Chapter 21 Outside of the Light
And in my fear, I had to carry on
Where no one else had gone
Looking in a heart of darkness from above
To the man inside.
Heart of Darkness, by Chris Deburgh
Edward's Pov
"Vampire".
A small dark chuckle escapes my lips as I hear Charlie mumble the truth. I expected no less from him really. He is not a fool. He slides down into unconsciousness and I pull my cell phone from my jacket, dialling Carlisle's number.
"Hello, Edward."
"He knows."
Carlisle sighs deeply. "I was afraid that might be the case."
"He's still putting the pieces together, but I think you should be here when he wakes next time. I do not have the patience to coddle him, Carlisle." I don't wait for his reply to my comment. I do not need a lecture on patience; I merely need him to take care of this for me. "How is Bella?"
"Resting comfortably. Her temperature has fallen to 103. 5. The medication is working and her breathing is relatively stable all things considering. I don't think it will be hard to beat this infection, we've caught it very early." His tone is gentle, free from reproach despite my words to him about Charlie. I move down the hallway, listening carefully as I step into the elevator and head to the 5th floor. It takes only seconds for the elevator to rise up the two levels and as I step out and make my way down an unfamiliar hall, Carlisle continues to fill me in on Bella's condition. "Alice and Jasper are still hunting and Esme is lying with Bella to help keep her temperature down. She hasn't woken and I've given her more morphine to keep her comfortable. You should take some time on your way home and hunt, Edward."
The sound of crying is very soft, but our hearing is so sensitive that Carlisle hears it easily through the phone.
"Who is that, Edward?"
"Emily Young."
Carlisle sighs again. "Edward now is not the time for more confrontation. Please son, I'm asking you to come home now."
"I'm not seeking confrontation, Carlisle. I only want to talk to Sam. I'll be back soon. My phone is on if you need me." Hanging up I move into the hospital room, not surprised to find that Emily is alone. My senses detected that before I'd even stepped out of the elevator.
She senses me as well the second I step closer to the bed, though I've made no noise. Her eyes are tired and red from crying, filled with her pain yet she manages a small weak smile when she sees me. A smile I do not understand.
"Emily," I say quietly in greeting. She is being given a blood transfusion and the smell is strong in the air despite the plastic tubing and bag that encase it. It still clings to her as well, a reminder of the price she has paid.
"I didn't expect to see you here, but I'm glad you are."
Her thoughts erase my confusion. Despite her sadness over her loss she is grateful to be alive. The doctors have assured her that she will still be able to have children, and though it doesn't lessen her pain it has given her a new strength to bear it. She is thankful to me and to Carlisle.
"You do not need to thank me, Emily." Her eyes widen in surprise just before understanding dawns on her face.
"That mind reading thing you have going on is very convenient. At least you know I mean what I haven't said. You know I truly am thankful for what you did to save me."
I can't help the small smile that tugs at my lips. I have no reason to hate this woman and she has suffered enough for her mistakes, and even more for the mistakes of the man she loves.
Disregarding her desire to have me know her feelings, I ask where Sam is.
"He went to get me a drink. He should be back any minute." Her thoughts once again give away her feelings before she can speak them. "Edward, please. I know you want some kind of revenge for what was done to Bella and to Charlie, but hasn't there been enough pain?"
I can feel the ice cold ball of anger in my core that I have swallowed so many times I can no longer feel my throat. The burn of my thirst has even been numbed to the point where the strong blood smell affects me in no real noticeable way. It twists inside of me and touches my expression enough that she flinches slightly. I no longer have the strength to mask it.
"Edward." Sam's voice is a hiss as he enters the room. I had caught the smell of his approach long before, and I don't turn in reaction to his tone. I hold out my hand to Emily and she takes it immediately, despite Sam's second deeper growl of displeasure. He moves almost between us though I ignore him and keep my eyes on hers.
"I made you a promise, Emily. I will not break it. Rest now and get well, you have nothing to fear from me." Brushing my cold thumb once against her palm I release it and turn to him. "I would like to speak to you alone, Sam." Without waiting for a reply I leave the room quickly and slip into a vacant one down the hall. He follows as I'd known he would. His posture is defensive and angry, though he is controlling it well. His mind is confused between his gratefulness and his instincts.
