Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, nor am I affiliated with them in any way. All characters (aside from Nev, Rexgar, Gaerna, and Tarom) are not of my creation, and I have no rights to them.
The chapter title is a song title by the band Passion Pit, and the chapter is loosely based on the lyrics. I am not affiliated with the band in any way and hold no rights to the song.
Author's Note; In the game, I realise Deadpool can't get drunk. In Classic Deadpool and Deadpool Max, however, he can. I'm going with that.
"I see you've met someone. I haven't been with you for some time now. You've been careful lately," Death says gently. I nod.
"Fury's adopted daughter," I say.
"Well, if you had to fall for someone, you made sure it was someone pretty high up, didn't you?" she asks.
"Are you jealous?" I ask, genuinely concerned. Death smiles, a serious task for her.
"I'm not. So long as you are happy, my love," she says, caressing my face.
"I am. On a level I forgot even existed," I answer, suddenly longing for Nev's touch instead. Death draws back, as if she senses it.
"Very well. I suppose I should give you back to her. My time with you is always so short, but I feel better sending you back knowing you won't be so alone." Death makes a sweeping gesture with one arm, and I find myself gasping in lungfuls of air.
I dunno how long I've been sitting here anymore.
Hours? Days?
I dunno if I'm waiting for Nev or if she left while I wasn't looking.
She wouldn't leave you. Well, she might if she saw you like this.
"She will anyway, she's gotta come out eventually," I argue. I'm not used to hearing my voice like this. I turn and look at the doors to the building. It is Nev, leaving the SHIELD tower, phone in hand. When she sees me, sees all the bottles at my feet, she pockets her phone and walks over to me, slowly. She looks…
Disappointed.
"That's an awful lot of alcohol," she says. "And… I don't see anyone else here." I look down at them, not wanting to look at her. "I'm not a teetotaler, I love the occasional fruity girly drink, but I'm not terribly fond of people who get trashed out of their minds. Kind of started with my friend Tanya, it was rare to see her father sober. Sorta destroyed her family, she ended up in Kentucky. Tanya, not her father. I haven't seen her in a long time." She just stands there, not saying anything. Maybe it's being drunk, maybe it's how uncomfortable it feels knowing she's displeased with me.
"I don't feel like I really have a purpose or a direction or anything. Kinda like I'm just existing to finish some quest proving I'm worth anything," I tell her, trying to justify doing this. Her face softens considerably. She's quiet for what seems like hours.
"Do you even know where you are?" she asks finally, pulling her coat around her. "If anyone catches you like this, you're going to be in a lot of trouble."
Looks a lot like your coat.
"Your coat looks a lot like mine," I say, ignoring her statement.
"It is yours. You let me wear it when it rained and I didn't give it back," she says. She sighs. "You can't drive, but I can't leave you here. I don't actually want anyone to find you like this, I'd risk… Just, let's go." She holds her hand out. "We'll have to walk back to your place." I'm almost too ashamed to accept her help.
"Maybe you should just leave me here to freeze to death," I mumble.
"You can't die, and I don't want you too, anyway. Come on," Nev sighs again. I take her hand and immediately know I can't stand up without her help. I latch onto her, and even if she is mad at me, her touch is the same as I remember it always being as she holds me upright.
"'M useless," I tell her again.
You need to make her believe it, and drunken slurring isn't going to accomplish that.
"Logan said so," I continue. I watch our feet as we go, she's walking perfectly fine. I'm just stumbling along inelegantly at her side.
"I don't care what Logan said," Nev tells me. "You aren't useless, you've done a lot of things lately that even SHIELD's best agents wish they could do." She shifts me a little, but the movement makes me dizzy and I cling to her tighter.
"Tarom got away," I tell her. "He almost killed me and Logan and then he got away."
"What does that have to do with you and your level of use?" she asks, sounding very patient.
"Logan said I shouldn'ta even been on the job," I slurr, my vision blurring with tears. "He wouldn'ta got away if I hadn't been there."
"You can't know that," Nev says. "I'm not sure your presence affected the outcome either way."
"I don't even really think I'm worth all your feelings," I say, starting to just spill all my doubts.
"I know you don't, but you've got them anyway," she tells me. "I think you're worth it, that's what matters." I swallow hard, trying not to cry. I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore.
Plus if you cry, you're going to be sick all over her.
