Title: The Road to Delta Vega is Paved with Good Intentions
Series: Trek Pod
Sub-series: You Don't Have To Be My Boyfriend
Pairings: K/S with a few surprises along the way
Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter.
Warning: Sexual content
Chapter inspired by: "You Can Let Go"
Lyric excerpt:
"You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
There ain't nothin' you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know
That you can let go
Don't be afraid when you're falling apart
Don't hesitate I'll be right where you are"
Let Go: part two
After his heart to heart with Pike Jim felt absolutely mentally exhausted. Even though Pike didn't say a another word about losing his Number One, Jim just knew that he was hurt more by her loss than the thought of never being able to walk again or getting shackled to a desk for the rest of his Starfleet career. At least there was still hope that one day he could walk again, due to some scientific breakthrough or just maybe the idiotic bureaucrats in charge will realize that a person being in a wheelchair is not a liability but possibly an asset. Pike's lost love was gone for good.
The entire conversation made Jim want to go find Spock and tell him exactly how much Jim loved him and wanted to spend the rest of his life with Spock even if his lover kept having conversations with 'Marshall'.
After that, Jim tried to talk about happier things or at least nothing that would remind Pike of the one that got away, until Bones actually kicked him out. He would be upset except for the fact that Bones gave him the world's greatest wedding present ever; private time was Spock and supplies for sexy time.
Even though he was drop dead tired, he almost bounced back to their quarters with excitement. He actually ran into his husband in the hallway. Jim stopped himself from showing any displays of affection until they were safely behind closed doors at his husband's request. Once Spock got used to the medication that Bones was giving him and got over the fact that they were not dead Spock went back to his normal prudish stance on PDAs. Spock felt it was now absolutely necessary that they remain professional at all times in front of the crew. That meant not flaunting his and Spock's relationship even though everybody knew. Jim personally didn't see the point anymore. That particular genie was already out of the bottle considering they already groped each other on the bridge in front of everyone. However, because he loves Spock and Jim didn't want to make him do anything he was uncomfortable with and therefore he kept his hands to himself.
The second the door was closed, he pushed Spock up against the wall and began kissing him in an, 'I want to tear off all your clothing and bend you over a desk' sort of way. Actually, as Spock's tongue continued to dance with his, all sorts of wicked thoughts were running through Jim's head. Due to the fact a certain part of Spock was now poking him in the thigh he knew that his husband was up for it. His previous exhaustion went away the moment Jim's mouth touched his lovers. He felt like if they didn't make love soon, he was going to explode. Did he just actually use the term 'make love'?
"As much as I would find extreme pleasure in performing some of the acts that you are currently thinking about, I believe that we need to talk about several things including the fact that we are now married under Vulcan law. After our discussion has concluded, I would not be averse to participating in some of your fantasies. However, I will be the one bending you over the desk." He really shouldn't be surprised Spock would say stuff like that.
"Promises, promises, we will flip a coin. I'm not going to bottom all the time and I don't expect you to either. Before we begin our heart to heart or more pleasurable activities, how did things go with she who despises me?" Jim said as he straightened out his attire.
"I assume you are referring to Nyota. She does not despise you. She says that she is actually starting to like you but I am not to tell you that." Spock said quickly revealing too much.
"My lips are sealed." Jim said giving his husband another quick peck on the lips before moving to the couch. "So what did you two talk about besides the fact she no longer despises me? Do you now understand why she was willing to put herself in danger just to keep you from killing the big and brainless? You know she saved your ass from getting kicked out of Starfleet and possibly spending 10 to 20 on some Federation prison planet." Jim said wrapping his hand around Spock's. Just because they were having a serious conversation, didn't mean that he couldn't show some affection.
"I am fully aware of the possible consequences of my actions if it were not for her intervention. I am appreciative of that fact and told her so during our long conversation." Spock squeezed his hand just a little bit more as he said this.
"Do you now know why?" Jim continued.
"Part of the reason was she felt a kindred spirit with me because she experienced a similar situation when she was unable to prevent her mother's death. She understood that I was feeling guilty because I could not prevent my father's death. She also understood that I was upset because my father and I were not on the best terms at the time of his death, which you are well aware of. I am unable to give specifics regarding her situation because she told me this information in confidence. I will tell you this; although the circumstances were different the outcome was similar." The fact that Spock was also blocking him from the information mentally told Jim that whatever she said to Spock must have been bad. Maybe even on par with Winona's death.
"I'm not going to ask you to betray her confidence. I don't like talking about the details of either of my parents' deaths. Therefore, I will pay her a courtesy that I normally do not get myself. Trust me I understand the guilt. For an entire year after her death, I blamed to myself for not trying harder to get my mother out of that situation." Jim said and complete honesty.
