Did I give Dorothea's office special powers just so Quillei could fuck in there? The answer is yes, definitely. But, you know, Dorothea would want to have that extra level of security. Or maybe she just plans on seducing some pretty ladies in there too, who knows? (I think, both.)

This chapter is entirely angsty smut. Enjoy, but also, I'm sorry bc feels.

And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

Work Song - Hozier

Quill is so lost in the haze of emotions and the feel of Kalei's mouth against hers that she doesn't realise she's started backing Kalei up towards the lounge seat until the brunette wrenches herself away.

"Quill, we - we can't, we're at school, we're in Dorothea's office, there are windows in that door. Someone might have already seen us," she says to Quill, reaching up to right her crooked glasses.

Quill stops and lets go of Kalei, with a very vocal groan of frustration. Never has anything gone against her base instincts more. This isn't fair; this might be the last little pocket of time left to them, and she can't even touch Kalei for fear of social fucking etiquette.

"Wait," she says a few moments later, her head snapping towards the door and then to Dorothea's desk. "The door, the windows, on Monday, she-"

Quill crosses the room and feels around the edge of Dorothea's desk until her fingers find the small metal switch and flick it. The windows in the door turn black and the noise from the corridor disappears.

"What just happened?" Kalei asks, gaping at the door as Quill moves to check that it is also locked.

"The Headmistress likes her privacy," Quill says, before frowning, "or… something. I don't know, when it comes down to it, she's a highly suspicious character, and I don't really trust her about as far as you could throw her."

"And yet you're letting her help you with something very possibly lethal," Kalei says tightly.

"I don't have a choice."

Kalei swallows. "No, I suppose not."

"Now that I've taken care of the door issue, can we please have sex now? I'm going to go out of my mind if I can't touch you," Quill tells her seriously.

A tiny giggle escapes Kalei, even though her eyes are still red rimmed and not quite dry. She slips her feet out of her shoes and puts her glasses on the nearby coffee table. "Get over here, then."

Quill crosses the room to kiss her again, only to find the height difference a bit too irritating. "Wait, no, you're too short now-"

"Those boots of yours will take too long to take off, just deal with it," Kalei tells her, kissing her impatiently.

"Is that an honest answer or do you just like the boots?"

"Both."

Quill rolls her eyes, finding herself laughing just a little with exasperation. As she kisses Kalei again, her hands move to the zipper of Kalei's dress, yanking it down so that Kalei can step out of it and throw it aside. Quill shrugs off her coat and pulls her own dress over her head, leaving her in her underwear and her boots.

Which might be why Kalei is staring at her.

"What?"

"You can't die," Kalei whispers. "You're too fucking beautiful to die."

Of course, Quill can't help but preen a little at that. She never tires of the compliments. Of having someone actually place value on her life, on her.

"Get on that," Quill says, her throat thick with emotion as she nods towards the lounge seat. Kalei does, and Quill wastes no time in climbing on top of her, kissing her hard and pressing one of her knees between Kalei's thighs so that she moans a little into Quill's mouth.

They fumble with each other's bras in their hurry, but eventually those are on the floor too and Quill is cupping Kalei's breasts in her hands as she kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. Kalei arches into her every touch, letting out the tiny little breaths and sighs and gasps that Quill has come to love so very much.

"You know, I've found a couple of other humans attractive, but you're the only one I've ever thought is actually, properly beautiful," Quill murmurs against her skin.

An odd laugh escapes Kalei. "Have you considered that you might be biased?"

Quill pauses for a moment. "Hm. Actually, that's a fair point."

Kalei laughs again. "Well, I appreciate it all the same. But please get back to touching me now."

One of Quill's hands slides down Kalei's body, slipping down past the waistband of her underwear and seeking out the slick warmth at the apex of her legs. Kalei's hips buck impatiently into her hand when she pauses to pull the underwear off completely.

Every time they do this, Quill is amazed at how good Kalei feels around her fingers, how soft her skin is underneath her hands and mouth. How much she loves the way Kalei drops her head back when Quill curls her fingers in a certain way, or how that breathy little sigh escapes her when Quill grazes her thumb over her clit.

