I do not own Twilight!
So finals nearly were the death of me but I survived and I am so happy, I slammed out this longer chapter for everyone that I have been gradually working on between breaks so I hope everyone likes it. =]
Thank you NMBC-Sally, Candyland0530, and Kisa19 for the supporting reviews! Also, thank you to everyone who has made the story one of their favorites and are following the story.
Clary's POV:
I stare at my throbbing hand and somehow I know that something is wrong. "Holy crap on a cracker!" I curl the injured hand into my body, cursing under my breath and forcing tears back.
Keally pulls on my arm quickly, forcing me behind her to shield me with her body. I look up at the man who I punched and Sam and Quill are holding him back while he is trembling violently, staring at me with a lethal expression as blood drips from his nose.
"Paul," Sam commands loudly. "Calm down, now. You must control it." Control what? I stare at this man, Paul, who looks like he wants to tear me apart.
Locking eyes with him, I slowly grab Keally's hand and take a gutsy step forward.
"Clary," Embry warns and sends me an anxious glance. "Don't."
"I will tell her," Keally declares quietly. "Just put the mutt back on the leash will you?" Without waiting for a response, Keally tugs on my hand to lead me down the beach area. The sky has darkened and the sun is setting over the horizon, the wind competing with the crashing sound of the waves in front of us.
After walking a far distance away, Keally drops my hand with a long sigh and stares out at the setting sun. "I love sunsets. The colors are all so beautiful," she says quietly.
"Keally," I plead with her. "What the heck is going on?"
"Clary…" She turns to me, biting her lip and blue eyes glowing with fear. "I am not what you think I am."
"What do you mean?"
"I am a monster," she says suddenly and looks out at the crashing waves. Her wavy, blonde locks whip back and forth, escaping from her French braid.
"No you are not, Keally. You are my best friend," I tell her firmly. "Do not listen to whatever these people say."
"No," Keally whispers to me. "They are right. I am. I do not belong here, I am not allowed to be here but I needed so badly to protect you."
"You are not a monster, Keally."
"Yes I am," she confesses sadly. "But so are they." She looks up at the Reservation group and another wave of confusion settles over me, my hands clench into fists and I am reminded of the pain tingling in my hand.
"I do not understand," I tell her honestly.
"I am not human, Clary." I stare at her, unsure what to say. What do you say to something like that?
"Yeaaah," I laugh at her joke because it has to be a joke. Right? "Sure Keal, and I am a reptile with all this cold-blooded, low-body heat. Now what is really going on?"
Keally stares at me, frowning, and shakes her head slowly. "No, Clary, I am completely serious. Dead serious, in fact." She smirks at this comment for some unfathomable reason and something twists in my stomach, churning uneasily as I think up a response.
"Quite messing with me Keal," I say smirking at her and nudge her shoulder.
Keally looks out at the water and lets out a long, tired sigh. "I am a half-breed, a half vampire and half vampire." She takes in my stunned expression, the smile falling from my mouth to gape at her.
"This is not funny Keally," I say finally and shake my head in disbelief. "You have been my best friend for four years. Don't you think I would have realized that you were undead?"
"You were not supposed to know," she replies keeping her eyes on the setting sun. "We are supposed to live in secret."
I laugh; it is a dry sarcastic sound that for some absurd reason bubbles out of my throat. Finally, Keally looks at me and her expression is full of angst and fear. "Come on," I say and shake my head again. I rise to my feet and begin walking back the direction we came. "Let's head back if you are still determined to keep me in the dark, I am too exhausted and my hand is frankly killing me to continue with this conversation."
"No," Keally blurts out and jumps to her feet. She gasps my hand tight and before I can object she splays my hand on her chest, over her heart.
