PD – Chapter 21

One glance at his watch shows him that he just spent another hour tossing and turning in bed without falling asleep. It was getting rather frustrating, his body was screaming for rest, but his mind just wouldn't slow down. His thoughts have been all over the place since he laid down two hours ago.

At first he was thinking about JoJo, but that was really upsetting, so he turned to Danny, which was not much better. But at least they had talked about the most important parts of their 'fight'. Steve smiles at the thought of 'fighting' with his partner. Most outsiders think that they fight all the time, but that's not true. Danny's way of communicating lets them think he's constantly at odds with his partner, but nothing could be further from the truth. If he ever got quiet, Steve would start to worry, but as long as he rants and raves, everything is just fine.

But some days Danny goes a bit too far with his choice of words and even Steve has only so much patience. Steve knows if he had been on top of his game Danny's words wouldn't have hit him so hard. But now the damage is done and that voice in the back of his head reminds him again and again of what Danny said. And Steve just thinks that some of it might be true. That Danny doesn't really trust him anymore. Not after everything Danny has learned about Steve. It has been a few weeks now since he has brought Grace over for a surfing lesson or just for an afternoon of fun at the beach. Maybe he doesn't want any 'psycho' around his daughter.

Steve punches his pillow in frustration. He just wishes he would finally find his way to sleep. After he stopped thinking about Danny and how he thought Danny was losing trust in him, his mind turned to the case. And that frustrated him even more. He simply can't grasp the fact that they have no leads at all. Every angle they have followed up on has ended in a dead end. He just can't understand how the killer could have committed all those crimes and not leave any traces behind. Or at least any that would help them catch him.

Steve turns onto his stomach and tries to stop thinking about anything. Of course that's an impossibility. After a minute he rolls back onto his side when his lower belly is not too happy about the added pressure. He hugs his pillow closer to his chest and rests his head on the second pillow. The blanket is already half on the floor and the rest of it is pooled at his ankles. But he's just too tired to care about getting a little bit cold, he only wants to sleep. His body demands sleep desperately and he hopes he finally will be able to give in to it.

After another few minutes of letting his mind roam over the events of the day, ending with his conversation with Levin, he finally drifts off to sleep.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

NATO 'Incirlik Air Base' – Adana – Turkey – Early 2002

The Mess Hall was a busy place this early in the evening; hundreds of all kinds of military personnel were trying to get a decent meal. Steve was part of a group of twelve people dressed in light beige camo fatigues without any identification or rank insignia. Everyone seeing them knew what that meant, a SEAL team prepared for taking on a mission behind enemy lines.

They were waiting in line for one more mess hall meal before heading to their final briefing. After that, they were boarding a plane that would take them to their target. It was a quiet group, even though they had young and inexperienced sailors on their team. Such sailors were normally loud and overconfident. Not so the SEALs. It's not like they don't know how to blow off steam, but they would never do that during preparations for a mission. The group was extremely disciplined, calm and efficient. They practically moved as one, as a real unit. Not like a bunch of young sailors or soldiers, excited about their new assignment.

Steve stood last in line with his best buddy, PO first class Dan Geese. They met at Coronado and he, Carl Jennings and Dan hit it off right away. It's normally not good to get attached to someone right from the start, because the dropout rate is over 70 percent in BUD/S. But they just knew that they would all make it, and they did. Jenny was stationed with a different SEAL team at the moment. Steve hoped to stay with Dan, and that Dan would be his chief when Steve was ready to lead a group. He was still a few months from that, and even though they all had their insignia and were considered SEALs, they still had a lot to learn. They had both mastered their six-months-probation on a team and were getting their final 'training' now.

SEAL training is the only training where officers and enlisted men train together. They are considered equals. Of course they have the same command structure as the rest of the military, but it's still different.

"Did you get a chance to call home?" Steve asked his friend as they waited for the line to move.

"Yeah, she's really nervous; her mom is staying with her right now. The closer she gets to the due date the more anxious she gets."