"It was not your fault, T'hy'la. You are not responsible for the actions of your stepfather." Spock said just before placing another chaste kiss on Jim's lips. At least it was supposed to be a chaste kiss. Unfortunately, things got out a hand. How exactly did they go the last eight months without doing anything?
"Stop that. We are going to finish this conversation before I rip your close off. Maybe I should go sit on the bed." Jim said to himself.
"That will not help." He heard Spock mumble under his breath.
"If I can't blame myself for what Frank did to my mother then you can't blame yourself for what Nero did to Sarek. You are not responsible for the stupidity of others." Jim said wrapping an arm around his husband.
"Yet, I am responsible for not being able to rescue my father before the planet of my birth disintegrated." Spock's said pulling away from his embrace.
"No, we're not playing this game. You tried. Your grandmother showed me exactly what happened. You are not responsible for the ground giving way at the wrong time. You tried to catch him but you couldn't. That's not your fault. We are not playing the blame game. This was not your fault. The only person to blame for what happen was Nero and we all watched him and his crew being sucked into a black hole. Let go." Jim said grabbing his lover again.
"I find that difficult." Jim could feel Spock's confusion and anger through their bond. It was better than before but it was still overwhelming.
"So did I, you know all about my lost year. I was so pissed and angry with Frank and myself that I was self-destructing from the inside. There was not enough alcohol in Iowa to deal with myself loathing. I realize now the only person I was hurting was myself. I won't let you do the same thing I did. I love you too much for that. Even though I'm now your husband and lover, I will always be your friend first and foremost. Friends don't let friends do stupid things. Letting the guilt, regret, and anger eat you up from inside is a very stupid thing." Jim said this as his head was cradled in Spock's neck.
"Nyota said something similar." Jim smiled that that.
"So that was her other reason?" Jim asked his husband.
"She assured me that although I do not wish to engage in sexual intercourse with her, she is still my friend regardless. As my friend, she wants what is best for me and therefore felt the need to keep me from killing the person you and her refer to as 'Cupcake'. I find that concept refreshing. Before, I thought the human concept a friendship always involved sex or physical intimacy." Jim could not believe that comment but it explained so much.
"Okay, no wonder you thought it was perfectly normal to make out with me all the time Vulcan style when I thought we were just friends." Jim muttered under his breath before continuing. "I'm going to assume that your concept of human friendship comes from the bitch and the asshole." Jim said angrily referring to Spock's first two human lovers. The whole thing made him angry enough to go down to sickbay to finish off the job that the ceiling and Spock started a few days ago.
"Your assumption is correct." Spock said quietly.
"Baby, that's not friendship. Real friendship has no ulterior motives and is completely unselfish. Real friendship and platonic love doesn't come with strings attached. Your real friends will stay by your side even when you push them away or they think you're absolutely crazy. Carol and Cupcake were using you for their own selfish desires. Those two only cared about themselves. Most friendships are not like that. Bones is my best friend, not counting you. I would give my life for him because I care about him not just for what I get from the relationship. Bones risked his career to get me on the ship just so I could be with you. I know that he will always be there for me. He even arranged it so you and I have time for this wonderful conversation. The only thing he asked for in return was for me to never give him details regarding what we use the things in the gift bag for. That is real friendship." Jim finished by placing a gentle kiss on Spock's neck.
"At this moment I'm feeling quite foolish." Spock said very softly.
"Don't, you are not the only one who fell for a complete line of bullshit. I fucked Cupcake too. That makes me just as foolish. Hey, in another dimension I almost married the bitch. We all have temporary lapses of good judgment and common sense." Spock was giving him the, 'I think you're absolutely nuts' look after that confession. Jim really does not like that look.
"Do not look at me that way. That's what other Spock said."
"We must talk about your experiences with my counterpart on Delta Vega." Jim was almost positive that was a subject change for the sake of avoidance but he will take it.
"Can we please do that tomorrow? It's going to take forever to go over everything we talked about on the walk to the outpost not to mention the stuff he downloaded into my mind during the mind meld."
"You melded with him?" Spock asked him, in an angry voice as he abruptly pulled back from his touch. Seriously, how could he not tell Spock was being jealous before?
"Hey you melded some random Romulan for work related reasons and I wasn't jealous. It was a mission critical mind meld. How do you think I found out that we were married? Then again other you, was sure we were married after just speaking with me for less than 10 minutes."