Quill thinks that she could stay here forever, with Kalei's warm body underneath her, her soft voice whispering 'please' and 'yes' and 'more' in her ear, as Quill's fingers take her and stroke her.

The thought that Quill might never experience this again is an awful one. It makes her go that much faster and harder, her need combining with a rage at the universe for daring to even threaten to take this away from her.

The force and new pace soon has Kalei crying out softly.

"Andy, you - you need to be gentler with me," she says, whimpering. "That hurts."

Quill is horrified to realise that the arn has been making her head twinge, and she'd been so caught up in it all that she hadn't even noticed. She stops everything and is about to apologise profusely when Kalei shakes her head frantically and presses her hips against her hand.

"No, don't stop! It's okay. Please. Just not so hard."

Quill almost wants to argue.

"Andy, please," Kalei begs, and the 'please,' as always, sends the blood in Quill's body south in a rush of heat.

As her fingers resume their pace, gentler this time, she kisses Kalei softly, hoping it can serve as the apology she wasn't given time to say. Kalei kisses her back, or tries to, but she's so close to release that her head drops back to rest on the cushion while her breathing gets shallow.

Kalei lets out a sharp cry, and Quill holds her tight through the orgasm, kissing her neck just under her ear and lightly brushing the heel of her palm against her clit to keep her in that peak as long as she can.

They stay there for quite a while - Kalei getting her breath back, Quill cleaning her fingers on Kalei's thigh, partly because it's convenient and partly because a selfish part of her wants to leave a mark on Kalei in case the arn kills her and she never comes back.

Kalei's fingertips trace Quill's spine as they lie there with their legs dangling over the end of the seat.

"What if we just stayed here and never left? No Shadowkin, no Charlie, no Dorothea Ames, just...us," Kalei says quietly.

"It's certainly tempting," Quill replies, lifting her head so that she can nudge Kalei's nose with her own.

Kalei smiles and nuzzles her back, until a look of horror crosses her face. "Oh my god, we just had sex in Dorothea's office. We just had sex in our boss' office."

"So?"

"I can't believe I just did this. I used to be a professional."

"Well, how about this, we'll make sure to leave her chair alone. That professional enough for you?" Quill asks, wryly.

Kalei blinks. "What, just the chair - oh no. Quill, we can't, the fact that we did this is bad enough-"

"You forget, I've spent a lot of time researching common sexual fantasies amongst your species. So are you really going to tell me that you wouldn't be interested in getting eaten out while sitting on the edge of that desk over there?"

A strangled noise escapes Kalei's throat, making Quill grin.

"Thought so. But first, it's my turn."

Quill gets up, pulling Kalei up with her and smirking when she's just a bit unsteady on her feet. Quill walks backwards and then turns around, sitting Kalei down in the loveseat closest to them and straddling her.

Kalei's eyes are dark as she takes in the sight and runs her hands up the curve of Quill's waist, brushing her thumbs over Quill's breasts. But then tears spring to Kalei's eyes again, and Quill dips her head to kiss them away, to kiss her lips over and over while guiding one of Kalei's hands between her legs.

Kalei has always been a quick study, and it isn't long before Quill is riding her hand slowly, kissing Kalei all the while and moaning into her mouth every time her fingers find a sensitive spot inside her. Nothing is as sensitive as where her thumb is circling, though, close but not quite there, driving Quill insane.

It should feel familiar. Or normal. But it doesn't, because there's just something completely different about it. It's not just lust driving them now, it's need on an emotional level, and that's foreign and terrifying but also that much more invigorating.

There's also, you know, the crying. Sex with crying is weird. And yet, somehow, not.

"Kalei," Quill pleads, and she won't say please, not while she's still a slave and she's this close to being free. Not yet. But saying her name like this works about the same.

"I know," Kalei says against her mouth, and their kisses taste salty from the tears both of them are still shedding. "We're almost there. You're so beautiful. So beautiful and so strong."

