I'm a terrible person. I honestly didn't know how to end this story. I scrapped this chapter three or four times because I just didn't know how to end it. Before I knew it, college overtook me and this chapter kind of just sat on my desktop. I wanted to end this story, and I'm sorry to all the readers who lost interest because it's been so long since I last updated. Everyone, thank you for your support. All of the fans and critics, the reviewers and those who favorited the story as well as those who have followed this, officially and unofficially. So here is the chapter, three months overdue.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, this story is a work of fiction. Don't use me as a history reference.

Matthew sat in his stool, unable to believe what he had just heard. Ivan briefly detailed what happened after he had killed the family. But like his mind, Ivan's words were distant and were only meant to provide some sort of ending to his story.

"Ah, yes. I went in line with Lenin, and later Stalin. Because what purpose would my actions have if this new sort of country did not succeed? That is when I became the Russia you have come to know me as.

"It was not long before I became disillusioned with the Russia Stalin had created, and once the USSR was disbanded… Well, I am not sure what will really happen. It has only been a little over a couple decades." Ivan downed the rest of his drink and handed Matthew his shot glass. Matthew took the proffered glass and felt his throat tighten when he saw the inscription. The glass was in remarkable condition, considering its age. The only scratches that were present were on the bottom of the glass from where Ivan had slammed it onto the table over the decades. The engraving on the side clearly read in Russian

"For our dear friend, Ivan Braginsky. Happy Birthday! Dec 30th, 1911."

~Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, and Alexei.

Matthew's eyes began to water and he tried his hardest to hold back his own tears. It was so embarrassing, he thought as he had to lift his glasses to remove a tear from the edge of his eye. And of course when he tried to wipe it away, it just smeared all over his face and made it look a lot worse.

Ivan was visibly surprised by Matthew's reaction and carefully took his shot glass when the Canadian held the glass out to return it. Ivan paid for their drinks, despite Matthew's protests. Matthew adamantly tried to pay for his share of alcohol, but Ivan deflected his efforts with practiced ease.

"It is what friends do, yes? It is a show of thanks for occupying your time. Thank you, Matvey." Ivan clapped the younger nation on the shoulder. Matthew waved Ivan's thanks away with a small smile. The two parted ways. Matthew to his hotel, and Ivan back to his home. But as they walked in opposite direction, Matthew stole a glance over his shoulder to watch Ivan's figure slowly disappear. He had this uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite shake.

Matthew had been taking a shower when he heard an urgent knock on his door. "C-Coming!" Matthew shouted and quickly turned the hot water off. He threw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans before he opened the door with a towel around his shoulders. He was surprised when he saw Toris with a worried expression. Toris didn't bother with the pleasantries, which was rare, and cut straight to the reason for his abrupt visit.

"Have you spoken to Ivan recently?" Toris asked after Matthew invited him in.

The question made Matthew tense, he could already tell that something had happened. "Y-Yeah." Matthew responded while he brewed them some tea. He tried to sound as casual as possible. "We talked last night at a bar…" Matthew trailed off as he steeped the tea bags in hot water. Toris took a deep breath and unconsciously grabbed his own left arm.

"I see… Did Ivan by chance tell you what happened in the end?" Toris asked as if he already knew the answer. Matthew merely nodded and handed Toris his brewed tea. The nation gratefully took the warm mug and sighed into the dark water. There were a few moments of silence while Toris sipped at the scalding water.

"I guessed as much. Ivan gave me a call last night…" Toris revealed the reason for his visit, "He was pretty drunk." Toris confessed when he took a seat next to Matthew on his bed. Matthew raised an eyebrow, this was news to him. "Really? We drank a lot the other night though and he wasn't all that affected."

"Well, he only gets like this when he's really upset. He must've drank some more when he got home." Toris sighed as he took a sip of tea.

Matthew sheepishly looked off to the side and his ears tingled a little bit in embarrassment, "I-I'm sorry. I-I was being too pushy-"

Toris followed Matthew's train of thought and hurriedly ended it. He put his mug of tea on the nightstand and frantically shook his hands and head. "No, no Matthew, I didn't mean it like that! When I say upset, I just mean sad, but it's just a little different…" Toris looked around the room as he tried to search for a different word. "Despondent perhaps? It's certainly not your fault, but I just wanted to talk to you about Ivan."

The embarrassment didn't leave Matthew, but that worked in Toris' favor because he was more willing to hear what he was going to say.

Toris tucked a part of his hair behind his ear and bit his bottom lip. "I want you to understand, Matthew, that what I'm about to talk about used to be very normal for us older nations." Toris slowly began with a conflicted, almost afraid tone of voice. He even put a hand on Matthew's arm, as if he was trying to comfort him.

Matthew furrowed his eyebrows together and became a bit cautious. "Sorry? I don't follow, Toris."

"Matthew, I just need you to not say anything until I'm finished. I need you to approach this with an open mind." Toris continued. It was Toris' hesitation that concerned Matthew, but he reluctantly agreed. How else would he know what was bothering Toris?

The Lithuanian took a deep breath to steel himself and withdrew his hand from Matthew's arm. "Matthew, Ivan called me last night to talk about an old custom in the past. It used to be quite common. When us nations first began to work alongside the humans to form our countries, it became a sort of ceremony." Toris crossed his arms in an attempt to subdue his shaking hands. "It was uncomfortable, scary even, but it helped us get through revolutions, assassinations, and overthrows. Even deaths of loved ones."

