Jane's POV
I found it amusing to think on the evolutions of fortune, as I stood there.
My eyes strained toward the horizon so that my eyes ached and burned. I shaded my eyes from the heat and glare.
I had many thoughts pressing on me clamoring for attention. So many were they that I began to feel an edge of panic.
Steadfastly I returned to my former line of thought. I who had been burdened with a disquiet and wanderlust such a short time ago, was now recalling with longing the tranquility and solitude of that time.
Was it just not in my nature to be content? Was I ever to be seeking another, greater scope to be myself?
Foolish indulgence! I was a dependant on others so far as I worked for my keep.
Yet, I could not refute the uncontroversial evidence. I had hither to despised the cold, and avoided it at all cost. Now it seemed to me the greatest thing to be back in a bracing wind, a cold clear wind that burned my lungs and stung my face. A clean, fresh wind that smelled of grass and sunshine.
I smiled mockingly at myself. This was proof that I was indeed ungrateful, that I must set to task to tame my restless, discontented heart.
It was a sobering thing to realize that I would never be able to find relief or peace in a change of location, or even ceaseless activity.
I had that now in abundance, and I would have given much to be returned to my previous state.
So, Reader, you ask where I was that I was yet again so unhappy?
I was on the 'Falconer' only a week out into an interminable voyage. I had indeed sought out the family that I had been told was seeking a governess.
It was an interview that still rankled in the recesses of my mind. I had a harrowing journey, I had fled like a thief in the night from Thornfield and Adele, left with no note or sign I had been there, and my possessions were few and easily contained in my modest bag. I had just sufficient money to make the ride and inn, for I had not yet received my wages. I traveled two days and nights and was still weary when I awoke at the inn that I had stopped at.
I had an inexpensive room that looked over the yard, so that the noise and activity from the stable boys woke me before dawn. Not that I had managed to sleep much, I had been haunted all through the night by the events that occurred during my departure from Thornfield.
When I arrived at the Candelford's residence I was shown into a small but elegant room, where the lady of the house was stationed. I had still been puzzled as to why after sending that my qualifications were acceptable, she required to see me in person before she could say if we were to be mutually compatible.
Once I was introduced, she looked me over with a critical eye.
"Well, you look suitable I suppose. You do not mind the term of employment I suppose?"
I indicated that I did not.
"You seem well bred enough, not too genteel for this kind of work, and certainly your appearance will not be a hindrance to your dutifulness."
I felt a hot flush rise. I knew I was no beauty, but to have it thus so blatantly spoken of was insulting.
Without seeing the wound, or, as I found later, most likely not caring; she rang a bell and had me sent to be introduced to my new charges. More of them later.
I had been at first bewildered by the bedlam I was in the middle of. Indeed, I had not even unpacked my bags when a frightened, dirty young child, (a scullery maid as I later ascertained) scurried up to my room and thrust a piece of paper into my surprised hand. On it was a list of errands I was expected to perform by tea. I puzzled over the document for a moment; it seemed somewhat precipitous to thus have me running all over town to acquire such an odd assortment of things.
To wit:
6 cans of dental powder
21 jars of assorted preserves and marmalades.
6 hair brushes, all silver.
6 small mirrors
3 crates of Gadberry's fine tea biscuits.
50 portions of Dr.-'s Sea Remidie
400 penny stamps
2 boxes each of fine paper and envelopes
9 boxes uncut pens.
2 gallon of lemon juice
8 parasols
Enough candles to fill small trunk
15 pounds of finest English tea
I will here stop the list, but I will say there were many more items on there mostly dealing with various bolts of cloth, ribbons, and such frippery.
I hesitated for a moment and then went down stairs to inquire where as I might procure the sought for items.
On my arrival in the kitchen I was aware I was the object of some interest. I gave a polite smile and introduced myself.
"Ah, Mees Arr is it?" The cook said in a grumbling fashion. "I should a guessed that she would have gotten a plain one after the last one." She nodded her head sagely and shrilled a mirthless laugh. She looked me over.
"You do look a smart one though! Paint and needle as well?" I nodded and opened my mouth to inquire about the location of a store.
"Ah, well, I just hope ye'll be able to survive it out there. You do look like a puny one, like one o' them wilten' flewrs that jess hang over in the heat."
At last I was able to break into her monologue and get the directions I required.
I was somewhat taken back by the charge, I was not used to be a factotum, at least not since the days of Gatehead.
I had considerable difficulty in getting the required purchases, and was diffident putting them on credit because I had hardly met the family, now I had to remember the name, address and sundries all in a moment. But at last feeling harassed and aggravated, I made it to the last store and made my way back to the great house.
By the time I had finished my errands it was past tea, and I was late in getting to the house. I rang at the front door, but was soundly rebuked by the butler and told to use the servant's entrance. I hurried around to the back of the house and knocked on the barred back door, in an instant a gruff voice demanded of me "Who's theer?" I responded with my name. The bolt was slid back.