"Hey, it's your first kid, of course she's nervous," Steve tried to calm his friend.

"Guess so," Dan didn't want to admit that he was at least as nervous as his wife.

Steve was about to answer when he was suddenly pushed into his friend. He turned to see what moron had barreled into him, but when he laid eyes on the 'moron', all fight left him. He was stunned into silence.

"Could you please move on?" The lieutenant behind him asked.

"Yes, ma'am, of course. I'm sorry I was in the way," Steve was blushing with his apology when she was the one who should have apologized for running into him. Not the other way round.

"Well, would you move? Maybe sometime today?" Lt. junior grade Catherine Rollins laughed at the flustered young man in front of her.

"Uh… yeah… sorry," Steve mentally shook his head; he was normally not that stunted when it came to the female population of the planet. But this woman seemed to be something special.

"I'm Lt. Rollins, and you are…" it seemed that the young lieutenant was equally interested but much better at communicating that interest.

"Uh… Steve… I'm Steve."

"Mac, Cheese, grab your stuff, come on," their CO's voice called them and interrupted the 'moment'.

"Well, 'Steve', seems that you need to hurry. Maybe I will see you again later?" Lt. Rollins looked at the sailor with a hopeful smile.

"Yes, ma'am. I know where to find you." Steve turned back to his buddy with a huge grin on his face.

Dan only shook his head and grabbed his tray and they both made their way over to their group that was watching the 'incident' with interest. Which caused Steve to blush even more. But he didn't really care, because he knew he would meet Lt. Rollins again.

"Guys, eat up, we're meeting in thirty minutes at the command center," LCDR Levin told his men after McGarrett and Geese were finally seated at their table.

"Yes, Sir," the group answered almost as one.

Thirty minutes later the twelve SEALs were sitting in the command center getting their last briefing about their impending mission.

"Intel says that the group functions as HQ for all the training camps still working in Iraq. Your job is to extract information about them, including all maps and if possible to take as many prisoners for interrogation as possible. We don't expect much resistance. The main group left the camp yesterday. The remaining group is probably heavily armed, but only a handful of people. You can expect to find a group of 12 to a maximum of 20 men. Any questions?" Commander Winters looked at the men sitting around the table.

"Do we have any Intel about the layout of the building?" Steve asked the first question. LCRD Levin had told him that he was expected to lead the small group that would enter the back of the building.

"No, Lieutenant. We only have information about the outside, no Intel on the inner building. But we expect it to be a simple construction. Anything else?"

"What's the extraction plan?" PO Miller asked.

"We expect you to be at point Delta at zero three hundred. You and your packages will be picked up by helicopter." Commander Winters paused to give the men the chance to ask any more questions, but their briefing was very thorough and this meeting was only for final changes. If such would arise. "Good then. Good luck to you." He hoped to see all of them back after a successful mission.

The men filed out of the building and made their way over to the hangar to pick up their gear and get ready for insertion into enemy territory.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

The SEAL team was sitting inside a plane's cargo bay, their only illumination coming from the red light of the jump lamp.

"Masks on." Each team member heard Jump-master Johnson's voice in their ear piece.

Steve secured the mask over his face that would provide him with air during the last minutes of the flight and during the HALO jump. They were currently at 30,000 feet and the ramp would open in a couple of minutes, which meant they would lose the rest of the lowered air pressure and would need the air supply to be able to breathe. The pressure had been lowered continuously during the flight to get ready for the ramp opening. That was the part Steve didn't like about the HALO jumps, the feeling of not getting enough air until you put on your mask. But that was part of the training. It's the only part of training he had to retry for, everything else he had mastered on his first try. But during the low pressure breathing, he had panicked and had to grab the mask before the training officer gave the signal. He was not the only one, and it's normal during training that trainees have to take a second or even third try to master something. It's normal and expected. But it still bugs Steve to this day that he failed on the first go.