Toris closed his eyes as if he were trying to shut out those old memories of distant times. "Last night, Ivan talked about committing suicide. Not a partial one, but a complete suicide." Matthew's heart stopped and the Canadian's jaw went slack. Already, Matthew was ready to argue against such a thing, but Toris stopped him with an outstretched hand.

"Wait Matthew, please let me finish. As you know, even if we are torn from limb to limb, as long as we have around 50% of our body, we can regenerate. If our head is completely destroyed and burned, or we don't have enough of… well, us, around- then we die. We simply wake up somewhere else with a new body, and I mean it- a new body. The old one is rotting on the floor, and we're up and running a several miles away. To us, and to our rulers, this symbolized rebirth and loyalty. We would literally throw away the old bodies that used to serve the old regime or monarchy, and then we would supposedly dedicate our new bodies to the new house.

"I've experienced many complete deaths, and the feeling is a bit surreal, as you might know. It's like an out of body experience, and everything that happened prior to the death feels distant. Your memories are still there, it's still fresh even, you feel the same, but it's akin to watching a movie. The feeling fades after a while, but it's normally enough to begin dedicating yourself to your new boss… Forgive me, I'm rambling. I don't think Ivan told you, but when he had killed the family- he actually returned to Lithuania. It was a rather chaotic time for my country too, so I was very surprised when I saw Ivan on my doorstep- at the dead of night."

Knock knock

Two sharp rasps on his door pulled Toris out of his sleep. The Lithuanian groaned and rolled off of his bed. "Why in the gods is there someone here?" He mumbled under his breath as he shuffled to the door. His boss surely wasn't this inconsiderate, and the guards wouldn't have just let anyone through to his house. Toris unbolted his door and slowly opened it to see who was outside, before his eyes widened and he swung the door wide open.

"I-Ivan?" Toris gasped in astonishment. All of the sleep instantly vanished from his eyes and he had to blink a few times to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating. The Russian didn't say anything, he barely even acknowledged that he had seen Toris.

Toris immediately grabbed Ivan's sleeve to yank him in, but he was met with unexpected resistance. Ivan stood as still as a rock, his purple eyes weren't even looking at Toris' green ones. They were looking at his feet, but his gaze was different.

More importantly, he wasn't smiling. Toris slowly let go of Ivan sleeve and detected the faint, but sharp smell of blood. "Ivan? What happened, what's wrong?" Toris lowered himself so that he could make out Ivan's expression a little more clearly. Ivan wasn't frowning, and he wasn't smiling, but he seemed to be confused. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched together and his eyes were clouded.

Ivan seemed to snap out of his daze when Toris forced eye contact, and stepped back. Ivan gripped his head and looked at Toris with pleading eyes, "Toris, what do I do?"

Toris couldn't speak for a moment. His heart, his throat, everything seemed to twist inside. Ivan had been such a strong nation, he was a strong nation, and he was a strong person. This was the first time in many centuries that he had seen Ivan in this state.

"Oh gods Ivan, come inside. Did you walk all the way here from Moscow?" Toris immediately got Ivan into his house. The Russian stood rigid in the middle of the living room and refused to take another step.

"I apologize. I didn't bring a spare change of clothes."

"That doesn't matter. Sit down, I'll get you something to-"

"No, I don't want anything. Can you just… Toris." Ivan's voice cracked. Toris forced Ivan to at least sit down, and the two of them sat down on top of a rug on the living room floor.

"Ivan, what happened?" Toris tried to coax Ivan into speaking, and was surprised when Ivan began to speak in a mixture of Lithuanian and Russian. He was trying to be coherent, but his mind was too scrambled. Toris listened though, and didn't ask any questions until the end when Ivan confessed what he had done.

"I could've saved them, but I killed them. Why did I decide to kill them, Toris? I could've saved them, if I had done something-"

Toris stopped that train of thought and grabbed Ivan's arm. "You know that you can't use-"

"It's not that I couldn't, it's that I wouldn't! I've already done it, Toris. Why did I stop there? Why, Why?" Ivan buried his face into his knees, and Toris did his best to comfort Ivan.

"I'm so sorry Ivan."

"What are you sorry for? Sorry that I'm a murderer? That I killed the only family I loved? What are you apologizing for?" Ivan shoved Toris away, but Toris came back next to Ivan.

"What do I do, Toris? How can I face Lenin without killing him? If I kill him, then I would've killed the family for nothing. What do I do?" Ivan whispered.

Toris awkwardly tried to hug Ivan from the side and rubbed his back. "You need to wait. Wait for a few days, and then think about it. You could kill Lenin if you want to, you can do whatever you want, Ivan. If you want, you can be free." Toris whispered. He was talking crazy right now, he was basically telling Ivan to do whatever the hell he wanted- but he desperately wanted to comfort Ivan.

Ivan shook his head and leaned back against the coffee table behind him. "I can't do this, Toris. I'm going to go mad."

"Then don't."