"I'm sorry if I get sick all over you," I mumble. She just shifts me again.
"You'll be ok. We're almost home, I'll get you into bed and you can just sleep like tonight never even happened," she says. She eases me up the couple of steps to the door, where I proceed to nearly fall over trying to retrieve the house keys. Nev just stands with me, holding me, being patient, all the things I'm sure I don't deserve anymore. She closes the door behind us and guides me to bed, going so far as to lay me down and get the blanket over me. But then she starts to leave. I grab her wrist, and she turns to me. I don't think she can see me pleading with my eyes through my mask.
"Stay. Please?" I croak out pathetically. She pulls her wrist away and steps out of her shoes, changes from jeans to something more sleeping friendly, and gets into bed next to me, pulling me into her arms. I'm not used to being held. Hugged, sure, I've been getting a lot of hugs lately. But being held? Comforted? I squeeze my eyes shut, praying silently that the nausea and threat of tears will pass.
"Are you mad?" I manage.
"No. I'm at a loss on what to say to you though. I can tell you I disagree with how you feel about yourself, the way others tend to see you. But I have no idea how to say, or even what to say, to make you see what I do." I feel her hand on my back moving, drawing little circles, absent minded actions meant to soothe me. Her other hand is cradling my head to her chest. "Ideally, you won't be doing that 'drink all the things' act anymore."
"'M sorry," I mumble, starting to feel very tired.
"Don't be sorry. Personally, I only say sorry if someone's mad. And only sometimes. And usually I don't mean it," she says, making me smile.
"I mean it though," I tell her. "I don't wanna make you mad or disappoint you. I can live with letting most people down, but not you." I try to hide a yawn from her.
"Go ahead and sleep," Nev says. "I won't go anywhere. I'll still be here when you wake up."
My eyes flicker open. Not sure what woke me, likely the crash of nausea. Nev's still here like she said she'd be, asleep and still holding me. I slip from her arms and stumble out of the house, not wanting to wake her by being sick on the other side of the wall. I empty my insides into the bushes that line the porch.
You were polite enough not to get sick on her. Good for you.
"I shouldn't have made myself sick in the first place," I mumble back. I sit on the steps, curled in on myself. My head's still swimming and I'm pretty sure I'm not done tossing my cookies. The moon shining through the drapery of trees is leaving an interesting pattern of shadows on the walkway. I stare at them as I try to calm myself. Actually, I want to lie back down, but I don't to risk waking Nev to do it.
Coming out here at all was a bad idea.
I lie down on the wooden porch instead, still watching the shadows. I can hear Logan telling me I shouldn't have been part of the mission. It's like all my self confidence that I've been working so hard to rebuild spilled out when the bastard slit my throat. I can feel the last of the drunk and hang over residue disappearing as the moon-made shadows creep across the walkway, eventually moving into the grass. I'm still debating on if I want to get up or not when the door opens.
Nev doesn't say anything. Just crouches in front of me and stares, asking me to say something with her expression. I look back, feeling a little defeated.
"Your coat looks familiar."
"Yes. It's yours. We've been over this."
"Have we? Hm. Coat aside, it's cold out here. You should go back to bed."
"It's empty and it's bothering me."
"Wanna go to Toys R Us and get a stuffed critter to hug? I suggest an okapi.'
"No. Well, yes, I love stuffed animals. But right now I'd be happier to have you back in bed with me." I sit up, and Nev pulls back, looking at me expectantly. "Please stop acting like you still feel guilty."
"I'm not still sorry about the drinking."
"That isn't what I meant." Her tone is still gentle. It's sort of the only reason I'm not currently afraid of her. Or of her opinion of me, I guess.
And hers is the only one you care about anymore, anyway.
"Of course I care about her opinion." She smiles faintly.
"My opinion is that it's cold and we should go to bed. It's late enough to be early now," Nev says, taking my hands as I stand and leading me to the door, back inside. I push the door closed and see to it that it's locked before following her to bed. I'd already shed my mask, hours ago, and I just really don't care enough to bother with the rest of the suit. She again pulls me to her.
"You can't be this upset over one snafu," she tells me, running a hand over the top of my head.