Steve looked over to his jump buddy and checked his equipment before Dan checked Steve's. A minute later they gave the thumbs up to their CO. A short moment later the ramp was lowered and it was amazing how loud it got in the bay as soon as the air rushed in. Without the ear pieces they wore, they wouldn't have been able to hear any commands, even if they didn't have their masks on.

The whole group was now gathering on the ramp, waiting for the green light to come on before they jumped out into the night. A moment later they got their signal that they were over the target and without hesitation, the twelve men jumped out of a plane that was traveling at a speed of 480 knots, or 550 miles per hour.

Steve thought it was an exhilarating experience to fly through the night from an altitude of more than six miles, while rushing down to earth at a speed of more than 120 mph. He was happy that they were inserting via HALO, it gave them the advantage of inserting without the risk of traveling on the ground for several clicks. The free fall was over soon and the chute opened automatically at 1,000 feet; that sounds more than it is. The chute needs 600 feet to fully open, so that really leaves no room for malfunction or error. Steve's landing was almost textbook perfect and a look around showed him that his teammates had all made it down safely.

They came down only 400 feet from the target and it took them only moments to regroup.

The group split up as they had planned beforehand. Geese and McGarrett along with two more men, were the first to enter from the back; Levin stayed back to coordinate the two groups. Levin decided not to use a sniper this time, since there weren't any posts on the outside. He left two men to hang back as the back-up, but positioned them at the front of the building.

He had four men at the back of the building, two men as back-up, and five men entering from the front while he remained at the back. So far the OP was picture perfect. But that changed a few minutes later as his back-team led by McGarrett entered the building and disappeared from view.

"No hostiles, all quiet," Levin heard McGarrett's low voice after his team made its way into the back of the building. "Tom and Joe take the upper floor, Geese and I are on the lower floor."

"Roger that. Entry and perimeter all clear, no hostiles." Levin relayed the information after he moved to the right to get a better angle on the side and front of the building.

A moment later he heard shots fired and agonizing screams coming from the back of the building.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

"Roger that. Entry and perimeter all clear, no hostiles." Steve heard his CO giving him the all clear and tapped Dan on the shoulder, motioning for him to move on. He of course also heard their CO and just waited for Steve to give the go ahead.

Steve grabbed his assault rifle a bit harder and carefully made his way further into the building, while his two teammates made their way silently to the upper floor. Dan was right in front of him and they communicated without words before entering the next room. But before they even made it to the door, they heard a creaking noise behind them. A second later all hell broke loose.

Steve was violently shoved in the back while at the same time he watched his friend get hit in the lower back. He knew right away that it was serious, the bullet penetrated Dan's vest at the area around the kidneys. A hit to the kidney is the worst that can happen, bleeding out happens so fast, that not even a surgeon on site can do much to prevent it. But Steve didn't have time to think about it, because the force of the impact of the bullet high up between his shoulders threw him to the ground.

He heard more gunfire, not sure where it was coming from, probably from his two team mates who came down from the upper floor after the shots were fired. Dan was lying right in front of him, looking at him, pleading with him for help. Steve tried to move; he brought his hands next to his shoulders and pushed himself up off the ground. That caused an agonizing pain to erupt in his upper back, and he couldn't hold in the scream that robbed him of all the air in his lungs. He dropped back and hit the ground with a groaning thud. His head hit the floor and his vision grayed from the impact.

Steve tried to get his arms to move again but was unable to do so. The pain in his back stole his breath away and he could only watch as his friend bled to death. Dan looked back at him, calmly, knowing what was happening to him. They didn't exchange any words, they only locked eyes and Steve tried to give his friend strength in his last living moments.

Steve heard the gunfights around him, but simply didn't care what happened. He knew he was just as gravely injured as his friend. Dan had lost all color and his breathing was slow and shallow, it would only be a few more moments before there wasn't enough blood left for his heart to pump. Dan Geese was able to grab Steve's limp hand and squeezed it one last time, but Steve couldn't squeeze back. Dan's eyes had closed a few times by now, but after the squeeze they didn't open again, and a few seconds later he took his last breath.