"Help me, Toris." Ivan revealed the knife in his pocket as well as the revolver in hand. Toris' eyes widened, and he seized Ivan by the shoulders. "No! No Ivan, we can't do this anymore! This isn't the way out, you can't just die and numb yourself like this!" Toris practically screamed in his face. This is what broke Ivan, Yao, Arthur, everyone. This is what broke Toris too, this endless cycle of walking death.

"It will change me, but it will strengthen my resolve. I will make Russia into the strongest nation in the world, for the family."

"Ivan, give me those." Toris carefully took the two weapons from Ivan's hands and tossed them aside.

"If you won't help, then I will do it myself. I wanted to come and meet you one last time with this body." Ivan said with a shaky voice, but a voice filled with resolve. Toris shook his head with disbelief and grabbed the pistol he tossed aside.

"It seems like you already knew what you were going to do." Toris inspected the revolver on hand. Suddenly, like lightening, Toris took aim and fired a shot right next to Ivan's head. The bullet whizzed by and slightly grazed the blank nation.

"You're dead, you hear me?" Toris almost yelled at Ivan. But the Russian merely stared back at Toris with a blank, confused look. Toris tossed the gun aside and tried to hold back his own tears. "Oh gods Ivan, just look at you. It's okay Ivan, it's okay." Toris gave Ivan a full hug. The Russian nation slowly blinked before he hesitantly wrapped his arms around the smaller man and felt a familiar tightness in his throat once again. "They're dead, and it's all my fault." Ivan choked, "I lied to them. I couldn't protect them."

"We are not gods, Ivan. We cannot protect everything we want. It's okay."

Matthew couldn't hide the disbelief from his face when Toris told him of what Ivan had wanted. "Ivan was a bit out of it, I couldn't quite follow his line of thinking. But when he came to me, I think he just wanted something that he could control, like his own life. After that, I saw him off at the border and I didn't see him for many years. The next time we met, it was when the USSR was formed- and he had changed." Toris shivered and crossed his arms.

"He didn't kill himself, that much I know. But I think something else died when he left that day. When I next saw him, he was cruel beyond belief, he was a psychopath. The only reason why I can still talk to him is because I always remember, when his bosses would order him to display dominance over the other countries in the USSR, he refused to rape us. He'd whip, burn, punch, even cut until we lost consciousness. But never, even when he had a direct order, would he touch us like that… It doesn't diminish his crime… but some part of him was still there."

Toris looked up at the ceiling and closed his green eyes, as if he was trying to keep those memories locked away. "That was perhaps the only vestige of his old self. If it can even be called that."

"When the USSR fell," Toris began, "Ivan disappeared for a while. He didn't talk to anyone, I think he was in shock. He had realized what he had done. Before, Ivan was probably trying to justify his actions by thinking of the end goal, where everyone would be happy once we were united. But that dream didn't pan out."

"Recently, I've noticed that he was more emotional. His smile has lost some of its edge to it. Instead of being a weapon to intimidate, it's returned to simply being a mask. I think that it's because of you, Matthew."

"M-Me? We just talked."

"That's just it. Ivan hasn't opened up to anyone about what had happened in the Ipateiv house except for you, me, and Kat."

"He needed someone to talk to, and I think that you really helped him. I was hoping that you could talk to him, because I think that he will regret this death." Toris requested with a quiet voice. It took Matthew by surprise and he pursed his lips.

"I-I think that you would be better? I just, you guys seem to understand each other so well. I don't know what I could do."

Toris shook his head and leaned back on his hand. "No, I couldn't. Too much has happened between us. I can't even look him in the eye without shaking anymore. That ship has long sailed, perhaps it has even sunk." Toris tensely laughed.

"Even talking to him is a bit difficult... Right now, Ivan is still uncertain about suicide, that's why he talked to me first. But I can't help him the way I am now. I don't think that I want to help him right now."

Some silence passed. Matthew fiddled with his thumbs and bit his lip. "I-I could try, but I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to convince him."

Toris made a move like he was about to reply, but his cellphone rang. Toris hurriedly apologized after checking the caller ID and answered. Some hurried words in Russian were exchanged and Toris hung up. His eyes had a renewed sense of urgency in them, and he grabbed Matthew by his sleeve. "Matthew, I am sorry. There is simply no time, please talk to him."

Matthew grabbed his hoodie and was concerned by the sense of urgency in Toris' voice. "What's wrong?" Matthew asked as they entered the elevator. Toris crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "I asked Kat to keep an eye out on Ivan's house, she saw a bright flash from Ivan's windows and he wasn't in the house when she knocked down the door. He's probably in Saint Petersburg by now." Toris said.

Matthew couldn't wrap his head around what Toris had just said, but grabbed his coat and followed him out of the building. They were jogging down a sidewalk now, he didn't even know where they were going. "H-How is that possible? It takes an hour to get there!" Matthew shouted, slightly annoyed when Toris had broken into an all out sprint.

After what seemed like ages, they finally arrived in front of a large. It looked oddly familiar, and Matthew realized that it was the British embassy. He was surprised when the guards simply let them through the front gates.

"You're cleared for entry. This is where Mr. Kirkland is waiting for you." The guard handed them a slip of paper that told them where to meet him. They burst through the doors and ran up a few flights of stairs. Toris swung around the corner and opened the door to a windowless room. Matthew almost refused to go in because of the strange aura, but Toris dragged him in. The Canadian's heart nearly gave out when the door shut behind him and he tried to adjust his eyes to the dark room.

