Holy hell, has it been a whole month already? Where was I? Where have I been? More importantly, what am I going to do? I could hardly believe it myself each and every time when it dawns on me that yes, yes it has been a whole month since Mrs. Fabray has told me about Quinn's adoption and yes, I have not told Quinn yet. Before you go and make your assumptions about me, let me just say that there have been multiple occasions where I have tried to unleash this secret on Quinn Fabray but as you know things do happen and when they do, I lose my train of thought or I punk out whichever comes first but I could no longer keep this in. It's been long enough. The suffering has been going on for far too long and normally, I can get behind some good soap opera drama but this was not the shit to be messing around with so I called Quinn last night and asked her to meet me at my apartment so we can have a talk; the talk, finally. Mrs. Fabray you owe me. Let's fast forward to tonight though. My name is Santana Lopez and I'm tough as any other bad asses out there but with this particular talk that I was going to have with my best friend well… I needed wait… I wanted some moral support so here I' am trying to work my magic to get my lovely cousin Emily to stay in for the night. Emily and I were just finishing our dinner as I kept trying to mind trick her into staying with me.

"Emily, please, do me this favor, please for the love of all gods. I need this one."

Emily swiveled her bar stool to face me, "Santana, you owe me about a million favors so what's so different about this one?"

What has the world come to when I can't even get a favor from the nicest person in the world? In fairness, Emily didn't know squat fiddly about what was to take place tonight but still can a woman get some luck? Now that I've backspaced my brain to the core of my stress, with the exception of Mrs. Fabray, I'm the only one who knows about Quinn's true identity. One whole month! I was able to keep this secret for a month, 30 days. That must be some kind of record but moving on.

"Em, you don't understand, just please stay" I begged. "This isn't some ordinary talk that I'm about to unload on Quinn. I need your pretty face to calm Quinn down when shit hits the fan," I said frantically waving my unfinished sandwich in hand.

"Santana, you have about five seconds to tell me what's going on or else I'm walking out of the door," she threatened, "It's a nice night and Rachel needs help packing so…"

"Wait, back up," I ordered quickly.

"It's a nice night," Emily repeated.

"No, no fast forward."

"Which part?"

"Emily Fields!" I screamed, "Rachel needs help packing what?"

Emily looked at me curiously, "You don't know?"

"Obviously not so sing it," I said, scooting my chair closer to hers.

"Rachel, she…" Emily paused. You could see it in her eyes that she was trying to verbally convey this detail as delicately as she could. "Well, San, Rachel… took… the part in the Funny Girl Revival," she said slowly.

I bit my lip in confusion, quirked an eyebrow in realization, and full on gaped my mouth open when it struck me. "But it's been like a month. I thought that they would have hired someone else by now."

Emily ejected her seat and shrugged her shoulders, "You'd think so right?" She added, "But she is Rachel Berry you know."

"This can't happen," I exclaimed, "I'm about to set things right."

"How?" Emily asked nonchalantly while putting her dishes away.

And right on time, a knock came at our door. Talk about perfect timing.

"Okay, well you handle that because I have to go," Emily inserted quickly as she rinsed her cup.

I ran to the sink and immediately held her hands captive, "Emily Fields if you walk out of that door I swear to god I will burn all of your clothes," I said seriously.

"Santana, get your hands off of me," she said yanking her hands away from mine.

"All of you clothes Em. I mean it," I screeched out. "Trust me; you're going to want to stay for this anyway."

The knocking against our door was getting louder and more apparent by the wasted second. I couldn't bear it anymore. Emily signaled for me to move my hands so she can get the door. This is it. I ran after her in terror. Okay, you're so ready for this. Emily turned the door knob and here comes…

"Hey guys."

"Mike!" I shouted, "What are you doing here? Where's, where is Quinn?" I stuttered.

"She told me to tell you guys that she'll be late," he said casually, making his way inside, "She had something important to do she said."

"Like what?" Emily inquired.

"Like talk to Rachel," Mike answered.

"Oh fuck me," I groaned. This wasn't part of the plan. Quinn Fabray what are you up to?

Time flies when you're numb. But isn't that impossible? How does one move with time if physically and emotionally they are simply stationary. But that's what happens. Time waits for no one. It doesn't matter whether you're moving or not. Time goes on. It is the expected, the known. That's how the expression time flies make sense. The act of flying itself is an implication of the defiance of gravity therefore there is a certain element at work that makes it impossible for time to not move along with it. Time has been catching up to me. Two weeks ago I accepted the role of a lifetime. The only catch was that I have to start a new life elsewhere, again. I'm Rachel Berry, moving isn't exactly a new experience for me. I stopped counting how many times I've moved a long time ago. Starting a new life, making new friends, and creating new beginnings were just part of the package.