Steve's head was turned to look right at Dan and seeing his friend stop breathing caused the tears that were pooled in his eyes to fall. He struggled to breathe in; every breath was accompanied by an agonizing pain in his back. The pain traveled up and down his spine, mostly up to his neck. With every second, it got harder to get any air in. It felt like a huge weight was sitting on his back, pressing him down into the ground. He pulled in as much air as he could, but soon he just couldn't get his chest to expand. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. Steve knew that he would die in this fucking building somewhere behind enemy lines. In a few moments he would follow his friend, and he didn't even know how it all happened. How this perfectly executed mission could have gotten so messed up from one second to the other.

His last thought was of the woman he had met just a few hours ago. Somehow thinking about her brought a smile to his face, no matter that he was lying in a pool of his own blood with his dead friend lying right next to him. But the thought of that lieutenant, whose first name he didn't even know, gave him an odd sense of peace. A few moments later his eyes closed and lack of oxygen caused him to pass out.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

"McGarrett! Mac! Hang in there, don't you dare die on me! McGarrett!" Steve heard someone shouting his name. He felt like he was floating, but it was also bumpy and someone was still sitting on his chest… and back. Why the heck is everything hurting… why can't I move? Steve tried to open his eyes, but couldn't. And something was in his throat, making him gag.

"That's it McGarrett, come on, fight it. Come back to us." The voice was again yelling near his ear. He couldn't make out who was yelling at him, or why. But he became aware that he was in a helicopter strapped on a stretcher, and it was suddenly frighteningly clear that he couldn't move at all. He was secured by straps all over his body, he was wearing a neck brace and in addition to the brace, his head was secured to the backboard he was lying on. When he realized that he couldn't breathe on his own, but that the air was forced into his lungs via a tube, he panicked, finally opened his eyes and tried to struggle against the binding.

His struggling resulted in even more panic when he realized that he couldn't move a damn muscle, and fighting against the binding caused intense pain in his back. He was on the verge of passing out again, when the face of a medic appeared over him.

"It's okay, Lieutenant. Relax, we'll get you out of here soon. You will be fine. Just relax, let us do all the work."

Steve tried to do what the smiling face in front of him told him, but it was hard when he couldn't breathe or move. His vision was graying again, and the medic said something, but he couldn't understand him. The roaring in his ears got too loud. Finally he closed his eyes and gave in to the drugs the medic had just injected him with.

Next time he struggled to awareness he was still strapped down with a neck brace on, but he was no longer in the helicopter. He was lying on a table in a combat hospital and some French guy with a strong accent was talking to him. Steve had a very hard time understanding him, so after a moment, he gave up and closed his eyes again.

Twelve hours later Steve was in the ICU ward of the small combat hospital, waiting for the transport back to 'Incirlik Air Base', from where he would be evacuated to Ramstein in Germany. It was the first time since he got shot that he had been awake for more than a few seconds. A surgeon stood next to his bed and looked down at him with a frown on his face.

"Lieutenant, can you hear me? Blink once for yes."

Steve did as he was told.

"Very good. Twice for no, okay?"

Again one blink. Steve looked at the doctor, not understanding why he couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe and it finally dawned on him that he was paralyzed. The bullet must have hit his spinal cord. Shit.

"Lieutenant, I know you have a lot of questions and I will try to answer them all. You were shot in the back. The area affected by the bullet is high up between C4 and Th4. The bullet fragmented and did a lot of damage to the area, and there is extensive swelling. It doesn't look like your spinal cord was directly injured, but it is compromised by the swelling. We need to keep you as still as possible to prevent the fragments from moving and doing more damage. Lieutenant, I won't lie to you, this is a very serious and complicated injury. We can't help you here. You will be flown to Turkey and from there directly to Ramstein, where you will have surgery. I know your first question is whether the paralysis is permanent." The doctor stopped to give Steve a moment to comprehend everything that he had just been told. "I can't give you an answer for that. We have to wait and see. But it's a very good sign that you can feel pain even though you have no control over your muscles. All we can do right now is keep you stabilized and prevent any further damage. I'm sorry I can't give you any prognosis."