"Bloody hell Toris, you scared me." Arthur's voice came from the center of the room.

The Lithuanian apologized and knelt down to help Arthur light some candles.

Arthur hurriedly finished drawing his magic circle with chalk on the carpeted floor and grabbed his magical book. It was a thick, menacing leather bound book. "You're fortunate that this room was open, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to cast this spell…" Arthur began to mumble to himself as he placed the candles in their appropriate places.

"What's happening?" Matthew asked as he cautiously approached the magic circle.

"Ah, Hello Matthew. You see, Ivan used magic to teleport him to the burial site of Nikolai and his family in the cathedral." Arthur informed while shoving Matthew into the center of the circle.

"M-Magic?" Matthew said, surprised. Arthur nodded with a scowl on his face, "Yes, he used magic. Apparently the officials even closed the cathedral so Ivan could have it to himself. Using the traces of his teleportation magic, I can piggyback off of the residual stream and teleport you to where he is."

Arthur paused, his book open in front of him, "Lad, you musn't allow Ivan to kill himself. We are in a new age and are equipped with new knowledge. He cannot be stuck in the past like this. There's little time now- hold your breath"

Matthew obediently took a deep breath and held it, but little could prepare him for the sensation he experienced. It was like being spun around 40 times on one of those tea cup rides and was then being commanded to stand still. All of the breath was pushed out of him, and brilliant lights flashed before his eyes for a few seconds until it was suddenly over. Matthew's feet seemed to reconnect with the floor, and he was suddenly in the imperial tomb.

Matthew shook his head to rid his body of the strange sensation and looked around once again. He was in the imperial tomb, and there he saw Ivan, with a gun. There was a bottle of vodka on the floor, one empty and one full. Ivan sat on the wall adjacent to the tombstone and muttered something to the gun. Matthew immediately ran towards Ivan. So many emotions ran through him. Worry, anger, dread, and something else.

Ivan's revolver began to glow a sinister red as he muttered what was probably a spell. Panic welled up in Matthew's chest and it propelled him across the room as he shouted, "Ivan! Stop!"

Ivan seemed to pause in his incantation to look up, and Matthew took that opportunity to rip the gun from Ivan's surprisingly loose grip.

Matthew struggled to catch his breath, it seemed like the teleportation had taken more wind out of him than he had thought. His hair was a mess, and his angry, misty huffs of air seemed to fill both his and Ivan's field of view. Matthew looked at the revolver in his hand, which seemed disproportionately heavy to its size, and then look back at Ivan, who had a bewildered look on his face.

"You, you, you…" Matthew kept repeating, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Ivan paused, as if to gather his thoughts and put on that same, damn, fake, smile.

"I see, so Toris went to you." Ivan put on an air of nonchalance.

Matthew felt a strange rage fill the entire top of his chest as he aggressively bent the barrel of the gun and tossed it aside before he grabbed Ivan's cheeks and began to pull them as hard as he could. Ivan's smile disappeared and he shoved Matthew away with an annoyed look on his face.

"That was rather rude."

Matthew shoved Ivan against the wall and resisted the urge to scream at Ivan to stop pretending everything was okay, and to stop pretending as if this was just a normal encounter. Since Ivan was sitting, it made it easier for Matthew to get the height advantage as he pinned the Russian to the wall- not that it mattered. Ivan put up no resistance to begin with. There was no strength in his very being.

Despite how angry Matthew was at Ivan, he wanted to avert his gaze from Ivan's purple eyes. He didn't want to see Ivan's eyes because he knew that they would reveal something he was most afraid of. He was scared to see Ivan so weak, and so broken because if such a strong nation like Ivan had succumbed to the consequences of such a long life, didn't that mean that Matthew would one day end up like him?

That perhaps this was the fate that awaited all of them in the end? Matthew took a brief moment to shove those fears back down his own throat for the sake of Ivan, and forced himself to stare into the endless abyss of Ivan's gaze. He had to help Ivan, because if he couldn't help Ivan- then what good was he as a fellow nation? As he stared into Ivan's eyes, he realized that this was the first time he had ever seen the Russian completely defenseless.

As they locked eyes for what seemed to be the longest moment, everything made sense to Matthew as he had a shamefully obvious realization.

What he was confronted with was not the gaze of a mysterious, powerful, and intimidating nation. It was simply that of a person. A person who had made mistakes, had regrets, experienced sorrow, depression, joy, and everything another normal person would experience. Ivan seemed to realize what Matthew was doing and closed his eyes, hiding the windows to his soul before he opened them with a resigned, but guarded expression.

Matthew blurted out why, he had to ask why Ivan was doing this- even if he thought he already knew the answer.

Why would he want to end his life? Why did he want to destroy his body even if it was endangering his very own consciousness? Their lives were equally as mysterious as their deaths, and such uncertainty pertaining to their own deaths should've deterred anyone from a complete death. And yet, Ivan- Ivan would willingly throw away his existence as he knew it? For what?

The Russian seemed to patiently listen to all of Matthew's questions and accusations until his friend was done. His chest heaved, both breathless and scared, as he waited for Ivan's response.