"Thank you," I murmur quietly. "I know you don't want to be far from her now. I will not take much of your time." He's instantly taken aback by my civilized tone, and then just as quickly suspicious. It is much too easy for him to read the underlying emotions my body cannot hide. The tight fists I can't unfurl and the darkness of my eyes, unnatural against the paleness of my face.
"I owe you her life. It's a debt I can't repay." His tone is full of his conflicting emotions. Regret, shame, anger, fear but most of all the bitter taste of having to swallow his pride. The same pride that has been his undoing. The sense of it twists the ball of ice harder. My eyes flash with the sensation, making him instantly more wary.
"I saved her for her, not for you." He nods, his features and his mind unsurprised by my words. "I made her a promise. Your heart beats in your chest right now because of that promise and only that promise. If you owe a debt to anyone it is to her." He blanches, and his own fists curl at his sides.
"I'm not asking you to keep that promise, Vampire." The words are bitten out through his clenched teeth, and I can see the fine tremors that skim his body. "If there is unfinished business between you and me then by all means, let's finish it."
"Tempting, werewolf, very tempting, but I'm done with you. I will not forgive you for what has been done, but you've paid a price even greater than what I would have taken from you. No matter how tempting, I will not make Emily suffer any further." Not unless he gives me a new reason, which I honestly hope he does. My promise to her is a weakness I dislike intensely.
Moving away from him in an effort to control that cold rage that laps up from my middle and curls menacingly close to my spine, I inhale the stale odours of the frail unwell humans around me. I am not capable of being tired and I no longer remember the sensation that had surely overcome me during my human years. Yet the feeling that consumes me now is probably as close as I will ever come and it makes me want nothing more than a quiet place. Images of holding Bella in our quiet meadow torment me with need and I promise myself - soon.
"Then what is it you want?" His mind is full of suspicions, all of them accurate.
"You know what I want."
"Jacob."
"Yes."
"And you expect me to hand him to you on some silver platter, like a gesture of goodwill?" His voice is a low growl, and his entire body trembles slightly.
"No. I would not ask the impossible." He's taken aback by my unexpected answer. That is exactly what he feels I expected. "Besides, I do not need you to tell me where he is. It is only a matter of time before I find him myself."
A low snarl erupts from his throat in a threatening way, but I don't react. Moving to the window I stare down at a small empty garden below.
"You made another vow, or have you forgotten it already?"
My hands curl into even tighter fists and the ice ball cracks, sending tiny splinters to spiral through the venom that has replaced the blood in my blood stream. The coldness sweeps through my entire body. "I haven't forgotten." I turn back to face him and he blanches again at whatever he reads in my expression.
"You can't win this, Edward. Jacob is stronger than you think. Even if you could kill him, his death would mean war and you know it."
"Not if you let him choose." The words hang in the space between us, nothing but his unsteady breathing marking the passage of time as the seconds tick by. He scrambles to find the meaning in my words.
"Jacob is the true Alpha, Sam. Only his reluctance to take his place as the head of the Pack has allowed you to control him and you know it. I have seen his thoughts and yours. He blames me just as much as I blame him, and only your command is holding him from coming to find me." His fists flex and re-curl. I see the truth of my words in the images he can't suppress. Jacob on his knees, howling with only the force of an Alpha command binding him to the ground. Without it he would have come looking for me long ago. "He alone has the true power to change the treaty and you know it. He can overrule you in a heartbeat. Allow him to make the choice, to choose whether or not he wants to finish this between us. Let...him...choose."
"No. Even if I was willing to step down, Jacob isn't capable of making decisions. The drugs have messed him up. He doesn't even remember what he's done..."
I step closer to him allowing my voice to slip into a velvet cadence. "The drugs are an excuse; Jacob has been on a downward spiral for months. My engagement to Bella is the catalyst that finally tipped the scales for him. Even without the drugs he was willing to act, to try and take her away from me. You know this as well as I do. He used your own tactics against you and nothing you can do now will stop the inevitable confrontation between us." I give him another second to absorb my statement and the curtain of his mind slips further, allowing me to see his thoughts with even more clarity. "Let him choose, Sam Uley. Nothing more, nothing less, and all of this will end with him and I."