Steve looked at the doctor, still not completely understanding the severity of his injury. He understood that he might end up paralyzed but didn't understand that his condition was still listed as critical.

"We will keep you sedated to make the flight back bearable for you. Just try to relax, next time you wake up you will be in Ramstein." Steve watched the doctor inject something into his IV and just moments later he was back under.

When he opened his eyes, he was not in Ramstein but was looking into the smiling face of that Lieutenant from the Mess Hall.

"Hi there. I was just delivering the mail when I saw you here. I'm really sorry about your friend. I heard what happened."

Steve looked at Lt. Rollins and tried to figure out why he was not in Germany as promised, but obviously on the base in Turkey. And why they allowed him to wake up. His throat hurt, and his back was on fire. But he tried to muster a smile for the Lieutenant. It will be months before he learns that she had been sitting next to his bed for twelve hours straight, watching over him.

"There is really bad weather between here and Germany, they couldn't risk flying you out on such a bumpy ride. You'll have to stay here for a few more hours." Lt. Rollins provided him with the information she heard from the surgeon. "Your doctor said he will be here in a few minutes, they want to do some tests. Don't worry, I'm sure you will be fine. They said you're doing much better than they hoped for. You keep that up, okay?"

Steve blinked at her and hoped she would stay a little longer.

"By the way, this is not how I pictured seeing you again, Lieutenant McGarrett," she told him with a smile.

Steve frowned at hearing his last name and rank; he had hoped she would call him Steve and tell him her first name.

"You'd like me to call you Steve?" Lt. Rollins saw the frown and interpreted it right, smiling again at him. "I'm Catherine. It's nice to meet you, Steve. Listen, I'm really sorry, but I can't stay any longer. You keep fighting, okay? You're going to be fine." Catherine Rollins leaned over and softly kissed his forehead. Seeing the smile on his face, she knew that she'd done the right thing and would make sure to get a real kiss the next time they saw each other. And she would make sure to keep an eye on this Lieutenant McGarrett.

Five minutes later Steve got prodded and poked by a commander who prepped him for his transport to Ramstein. Shortly after, he was again sedated and fell asleep hoping he would be able to move when he woke up again.

That didn't happen when he opened his eyes again, but he was lying in a nice hospital bed in the ICU in the clinic in Ramstein. Two doctors with serious faces were in front of him and a nurse was checking all the lines going in and out of his body.

"Lieutenant McGarrett. We were just discussing your case. You've been here for 48 hours now, and I'm sorry to inform you that the swelling is still too intense, so we still can't do the surgery. Any operation would be too risky right now and would unfortunately do more damage than any good. We're going to make you as comfortable as possible, but I'm afraid the next few days will not be a pleasant experience." The doctor looked at Steve in sympathy, knowing how scared his patient must feel. Trapped in his body, in pain, confused and not knowing what will happen.

"I promise you we will do everything to get you back onto your feet. You just have to have a little patience." Army Lt. Colonel Myers looked at his newest patient and hoped that he would keep up the progress he had shown so far. McGarrett was in much better shape than anyone had hoped. After the massive blood loss and trauma he had received, he had flat lined twice but was now doing remarkably well. "We contacted your father, and he will be here in the morning." Myers smiled at the stunned face that was staring back at him. "He said he'd be on the next flight out."

Steve's heart monitor beeped in a faster rhythm at the news and they could see that he was very excited about his father coming to visit. Steve closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but thinking that his dad was flying half-way around the world to come see him brought tears to his eyes.

"Lieutenant, you need to calm down. I think it's time for you to go back to sleep, but we will let you wake up again when your dad arrives. Go to sleep, Lieutenant."