The Russian rested his head back against the wall and took a deep breath. "How many lives have I lived?" Ivan began with a small smile.

"I was once an innocent child who wanted nothing but to play amongst the trees and animals. I wanted to live with my sisters, live with my friends, and grow old with them. When did things become so complicated?" Ivan recalled the hazy, distant memories. That was many deaths ago, many lives ago. Ivan raised his free arm and ran his hand through his hair.

"I have been every type of person there is, and this was the fate for me. A life filled with regret, indecision, and hatred for what I have become. If it could even be called that."

Matthew tightened his grip on Ivan's jacket, and he wanted to tell Ivan to stop spewing this nonsense. But he wanted to hear what Ivan had to say, because he wanted to take everything in. All of Ivan's thoughts, all of his worries, Matthew would take them all. As childish as it sounded.

Ivan absently plucked a strand of hair from his head and scrutinized every detail of the platinum strand before he dropped it.

"Any vestige of my original self is gone, Matvey. What was I originally like?" Ivan said with a slow, halting voice. It seemed to Matthew like Ivan was asking himself rather than asking him.

"Have I always hated the winter? I don't think so. Did I always take pleasure in torturing people?" Ivan seemed to force a broader, more pained smile to his lips. "There was once a time… Once a time, when I loved those girls like they were my own daughters." Ivan struggled to keep his voice even, and he swallowed thickly. "Come revolution, anarchy, disownment, I would have done anything for them. I trusted them, and loved them more than I have ever loved any human."

"But then I changed. I had to have changed, how else would I have killed them?" Ivan lost his smile for a while, seemingly lost in thought. But once he was ready, he brought that same smile back onto his face.

"But was it I that changed, or was it the nation in me that changed?" Ivan's voice wavered at the very end.

The question paralyzed Matthew with a strange fear. It was perhaps a frightening question that he couldn't bring himself to confront in the past. Matthew tried to quell the pressure of dread in his chest, but he could understand Ivan's thoughts. It was something that every nation had questioned at some point in their life. The inevitable answer to Ivan's question, no matter which one it was, held terrible if not devastating weight for the Russian.

"Even as I killed them, with their gasping breath and their betrayed and accusatory gazes, I could only think about giving them a swift death. I didn't think about saving them, I could only think about killing them. And for what? To support a regime that would starve, oppress, and kill its people by the millions. It was my fault, Matthew. Everything is my fault."

The last part raised a fierce objection in Matthew, but found it difficult to respond. Ivan had killed them, Ivan did have the option of saving them via magic, but chose not to. In the end, Matthew concluded, Ivan had made a heartbreaking- and life changing decision. He picked the side of Lenin because he believed that it was his duty as a nation to ensure the prosperity of the Russian people. He had forsaken his own happiness for what he thought was the best for the rest of Russia.

Ivan had done this time and time again, and this was the result.

"We aren't all knowing gods, Ivan. You did what you thought was right. No one could've predicted what would happen. You have to stop blaming yourself." Matthew tried to console the nation. Ivan shrugged and placed a gloved hand on the arm that so tightly held his jacket. Ivan's gentle, yet firm grip made Matthew's own grip waiver.

"I hate myself." Ivan covered his eyes with his hand as he struggled to rein in his emotions.

"I fall in love with so many things. Humans, for instance. I love humans, I used to love the untainted forests of where St Petersburg used to lie. I also loved many animals… I protected them from predators, murderers, natural disaster… But I cannot protect anything from time. Those young children I used to hoist on my shoulders, who used to gaze at the stars with me, if they weren't taken away by illness or war, they grew old." A tear escaped Ivan's eyes and hid his face in his arm.

"They grew old and are now rotting in the ground. Sewage runs through where clear streams used to run. The animals also died, much faster than the humans. The one family I could have protected to extend their short lifespan- I ended myself. But it was not my wish, it couldn't have been. It was Russia's wish."

Ivan lifted his head from his elbow and locked gazes with Matthew.

"Russia or Ivan Braginsky? It is impossible to do both. It's too tiring, I've juggled this act for many centuries, but I cannot do it any longer. I must kill one." Ivan said the last part as a whisper, showing just how tired he was.

Matthew's mind raced for answers, but it wasn't his mind that answered, it was his heart.

"Ivan, don't separate them. Join them. There is a nation part, and then there is a person part, and that's what makes you you. Really, the nation part is only physical. This so called nation part is just us imposing this impossible role of our country's guardian on ourselves." Matthew briefly flashed back to the beginning, he had a brief glimpse of his native people. The native children he used to play with, and how colonization had changed everything. But he quickly suppressed it.

"Even if it is an irremovable part of ourselves, it is just a small part of us, because we're so much more."

"So you are saying that a small part of me wanted to kill the the children? That this small part of me was able to overpower the rest of-"

Matthew grabbed Ivan by the shoulders, "That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that you made a mistake. You made a choice that you ended up regretting. And I'm saying that despite all of this, you have to move on, Ivan.

"While a century might seem like nothing to you, it is actually a long time to mourn someone and you can't just numb yourself. Your death will be meaningless, and I won't let you die because I'm fucking selfish like that. I can't let you just lose all of your feelings and all of your experiences right here. I can't hope to fully understand your pain, but I can try and ease the burden of you continuing to live. You have to start living again Ivan and not linger in the past."