Instantly he catches the hidden meaning behind my words and Leah Clearwater's image pierces through the barriers he'd erected to try to keep me out. He understands very well the offer I am making. If I say it ends with Jacob and I, then there is no reason for him to fear for her safety. His back stiffens and every instinct in him comes to a head. He battles it back in silent anger and when the tremors are once again only mild shocks that skate over his body, he meets my eyes once again.
"Let this go, Edward. I owe you, but this isn't mine to give. The Pack is not singular, I can't make a decision like this alone and you know it. Even if I could, he is my brother. I won't allow him to destroy himself anymore than he already has." His words are final and he turns to leave. I let him go, a small smile playing around my mouth. I expected nothing else. His mind however, has given me exactly what I knew it would. Jacob Black is being held by a thread. It is only a matter of time before it snaps and Sam knows it.
Charlie's POV.
It takes a long moment for the world to readjust when I open my eyes again. I feel like two separate people. The old Charlie, and this new one. One who has to face up to a whole new kind of reality. One thing is certain; I'm not doing it from here. I try to get my body moving and it doesn't take any time at all to realize that is going to be a hell of a lot easier said than done. My legs and arms are stiff from too little activity, and the drugs are weighing me down like a two ton truck. The pain in my side and my chest is negligent when I stay still, but the second I shift even one muscle it becomes its own separate entity. Between that and the tubes and wires I'm not going anywhere.
"God damn it!"
A soft laugh follows my expletive, and it's the first time I realize I am not alone. Carlisle Cullen steps from the shadows and more pieces of the puzzle fit together with an almost loud snick in my head. He's the same as Edward. The same pale skin, the same dark shadow bruised eyes, the same aura of something completely alien surrounding him. The fear kicks my heart into overdrive and his smile fades to a frown.
He lays the clipboard he'd been holding on the table, reaching for the stethoscope around his neck. I don't want him to touch me. The feeling and the fear are instinctual now that my eyes are wide open.
"I'm fine." My voice is a weak croak, but it's enough to make him hesitate. He nods, allowing the stethoscope to fall back around his neck, understanding dawning in his eyes. He settles into the same chair his 'son' had occupied only a few hours ago.
"You don't need to be afraid, Charlie," he says quietly in that oddly musical, velvet voice. More pieces fit together. All of them. The whole family. Jesus. "I understand that all of this is very alarming."
"Where's Bella?"
"At our home, safe, cared for." His answer is the same as Edward's. I don't have any reason not to believe him and yet my new understanding makes me suddenly feel ill.
"I want to see her." I watch his face carefully. Years of police training and experience have taught me to read faces, but not ones made of stone. Still I catch a flicker of something that makes my heart rate pick up again. I push my muscles to move, trying to force my body to obey my mind. His hand is hard and cold on my shoulder as he presses me gently but forcefully back to the bed.
"You're going to cause more harm to yourself, Charlie. Relax. I will tell you anything you want to know. Trust me; Bella is being cared for completely."
There isn't any point in trying to move again. I'm as weak and as useless as a newborn baby and something tells me that even if I wasn't I'm no match for him, not in any way. "You keep saying she's cared for," the breath hisses out of my lungs and his eyes scan over my face and body obviously concerned. "What does that mean?"
He steps back and sits down again. "Bella suffered some injuries during the attack."
I wince and turn my eyes to the ceiling, though I can still feel his eyes on me as he hesitates, no doubt wondering how much he should tell me. Man up Charlie, I berate myself. This is your daughter, and this is your fault. Suck it up, this isn't about you, it's about her. "What injuries?"
"She has two fractured ribs, a broken wrist, numerous contusions that are causing severe bruising and swelling." His voice is quiet, a physician quoting statistics and yet I catch an undercurrent that goes deeper. A ridge of anger and protectiveness. I force myself to meet his eyes and he continues. "One of the ribs is broken in several places. A splintered end created a small puncture in her lung and the complications have created an infection. She has pneumonia and a high fever that I am treating aggressively. She is already responding better than I could have hoped. Physically, like you, she needs time to heal. I've walked away from my hospital duties and Bella is now my only concern. I've only left her to be here with you for a short time, and I've left her in good hands." He smiles slightly. "My son is as qualified and capable as I am to care for her."