"Keally, come o—"I begin to say and then blink at her in surprise at what I feel, or more what I do not feel. Her heart beat, it is slow and barely beating. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I feel fine. I am a vampire-human hybrid, Clary." She smiles at me and her teeth become pointed, fangs unsheathed from her human camouflage. "I have a heart that beats in my chest—however slowly it may be—and blood running through my veins. But I have certain…abilities, venom in my bite, and skin that is indestructible."
I stare at her, unable to form coherent words while the sun becomes replaced by the waning moon. The moonlight shines over us, illuminating Keally's inhumane beauty and suddenly I believe every word she has said.
Keally lets out a sigh of relief. "You believe me," she says and smiles sadly. "But you are still freaked out."
"You can read my mind?" I stare at her, torn between shock and mortification. I knew she could figure out what I was thinking but I never imagined…
"No, well, not really." I heave a sigh of relief and she laughs a twinkling, whimsical sound that is so familiar but so strange now. "God, you were really worried? No, I cannot read your mind but I do have a special binding to you."
"What do you mean?" I frown at her. "How are you bound to me?"
"I am in tune to a lot of your emotions, Clary." Keally looks away and I think there is more to it but I settle that for discussion later. "I feel what you feel a lot of the time, which is why I am so intent on protecting you all the time."
"Mother hen tendencies," I mumble under my breath and she grins at me.
"Exactly," Keally replies. "Which is why I am here on widely forbidden territory, the Reservation is off-limits to any vampires. Technically, the treaty states that I could be killed for my law-breaking but they are discussing my case because it is very…unique."
"Yeah, I can bet." I smirk at her and laugh.
Keally looks at me for a long moment, uneasily. "Are you alright with all of this Clary? You seem to be taking it…shockingly well."
I nod my head at her, smiling slightly. "Yeah, I just wish you would have told me about it before Keally."
"I did not want to scare you," she whispers to the moon above folding her arms around herself at the cold breeze.
"You are my best friend," I reply to her with a smile. "Nothing could have changed that."
The ultimate expression of relief fills the features of her face. "Thank you, Clary. Do you want to go back with me? I am going to go talk things over with the Reservation mutts." She rolls her eyes and the comment sparks another thought within me.
"Are they werewolves?" I look in the direction of the group and frown. It would explain why Keally has been making the dog references all day.
"Um," Keally hesitates and looks away from me again. "That is kind of not my secret to tell so you will have to figure that out for yourself."
I nod, frowning. What if they are? What if nothing in this world is real, or unreal, or whatever all of this is.
"Are you coming up with me? It is getting cold," she says but I shake my head at her. I need time to think this all through.
"Go ahead without me, I will be up in a bit. I just need some air." Keally nods at me, understanding my need for space right now. "But be careful up there with all that." I gesture wildly in the direction of the Reservation group, who now that I see has begun to file down with only Embry, Sam, Leah, Quill and another boy awaiting the quickly approaching Keally.
Shouting erupts from the group and I roll my eyes. Guys can we not just all get along? No, you idiot, your best friend is some hybrid vampire and god knows what the Reservation gang is. My mind sneers its ugly head again and I frown up at the moon, suddenly, everything goes quiet and there is no shouting.
I lay back in the sand, not caring about getting dirty or cold and I stare up at the sky—counting the stars and reveling in how peaceful it is out here. Somewhere between eighty and ninety, my eyes drift shut at the calming sound of the waves crashing onto the shore.
I am sitting on the couch again, staring at the television screen without really seeing what I am watching until something crawls along my leg. I glance down at my jeans and sigh in relief, it is just a bug, and I flick it off my leg.
I am not a little girl. I am just me, just Clary.
"Clarissa," a woman's voice yells from the other room and my stomach drops. Aunt Salad…No. No. No. I close my eyes and wait for her to ask me how many sandwiches I want, praying for once that she doesn't.
"Honey, do you just want one egg sandwich?" I stand up quickly, trying to rush to go answer her directly but I only round the corner and slam into his chest. I look into his face but all I see is black, he is faceless. I stubble backwards and I am sitting on the couch again, he is sitting next to me and I cannot breathe.
