What Life Could Have Been
A/N: I'm back! Disclaimer still applies, etc.
Friends and Enemies
The winter months had not only been filled with snow, rain and howling winds but with another kind of nastiness. This particular nastiness took the form of greasy, lurking Severus Snape. During the course of an average day, he could be found hiding around corners and listening in doorways whenever Lily was around, especially if she was with James. They were all pretty good at ignoring him but in the event that something secret was to be discussed, which was more often than not, Snape became a bit of a liability.
"Lily, can't you speak to Severus about the lurking? It's really getting annoying," Elise sighed one afternoon in the library. The Gryffindor sixth years had pulled two tables together and some illegal activity was taking place amid all of the homework.
"Yeah, Snivellus is really getting on my nerves," Sirius grumbled, doing his best to conceal the Marauder's Map from Snape's inquisitive gaze.
"Alright, but I don't see what good it will do," she said, getting up and wandering over to Snape's obvious hiding spot.
Everyone watched for a few minutes until Lily gave them a harassed look.
"I'm sure glad I don't have a personal stalker," Elise murmured, rolling her eyes and turning back to her homework.
"Yeah, or Padfoot would break his nose."
"What'd you say Moony?"
"Oh, nothing," Remus said innocently; Elise stifled a laugh.
When Lily raised her voice, Madam Pince came over angrily and Snape stormed out of the library, saying something about betrayal and arrogant idiots.
True to what Elise assumed was Snape's word, he stopped hanging around Lily all the time. However, she began to notice him around more and more when she wasn't. For instance, when the boys were pouring over old maps of the grounds and planning a moonlit adventure, she was sure she saw Snape in the dusty corner devoted to the Goblin Wars.
She mentioned this to Sirius when she noticed him sitting at the near end of the Slytherin table for two weeks running.
"Sirius, have you noticed Snape more often than usual these past few weeks?" she asked during lunch one day.
"No, why do you ask?" he said, mouth full of potatoes.
"Sirius, that's disgusting."
"Sorry," he swallowed.
"It's just that I think he's been sitting a lot closer to us than usual. And I could've sworn he was spying on us in the library when you were planning the last full moon. He's making me nervous."
"Why should you be nervous?"
Elise sighed. "You're so dense sometimes. If he found out about you, James and Peter or about Remus, he could make life pretty awkward for you four. Just be careful what you say around him."
"Oh, Ellie, you read too much. Snivelly's not smart enough to figure out what we're up to all the time," he said matter-of-factly. "I'll see you in Potions; I've got to go check something."
"Sirius Black, you are such an arrogant fool," she muttered to herself, pushing her steak and kidney pie around her plate with distaste.
Over the Easter holidays Sirius and James came up with some "brilliant" plans for the Shrieking Shack; Dumbledore himself encouraged the rumors about the house so the boys decided to get creative.
"I thought you said you'd researched these creatures," Elise questioned as she looked at their lists. "There's no way anyone will believe the Shrieking Shack's got a nest of Quintapeds in it. Most of the wizarding world thinks that story's a myth and rest believes those creatures are confined to their ancestral island somewhere remote. What put that harebrained idea into your heads?"
James and Sirius looked at her in disbelief.
"Did we do something to offend you Ellie?" Sirius asked evenly.
"No, why?"
"You're being awfully harsh."
She sighed. "I hurt your feelings, is that what you're saying?"
They looked at each other, unsure of what to say.
"Well, I'm so very sorry that you can't be sensible. I just don't want Snape to find out that you're illegal Animagi or that Remus is, oh I don't know...a werewolf! Do you ever think about what comes out of your mouths?" She stalked out of the Common Room and up to the girls' dormitory.
James patted Sirius on his astonished shoulder. "Don't worry mate. She just gets like that when she feels strongly about something. You should know that by now."
The sharp whites and blacks of winter melted into the muddy browns, grays and greens of spring shortly after Easter. Sirius and James were doing their best to be sensible but Elise was still far from appeased. She decided that ignoring her anxieties would be a healthier pastime than constantly nagging so she simply gave them a weekly reminder and let the matter rest.
Unfortunately, James and Lily got into an argument over something trivial within Snape's hearing and he resumed his lurking. He could not be silenced by any pleas from Lily or any threats from James. Elise became increasingly snappy when Snape was around and Sirius didn't seem to understand what discretion meant.