"Edward?"
"Yes."
A dozen questions race through my head at that comment, but none of them make their way to my mouth. "You said physically she'll heal, Carlisle. I need to know if...did Jac...did he," Sucking in a deep painful breath I force the words past my suddenly numb throat, my fists clenching in the overly starched bedding. "Did he rape her?"
"No." Something deep inside that had been clenched so hard for so long finally let's go. I feel the embarrassing sting of tears slide from the corners of my eyes.
"I guess I knew that," I mutter more to myself than to him. I don't tell him why I knew it. Whatever understanding I have of Edward might be limited, but I get this much. If Jacob had raped Bella, he'd be dead. It isn't rocket science. I'm damn sure his time is limited either way and that is the issue. I'm not sure what the hell I am supposed to do with that, but I sure as hell can't just lay here and do nothing.
"Bella is traumatized and struggling, Charlie. I won't lie to you, aside from her physical injuries Jacob's attack on her was sexual in nature and she's exhibiting many of the symptoms common to assault victims, but she is strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever met really." His tone is full of respect and admiration. "I suspect she is very like her Father."
Ignoring the flattery, I once again watch his face carefully. "She knows what you are, what you all are." It isn't a question. I only want to see his face when he answers, see if there is anything different than what I'd seen in Edward's face.
"Yes, she's known for a very long time."
I close my eyes worn out. "What the hell...I mean...what do you, what does he want with her?"
"My son loves her, Charlie, and she loves him. He wants only her happiness and her wellbeing."
A few days ago I wouldn't have believed that, too full of bad memories to even consider it possible. But now? It's hard to not believe it.
"There are things you should know about my family, Charlie. Things that are very important."
"I don't want to know," I grunt. "I know what you are, isn't that enough?"
"No, it isn't. My family is...different. We live a very different way than others like us."
Others like us. Christ. The room seems to tilt when I open my eyes. He waits until I look at him again. He smiles gently and I can see the effortless way he does it. I wonder how old he is, how long he's practiced blending in.
"We exist outside of the traditional sense. Long ago we adopted an alternative lifestyle that allows us to survive without harming humans." I can't help but flinch but he ignores my reaction, continuing in a quiet calm way like he's explaining something normal and not something monstrous. "We survive off the blood of animals. We hunt quietly and carefully and we do what we can to blend in, to try to live some semblance of a normal life." Rising from the chair he moves quietly to the window and I can see that the veil of secrecy has lifted enough that he no longer feels the need to keep his movements completely normal. He has the same fluid grace that Edward has.
"None of us chose this existence, Charlie. Once upon a time we were all human, like you, like Bella." Something about his tone when he speaks my daughter's name makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, and a chill rake my spine. "At one time or another we all had lives, families." Sadness touches his words and he grows quiet for a minute. I swallow past the lump in my own throat that comes with the picture he's painting. He turns back from the window and moves to my side, carefully this time, once again looking like any normal man. Any normal man who never went out in the sun and was uncommonly beautiful.
"We are not murderers, Charlie. Nor are we heartless monsters. Everything else you need to know beyond that is secondary and unimportant, and honestly the less you know the better."
"Exactly what Edward said," I mumble while my eyes burn and my body aches with overwhelming tiredness.
He nods. "We've given you a lot to digest and you need to rest."
"Yeah, that might be an understatement." Shifting my body, trying to find some way to lie that doesn't hurt, I manage to push myself up. Carlisle moves to adjust the bed, helping me settle back against the pillows. His ice cold touch should make my skin crawl but maybe I'm just too tired. My mind flips back through all the times I've seen Edward touch Bella. His hand on the small of her back, guiding her in and out of the door. His hand on hers, or his arm around her waist. Bella pressed close to his body while he kissed her goodnight. The tremor does happen then and Carlisle pulls away, probably mistaking my reaction as being related to his close proximity.
"Tell me about Jacob, Carlisle." I've spoken the request quietly, but I purposely put a steel edge to my tone. I don't think I could digest any more information about the Cullen family even if he was offering it, but I need to know more about Jacob Black before I can make a decision about exactly what I need to do. He pauses in the act of signing one of the sheets on the clipboard, and taps the pen lightly against the metal top. The action is very human, and I realize that some of the mannerisms he's adopted have become second nature to him.