He smells of nasty cigarettes and something bitter and his hand skims over my leg, up to the button of my jeans. I want to scream, to cry, and to do something but I choke on my own words. They evaporate on my tongue once I open my mouth.
I feel him. I cross my legs, it is the only action I can seem to muster beside these silent tears ripping me apart inside. He pulls his hand out and I think it is over, I close my eyes and beg for it to be over. He places his hand on my knee and I try to tighten my legs together as he pushes them firmly apart.
And then my legs fall beside each other, heavy and immovable. His hand is back and I close my eyes, trying not to cry.
"Clary," I hear Keally's voice and my eyes open instantly. We are standing in an empty house with our belongings all packed up and ready to go somewhere. She smiles sadly at me, wrapping her arms around me tightly and whispering in my ear. "I will protect you."
I close my eyes, taking in her sweet scent but it is soon clouded with the smell of smoke. I am standing in a burning house, my burning house. My hand is wrapped around a little girl's hand, trailing her along through the smoke and dodging the hot flames around us. Mia, I think suddenly. I must find Mia. My kitty…
The house begins to fall apart, the structure collapsing around the little girl and I but we still search for Mia. Then the little girl begins to cough violently, she is dying but I keep dragging her on.
What is wrong with me? Why don't I stop searching? She needs to get out now or she will die and it will be my fault, all my fault…
"Clarissssahh," I jerk around at the voice hissing at me from the darkness and the burning flames. The little girl falls to her knees at the sudden motion; she cannot get back up because she is coughing too hard. Her small frame shakes under her baggy green sweater as she continues to heave ragged breaths.
Her baggy green sweater…I stare down at her, gaping, and my own wide, green eyes stare back at me.
"Clary!"
I wake up, chest heaving and the vision of smoke still dancing in my head. Jacob is kneeling over me as I tremble, it has gotten very cold but that is not the sole reason why I am shaking.
"What are doing sleeping out here? Do you really have no value to your self-worth, Clary?" His voice is angry and scolding, I just want to be left alone. Please leave, my mind begs him silently as my heart beats wildly. I cannot speak. I was looking into my own dying, green eyes a few seconds ago.
"Hey," Jacob says suddenly in concern. "What is it? Look, let's get you inside and warmed up."
I sit up and place my head between my knees with my arms wrapped around the middle of my calves; I take in controlled breaths in attempt to calm myself down. In, out, in and out. Breathe Clary, it is not real. It is not real anymore. It was just a dream.
"Mercury, Venus, Earth," I whisper barely comprehensible to myself. "Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto." I close my eyes again and the images are still there, green eyes flashing back at me taunting in my own face.
"Clary," Jacob's voice panics in concern and he places his warm hand on my shoulder to comfort me but the last thing I want is to be touched. Even by him touching is too much for me to handle, I shudder away from him and shake my head to get him to understand.
"What is it? Tell me, please. Shit Clary," he says and tries to put his arms around me to comfort me but I shy away from him again. From my peripheral vision he runs his hand through his hair in panic, unsure what to do to help me. "Do you need your pills?" I shake my head, quickly. I want you to go away.
I repeat my manta of the planets in my head and then reverse them, taking deep controlled breaths until I begin to calm down. Jacob stares at me, looking helpless with his dark eyes wide in the moonlight and his arms hanging at his sides.
I stare at him, emotionless but calm, and wonder why he is still here with me. Why didn't he just walk away?
"What just happened to you Clary?" He looks so lost and afraid but why? It is not over concern for me surely.
"Nothing," I lie weakly and stare out at the waves.
"Bullcrap," he replies gently, calling me out but not unkindly.
"I never was good at that game," I confess and smile faintly at him. He frowns at me worriedly and scoots closer to me as if on instinct, I feel the heat radiate from his body and I shiver involuntarily. With a sigh, Jacob wraps his arm around my shoulders and I stiffen but allow the warmth to spread appreciatively throughout my body.