Elise was enjoying the quiet of the girls' dormitory when she heard a commotion down in the Common Room. Normally she wouldn't have been disturbed but this was an outburst of epic proportions. Laying her book spine up on her bed, she went to the door to investigate; it was a beautiful spring evening so she was surprised to find anyone inside at all.
"—could you have said something so stupid! He was standing right there."
"..." Elise couldn't hear the retort but she knew the angry voice to be James.
"You know what tonight is. It's dangerous Padfoot."
"..."
"Fine, go wallow in self pity! I'm going to find him." Elise heard the Fat Lady's portrait slam shut and footsteps go up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.
"Sirius Black, what have you done now?" she wondered aloud as she descended.
No one else was in the Common Room so she quickly ran up the boys' staircase and knocked softly on their dormitory door.
"Sirius?"
No answer.
"It's me."
Still silence.
"What's the matter? What's James so angry about?"
"Please go away Ellie."
"No. I don't want you two fighting."
"I understand that but I don't want us two fighting either. You'll hear from James soon enough anyway."
Elise sighed. "I'm not going to let you be stubborn with me."
She tried the door. It was locked.
"What, like I'm not a witch? Alohomora!"
She marched over to his four-poster and pulled back the curtains. Sirius lay staring blankly at the hangings over his head.
"If you don't want me to be angry with you for whatever it is you did, we'd better talk about it now before Peter tells me all about it, huh?"
"Damned if I do, damned if I don't," he muttered.
"Exactly, so fess up. It's not like you haven't done stupid things before, right?"
Sirius sighed.
"Sorry. I'll be quiet then."
Sirius stared at the hangings for a while longer before turning his head to look at Elise. She started to say something but the look of total fear and remorse in Sirius's eyes stopped her.
"Snape knows," he said quietly.
"He knows what Sirius?"
"Well, he as good as knows." He looked away again.
"Please Sirius, we've so many secrets. What did you tell him?"
"I didn't tell him anything."
"Well...?"
"Prongs and I were saying bye to Moony before Madam Pomfrey took him to the Willow and when we came in we saw Snivellus watching them go."
He paused and looked away again.
"I just...I just hate him so much Ellie. I can never stop myself. He made some snide remark about Moony; I don't even remember what it was. James pulled out his wand but I...oh, Ellie, I told him all he had to do was to prod the knot on the tree trunk and he could get in after him." He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in a pillow.
Elise didn't even know what to say. She didn't want to say anything either so she laid a tentative hand on Sirius's still shoulder. He let out a breath he had been holding in and she patted him gently on the back.
"I don't know why I still bother with you really," he mumbled to the pillow.
"What do you mean?"
He freed his face from the pillow and met her eyes. "I'm just not good enough. I can't be what you expect. I never live up to your expectations. But I still try and whenever I do it ends in a fiasco like this. There's just no point to it. I'll only make a mess of things the harder I try."
Elise blushed and looked away. "I...I'm so sorry. I never meant to be so controlling. I just thought I was being sensible...I never meant..."
"You were being sensible. We never think about the consequences of what we do and you do. It's great, but I'm not very good at it. James gets it, that's why he's so mad. I wonder what's happening out there..."
"It'll all be taken care of. The worst that can happen is Remus eating Snape, right? That wouldn't be too bad."
Sirius laughed derisively. "You know it wouldn't."
"Anyway, don't worry about what you think my expectations are. You wouldn't be you if you weren't reckless and stubborn. And you know how much I like you as you are, right?"
She looked back at him and they shared an embarrassed smile.
"It'll be okay. If James won't drop it, just keep apologizing. Be very understanding if Remus is angry. And more than anything else: avoid Snape. We've only got one year left, I think you can manage. But don't beat yourself up too much if you slip; I know I can be short with you sometimes but I hate it when we fight."
"You certainly do have a temper."
"And you're stubborn and reckless." She smiled and lay down next to him. "So, tell me what you find so interesting about these curtains; you were quite captivated with them when I came in."
"You always surprise me Ellie," he said, trying not to laugh.
"I certainly try to. I expect it's why you like me so much; I never get boring."
"Can I kiss you?"
"It's about bloody time."