"You would have a point, except you were uncomfortable with what you are referring to as a "mission critical" mind meld with a random Romulan." Spock said pointing out his hypocritical behavior.
"Okay there are downsides to being able to know what the other is thinking."
"We will need to work on your shielding abilities once time permits. It would be quite distracting for you, to send thoughts of a sexual nature to me, during duty hours especially during a crisis situation." Spock said with his version of a smirk.
"I would not do that." Jim said defensively.
"You already did such a thing. This is why I would like to work on your shielding abilities. However, the most expedient way for us to exchange information related to your time on Delta Vega is to perform a mind meld." Spock suggested.
"Are you using this as an excuse to have mind sex?" Jim asked with a wicked smirk.
"I assure you I have the utmost self control."
"I don't care if you have control. Fine, let's get this over with so we can use Bones presents."
Okay it turned out that neither one of them could control their selves during the mind meld. At first, it was a perfectly normal data down load related to the events of Delta Vega. Spock was even a little amused, for him, at his counterpart's reaction to finding out that this dimensions version of Spock dated Carol. It was better than the absolute anger and hatred Spock was feeling for Cupcake when he showed Spock everything involving the red crab monster of death. He was going to have to get extra security for Cupcake.
Then at some point, the scene shifted from the ice and snow of Delta Vega to Jim's tropical island sex on the beach honeymoon fantasy. Before he knew it, their clothing was ripped off and he was feeling a lubricated finger making contact with his backside as Spock wrapped his other hot hand around Jim's rock hard erection. Jim really doesn't remember much between that moment and actually coming. He does remember mumbling something about topping next time and Spock acquiescing before Jim blacked out due to a combination of exhaustion and good sex.
Spock did not fall asleep after they did what Jim would refer to as 'christening the couch'. Even after cleaning both he and James off and moving his husband to their bed he was still unable to sleep. Since the destruction of Vulcan, not counting his time unconscious, he has slept a grand total of 72.3 minutes. Traditionally Vulcans require significantly less sleep the humans but even that amount was insufficient for him.
Even a satisfying round of sexual intercourse was not enough to trigger sleep. His mind was still too active. So many things have occurred over the last few days and were causing him concern. He kept thinking about his earlier conversations with elder T'Pau, James, and Nyota. Even after all these years both James and Nyota were still affected by the deaths of their mother. Although he is only partially human, he wonders if he will have a similar experience.
His father has been dead for less than 72 hours and he still feels this overwhelming hurt and anger at Sarek and himself for holding on to illogical grudges for so long. Now there was no chance of reconciliation. He was angry that he only knew that his father loved him after his death. He still feels anger, pain, regret, and guilt even if he shouldn't. No amount of meditation, medication, or conversation had allowed the feeling to go away.
After 2 hours of reviewing various mission reports and a few scientific journals that he needed to read he was still wide awake with only his disconcerting thoughts for company. He was concerned about his first conversation with his mother. Even though Jim pointed out that it was illogical for Spock to blame himself for Nero's actions he still did. He was worried that his mother would also blame him.
He considered meditating but was sure Jim would wake up the moment he left the bed. Spock was not even certain his mind could reach a meditative state in its current unsettled condition anyway.
"You're thinking too loud. You woke me up. Now I have to pee." A groggy Jim said beside him, as he got up from the bed completely naked.
"That sentence makes no sense." Spock said as he admired the view of his lover's backside.
"You tried being coherent after a couple of mind numbing orgasms and—how long have I been asleep?" Jim said as he made a very quick trip to the bathroom.
"You lost consciousness 3 hours and 17 minutes ago." Spock said without even looking at the clock.
"See you didn't include seconds, therefore you must be exhausted. I know you don't need as much sleep as I do but you do need some rest." Jim yelled from the bathroom.
"That does not seem to be an option at the moment." Spock told his lover so quietly that he was sure James would not be able to hear him.
"So why exactly are you sleepless on Enterprise?"
"I am not sleepless. Vulcans require less sleep than humans. I am fine." Spock said trying to appease his love.
"Whenever you use the term 'fine', I know something is seriously wrong. How long have we been sharing a bed before sex was actually involved? You fall asleep during a movie marathon just as easily as I do. Your half-truths don't work on me. I know you too well. What's wrong baby?" Jim asked as he fell back into bed, wrapping his body around Spock completely.
"Nothing is wrong, it is just…" Spock was not sure how to verbalize his problem to his love.
"You're mind is too busy to sleep. You can't stop thinking about everything." James said knowing him too well.
"Precisely."