It wasn't always easy but I make it through unscathed because…

I'm an actress; a very good actress as a matter of fact and that has worked in my favor for as long as I could remember. Ever since, The Happening, I have been able to robotically go on with my days as if nothing ever happened. It's been this way ever since I entered myself in this whole debacle that was my life. This defense mechanism of shutting everybody out has worked well. The act of not caring has served me well in the past, but that was a past before Quinn.

After Quinn, everything's changed. I've changed. The changes weren't instant and unnecessary because true love requires no changes to be made with either of the persons involved, correct? That's well and true but mutual respect does the work for you. Quinn never wanted me to change. She's always been fixed on loving me for all that I' am or was or am. Sweet as the gesture was, it didn't always work that way. In relationships whether we wanted to or not parts of us do change when we're with someone that could ignite that out of us. Quinn and I brought the worse and they very best out of each other but it was the very best that kept us together. Staying together wasn't a picnic. She's crazy possessive, insecure, and jealous; not exactly fun when all three worked together on the same day but I always knew better. I knew that her intentions were inherently good. Besides, I wasn't exactly the model citizen for a girlfriend either. There were several moments in our relationship when I knew that I more than annoyed her or sadly even broke her heart. Quinn carried the relationship. As much as she gave me credit she carried our relationship and that was a hard load to carry on her own. The frustrations seeped out of her even when she tried to not let it. There were many incidents where those frustrations came to a head.

Quinn Fabray disliked getting lost. Correction, she disliked getting lost with me and I do not blame her but weirdly enough she blames herself. I remember our autumn road trip to Los Angeles and well, it wasn't as peachy as I had hoped it would be. We were on our way to watch a movie at a mall in a city that we both weren't familiar with. She was driving, the usual, and I was sitting quietly on the passenger seat. I looked over to her. She was gritting through her teeth, "I think I'm lost." Silence. She was looking at me and I felt compelled to answer her but with what? I didn't know what to do either.

"Can you please use your phone and find out where we are?" She hissed out.

I bit my lip and did what I was told. I gave her turn by turn directions.

"So you mean to tell me that you had that talking navigator on your phone that whole time and didn't say anything?" She asked, as she drove her way to our destination.

I don't even remember answering her question. Quinn had cooled down but I could still sense her annoyance through her words. In moments like that, I figured it be best that I let her be and let her come to me when she's ready.

Quinn parked the car into the parking lot and turned the engine off, "Babes," she started, "I'm sorry for losing my cool earlier. I hate it when I get like that. It's an unfair situation for us both. It's just that, I wish you'd move you know. If you see me struggling like that, I wish you'd move and help me out a bit. I don't always know what to do or where to go and your help is always more than welcome," Quinn finished cautiously, "I know that sometimes you don't know when to come in but baby, it's me. It's us. It's our relationship. You can come in at anytime and tell me when I'm being an ass. I guess, what I'm saying is that I could use your help sometimes especially when I'm being an ass because I don't want to act like that towards you."

That's what I meant when I said that she carried our relationship. From an outsider's point of view, she did everything. She was the one that was sacrificing the time and the effort to keep our relationship alive and there was me, just there trying in my own way but I felt like it was never enough. I never really knew what to say or what to do to make the situation better for her. That's all I'd want too, to make it better for her. I love Quinn but sometimes being with her made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like she deserved better. That was the reason I tried to run in the first place. That was the reason I didn't even want to try to work it out with her in the beginning. The love, though, this love of ours wasn't a sprint, it was a marathon. It didn't matter how far I ran; it always caught up to me. At some point, I decided to give in. I decided to let go and follow my heart. Her tantrums in these situations, well they can be something else but at the end of the night I knew that I was part of the reason (or at least told myself I was) as to why they happened so I came back each time wanting to make it right with her. It wasn't out of guilt. I love Quinn with all of my heart but nevertheless I couldn't shake the thought that there was someone out there that was better suited for her.

During the same trip we had multiple trials and error, a week worth of it. During our time there, it just so happened that it was awards week and my management had insisted that I attend some of the glitziest parties around. "Just show you face," they said, "Let them know that you are still around and hot as ever." In the beginning, Quinn was not the happiest of campers when she heard that I had to take time out of our vacation for business matters.

"Just go. Don't make it complicated," she stated, "If you fight them on it, it'll just make it worse."

"But this is unfair, I'm 26 years old for goodness sakes you'd think they'd let me decide on how to use my own time," I exclaimed. I knew that I was acting like a child but there was no care to be found, "I wanted to spend my time with you."