The praise sends warmth through Quill's body, and when combined with Kalei's thumb finally touching the bundle of nerves it's been teasing for so long, Quill cries out because she's so close, trembling from head to toe, head resting in the crook of Kalei's neck.

She comes quietly, just a tiny whimper against Kalei's pulse point. Again, Kalei's free hand traces the line of her back.

It isn't enough. Quill's suddenly not sure that anything will be enough.

"More," she says. "Can I be the one sitting on the desk? I just - I need more, I need you, every way I-"

Kalei nods quickly, kissing her quiet before Quill gets off her lap and drags her to the next piece of furniture - the desk. Quill sits on the edge of it and pulls Kalei in to kiss her long and slow and hard.

"By my estimate, we have enough time for one more orgasm each," Quill tells her, and Kalei laughs against her lips, albeit in a hopeless kind of way. "I'd rather get myself out of the way so I can take my time with you."

Kalei stares at her, brown eyes large and sad and aching. Then she kisses Quill and drops to her knees, pulling down Quill's underwear, which she had just pushed to the side before. She leaves it dangling from one of Quill's feet and then kisses her thighs slowly.

"Kalei, I just told you, we're pressed for time," Quill tells her.

"Don't rush me," Kalei snaps, expression fierce. "You don't get to put a potential time limit on the remainder of our time together and then rush me."

Quill stays quiet after that. Finally, Kalei's mouth gets where she wants it, and she lets one hand grip the edge of the desk while the other sinks into Kalei's soft curls. Her body is still hyper-sensitive from the first orgasm, but thankfully Kalei seems to be aware of that, because her lips and tongue are ever so soft on Quill.

Quill's not sure she knew that sex could be this gentle. New tears spring to her eyes and dear god, she also never thought sex could involve crying in any way that wasn't pathetic. But it's not pathetic; her emotions aren't weaknesses, they're part of the reason she'll be fighting so hard to survive this afternoon.

"Andy, are you-"

Quill nods when Kalei pauses to look up at her with concern, and the brunette's face softens with understanding. She kisses Quill's hip and thigh before returning her mouth to the apex of her legs.

The impossibly soft strokes of Kalei's tongue build Quill back up quickly, until she's gripping the desk hard enough that she has a fleeting concern about breaking it.

She shouts her orgasm and Kalei's name to the ceiling. She can feel Kalei smiling against her thigh.

Afterwards, as she breathes deeply, Quill spots some tissues on Dorothea's desk just within her reach and grabs two as her other hand pulls Kalei to her feet. She uses the first tissue to delicately clean Kalei's wet mouth, and the second between her own legs before getting her underwear back on.

Quill then puts the tissues in the bin and looks back at Kalei, who suddenly seems very conscious of the fact that she is standing naked in a place where she knows she shouldn't be. Her arms are crossed over her chest self-consciously.

"Don't do that," Quill says as she comes back around the desk, taking Kalei's hands and bringing them back down to her side, "You're lovely. Every inch of you."

Kalei ducks her head and smiles. "Thank you." There is a brief silence and then she giggles.

"What?" Quill asks, frowning at her.

"...you're holding my hands."

On any other day, Quill probably would have teased her, or just snorted and changed the subject. But today, right now, the laugh that escapes her is sad and aching and goddess, she's crying again. Damn this human form, and its leaking tear ducts.

"I know, it's disgusting," she says, with a wry smile, and Kalei's laugh is the same as hers, laughing because the alternative is just crying and nothing else.

"Please don't die," Kalei whispers.

Quill wants to say I won't. But she can't bring herself to believe that it's true, that getting the arn out will actually work. And yet, she can't not try. It's, quite frankly, a shit situation all round.

So instead, Quill kisses Kalei, and pulls her to the desk so she can sit Kalei in the exact spot she herself had been occupying only a minute before.

"I'm sorry," she says instead, kissing her way down Kalei's torso and dropping to her knees so that she can push Kalei's thighs apart and run her fingers up them.

"Doing this doesn't fix anything," Kalei whispers as she looks down at her.