"Why what ever took you so long, they has been in such a stae because you wern here, they be quite in a row about it, what were you about taking so much time?" I repied as best I could then, made my way up the stair to change and freshen up, for I had been in the streets, and was so begrimed with dirt that I felt as a farm hand might at the end of his day.
A loud knock at the door caused me to jump, and I turned to answer it before I had even time to loosen my bonnet.
"Miss Eyre, you are required to meet the young ladies in the drawing room at once.'
It was an upper servant or ladies maid that thus addressed me, looking me over with a slight smirk of superiority.
I murmured that I should be glad to come once I had finished changing and she looked reprovingly at me, then with a toss of her pretty curls, walked away.
I was aching with fatigue and soreness, my mind felt jumbled and chaotic. So many events had transpired in such a short amount of time. My last meeting with Mr. Rochester had been- .Stay! I vowed that I would never again revisit that scene in my head. I must be resolute.
Once down the stairs I made my way to the drawing room. There were four children sitting there, two boys and two girls. Or rather one young gentleman, of who I was sure, was too old for my tutelage, a younger lady of sixteen or so, and two children of about nine who were unmistakably twins.
The youngest boy ran up to me.
"You must be our new governess! I'm Reggie, this is my sister Juliet, we are the same age. We just turned nine yesterday. And we had ever so big a party, and I did not get my pony because I can't take him on the boat, I may get one and play polo with father in India, and this is my great brother Eustace, he is going off to Oxford, if he can pull himself together enough to take the exams and not fail this time!"
He paused for breath and his older sister interrupted him.
"Reg, do sit still and be quiet, you are plaguing me! I am sure your governess won't want you talking nonsense all the time like you usually do."
She then looked me up and down in much the same manner of her mother.
"I am Suzanne, and this is my younger brother and sister, Reggie, and Juliet. My brother Eustace, as you were informed, will be in Oxford this year.
I will not need any of your assistance, as I am soon to be out in society, so all in all you have a very pleasant place here with only two children to look after! I am so glad you are here for they need their trunks packed and sorted… I was hoping to not to have to bother!"
I felt a moment of surprise pierce the weariness.
"I will indeed help them pack their trunks, but where is it that they are going?"
Suzanne looked at me as if I were in some way a dunce for the inquiry.
"Why to India, we leave in two days. Did you not remember?"
Remember, no; for I had never been told. I felt a shock thrill through me, and a sudden wrenching of my heart.
I was to leave and be separated by untold miles from M-, This would explain the errands I had done today, and the frantic activity of the house.
My head began to whirl, and I sank into a chair, breathing deeply to compose my nerves. Then;
"Come children, you must show me your rooms and I will help you pack."
Later that night I found that Mr. Candelford was stationed in India, and having just removed to Simla, his wife had determined to pack up the family and join him.
It was a strange thing for me to think that I was so soon to see the far off lands where I had so often lost myself as a child. Strange and rather menacing, for I could never escape the lurking feeling of doom that pursued me.
The ensuing day was a flurry of activity; I hardly saw my charges at all, as they were in the company of their nurse, who was now seeking a new position. Juliet seemed the most distressed at the parting, and shed vast amounts of tears and further made her displeasure known by refusing to have anything to do with me.
I found that we were fortunate enough to travel P.O.S.H meaning "port out, starboard home" so as to be spared the worst of the wilting heat by being on the side farthest away from the evening sun.
In less than a weeks time I was standing on the rolling deck of a ship at sea.
I found my station to be a onerous one, for at the moment, Mrs. C. and Suzanne were prostrate in their cabin, suffering from sea sickness to an alarming degree.
I found it was expected of me to clean and empty the basins from their room. I found it to be a degrading and humiliating chore, but one that I had no power to refuse. I was further expected to take care of the two invalids while simultaneously caring for my two younger charges.
It was rare that I had a moment to step out and stand on the deck, letting the briny air wash over me, cleansing me from the lingering stench of the sick room.
Juliet still refused to acknowledge me, if I asked of her anything, she would remain still and mute till prompted by her brother, and then she pointedly addressed him, not I.
Reader- I know that you are asking yourself why I as a governess allowed this to take place. But I was forced by my role as a nurse to let time see what it would do to soften her.
I in truth was constantly plagued by the motion of the ship, and the nausea it produced, but I found if I did not eat it was somewhat less intrusive.
Therefore many meals I sat in attendance to the children, while not partaking myself.
We sailed on the ocean day after day, every day the oppressive heat became worse and worse, and tempers more frayed and volatile.
The sun reflected off of the water with painful intensity, my head always hurt now.
I now had no time to actively regret my past… but it visited me every night in the darkest hours of the night when I was asleep.