He cocks his head slightly to the right and I get the impression that he's listening to something. Another chill skates down my back. There is nothing human about his action this time. I swear I hear a low inhuman growl as the clipboard blurs to the table and he's at the door before I can blink. Spasms of pain snap through my chest, but I manage to twist enough to see Billy Black glide just past the threshold of the door. Carlisle doesn't let him pass, and this time the chill makes all the hairs on my body stand on end.
"Billy?" Snatches of crazy dreams confuse me for a second. I can't remember if he's been here before now, but a part of me thinks some of those so called dreams might be more than that. Then it hits me like a two ton Mac truck. Billy's son attacked my daughter; Billy's son shot me and damn near ended my life. My best friend is the Father to a something that just might make the Cullen's seem like the tame kids on the block.
The Quileute people are descended from wolves, Charlie. You really wanna mess with me? A jibe. A teasing anecdote from one male friend to another. A shit kicking contest, nothing more, right? Right? Jesus. What the hell kind of nightmare am I in?
Billy doesn't turn or look at me. His eyes stay locked with Carlisle's. "Charlie," he says quietly, his tone oddly the same as any other greeting he's ever given me. "You're welcome to stay Carlisle, but Charlie and I need to have a conversation and unless you plan on doing something, I'd appreciate it if you let me by."
"I told Sam that I won't tolerate anymore interference with my family. Perhaps he forgot to convey the message?" Carlisle words are said so quietly I almost can't hear them. The last remaining veil falls down. He's pissed, and like Edward I don't know how I ever missed what is so damn obvious. He's dangerous.
"I'm not interfering with your family. I'm here to talk to my friend." The emphasis he puts on 'my' is hard.
My legs are uncooperative and I try to use my hand to shove them off the bed. Carlisle seems like he's barely restraining himself. There is something going on here and maybe my playing ostrich and burying my head in the sand isn't going to work. "Hey. Hey now, hold up."
Carlisle straightens just the tiniest bit, and only then do I realize he was almost crouching in a defensive posture. "Charlie, be still." His voice is hard and it freezes me in my place with its unexpectedness. I've never heard him speak this way, ever.
"Like hell I will." I growl in response when the momentary stun wears off. He's at my side in an instant, too damn fast and it freaks me out, again.
"Lay back," he says and this time there is a resolved sigh that follows his words. He searches my face for a moment and then seems to come to a decision. "Perhaps Billy is the best one to explain his son." He seems like he's talking to himself more than to me. He reaches for my IV and adjusts the brace holding it to my hand. When he looks at me again he ignores Billy completely. "Bella has become like a daughter to me as well, Charlie. A beloved daughter. I hope you will forgive my anger. Seeing her harmed has eaten away at my control and as her true Father you must understand that. And as her Father you should also know that my family will protect her to the death, as we shall protect you also."
His words should sound hokey, like overly done dramatics, but they don't. Instead they sound like fact, stated and true. "You think you need to protect me from Billy?" I can't keep the incredulity out of my tone. No matter what Jake did, it shouldn't have any bearing on Billy. Unless…
Billy has wheeled his chair closer, and I turn to look at him instead of Carlisle. Almost as though I expect him to give me the answer. When he speaks his voice is thick with remorse.
"He does, but he's got good reason, Charlie." He glances at Carlisle one time and then closes his eyes and settles deeper into his chair. I recognize the posture; I've seen it a hundred times. Billy settling into story telling mode, only this time instead of rolling my eyes and humouring my best friend, I listen for real. I listen for a very long time and I don't miss a word, not one. Through it all Carlisle stands by my side, so still he might as well be a cold white statue. He moves once to head a nurse off at the pass, and then resumes his vigil again while Billy continues. By the time he's done nothing is the same in my life. I can see now that what I'd thought was my guilt is nothing but a joke. My mistake wasn't in trying to hook Bella up with Jacob Black. My mistake was living in Forks and bringing my one true reason to breathe to live here with me. Because now she's right smack dab in the middle of a tug of war between two creatures that shouldn't exist, and I don't have a God damn clue how the hell I'm going to save her. Or if I'm even supposed to.
If she's made her choice, can I live with it?