Quill meets her eyes for a moment and gives her a weak smile. "I know. But it's all either of us can do for the moment."

She keeps kissing at Kalei's lower stomach until she's squirming, and then lets her mouth go lower and draw some proper responses. Kalei's hand twists in Quill's hair, and Quill welcomes the pleasant feeling of the tug.

Quill, all too aware of the very strong chance that this is the last time she will do this, lets herself get lost in the different sensations. The taste of Kalei under her tongue, the smooth skin of her thighs with the ever so slight softness of newly growing hairs underneath her palms, the sound of Kalei's tiny gasps.

It isn't enough. As much as she might like Kalei's body, it's Kalei herself she hates the idea of leaving.

Quill gets back on her feet, wipes her mouth on the back of her hand, and kisses Kalei desperately. Kalei kisses her back, while also guiding one of Quill's hands back between her legs.

This is better, Quill thinks as she lets her fingers sink into the wet warmth yet again. It's always better when she can see Kalei's face. Kalei's eyes have fallen shut as she takes in a deep breath, and Quill nuzzles her nose, making her smile.

One of Kalei's hands comes to cup Quill's face, making Quill blink at her with surprise. Kalei's eyes are soft and warm as she meets Quill's. Quill curls her fingers and watches her face contort ever so slightly, watches her bite her bottom lip.

It's quiet, and wordless. It's just Kalei's thumb against Quill's cheek and her other hand behind Quill's neck, and Quill's free hand at Kalei's waist while her other keeps a steady pace.

As Kalei gets closer to her peak, she pulls Quill closer, clutching her like a lifeline. "No matter what happens, I'm still glad I brought you that coffee," she says.

Quill brings her hand from Kalei's waist to her hair and strokes a hand over it. "Me too. Me too."

A light press of her thumb and Kalei is shuddering in her arms.

"That's it, almost there," Quill murmurs, "Good girl. My good girl."

Kalei exhales sharply against the skin of Quill's neck, while Quill keeps stroking her hair. She might be relatively new to physical affection, but it's not that difficult a concept to grasp, and it's her fault that Kalei needs it.

Her neck feels wet. Kalei is crying again.

"Come on," Quill whispers, keeping her touch between Kalei's legs gentle but speeding up until she can feel Kalei's shaking body and shallow breathing. "There we go. Let go."

To her surprise, she feels Kalei shaking her head and so pulls her back by her hair.

"What?" she asks, her fingers coming to a brief halt. "What's wrong?"

Kalei swallows. "I don't want you to leave."

"Well, I have to, and we only have five minutes until the bell rings," Quill says sharply. "Kalei, just look at me. Focus on my voice and my hands."

Kalei says nothing, but she holds Quill's gaze and that's enough. Quill withdraws her fingers just enough so that her third finger can slowly stroke at Kalei's clit.

"Oh god," Kalei whispers.

It isn't long before she has Kalei on the edge again, but like before there is a tension in her body, a shaking of her head.

"What?" Quill asks, frowning at her. "Why are you fighting it? Kalei, look at me, and let go. Of everything, or whatever this is, let go and let me do this for you, at least one more time."

Kalei shakes her head again, her teary eyes shining with defiance. "When I do, you'll have to leave," she whispers. "If I can just - hold on - then maybe you won't-"

"Kalei, you're not making any sense, listen to yourself," Quill tells her, taken aback. "We have classes to get to, and even if we didn't, you'd never last that long."

"I could try," Kalei says fiercely. "It's the only thing left I can do-"

"No, what you can do is give yourself over to this. Give me another memory worth fighting for," Quill replies, "I can't promise I'll come back, Kalei, but I promise to try my hardest. That's all either of us can do."

"I hate this," Kalei murmurs, deflating and wiping tears from her eyes.

"Me too," Quill says, and starts moving her finger again. Kalei swallows and holds her gaze as her breathing gets short again. "But give me this, Kalei. One last thing, just this, that's what you can do."

Kalei's orgasm comes with a sob, and she sinks into Quill's arms.