"But I can't."

"But you can."

"You make it sound so easy." Ivan tried to shove Matthew away, but his friend stuck to him like glue.

"But it's not. It's not easy, but I'm promising you, Ivan. That no matter how much time passes, I will be here to help you."

"What do you suggest then?" Ivan said in resignation.

"You just…" Matthew trailed off as he tried to think of something, but the answer came surprisingly easily. "You just have to love yourself…" Matthew blushed as he awkwardly said perhaps one of the most cliché lines of comfort of the century. Ivan was staring at Matthew like he had grown a second head, and the Canadian was quick to act.

"Like, for instance." Matthew hurriedly took off Ivan's gloves and put them together.

"You think that they're cold, right? You should try to feel warmth from your own hands. Because Ivan, look at me Ivan." Matthew forced Ivan to make eye contact with him, "Ivan, your hands are really warm. And you just don't realize it yet, but you are such a kind person. I know it hurts, but forgetting- distancing- suicide, is not how it should be done. I don't think that the girls would've wanted this for you."

Streams of tears began to fall from Ivan's face, "It is what I have given them."

Matthew couldn't help but hug Ivan. Matthew gently forced Ivan's head to rest on top of his shoulder and held it there. Matthew could understand Ivan's fears and sorrow.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself- and you can't kill yourself over this. I want you to be able to live with yourself, and a lot of people want it too. Arthur, Toris, me, and a lot of other nations. There is only one person, the most important one, who doesn't want you to be happy… And that's yourself." Matthew fought back his own tears when Ivan wrapped his arms around Matthew in a tentative hug.

Ivan's heart pounded in his chest. He hadn't intended to trouble Matthew with his inner demons. It would've been so quick and easy to simply die. To die and distance himself from his past, his history. But this nosy Canadian had barged in and was forcing him to experience these undesirable feelings. Pressure built up deep in his chest. The area just below his collar bone and near his heart began to ache. Every breath he took, every word he spoke, everything he did seemed to increase the damnable pressure to the point of tears.

Even now, Ivan could barely control the words that were coming out of his mouth. His carefully structured world crumbled and he couldn't think as he had done for the past century, he felt like an infant.

"It is what I have given them" Ivan responded when Matthew tried to console him about the family's murder.

Ivan regretted the words as soon as he said them. His responses weren't controlled, and they weren't rational. He was baring his true feelings to Matthew, the pent up sorrow and hopelessness that had accumulated for the past century. Ivan closed his eyes, hoping that he could stop the flood of emotions that poured out of his mouth.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself- and you can't kill yourself over this." Matthew began, and Ivan was ready to stop him, but Matthew surged on without giving him a chance to interrupt.

"I want you to be able to live with yourself, and a lot of people want it too. Arthur, Toris, me, and a lot of other nations. There is only one person, the most important one, who doesn't want you to be happy… And that's yourself." Ivan's throat tightened, and he shook his head. He wanted to tell Matthew that he was wrong, but Ivan knew that Matthew was right.

Ivan had realized that he had isolated himself for a century, and he had felt so alone. He had first isolated himself, then Stalin had isolated him from the world, and now that he was free, he had almost forgotten what it was like to not be alone.

And so, very tentatively, Ivan slowly raised his arms and tried to give Matthew a firm hug. Ivan wanted to will more strength into his arms, but he couldn't. It was as if his body was telling him that he would get hurt again, but Ivan shook his head and tried to pull in as much strength into his hug as he could. Ivan wanted to laugh at how pathetic and how broken he was, but it only came out as an unsteady sigh. He couldn't erase the doubt from his mind.

Wouldn't it be easier to to simply forget everything? To distance himself, and to take a small rest. But Matthew could read him like an open book. Next to his ear, Matthew began to speak.

"L-Listen Ivan. It's not okay to forget, even if the humans eventually forget or twist their version of history, we can't forget. And I'm not just talking about memories, I'm talking about feelings too." Matthew's words were like needles to Ivan, who had a brief flashback of his experience with the family.

"The happy and the sad, the good and the bad, they're all important. We aren't human, Ivan. We're not just nations either. We're just people." Matthew whispered those last three words as if he were trying to reassure himself as well.

"Perhaps in the past, you still didn't know what you wanted as Russia or Ivan. But Ivan, we can also evolve. We can change, and we have changed. We are always learning and we are still trying to find ourselves.

"Scratching the surface of our existence, we may still technically be alive after a complete death. But Ivan, you won't still be you. Don't take that away from yourself. Living is an eternal war and it's the hardest thing to do. I'm not very good at speaking all the time, but I'll listen. I'm not going anywhere- and since Gil is still alive, I have good reason to think we're stuck here for a long time. No matter what happens, I'll listen to you. I'm not afraid of you Ivan, I just want to listen."

Ivan took a few minutes to digest everything Matthew had just said.

Eventually, Ivan let out a long and even sigh before he let go of Matthew, but still gingerly held onto the Canadian's hand. The two of them leaned against the wall and Matthew realized just how exhausted he was. It had been a while since he had spoken so much. His pounding heart now began to fade into its usual rhythm, and the two leaned against the wall adjacent to the family's grave.

