January Rain

Chapter 21

EJ closed the front door behind him as he made his way into the foyer of the DiMera mansion. His heart heavy because he knew he had to talk to Nicole about a wedding he didn't want to participate in, but there would be no way to get out of it.

He put a smile on his face that he did not feel before he entered into the living room, sure he would be able to find Nicole in that room. He knew she liked the room better than most of the others in the mansion although if he had his preference his favorite would probably be the library, while Samantha's would not be a room at all since she had always favored the beautiful gardens full of blooming flowers of some kind all during the year according to what season it was at the time.

He paused before going into the room; he had to stop thinking about Samantha and what she liked and didn't liked. He had to focus on his fiancée, not the woman who had been on his mind nonstop ever since her appearance at his doorstep the other morning.

Then he shook his head, Samantha had been on his mind before that, but it had been easier to push back the unwanted memories of her. Now it was like everywhere he went something would remind him of her, snippets of old conversations kept playing in his mind as well.

He could remember very clearly how he had begged Samantha to please be honest with him about her feelings for him and the dissolution of their marriage.

"Don't do this. You can do a lot, all right, and I'm sorry for some of the things I just said, but please don't do this. This is not honest. I know there's a part of you that wishes that we were still married."

"It's over, E.J. You're dreaming."

"Samantha, just a moment ago, you told me how much you changed. You told me how honest you were. And yet just two minutes later, you're standing in front of me, and you're lying to me. And you're lying to yourself."

"No. No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are, okay? Look, see this? Forget about this, okay? This is not about a ring. I know there's a part of you that wishes you were still married to me. Would you just admit that? Come on, just say it."

"I can't do that."

"Look, but you can't deny it, either, can you? Can you? No, see, I didn't think you could. I know. I know, Samantha, that there is a part of you that has feelings for me. I know it. I know it. Please, just for once, would you please just be honest with yourself just for a moment"

Then she was crying as she fought against telling him the truth still. Why had she fought him so hard?

He asked her once again, "And tell the truth?"

She'd been so close to going into his arms and for a brief moment he had thought she was going to kiss him. With tears in her eyes she had at least admitted, "Oh, God. You know I do."

And then she was running away from him, like she always did when things got too honest and it seemed like they were going to cross a bridge and find their way back to one another.

He felt her slip out of his hands and he had requested for her to wait, but of course she had ran off and up the stairs away from him. She had always been running away from him.

This was only one of the many reasons why he was here outside the door hesitating to go in and talk to the woman who was what he knew without a doubt was his rebound relationship after Samantha. He had been hurting so much over Samantha pushing him away, telling him she would never love him that he had carelessly taken what Nicole had freely offered up to him.

Sydney was a joy in his life; he wouldn't ever call his baby girl a mistake even if he didn't love her mother. He wanted to go in there and tell her they didn't need to get married because he wasn't in love with her and she deserved for someone to love her, but he wouldn't do it.

He needed to quit living in a dreamland. Samantha may have come home, but she hadn't come home for him. He needed to move on with his life. He had told Samantha as much on the phone months ago.

But that was before you saw her face again.

He closed his eyes tight trying to banish visions of Samantha away, but it was no good, she was embedded into his heart, mind and soul. He'd have to live with Samantha haunting him for the rest of his days, yet he had to go make things right with Nicole and set a wedding date. He couldn't keep her dangling about this matter any longer.

He pushed open the door and there she was, the woman who had tried to help him pick up the pieces of his shattered heart and he wished he felt more for her than the regret that was residing in his heart. Lately he hadn't even sensed their friendship anymore, now Nicole seemed nervous and on edge all of the time.

He guessed motherhood affected everyone differently and before he could mentally compare her actions against Samantha's which he knew was vastly unfair he was being to Nicole.

Because no one else even comes close to Samantha.

He almost told himself to shut up, but then Nicole would think he was losing his mind.

Nicole didn't even hear him come into the room. She appeared lost in thought staring out the window, a drink in her hand that she turned up and drained in one gulp and then she looked at the glass that was empty.