"It isn't that he got away. I expected that, no way were we gonna corner him and then politely ask him to come with us. I'm expecting him to have actual real reinforcements and some small battle will take place and someone will have to clean up after us. That's just how that works. No, I'm upset that I was told I ruined the mission. I've been beating my brains in trying to do something that will make these people accept me. I keep telling them I don't care, but I'm pretty sure that lie is falling apart," I prattle, eyes stinging again. And Nev hasn't even given me a single hint that she was listening. I feel myself breathing a little harder in panic.
"I already told you," she says finally, "Not to listen to what Logan says. He's not even really with SHIELD. His opinion is pretty low on the scale. Dad's happy with you, Coulson and Hill are looking for team jobs for you, which you never used to get. Those are the people that matter. Consider the source." I feel her press a kiss to my forehead.
Taking comfort in her touch, I squeeze my eyes closed and let myself sleep.
"Don't tell her how you found me," I say quietly to Peter. He shakes his head.
"I wasn't going to bring it up," he says. He'd found me gasping for air in a puddle of my own blood, curled up like some scared kid.
Humiliating. Then again, Nev found you so drunk you could barely walk.
"We don't have to tell him that. We'll keep the humility to a minimum," I say. Peter tilts his head.
"Tell who what?" he asks.
"Nothing. There's a reason I smell like shame and self-loathing today," I say.
Though we showered and washed the rest of the smells away, and with Nev and that was pretty nice. Right way to start the day.
"Or any day, really. Oh look, my favourite person," I say with a frown. Right as Logan walks up to us, Fury opens the door.
"You three, in here." Nev's already in the room, and comes over to me, checking me out like she's afraid something happened to me while I sat outside.
Like a puppy who's greeting their human. She really is a lot like a puppy though.
I respond by putting an arm around her. Fury's gaze lands on us briefly before he motions for us to sit at the "You done goofed" table. He stands at one end, hands on the table, head bowed.
"I can't even give you an A for effort." He shakes his head. "So, since you seem so eager to get this going, I'll tell ya what. I hired you some new team mates!"
"I'm not really interested in group events unless the group is a large mob of pizza delivery men," I say, holding a hand up to get Fury's attention. Nev ribs me, giggling, making me smile but making him a little less patient.
"You're gonna be taking someone that has, for the last few years, been layin' kinda low," he continues.
"We already got Wilson, how much worse can it get than some dusty has-been," Logan spits.
"You would be wise to start acting a little less hateful towards Wilson. I hear he helped clean up one hell of a mess in your mansion," Fury says, smirking. Logan pouts, making me feel better. "Besides, I'm not sure you'll be too upset once you get to gettin'. You're taking Stark and Rogers, because I said so. You're taking Banner, because he said so. But you also get Beast and Syrin." He looks at us all. "Rag tag crew but you wouldn't believe how many people are afraid of that fella! It's almost like they think he can kill people!" Fury waves his hand at the door. "You handled the mansion, you can handle this. Meet in Coulson's team room at 9." Everyone heads to the door except for me. "What, Wilson?"
"Syrin? Are you serious? She hasn't been on the radar in years and now all of a sudden, 'Oh hey you and my kid, that's not good, better call in an old flame-'"
"She requested it! Why in the hell do you think I'd call her in? I don't even what the hell she does or what her name is! Logan started screamin' about how much he could use her…" he slowly stops yelling at me. "Ah. Well, she asked me and I took Logan's word. I don't know about stuff like this. Mission's all set. Good luck."
"Why didn't he seem to know who you meant, then?" I ask.
"I had a neat little list of people, told him I wasn't interested in some lady that screams. If I needed that, I'd grab Hill and Coulson during one of their little spats. He insisted so I went with her anyway. Go get ready." He shoos me away again. I slink out the door, watching Nev and Peter playing. She's got some fascination with taking parts of his ensemble and not giving them back. Now she has one of his web shooters.
"We have all of five hours to do whatever we want. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't actually want to spend it irritating Peter," I say. "So, you're free to go." He snatches the shooter back from Nev and races off, laughing at her as she makes a face at him. "Why the sudden fascination with tormenting him?"
"How do you think he made me laugh while we were separated?" she asks.
"He let you abuse him?" I say with a smile. She nods slowly.
"He dished it right back but I mean… Yeah, I hit him with various non-lethal objects and played 'Where's My Mask' with him on more than one occasion," Nev says proudly. I pull her to me to kiss her.
"I really love you."