"I was always a damn genius when it came to that game," Jacob states smugly. I snort and roll my eyes at him, my shoulders shake with laughter and he smirks down at me. "What?"
"You," I reply laughing. "So smug you are Jacob Black."
"Well, I just tell it like it is and do not beat around the bush." His dark eyes twinkle in the moonlight, despite everything he still manages to enrapture me with his presence. He continues to stare at me and then leans forward, his thumb skimming just at the corner crease next to my eye.
Gently, he pulls back his hand and I am jelly on the sand around us. "Eyelash," he says softly and I think my heart stops for a moment at the husky tone. And then I have to ask and ruin it all.
"Did you work things out with Bella?" Her name is like rocks in my mouth but I manage to say the words somehow kindly to him, as if I really am concerned about her.
Jacob stiffens and for a moment he looks so lost again, his arm drops from my shoulders and the abandonment of heat causes me to shiver. "She is marrying that leech," he growls and his body trembles. My eyes widen at the vampire reference, I wonder how many are there out in the world.
"She is marrying a human-vampire hybrid?" I ask him, stunned. It is not every day that you get to ask that question, or maybe it is in their world. Jacob stares at me with those beautiful onyx eyes widening at my question, mouth hanging open.
"How did you—"He beings and then he breaks off, realization dawning on him and he stares behind him at a house in the distance—Embry's house. "The leech told you."
"Keally," I emphasis her name and scowl at his comment about my best friend. "You have not been to Embry's yet I presume?"
"No," he says and frowns down at me. "I just got back to find you thrashing around in the cold sand." I blush at the thought of me thrashing around from my nightmare, hoping I did not embarrass myself too badly in front of him.
"Oh," I say softly. "Well, a lot has happened since you…left." With her, I add silently. I look down at the ground and I am thankful for the darkness to cover up my gradually heating face as Jacob continues to stare at me. I shiver again.
"We should go inside. You are probably freezing out here," Jacob comments and rises to his feet I expect him to walk up to the house without looking back at me. However, Jacob surprises me yet again. I make no move to stand while my body objects to any mere movement, and then my body is jerking to attention as Jacob stands in front of me—offering his hands. I blink momentarily surprised and then place my hands gently in his strong, warm hands. Electricity zips though me at his touch, another shiver coursing through my body and I wonder if he can feel it too.
He pulls me up and suddenly I am crying out from a jolting pain in my right hand, the hand I punched Paul with. Oh yeah…I forgot that was injured.
"Shit," Jacob mumbles with his hand outstretched towards me as I curl my hand into my chest, trying to ease the throbbing pain. "What is wrong, Clary? Did I hurt you?"
I shake my head at him. "No," I stutter out and blush again because I am going have to explain that I punched someone he is probably close with in the face. "I—um—I just kind of punched this guy in the face earlier."
Jacob stares at me. "You…punched who in the face exactly?"
"Um," I think for a moment as if I have to pretend that I do not remember the guy's name. "I believe his name was Paul."
It is quiet for a long moment and then Jacob begins to laugh, as if what I just said was the funniest thing that he had ever heard. His laugh washes over me; it is a true and honest laugh that causes my heart to quicken, a sound that is naturally sexy without a hint of effort.
"I can imagine what happened when you did that," Jacob pants out through fits of laughter. I frown at him, unsure whether I should be defensive or not.
"Well, his nose was bleeding and he looked pretty angry that Keally pulled me down here and then confessed to everything." Why am I explaining myself to him? I do not owe him any reason for why I chose to punch Paul, and it did not have anything to do with Jacob. Yet, somehow, he does know about vampires and the fact strikes an idea in my head again.
"Are you a werewolf?"
Jacob stops laughing. He stares at me and pales under my intense scrutiny but grasps my hands gently in his own. "Where did you get that idea from?
"Well, are you?"
"No," he says impassively and then he looks away from me but his hands are still gently cradling my own.