"I know but it's out of our hands now babe, just go," she finished for me.

And so I went to the Vanity Fair party and had a miserable time. It was nothing new to me. I spent the night texting Quinn telling her that I'd be back soon. That soon kept on being later and later as I found myself stuck amongst the stars. It was around 2am when I made my way back to our hotel room. I knocked on the door as I forgot my keycard. I heard her footsteps coming closer. She looked sad. Not angry but sad. My heart broke. I bought us two cups of coffee and some desserts just to sweeten my arrival a bit. She closed the door behind me and sat on the bed.

Forcing a smile, she asked, "How was the party?"

"It was okay," I answered carefully, "How was your night?"

"It was fine," Quinn answered looking away.

"I got us coffee and some cookies," I said, putting the food down on the table in front of her. She didn't move from the bed so I sat next to her, "I'm really sorry about tonight baby. I didn't think that it would take me that long to get out of there," I explained.

Quinn took a deep breath, "I know. I'm not mad. I'm really not. It's just that. We're on borrowed time here you know. When we get back to the city I'll be busy with work and so will you so this trip was time for us," she clarified, "I'm not angry. I'm just sad that time was taken away from us but I really do understand Bubba, I do. I hope you know that."

It broke my heart to see her this way. I just wanted to make kiss it all away. Feeling lighter about the situation I stole a quick kiss on the lips, "I know you do baby. I know."

"When I get like this I just want to crawl out of my skin and dig myself into yours," Quinn revealed, "I want the words that I can't but want to say to leap out of the clutter of my brain and tell you how I really feel rather than having them wedged in my own silence. I want my body to act on its own accordance so I can just hold your hand or hug you so that you'll know that this isn't just about you but about something so much more but I can't help the silence. I can't help the distance. I'm so sorry," Quinn carried out.

"Baby, baby…" I repeated, taking her into my arms, "I know that it is not the easiest thing to be with me. I know that I have a lot of baggage. I know this. I don't want to make it any harder for you."

"That's that thing!" Quinn yelped, jumping out of the embrace, "I don't ever want to tell you any of these because I don't want you to run. It was hard for me to communicate with you about my feelings because most of the time I'd feel crazy, I've told you that. It was hard for me because I knew that you weren't being intentional but still it hurt then at the same time I didn't want to hurt your feelings and have you get the wrong idea. I just would want to have a conversation but I felt frozen because I didn't want you to think that you were the bad guy. I didn't want you to begin to doubt yourself. When you doubt yourself, you run, like you're doing me a favor. But you know, all those times I felt insecure or jealous, I just felt alone. I missed you but I didn't want to hog your time. I wanted you to have your freedom to hang out with your friends and what not. What I wanted was for you not to get bored of me. There was so much more going on," Quinn concluded, "I don't want you to get tired of me and our life together Rach."

All that time that I thought she was just jealous of some new co-star or an ex flame, she just felt… alone. How could I have been so blind to all of this? What was the matter with me? My girlfriend felt alone. Things had to change.

"I'll change," I assured her, "Whatever it takes."

"I don't want you too," she heaved, "That's not it. I love you. I do. It isn't the easiest all of the time like you said but I love all of you. I don't want you to change for me. I don't want to point out your flaws and have you think that they're some kind disease that lives within you. I can see you trying. I can. It's just going to take some time for all of this to click and that's what I have to remember. If changes were to happen then let them happen gradually and organically. If changes were to happen, let them happen because you want to. Do it for you, not for me okay?"

"I love you Quinn Fabray," I told her, pulling her back into the bed with me, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Ugh, I can't with you Rachel Berry," she feigned in disgust, "But I love you too," she said smiling, "Always. Just remember what I said okay? When I'm acting crazy just remember it's because I'm scared okay? But I love you. That never changes."

That was us. We weren't perfect. We didn't always get it right. There were a lot of arguments and heartbreaking scenes between us but more than anything, above all, we loved each other. We were special. That we both knew. So to think of the then and the now, well the now has been an incredible hard pill to swallow. Earlier today, Quinn called me to ask if she can come over to talk and I foolishly said yes. I knew why she was coming over. I've actually been expecting it, it was long overdue. We haven't seen each other for two weeks or so and during that time I've been thinking a lot about our situation and what I should do, what my next move should be. The only logical conclusion that came to mind was to leave. I snapped out of whatever daydream I was having when I heard the door bell. I walked at a glacial pace, counting each step as I walked to the door. Alas, here I was.

"Hey," I greeted, as I opened the door for Quinn.

"Hey you," she smiled, "Are you going to let me in or what?"

Hesitantly I opened the door widely gesturing for her to make her way in, "Well yeah, come in."