"I would be in the same boat if it wasn't for the sheer exhaustion. Do you want to talk about it? It helps to talk and we were supposed to be doing that anyway before our mental beach honeymoon time. I will not be able to fall back to sleep until your mind is a little calmer. I heard some of your thoughts and most of them were unpleasant." Jim said quietly.
"I apologize for not shielding better. I will make it up to you. I'm sure I can come up with other activities that will exhaust you." Spock said as he began kissing Jim's neck as a distraction.
"Oh god, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather talk to you about your daddy issues than have more mind blowing sex. See this is why I know I love you, I care more about your mental well being than getting off."
"How can I have 'daddy issues' if my father is no longer living?" Spock asked as he went back to kissing every single inch of Jim's body.
"Stop distracting me with your mouth. You know I have no will power whatsoever. The fact that your father is dead is the daddy issue." Jim said reluctantly pulling away from his husband.
"I much rather engage in the act of fellatio than discuss the many issues I had with my father." Spock said pulling Jim back to him as he started to suck on Jim's neck again marking his lover.
"I'm all for one of your earth shattering blow jobs. I'm also amenable to giving you an earth shattering blow job, but as much as it pains me we're getting this conversation out of the way. My balls are literally blue right now thanks to the way you're sucking on my collarbone but I will do anything for you including not having sex."
"How can earth or any other planet be shattered due to oral sex? Also, your genitalia is not actually blue, rather some shade of purple." Spock said starting to stroke that part of Jim's anatomy.
"Nice diversionary tactic with stupid questions and the attempted hand job." Jim said stopping Spock's hand mid-stroke. "We're still talking about your daddy issues."
"I refuse to talk about any of my remaining guilt or the dismay over the lack of closure regarding my father when I'm holding your genitalia in my hand."
"You are the one who wanted to play dirty." Just then Spock chose to squeeze the part of Jim's anatomy in hand. "Fine, we will deal with your daddy issues over breakfast in 4.7 hours." Jim said as he started too breath heavily. "I guess we'll also talk about the fact that you haven't called your mother yet later." The mere mention of his mother made Spock let go of Jim.
"What is it about the mere mention of your mother that makes you go from a sex starved nymphomaniac, to a pseudo blushing virginal prude in 1.2 seconds flat?" Jim asked with a hint of irritation.
"You will not make me answer that question otherwise I will not be touching your genitalia again anytime soon."
"Got it. No asking anything that involves your mother in bed with no clothing involved in this marriage. What do you want to talk about?" Jim asked him.
"You wished to stay married?" Despite Jim's earlier assertions Spock was worried that James would change his mind.
"Not quite what I wanted to talk about but it will work. I thought I pretty much told you that is what I wanted when we were on other Spock's ship. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Jim said, pulling Spock's naked body closer to him as he placed a kiss on his lover's mouth as Jim intertwined their fingers together in another kiss. "I want to grow old with you. Because let me tell you, you are still going to be as sexy as hell when you hit the century plus mark and I want to be around to see it again." Jim said as he pulled Spock's hands up to his mouth and began to kiss each finger the human way. "I want little children with your ears and my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to pull it off but we are so having sex in the captain's chair." Jim said that last part with a smirk.
"I would point out the improbability of pulling off such a thing, but you would just see that as a challenge." He said as they continued to enjoy the contact.
"You know me too well. What I'm trying to ask is will you marry me?" Spock really did not understand this question.
"I do not see the point of you asking me that question due to the fact we're already married by Vulcan standards." Spock said giving his husband what Jim referred to as an incredulous look.
"Yes, by Vulcan standards we are already married, but by human standards we are not. If we do a human ceremony your mom will be less likely to cut off my balls for missing our bonding ceremony." For some odd reason Jim was convinced that his mother would be very upset about their unintentional bonding.
"I doubt that occurring." Spock said reassuring his husband as he kissed his neck again.
"Pike said the same thing. He said that she will probably focus on the positive aspects of us already being married such as we won't have to deal with the fraternization policy bullshit. Do you know that because we got married before I graduated from the academy, Starfleet can't say a thing about us being married? We can even be in the same chain of command." Jim actually smiled as he said this.
"I'm aware of that particular clause. I see your logic and therefore I am willing to marry you in the human tradition once we return to earth." Before he was done speaking James was kissing him again.
"You're going to look so hot in a tux. Okay, now you can blow me." James said with a lascivious grin.
"I find that agreeable."
After an hour of various sexual activities Spock fell asleep for 6.2 hours due to a supposedly malfunctioning alarm and allegedly no one on the crew being brave enough to call their quarters. The situation was rectified by Spock's great grandmother coming in their quarters to force him and James to contact Amanda under duress.
To be continued.