I lean forward, squinting up at him and inhaling his heady scent of forest and spice. "Bullcrap," I point out confidently.
His eyes narrow at me and his hands squeeze my own done too gently, pain bursts into my hand again and I gasp. I pull away from him, cursing under my breath. "Damn, I forgot." Jacob gazes at my hand, dark eyes glazed in worry and regret. "Let me see it."
I push him away, firmly. I do not need to be babied when I can deal with the pain myself once he leaves to let me lick my wounds, which have seemed to be accumulating more and more since I have met him. "No. I am fine," I reply stubbornly.
"Damn it, Clary. Just let me see it alright? Do what you are told for once," He growls dominantly trying to intimidate me. I stand my ground and shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket, slowly, while staring at him as I complete the act of defiance. His forehead creases in irritation, or frustration but I am not really sure which because I turn my back on him and begin to walk away.
He is at my side in a matter of seconds, grasping my arm roughly. I struggle against him as he forcefully tries to pull my hands out of my jacket pockets, and I dodge his advances each time he pulls at my arms.
He grabs my arms, shaking me lightly in frustration, and trying in vain to get me to keep still long enough for him to pull my hands out. "Damn it, woman, must you be so frustrating?" I turn another direction at another of his advances and lose my footing, stumbling backwards until he collapses on top of me on the ground with a low growl.
I pant from beneath his crushing weight that pins me to the ground, warming me and rendering me helpless. I cannot move and I hate that feeling, the claustrophobia settling into my chest and I begin to panic. "Please," I breathe in distress with wide-eyes.
"Please what?" Jacob stares down at my helpless body and sends me a cocky smirk. "Not so tough and stubborn now are you?"
I narrow my eyes at him, part of me hating him while the other part dances at him being pressed like a glove against me. "Get off of me," I grunt brazenly through gritted teeth. My heart pounds in my chest against his own hot skin, the length of his muscular body engulfing me in his heat until a blush rises to my cheeks.
"Are you going to cooperate?" Jacob raises an eyebrow at me, smirking with amused excitement dancing in his eyes. I realize his game, this is playful Jacob.
"What if I don't?" I purse my lips and glare at him, playful but a little serious.
"Well then, Clary Knight, it seems that there is to be a very long night ahead of us." He laughs at my expression and I feel the sensation vibrate in my own chest, my heart beat spikes.
I squirm underneath him and let out a huff. "Get off me Black," I say glaring. "You weigh a ton."
"Baby you do not know the half of it," he teases with those dark eyes glowing in the moonlight. Baby… My heart jumps at the word, so delicious and so right coming from his lips.
I halt my body suddenly, forcing myself to calm and cease the struggling for a moment. Jacob stares down at me in confusion, trying to gauge my reaction but I just smirk and slide my arms slowly out and rest them on his elbows. I raise a knee until it is resting against his firm butt, the thought causing the blush to crawl up my cheeks. Then I pull on his elbows, ignoring the pain in my hand, and push with my knee until he is sent flying over me and crashing into the sand in surprise.
I rise to my feet, slowly, glancing over at Jacob. He lays flat on his stomach, motionless and I frown in concern. "Jacob?" My voice is hesitant and fear chills me when he does not respond. "Crap," I whisper softly and rush over beside him.
"Jacob," I say again and place a hand on his shoulder, gently trying to jostle him while leaning forward. "Are you alrig—"
I squeal in surprise when he grabs me so quickly that it is practically humanly impossible and then I am settled beneath him once more, my heart beating rapidly from fear and responsiveness. He leans down close to my face and I feel his warm, delicious breath on my cheek. "So much for your quick getaway," he purrs and I roll my eyes at him. "I am just too skilled and quick for you."
"So egotistical," I reply and try to squirm away again but this time he holds me under him tightly, firm and domineering. I look into his eyes and notice the dark edge that glows in the moonlight, the scent of forest and spice fills my senses.