She stepped inside of my condo and I saw the sparkle in her eyes dim to a new low. She dodged the boxes that were all over my living room, all over the condominium as a matter of fact, and found a seat on the couch, my lone furniture that was left.

"So what I heard is true?" She asked, "Dumb question," she laughed nervously, "So… so, when do you leave?"

I sighed at the question, "Two weeks from now," I said, taking a seat on top of a box in front of her, "Once I get there everything will kind of just take off from there."

"The usual," Quinn joked.

"Pretty much," I nodded, "This is awkward isn't?"

"Not at all," Quinn teased, "It'll only be awkward if we make it awkward."

"It's still pretty awkward regardless," I maintained, "I feel like I'm taking a step back."

"Ouch," Quinn coughed, "I didn't mean to hinder your moving on progress."

"That's not what I meant," I said defensively, "It's just that this is hard for me… and I don't want it to be any harder for either of us."

"I know, I'm sorry," Quinn apologized, "I guess that we should both just get to the point of what we want to say huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed, "You go first."

"Of course," Quinn said shaking her head in that way that she does when she knows that I'm getting my way, "Hmmm… where should I even start?"

"The truth," I encouraged, "That's always a great place to start."

Quinn started to get nervous. I could tell by the way she was shifting in her seat. She kept looking out of the window and then back at me as if she was reading words that were written in the sky and then she began, "I love you so much Rach," she said fighting off the tears, "This hurts so much, just so so much. I will never be okay with what happened and what is happening right now but I can't continue hoping that something will change," she exhaled in one breath, "I can't change where I came from and you can't either. This wasn't an ordinary situation. I don't know how to handle it most of the time. All I feel is the pain every morning when I wake up and you're not next to me. It hurts every night that I can't have you with me sleeping in my bed. Everyday Rachel, it kills me every day. I've been dying and I'm just so tired of reviving myself," she cried into her palms, "I still can't think of a day where you and I are not together but I have to. I have to reroute my future without you in it and it's heartbreaking. It didn't matter what we went through before. The arguments and the fights didn't matter because I knew that I could still build a future with you but that's not possible now." Full on tears were on display, she was no longer holding back, "I haven't been living. I stopped breathing and it breaks my own heart when I think that I just want to breathe again. I love you. That will never change. You have my heart. You've always had it but I just…" she trailed off; she picked up her head and stared right into me. She took my shaking hands into hers and pushed herself out of the couch and kneeled in front of me.

"You just want to breathe again?" I said calmly.

"I do," she confessed crying, "Because I can't take it anymore."

"I love you baby," I cried with her, "All I've ever wanted was the very best for you. I will always love you Quinn Fabray," I said softly, "Staying here would only hurt us more. I made the right decision for us. It had to happen at least once."

"Don't do that," she said standing up, "Don't you even start that right now."

I stayed in my seat as she began to pace around, "It's true though. I'm the screw up in this relationship and it was about time that I do something right."

"You're running away!" Quinn yelled from her place, "You're doing what you're used to doing and you're running away. Don't act as if this was for me!"

"You're the one that came here telling me that you wanted to breathe again!" I was losing my senses by the second. "You think you know me so well but you don't! This isn't some kind of act Quinn this is me. I'm leaving because I want to. It's for the best. You have to know that. If I stay around you'll just suffer more. The whole point of this whole talk was for this right? Closure, well here it is Quinn Fabray, I'm leaving and in two weeks we can finally move on with our lives."

"I didn't want you to leave," Quinn rationalized, "I just… I don't know what I wanted. In some selfish way, when I found out that you were leaving… I just wanted to see your face… hear your voice, even just this once, even if we're fighting but I didn't want you to go."

"But I have to."

"Where do we go from here?" Quinn asked. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes, those same eyes that used to sparkle just for me but now that sparkle was gone. Did I do that?

"We have to let each other go Quinn."

I need to do this for her. She needs to move on. She deserves so much better than all of this.

"I know… I know," she said wiping off the tears, "I'm going to go," she said, walking towards the door, "Rach," she said, looking back for the last time, "I do hope that you find what you're looking for," she told me as she walked out of the door.

Me too Quinn, I hope so too. I wanted to run after her. Tell her that I love her one last time but I couldn't. My feet were glued to the hardwood floor and there was no moving to be had. Maybe there was some poetic justice in that. The fact that I couldn't physically move well I took that for a sign that I was doing the right thing. It had to happen sometime, it might as well be now.

AN: Okay you guys. Here is another chapter. It wasn't proofread well but I'll take the time this week to proofread this whole story and add and delete some things here and there just to make it more appealing :) Thanks again for hanging in there you beautiful people.