Matthew felt a wave of fatigue hit him, and his eye lids became heavy. In his mind, he didn't want to fall asleep because he was afraid of what would happen if he did. Perhaps it was a side effect of the magic Arthur had used on him, but he was just so sleepy now. In his blurry vision, he saw Ivan look down at his shot glass in his hand with a strange smile on his face.

"You are a good friend, Matvey." Ivan's voice cut through Matthew's foggy mind, but Matthew couldn't pull himself out of his drowsiness.

"How did you get here?" Ivan asked.

"Arthur used his magic… and Toris told me about…" Matthew roughly outlined what Toris had told him. Ivan's eyebrows shot up in surprise and an even more thoughtful look came across his face. Ivan let go of Matthew's hand and wrapped an arm around his shoulder instead with a wry smile. "Toris gives me too much credit… Matvey?" Ivan tried to hide his surprise when he felt the weight of Matthew's head on his shoulder. The Russian strained his neck to take a peek at Matthew's face and laughed.

"You must trust me very much." Ivan remarked to Matthew, who was dead asleep.

A small breeze blew through the sealed room, and Ivan felt a strange peace come over him. He looked at the gravestone that marked where the family was buried and closed his eyes. It seemed like while he had been alone, many things had changed. Matthew, who had been like an uncertain and directionless puppy was now such a strong character. He had noticed it during world war two, but now it was quite apparent.

While he didn't show it, Matthew's strength was frightening. "You used to be so timid, Matvey." Ivan rested a hand on Matthew's head and opened his eyes to stare at the family's grave. It seemed like he had been left behind while everyone had been moving forward.

"Please, rest in peace, my children." Ivan's voice broke in the middle. "You were all such a handful, especially Nikolai…" Ivan began to give a long due eulogy of the family. With a bright smile, Ivan spoke for a couple hours before he concluded with a more pained and apologetic smile.

"Perhaps you would resent me for it, I am most likely mad- speaking to your decomposing bodies, but I cannot die for you anymore. I am sorry." Ivan concluded and stood up. His muscles were slightly sore from sitting in the same position for several hours. He paid his protesting body no mind, however, as he wearily began to draw on the floor with a pencil. It wasn't the most elegant looking thing, but it would have to do.

Ivan stared at the circle with a nostalgic smile. Ivan twirled the pencil between his fingers before pocketing it in his coat. He hoisted the passed out Matthew onto his back and stepped into the circle. Matthew was right. People's values and ways of thinking changed all the time. So why couldn't theirs change as well?

Ivan muttered a few words under his breath, and the thin lines on the floor glowed bright blue before the circle and the people within the circle were gone.

-Moscow, One year later-

Matthew shuffled his papers together when Ludwig adjourned the World Meeting. The area was lit with idle chatter and banter as they began to file out of the large conference room. It was a beautiful day today, it was bright and sunny, if only a tad cold.

"Hey. Food." The bear spoke from Matthew's feet. Matthew laughed and hoisted Kumajiro into his arms and pulled his messenger bag across his shoulder.

"Okay, where are we going today Kuma?" Matthew stood up from his chair and pushed it back into the table.

"Let's eat some fish." Kumajiro lazily yawned. Matthew shrugged in response, "Okay. There's a good seafood place a few minutes down from here."

" 'kay" Kumajiro snuggled into Matthew's arms for a nap.

"Matthew!" Toris called.

Matthew turned his head and waited for Toris so that they could leave together. The two exchanged friendly pleasantries and walked down to the stairs at a leisurely pace.

"How are things between you and Ivan?" Toris asked with a small smile.

Matthew offered his small smile, "We're going to play some hockey right after I eat with Kuma. Kat moved closer to Ivan and they both seem a lot happier." Matthew was happy for Ivan. Ever since that night in the cathedral, Ivan has been slowly becoming more like how he was before World War II.

Toris noticed a certain spring in Matthew step when he talked about Ivan and coughed to hide his laugh.

"That's good… how has your relationship been?" Toris asked once they emerged into the lobby of the conference center. Matthew gave Toris a puzzled look and tilted his head.

"Er, good? Why do you ask?" Matthew asked. This time, it was Toris who looked puzzled and the two of them stopped in the middle of the large lobby. The Lithuanian seemed to be mulling something over in his head before he carefully spoke again.

"…I'm sorry, Matthew. Are you and Ivan dating?"

The question struck Matthew like a ton of bricks, and he could feel heat and pressure rush up to his head. He frantically shook his head, or rather his entire body to covey how off Toris was about their whole relationship.

"W-What? No, w-we're just friends." Matthew managed to stammer out. He shifted the weight of Kumajiro in his arms and adjusted his glasses. Toris' eyes widened and and apologetically smiled.

"Ah, I apologize. I misunderstood something, I made it very uncomfortable for you." Toris apologized.

"N-no, not at all." Matthew offered an embarrassed, but good natured smile. He tried to calm himself down and took a few deep breaths. It was odd though, usually questions like these didn't rattle him at all. Kumajiro looked up at his owner with a blank, but annoyed look.

"You and the big guy aren't dating? But he's always in our room, he's always eating my food. I thought only people you date could eat your stuff."