"Only when necessary," he replies with a smirky-smile and my heart skips another beat. We stare at each other, so close and tangled up in the other that each attempt at movement only causes our bodies to inch closer.
"Is that so?" I manage to slip my right hand out from beneath his body, wincing slightly. Without thinking, I raise the hand up to the side of his face too unexpectedly for him to really think about it as my hand skims over his slightly scruffy, warm jawline to his cheek with the back of my hand. His dark eyes widen and a low growl erupts from within his throat, I blink at him in surprise thinking I crossed the line and drop my hand away.
However, when I lock eyes with Jacob his eyes are darkened with want to the point where his irises and pupils appear one solid color—black. His body begins to tremble, his jaw clenching in restraint, and then he lets his head fall suddenly against my shoulder. My eyes widen in surprise and I do not dare to breathe for a moment, while Jacob's forehead rests gently on the top of my shoulder and his nose skims my collarbone. He lets out a long, forlorn sound that could be the equivalent of a soft whine but surely my mind is playing tricks on me.
"Jacob," I whisper softly. I am so confused by his mixed signals, and it is actions like this that toy with my head so badly that pain enters my chest. It is just short of torture really but I am too far gone to try and stop it, like a fast approaching train wreck and I am tied to the tracks. Waiting out my fate…is that what I am doing?
"Hmm," he murmurs unintelligibly, giving into pure animal instinct. He inhales deeply before letting out the contained breath slowly, the sensation causing gooseflesh to prick my sick and a delicious chill to run down my spine. Wait. Did he just smell me?
I open my eyes, turn my head to the side, and curve my neck a bit to stare at him from the corner of my eye—quirking an eyebrow at him. Jacob lifts his head abruptly and his soft lips accidently brush against my own. The connection is instant, like my blood is singing and fireworks are exploding within me just from the mere touch of his soft lips to mine. My eyes widen and I stare into his hooded, dazed eyes that reflect my surprised expression like sheets of black ice gleamed with surprised green.
I jerk back and breaking our contact sends heat into my veins, tingling with fiery vengeance for the contact again. He jumps off of me and paces back and forth, leaving deep prints from his frustration as he runs his hands through his hair and avoids meeting my eyes. All the events of the day have drained me of energy, at this point I am close to running on empty and my heart hurts almost as bad as the dull pain in hand.
"What the hell was that?" I whisper unconsciously bringing my fingertips up to my still-tingling lips; they still feel so warm from his abandoned heat.
"Nothing," he growls and I blink at his temper. God, I am not that bad of a kisser, not to mention that was barely even a kiss. Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that, Miss-No-One-Wants-to-Kiss-You. I wince at the brunt of the backhanded slap that my conscious gives me.
"Okay…" I trail off and blush from my seated position in the sand; I let my hand drop away from my lips to settle in my lap. "But—"
"Nothing, it meant nothing!" I wince and his eyes catch the action, pain and regret entering his dark gaze. "Look, I did not mean it like that. It is just really complicated with me right now. I cannot…" He trails off and I shake my head at him, wanting for him to stop trying to explain so he can leave me alone to think. I need to think about how that accidental kiss made me feel on top of everything else that went on today.
I get up and brush the sand off of me as he stares at me with an anxious expression. "Clary…" His voice is too much; it is full of pitiful apology for another hope that has been crushed within me. I am sick of it. I do not look at him or respond to his false concerns, taking careful and calm steps towards the house as the wind howls in my ears.
"Clary! "Jacob calls out in a desperate tone and I almost turn at the sound. However, I resist the urge and keep walking. "Clary, wait!"
"Wait for what exactly, Jacob?" I turn suddenly and he slams into me, unexpectedly. We tumble to the ground again in his attempt to catch me before I fall but this time my body lies flush on top of his. Then he flips us over quickly so he is domineering on top of me, his hands grasping my wrists firmly. I hiss in pain at the pressure he puts on my right hand and he glances down, instantly loosening his iron grip.
