looked up at him yet again, his hatred for me growing with every mortal second, yet never eclipsing my own self hatred.
"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself"I admitted, smiling inside, knowing at least I had won that battle.
Wrong.
He still wanted to kill me, the urge was still there, but by killing me he would not prolong Bella's life anymore, he couldn't save her from the big bad vampire anymore, the wheels had been set and the car crash was in motion, if anything killing me would kill her even sooner.
"Killing me now doesn't save her" I said simply, knowing there was no argument for that, nothing could save her now.