"Good girl," Quill whispers, stroking her hair again, "Thank you. You beautiful, stubborn thing."

"This is so fucked up," Kalei says, "You think you're probably going to die, and you're still going to do it."

"I have to. You know why."

"My head understands. I'm not so sure my heart does."

Quill doesn't know how to respond to that, and so instead reaches for another tissue to clean between Kalei's legs, before pulling away to make another trip to the bin. By the time she turns back around, Kalei is off the desk and crossing the room to fetch her underwear and put it back on.

"One minute until the bell," Quill says as she does the same, just because she's not sure what else to say.

The bells rings just as Quill is pulling her coat on. Kalei looks like she's about to start crying again.

"Come back," she says.

"I'll try."

"Not good enough. Say you will."

"I can't. No, no more of that," Quill tells her sternly when Kalei's eyes well up. She moves to pick up Kalei's glasses once she's flicked the switch on the desk to return the room to its normal state. "You've shed enough tears over me. I don't deserve any more."

Kalei blinks at her with surprise and then her forehead creases. "Don't tell me what to do or how to feel."

"Why not? I know myself better than you do," Quill retorts. "I got this thing put in my head because I killed people, some of them innocent. I got a student here killed too, you know. To save myself. Why are you so convinced I'm worth it? It's not that I necessarily think I'm not, it just doesn't make any feasible sense that you think I am."

"Why are you saying all this?" Kalei says, horrified, before something flashes through her eyes. "No, wait, I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to push me away again. You're trying to soften the blow, make me feel like you're not worth grieving."

Quill purses her lips. She hadn't anticipated Kalei working out what she was doing, but definitely should have. She needs to stop underestimating her.

"You're too clever for your own good," Quill says, moving forward to slowly slide Kalei's glasses onto her face.

"And you're - impossible," Kalei says, her voice shaking with anger. "Don't you dare try and manipulate me like that again."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"That isn't the point."

"Oh? Then what is?" Quill can't help herself, her natural tone of mocking slipping out.

"The only reason I can think of for why you're doing this is that you really think you're not going to be coming back," Kalei says.

Quill doesn't know what to say. There's no argument that wouldn't be a lie. Her jaw clenches instead, and she looks away.

"You think you're going to die," Kalei continues, "and you're still going to do it. Do you - do you want to die?!"

"I would rather die than live as a slave for a second longer than I have to!"

"If you die, then everyone who ever oppressed you or hurt you wins! No matter how bad things get, there's always good to be found too, there's always something worth living for! I know you say you need to be free to avenge your people, but there must be another way! Isn't living for one good thing better than dying for the bad?"

"One good thing? What? Like you?" Quill sneers.

"Stop doing that!" Kalei shouts. "You can't make me stop caring by being an arse! I know you don't mean it!"

"I mean every word," Quill tells her forcefully. "You have vastly improved my life, but you're not enough. Nothing will ever be enough to be worth the slavery and degradation. And that is why I'm doing this. Because I have to. And deep down, you know that. You think I'm pulling shit right now? You're just having a tantrum, yelling and crying like a child that can't have its way, because you know you can't do anything else. It's pathetic. Grow up. Face this like the grown woman you are."

Kalei looks at her like Quill's just slapped her across the face. "Stop telling me what to do. You might have a big fancy alien brain, but you don't get to treat me like an idiot."

"I do when you're being one!"

"You know what? Fuck you," Kalei snaps, pushing past her and heading for the door. "Go on some mad suicide mission, see if I care."

It isn't particularly convincing. After everything that's just happened, all the sex and the crying, claiming to not care is ridiculous. Quill knew going in that stopping Kalei from caring was never going to be a possibility. But if she could just be cruel enough, just make her angry enough, then maybe, maybe Kalei would be okay when Quill didn't come back.

When. That sounds ominous; she's promised she'd fight. If. If she doesn't come back. Which she will fight until her last breath to do.

Quill: have you considered... not being an asshole...

(For real though, I'm sorry. I told you we were at The Angst now.) Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!