"Just let me look at it, please." His eyes plead with me and I frown because honestly what does the pain in my hand matter anymore. More importantly, why the hell does he even care? "Please, Clary."
"Why?" I narrow my eyes at him, waiting for his answer and reaction.
"Because," he replies shortly and I could smack him for how frustrating this all is.
"Because is not an answer Jacob," I grumble underneath him and scowl. "In fact, it is the very opposite of an answer, it is evading the issue." He stares at me, eyes wide in bewilderment or sheer boredom. I take a deep breath, trying to steel myself for what I am about to say. "What exactly am I waiting for Jacob?"
He continues to stare at me but does not say anything, opening and closing his mouth until I get slightly distracted by the memory of the softness of his hot mouth. No, you cannot allow this to continue. You have enough issues already and this screwed up relationship, or whatever this is, is not helping.
"What," I whisper to him faintly and then make my voice firm. "What. Am. I. Waiting. For."
Jacob looks away from me but our bodies our still tight against each other, his pinning me down to the cold sand but setting fire to my skin. "Nothing," he whispers to the night sky above us.
"Oh," I manage out with hurt twigging in my heart. Again. "I would like you to get off of me now, please." His attention snaps back to me and he slides off of me carefully.
I begin walking back up to Embry's house with the emotion drained out of me, and then I feel his warm hand on my shoulder. It sends the tingling shivers down my spine again, the heat of his skin calling to my body in yearning. I stiffen at his touch but do not look at him.
"Clary," he whispers with his tone laced with guilt and something else unreadable. I love the way he says my name, the way his tongue caresses the C and then wraps around the ending ry, and my heart skips. I sigh.
"What Jacob?" My voice sounds tired even to my own ears.
"I'm sorr—"
"Don't," I interrupt him and lift a hand up to stop what he is going to say but I still keep my back to him. "I do not want your pity, or whatever it is you feel indebted to me. I have feelings, yes, but I have some pride too. So just…don't. Please."
"I do not pity your feelings Clary," he replies to me and I almost turn around to search what his expression is.
"What do you feel, Jacob?" I ask suddenly bold and a blush heats my face. I close my eyes, waiting for his answer. Nothing, I feel nothing for you Clary. I steel myself for the answer.
"I don't know," Jacob replies and my eyes flick open in amazement by his answer. He does not know! What the hell does that even mean?
I keep my back turned to him and fold my arms against my chest, scowling at the ground in search of a response that will not come out pathetic. "What the hell does that even mean?" I ask the ground honestly and Jacob's hand on my shoulder twitches slightly at my frustrated tone.
"Nothing," he says and drops his hand in defeat. "It means nothing, Clary." I take a step forward, still keeping my back to him, and begin walking again back to Embry's to talk out my frustrations to Keally.
"Clary, I—" Jacob's voice breaks off and it is tinged with so much agony that I finally turn around to find him staring at me with so much distress that he is trembling. My heart jumps frantically in my chest.
"You do not know?" I ask in a controlled voice and a burst of anger rises up within me as he watches me carefully, unease by my controlled calm.
"No," he whispers low in his husky voice to the sand below us. "I don't."
I take another step towards him and all I need to do is step another step to close the space between us but I remain where I am. "And it means nothing to you?" I watch as anguish crawls over is handsome features for a moment before he slams down his impassive mask. Suddenly, I do not believe him.
"No," he breathes out firmly like he is trying to believe it himself. "It means nothing to me."
I press my lips together in a firm line and narrow my gaze, fury wielding up inside me. He is lying! The fact is written all out in his actions tonight, his body language, and the forced expression on his face right now.
I lean forward slightly with my weight teetering on one foot. "Bullcrap," I say confidently to him. And then I close the distance between us, reaching up and crash my lips onto his hot mouth that begins to respond immediately.
The response further proves my call of judgment and calls out his dishonesty.
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