He guessed he better announce his presence, "Nicole, I'm here."

Not home, rather I'm here, but hopefully she wouldn't notice the difference.

If she did, she didn't let on as she turned around to face him, "It's about time you came home."

He walked over to the bar to pour himself a drink; he needed one so as not to begin fighting with her over how long he had taken dropping off Johnny at Samantha's new place. He took a sip of his drink and gave her what he hoped was one of his most charming smiles. He could play this off like it was nothing, like Samantha didn't mean anything to him even when it was all a huge lie.

Thankfully lies came easily to him although it wasn't a virtue he should be proud of, but at the moment it would serve his purpose. He strode over to her and took her hand, leading her to the couch so that they could sit down with one another.

"Sorry Johnny was so excited to see Allie and Will and before I knew it time had slipped by without my realizing it."

"What about Sami? Wasn't Johnny excited to see her too?"

"Of course, she is his mother."

"And you were excited to see her as well?" Nicole asked and he'd have to be a fool not to recognize the jealously in her voice.

"Samantha is the mother to Johnny, we are always going to be tied to one another, just like you are the mother to Sydney. You and I have a connection too. Please don't read anything into my staying a few minutes longer to get Johnny acclimated to his mother's new home."

Nicole blanched at his words, but he thought maybe she was tired or coming down with something, "Nicole are you all right?"

"Peachy," was her reply. "So can we finally set a wedding date or are you going to put me off again?"

EJ shook his head, "I told you we would pick a date for our wedding tonight."

"When did you think would be a good time?"

"Well with Sydney's christening being next weekend, I think we should put off the wedding for a while. I mean we don't want to monopolize our family's weekends back to back. Speaking of family did you ever contact yours to see if they would be able to attend Sydney's christening?"

Nicole could feel an instant fury boiling inside of her, but EJ couldn't see that because he would think something was off about her not wanting her family to see her firstborn child being christened.

"How much longer do you want us to wait?"

EJ took one of her hands again and began to rub it using small circles with the tips of his fingers, "Since this is April, it's still too chilly for an outdoor wedding and the summer months will be too hot, so I was thinking sometime during the fall would be a good time. It will be so beautiful that time of year, don't you think?"

She blurted out before she thought better of it, not realizing how coarse her words sounded to EJ, "We are going to wait months before we have sex again?"

"I thought we had agreed we'd take this time to get to know each other again, you deserve to be courted Nicole and we sure didn't have any of that at the start of our relationship."

Nicole felt her stomach clench, after the bullshit of Dr, Baker extorting more money from her she had been hoping they could get married within a few weeks time. How would she be able to keep this charade going before EJ figured out she had lied about everything? If they were married it would be easier to keep him from leaving her, but her hands were tied.

She gave him a weak smile and tried to appear happy with his answer. "If that is what you really want EJ."

"It is what you deserve," EJ leaned over to kiss her cheek, not even thinking about kissing her lips.

"Of course," Nicole nodded and didn't let her disappointment show over the date they had agreed for the wedding not to mention EJ only gave her a measly peck on her cheek.

Then the baby monitor went off with the noise of Sydney crying. Nicole was about to get up to go check on her when EJ said, "I'll go check on our little princess. You just relax and I'll be back as soon as I get her back to sleep."

"Okay," Nicole agreed, thankful at least EJ was going to take care of Sydney at the moment she didn't think she could comfort her. This night had been nothing short of hell for her.

EJ gave Nicole a sweet smile and left the room, shutting the door and headed up the stairs to his daughter's bedroom. Now he had a huge smile on his face thinking he'd been able to buy some time about delaying the wedding without Nicole throwing a hissy fit.

Maybe things would turn out all right after all. He'd have a few months and maybe by then he could fall in love with Nicole, but he'd worry about that later, right now he had to take care of his daughter.

Days Transcript in bold italics of EJami talking about not being married anymore from the June 30, 2008, US airing of the show.