"Christian" I say nervously as I get into bed hoping to talk to him about my session with Flynn.

"Yeah baby?" he asks as he wraps his arms around me.

"It's just- never mind" I reply losing my nerve.

"What?" he asks as he nuzzles his nose into my hair.

I know I should talk to him, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose him.

"I love you" I say with a forced smile.

"I love you too baby" he replies.

I turn to face him and stare into his eyes. This is my Fifty. This is my husband. I love him so much.

I crash my lips onto his and kiss him hard. He seems startled by the sudden contact, but soon softly lays his hand on my hip.

"Mmmm" he moans into my mouth.

I run my hands down his sides until I get to the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Wow" he says pulling back and looking me in the eye.

I look away and stare down at the floor.

"Ana" he says softly as he guides my face back towards him. "Ana, what are you doing?"

"I'm just- I thought-"

"You thought what?"

"I just want to be with you" I say as tears fill my eyes.

"Oh baby" he says softly, "you aren't ready for this. Don't do this to yourself."

"But, I hate this" I cry as I sit up.

"I know you do" he says softly as he sits up and places his hand on my back. "I hate this too. This whole experience, I hate it worse than I've ever hated anything in my entire life."

"Are you ever going to want to have sex with me?" I ask looking at him.

"Of course Ana" he says reassuringly as he wraps his arms around me. "But, I'm not going to do anything with you that you aren't ready for. I'm not going to let you push yourself."

"Flynn said I should talk to you… about some things" I admit shakily.

"Oh?" he replies arching a brow.

"Just some insecurities I've been having" I explain.

"Okay" he says as he brushes some hair out of my face. "Talk to me."

"It's just. I'm worried."

"Worried about what?" he asks concerned.

"I'm worried about how this is going to affect our relationship in the long term."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm worried that you'll get sick of waiting" I explain as I gaze at him.

He stares at me for a long time and then finally speaks. "That's why you just did that?" he asks. "That's why you just-"

"Christian-"

"Ana, did you really think that I'd want you to do that? Force yourself to do something you're uncomfortable with? You think I'd leave you because you can't-"

"No!" I interrupt. "I-I don't know."

"Oh Mrs. Grey" he sighs. "I think I need there are some things I need to remind you of."

"What does that mean?" I ask confused.

"Standup" he says softly as he reaches his hand out to me.

"Okay" I reply as I standup and gaze at him.

"Do you remember our wedding Anastasia?" he asks as he caresses my face.

"Of course I remember our wedding" I reply.

"Do you remember my vows?"

"Yes" I answer.

"Really Ana, say them."

"I didn't memorize them word for word I argue."

"Say what you remember" he pushes.

"You said you'd always keep me in your heart" I say as tears fill my eyes.

"And-" he pushes further.

"You said you'd love me no matter what."

"I did" he smiles. "What else baby?"

"You said you'd comfort me."

"Mm-hmm" he agrees.

"And that you'd give yourself to me."

"I did give myself to you Ana" he says as he places my hand over his chest. "Only you, only my Ana. What we have hasn't changed Ana. We haven't changed. The bond between us is permanent it can't be broken."

"I know" I say with a smile, as something within me is awakened. I guess through these circumstances the tables have been turned. Like Christian did in the beginning of our marriage, I just needed reassurance that he wasn't going to leave. But I already knew that. I already knew he'd love me no matter what. I already knew he'd wait.

"You know?" he asks looking for confirmation.

"Yes" I reply confidently. "I know. I'm sorry I doubted you. It isn't you, it's just so much has happened and I'm so confused…"

"I know baby" he interrupts. "Don't apologize, don't ever apologize for being honest with me, don't ever apologize for wanting to hear how much I love you, because I don't mind telling you."

I smile at him appreciatively and then kiss him slow and tenderly. "I love you" I murmur as I pull back.

"And I love you Mrs. Grey" he answers.

I move towards the bed and he grabs my hand.

"What?" I ask as I look into his eyes.

"You said insecurities- plural. What else is bothering you?"

"Nothing" I say shaking my head.

"You said something before" he says as he strokes my hand with his thumb. "About feeling like the bruises made you ugly."

Fuck, I did say that. I said it because, well it's true.

"Do you need me to remind you how beautiful I think you are?"

"How are you going to do that?" I ask nervously.

"Here" he says as he guides me gently in front of the mirror near our closet. "Look at yourself Ana" he says gently. "What do you see?"

"I see that big gash on my lip" I reply.

"Yes" he says sympathetically. "There is a cut on your lip Ana, but it's still beautiful" he adds running his thumb across it. "I love this lip. It was the third thing I noticed about you."

"What were the first two?" I ask curiously.

"Well the first was your big, blue, beautiful eyes. The second was your flawless skin."

"It isn't flawless now" I argue.

"Mmm" he murmurs into my hair. "Yes it is. And your hair is so beautiful, and soft."

"My hair is the one thing he didn't touch" I say as I put my hand on his arm.

"He's gone now Ana" he says gazing into my eyes. "It's only me here. Only me. What else do you see?" he continues.

"I see that damn burn mark" I sneer.

He stills for a moment. "I hate that burn mark" he agrees. "But I love this" he says as he runs his finger across the skin of my chest. "Your skin is so soft and beautiful."

"There's a bruise on my chin" I add sadly.

"Yes" he says as he very gently tilts it so I'm looking up at him. "But I still love your chin. It's so delicate, and I love this spot right here" he adds as he caresses the area just below my lip. "This little indent here, right where your lip starts, it curls in when you pout."

"You still want me" I say turning around and looking at him. But this time it's a statement, not a question because I know the answer.

"Oh Ana" he sighs. "Yes, baby, yes. I will always want you. But I also want what's best for you, and that isn't sex… not yet anyway. Not like this."

I nod at him. "Thank you" I say as tears fill my eyes again.

"For what?"

"For reminding me. Of how great we are, of how much you love me, of how much I love you…"

"We're a team Mrs. Grey" he says as he wraps his arms around my stomach. "Me and you- we're the best team there is, and together we can get through this. Together we can fight this. We can make it through this perpetual night and into the daylight."

I smile at him warmly.

"Now let's go to bed" he says softly as he starts to walk away.

"Wait-" I say as I grab his hand.

"What?" he asks gazing at me.

"I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" he asks concerned.

"Ready for you to see me."

"What?" he replies.

"I want you to see me" I explain.

"Are you sure?" he asks carefully. "Baby, you don't have to do this."

"I know I don't have to" I say as I take a deep breath. "I want to."

"Okay then" he says as he takes me by the hand. "How about a shower?"

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