Steve couldn't fight the medication for long and soon drifted off to sleep, thinking about seeing his dad in a few hours.

A loud pounding sound knocks at his consciousness. Still thinking of his dad, Steve struggles to come awake. There is not just a pounding at his door, but also in his head. Awareness comes back slowly and with it comes disappointment. He's not in the hospital in Ramstein anymore, and his dad is not standing on the other side of his door. He's lying tangled in his sheets on his bed in the Hilton. It's daytime and someone is knocking on his door.

"Yeah, yeah, coming!" Steve calls to the closed door as he scrambles out of bed, almost stumbling over his boots lying on the floor. He's only dressed in blue sleeping shorts and looks like a man just fallen out of bed. His hair is standing in all directions and he grumbles something unintelligible on his way to the door. He holds his aching head for a moment and tries to come fully awake.

One look through the peephole causes him to break out into a smile and he opens the door to reveal Catherine.

"Good morning!" she greets the half sleeping man in front of her. She can't really keep the laughter out of her voice at the sight in front of her.

Steve steps aside and motions for her to come in, yawning widely while doing so. "Mornin' Cath."

"Uh, wild night?" Catherine looks at the chaos in the hotel room. Clothes are lying around, thrown there during his search for his medication. His bed is a complete mess, much like the man standing in front of her.

"You could say that." Steve looks at her and grins. He knew that she would be there this morning after he texted her last night. "I'm sorry about last night," he tells her as he grabs a T-shirt and puts it on.

"No, don't be sorry, I understand. I should have tried to talk to you, not go to JoJo. I'm sorry about that." she has had a lot of time to think about her actions and she would understand if Steve were mad at her.

"It's okay. Really, I'm not mad at you." Steve steps closer to his girlfriend and the kiss that follows makes up for the night apart.

"I brought your pain pills, figured you're overdue," she tells him after they separate.

"Thank you," Steve takes the bottle of pills gratefully; the headache made itself known as soon as he opened his eyes. But it was nowhere near as bad as the days before. Still he intends to take the medication Mark prescribed for him. "I'll take a quick shower and if you haven't eaten, we can go have breakfast."

"Steve, do you have any idea what time it is?" she grins at him.

"Um… no?" Steve looks around for his watch that he took off last night.

"It's past noon," his girlfriend informs him.

"What?"

"You obviously slept really well," she tells him as she hands him new underwear out of his duffel bag.

"I was dreaming about you. How we met. Well, that was only a small part of the dream. But for the first time I dreamed about it without waking up from it." Steve is a bit amazed how calm he was during his dream about that incident; normally he wakes up drenched in sweat like after a nightmare.

"Did you get shot in your dream?"

"Yeah, it was the whole thing, right until my dad came to see me. That's when you knocked on the door." Steve wonders how far his dream would have gone if Cath hadn't come and woken him. "So, I guess it's not breakfast then, how about lunch?"

"Sounds good. Go take your shower, I'll wait here."

"Care to join me?"

"Only if you promise me lunch afterwards," Cath tells him but is already getting rid of some of her clothes while following Steve into the bathroom.

*~* *~* *~* Hawaii Five-0 *~* *~* *~*

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this little view into Steve's past.

Here is a preview for what is still to come:

PD – Chapter 22

Saturday

"Danno, can we go see Uncle Steve?" Grace's question comes totally out of the blue and surprises Danny.

"Not today, Monkey. Steve is not feeling well and needs to rest," Danny tells his daughter, who he picked up this morning from Rachel and Stan's house. He places his coffee mug in the sink and sits down across from her at his dining table, where she's coloring until the rain stops and they can go out.

"Doesn't Uncle Steve want to see me anymore?" Grace asks her father quietly as she looks at him with sad eyes. She had been wondering about that for a few weeks now.

"What? Why do you think that?" Danny looks at his daughter in total shock. "Steve loves you, Monkey. Why do you think he doesn't want to see you?"