"Sh, Kuma." Matthew tried to quell his strong blush. Kumajiro was sometimes too innocent to the things that he said. Toris turned away and coughed again to mask his laugh, and spied Ivan making his way towards them as well. Toris habitually took a step backwards so that Matthew provided some sort of buffer to the Russian, and Matthew simply smiled and offered a small wave.

Ivan's usual smile was cemented on his face and he waved a couple of tickets in the air. They were hockey tickets.

"Matvey~ I managed to get tickets for the hockey game." Ivan proudly informed his friend, who only rolled his eyes.

"Y-You skipped the meeting to get hockey tickets." Matthew stated, openly questioning Ivan's set of priorities. The Russian pointedly ignored him and handed Matthew one of the three tickets. "Katyusha wanted to come, but she has work." Ivan said the last part with clear disappointment. Matthew shrugged and took the proffered ticket, "We can find someone else."

Ivan made eye contact with Toris for the first time and Toris froze in place. Their gazes seemed to lock, Toris was locked into Ivan's purple grip. But it was Ivan who looked away first. Ivan hesitantly offered the third ticket to the Lithuanian.

"Toris? Would you like to come?" Ivan slowly asked. He was obviously trying to sound as none threatening as possible, Ivan had been working on that with Katyusha.

Toris wanted to scream no, but for some reason his hand automatically reached out for the ticket.

"You don't have to come." Ivan added.

Toris blinked. For a second, just for a second, Toris had felt it. This nostalgic feeling of conversing with an old friend from the past. Still, Toris decided to lower his hand and he gave Ivan an apologetic smile.

"I-I'm sorry. I-I actually have plans, I just a-automatically reached for them." Toris' response came out as a stammer.

Ivan nodded and put the tickets back in his pocket. "I see, next time then. A rain check." Ivan added as an afterthought.

Toris let out a small laugh and nodded, "Yes, a rain check." He quietly added.

"Ah, I have to go to the bathroom. Ivan, watch Kuma for a while." Matthew handed Ivan the polar bear. The Russian obliged and hoisted the bear up onto his shoulders. Matthew waved his thanks before disappearing into the mens room, leaving Toris and Ivan with the company of Kumajiro.

Ivan glanced at Toris, who was obviously tense and looked at the ceiling.

"I do not wish to keep you if you have somewhere else to be." Ivan startled Toris with his voice.

Toris nervously laughed, "I think I will take a seat over there. I'm waiting for Edward and Raivis." Toris excused himself to sit down at a bench while Ivan remained standing.

Ivan hummed to himself as they waited for Matthew to return, and Kumajiro decided to have a talk with his master's friend. "Hey big guy. Are you and whatshisface dating?" Kumajiro grabbed Ivan's head with his paws to demand attention.

The question caught Ivan by surprise, "Does it seem like it?" Ivan asked with an amused tone.

Kumajiro shrugged, "You're always together. Eating our food, watching out TV, hanging out with us." Kumajiro stated.

Ivan looked up at the bear on his shoulders and his smile broadened. "No. But perhaps that will change. I am in no rush, I am content with how it is now." Ivan remarked. Kumajiro was dissatisfied with this answer, and in a bid to measure his master's potential partner's worth, asked him: "Why do you like whatshisface so much?"

Ivan thoughtfully tilted his head. He thought back to everything Matthew had done for him, and everything he liked about the young nation. In the end, though, there was one answer. "Matvey is surprisingly relentless. You see, bear, at the time- all I wanted was to die."

Ivan briefly closed his eyes, "But you see, bear, all I wanted was to die. But all I needed was to talk. Your owner is a very rare type of person. Soft spoken at times, but he is determined." Ivan felt the bear drape itself on his head. Ivan's view was partially filled with the bear's snout, but the bear was apparently satisfied.

"He makes good food too." Kumajiro added.

Ivan chuckled, and his usual smile returned when Matthew emerged from the bathroom. "Yes, he does."

Matthew waved goodbye to Toris as he approached Ivan, who was beginning to walk towards the entrance of the lobby. "Okay Kuma, I'm back." Matthew jogged over to retrieve his bear. Kuma rested his head so that he could look at Matthew sideways. "I like being high." The bear stated.

Matthew's eyes shot up in surprise, Kumajiro normally didn't take to other people so well. Ivan's smile broadened, "I do not mind. He keeps my head warm." He assured Matthew.

Matthew tried to get Kumajiro to get down again, but eventually gave up. "He normally doesn't like other people." Matthew said with wonder as they walked out into the cold streets.

Ivan shrugged, "Maybe he just wanted a change of perspective. Matvey is very short after all."

Matthew rolled his eyes and lightly punched Ivan in the shoulder, "Quiet. I'm not that much shorter than you."

"It is enough for the bear to feel the difference though, yes?"

Ivan felt his shoulders relax as he bantered with Matthew the entire way down to the stadium. The two kept bumping into each other on the sidewalk. They eventually leaned against each other and exchanged uncertain smiles. Matthew's face lit up in a fiery blush, and they both laughed. A small change had happened, and perhaps it wasn't bad.

Everyone, thank you for reading this story to the end. This piece was a bit more angsty than I thought it would turn out, but I hope it wasn't overbearing. Again, I just want to thank everyone for your support and following. I love all of you guys 3

As always, constructive criticism and thoughts about the chapter are always appreciated. Hope you guys liked the story!

~Preuss