I know a couple of people have pointed out that in my stories, Fawful always seems to win. I mean, I guess that makes sense, since he's my favorite character and all, but I really like Kamek and them too, so this time around I figured I'd let them come out on top for once.
We'll see how long THAT lasts.
…
21. Vacation.
There was a little place out in the ocean that the world's do-gooders didn't know about.
It was a place crawling with evil, though in truth no evil was actually ever committed there. It was, in fact, a vacation spot. It was a sunny tropical island, hidden by cloaking devices, where all villains from all around the world came to soak up some sun and relax in a place where stupid good guys wouldn't intrude on their holiday. Thousands of treaties had been signed agreeing that no villain would ever expose its location, or build a base of operations there, or fight with any other villain there. It was neutral territory, in a way—it was evil, but it wasn't aligned toward any particular sort of evil.
Kamek was lying on a towel, relaxing on the beach when a certain Duplighost approached him. Kamek lowered his sunglasses to look at him.
"Look," said Doopliss, pointing across the beach. "Look who's here."
Kamek looked over to see Fawful, standing at the water's edge wearing a pair of red swim trunks and an apprehensive look on his face.
"Hm. Wonder how he found out about the place," Kamek said, "Think the old hag told him back when she was alive?"
"Don't know. Don't care," Doopliss said, "I've been looking for that kid for weeks, I'm gonna—"
Doopliss had begun to stomp over, but Kamek grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. Part of him thought to just tell Doopliss where Fawful's hideout was so he could attack him later and spare them the trouble here, but he figured he preferred having Fawful in an easily-observable place, and if Doopliss drove him out then Kamek would have to find him all over again.
"You know the rules," Kamek said instead, "You can't start any fights here."
"He bombed my steeple!" Doopliss cried, "You realize how much money I spent bribing the Boos to fix it for me?!"
"He's done much worse to me," Kamek reminded Doopliss, "You've heard about that all, haven't you? Brainwashed me and King Bowser, stole more gold than you've seen in your entire life, ruined several of my plans and caused me great physical harm."
"So then let's go cream him together, slick!"
"We can't do that! If we start fighting, then every other villain with a grudge on someone is going to start fighting, and pretty soon we won't have a nice vacation spot to go to anymore!" Kamek said.
Doopliss groaned, knowing Kamek was right.
Just then, Fawful walked up to the two of them, smiling mischievously.
"Greetings of hello!" Fawful said to the two of them, "I am in need of the sunscreen of skin-protecting!"
Doopliss glared at Fawful through narrowed eyes. "What makes you think we'd give any to you, slick?"
"Because the rules of importance say that all villains are to be getting along in this place," Fawful said.
"That doesn't mean we have to give you anything you want," Kamek hissed.
"Oh? Are you having argument with me? Arguments are things which often escalate into fists and kicking and the 'ouch my face', and are therefore not being allowed on this island, as I have sureness that you are knowing!" Fawful smiled, "Should I have getting the authorities of largeness?"
Kamek sighed. "No, here." He handed Fawful the sunscreen, and Fawful took it and skipped off to the other side of the beach, pleased with himself.
Doopliss growled. "As soon as he's off this island, he's so dead."
Kamek paused, looked at Doopliss, and grinned. He had an idea. "Or maybe sooner."
Kamek leaned over and whispered his plan to Doopliss, who also grinned.
"Why didn't I think of that?!" he said.
"Because you aren't a genius like I am," Kamek said confidently.
Doopliss thought to argue with Kamek on the blatant insult, but decided to ignore it and ran off to put their plan into motion.
It wasn't long after that Fawful was swimming in the ocean, now covered in his ill-gotten sunscreen. He was having a pretty good time.
In the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something bob up out of the water and back in again. He looked over, but only saw the ocean waves. He was sure he had seen something…
At the edge of his vision, he again saw movement. He turned, but lost it again.
"I have nervousness," he mumbled to himself.
He decided that that was enough swimming for now, and started making his way back to shore. It was just then, however, that a shark jumped out and attacked him.
Kamek watched from the beach as Fawful was attacked. He laughed as the young Bean splashed and flailed, trying to get away.
Eventually Fawful made it back to the beach, and Kamek approached him, trying not to laugh.
"You okay there, kiddo?"
"A-A shark had attacking me!" Fawful said, bruised and battered and gasping for breath. "It was coming out of nowhere and had the biting and the ramming and the wanting to devour me!"
"Is that so?" Kamek said. Doopliss was walking up to them, and Kamek nodded to him in acknowledgement.
"I say to you yes!" Fawful said, "If I had not the swimming away, I would have been eaten and digested."
"Nah, I doubt that, slick," Doopliss said, frowning. "You'd taste awful." Doopliss then spat out a scrap of Fawful's now-tattered swim trunks.
Fawful stared at the scrap, moving his mouth as though to say something before finally he collected his thoughts. He pointed at Doopliss accusingly. "Y-you!! You had the—"
"'Had the' what, slick?" Doopliss spat, grinning.
"It is being against the rules for you to be attacking villains of fellowness!"
"I thought you said a shark attacked you," Kamek said.
"Yes, but he—"
Doopliss flashed a set of sharp shark's teeth that he hadn't had a minute before. "Prove it."
Fawful narrowed his eyes and glared at the two of them for a moment. He hesitated, contemplating whether he could get away with killing them both right then, decided against it, turned and stomped away.
Kamek and Doopliss watched him go, chuckling to themselves, and gave each other a high five.