Chapter 20. (early January)
A/N:
Many apologies for the delay in getting this up! School has started (ugh) and I've been unbelievably busy. I also think I've been a little reluctant to write these next few chapters because I just want to get them over with so we can move on to the good stuff! Unfortunately, they're kind of essential to the story so I'll have to trek through. I will definitely try to be quicker on my updates from now on though, but I can't make any promises :/ On another note, who's excited for Tuesday? :):):)
...
[Sunday, late afternoon]
All he'd wanted to do when he saw Puck and Rachel making out in Santana's living room was rip the two apart with his bare hands.
But then he'd remembered that he had no right too. That he'd brought this 100% on himself.
So instead he'd gotten out of the house as quick as he could and locked himself in his car that was parked two streets down. He'd been too drunk to drive (great planning on his part, as usual) so he'd called his mom to tell him he was sleeping over at Mike Chang's, and had instead sat in his car until dawn, listening to depressing music, fading in and out of sleep, and feeling sorry as shit for himself.
He hasn't done much else since. Seriously, he's spent his entire weekend listening to sad songs, playing video games, and lying on his stupid stupid stupid ass doing absolutely nothing.
He called in sick for basketball practice on Saturday, and he thinks he might skip school tomorrow too. He just feels so low that he can't bring himself to want to do anything. It really sucks cuz he knows that his misery is all his own fault. And it makes him want to hide in his room and never come out for fear of what else he'll epically screw up.
He's sitting on his bed, against the headboard, staring at the patterns of his cowboy wallpaper. He plugs his headphones in and switches the song to The Smith's 'I Know It's Over' and lets the deep tones of Morissey's voice wash over him. At least one other person knows how it feels like to be such a huge slab of uselessness.
He rolls over on his stomach and groans.
Apparently he falls asleep cuz next thing he knows his mom is shaking him to wake up.
"Finn honey, it's 6 in the evening, why are you sleeping?"
He opens his eyes blearily, feeling crusty and shitty.
"Sorry, I guess I fell asleep listening to music."
His mom gives him a worried look.
"Well, it's dinner time," she says.
He rolls back over onto his stomach and mumbles, "I'm not hungry."
His mom's eyes widen in disbelief.
"I don't think I've ever heard you say that."
Yeah. That's cuz he's always hungry. But not tonight.
"I know, I'm just.. not feeling well."
His mom walks over to him and puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes him up into a sitting position.
"You're a growing boy Finn, you need to eat," she says, her hands on her hips, "And I made chicken casserole, you love chicken casserole. Just come downstairs and we can talk about whatever's bothering you and maybe once you smell the food you'll want some. I've been working so much that I hardly ever see you honey, let's take advantage of the little family time we have."
He heaves a huge sigh before consenting, "Fine."
He follows her downstairs and into their small dining room, where their little round table's already set. Sitting in his usual seat, he scoops a small helping of casserole onto his plate. Tonight, one of his favorite dishes just looks like dirty, goopy rags to him.
"Alright honey," his mom says as she puts some fried zucchini on his plate, "spill."
He looks up at his mom's careworn face. He can tell she's tired from her long day at work, but she still wants to hear about his troubles. He really doesn't want to do this, but what the hell does he have to lose at this point?
"Remember Rachel?" he starts, "The one who I'm in the musical with who you met that one time..." he stops at the memory of that awkward day.
"Of course," his mom answers, chewing thoughtfully on a bite of casserole, "The pretty one with long dark hair."
Pretty. Talk about the understatement of the century.
"Yeah, her. Well..." he pauses, is he really going to talk to his mom about this? He shrugs, it's not like he has anyone else he can talk to.
"I like her. I've liked her for a long time, even though I'm with Quinn. And at first it wasn't that hard cuz even though I was into two girls at once, Quinn was my girlfriend and I just had to bury my feelings for Rachel because it was easiest just to stay with Quinn. But the more time I spent with Rachel, the more I realized how special and one of a kind she was, and I started liking Quinn less and less. So then I tried breaking up with Quinn because I wanted to date Rachel instead, but then I got paintballed cuz the dudes found out I was in the musical so I got back together with Quinn-"
"Wait," his mom interrupts him, "What does being in the musical have to do with dating Rachel?"
"Both make me uncool," he explains.
His mom gives him a dubious look before letting him go on.
"But then I started to like Rachel so much, that I started feeling shitty, I mean er, sucky, like all the time. In the end though, she like, inspired me to be brave, because Rachel's like that, she believes in you in a way that makes you want to better than you really are, but by the time I realized that I was going to dump Quinn for her for real and not care about what my moron friends said or did to me, it was too late. And now she's with Puck."
He hangs his head down low, knowing his mom's going to be disappointed by how he handled all this.
"So let me get this straight," his mom speaks up after a second of taking it all in, "You're currently dating Quinn, when you like Rachel more, who likes you too, but is now with Puck."
"Yeah," he says glumly.
"Oh honey. I wish you had spoken to me about this before it got out of hand," she leans over the table to rub his shoulder gently, "One day you're going to realize that the only person who's opinion or judgment really matters is your own. Any friend who would attack you with paintball guns for doing something you love is no friend at all."
"Well then I guess have no friends then," he says, mushing the fried zucchini into the casserole on his plate.
"Oh really? It doesn't sound like Rachel would ever do that to you," his mom responds.
He looks up. It's true, but...
"She wouldn't," he replies, "But she dropped me like a sack of hot potatoes for Puck which is ten times worse."
His mom raises her eyebrows.
"But is that any worse than what you've been doing to her?"
He looks away guiltily.
"Nooo," he answers slowly, "But talking about what a shit-head I was to her is pointless, cuz now it's too late."
"You're both right and wrong. Yes, complaining about it is pointless, but it's never too late to fight for what you want. Why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and make an effort to fix your mistakes instead?"
He looks at his mom carefully. He thinks she might be right. Doing nothing was what set Rachel off in the first place...
Maybe his mom's onto something, maybe it's not too late.
...
Rachel sits on the chair in front of her vanity table, staring at Puck through the mirror. He's sitting on her bed, tuning his guitar.
She feels like she's in an out of body experience or something. Who would have thunk it? Noah Puckerman in her bedroom, acting sweet as pie, ready to create music with her.
He had come over last night too, after Basketball practice, and sung her 'Sweet Caroline'. She could scarcely believe it. They had made out a little too, but she'd stopped it before it could get too far, using the excuse that her dads were just downstairs.
The truth though, was that Finn kept popping up in her head, refusing to let her be with just Noah.
It's like he's permanently ingrained himself in her brain, that sweet, smiling, dimpled face. She shakes her head a little to try to remove it, and her hair tickles her cheeks as it swishes.
"So what do you want to sing tonight?" Noah asks.
She turns around and looks at him, not answering right away, because she's so preoccupied with the fact that he sounds and looks so different when he's not wearing that macho, mean guy facade.
"Umm, I'm not sure," she answers, her voice a little higher than normal.
There's something just too bizarre, too unnatural about this. They haven't even had that talk yet. She still doesn't know what they are, they haven't discussed the specifics yet. And she's not about to get herself into anything less than a real relationship after the whole Finn fiasco.
"You know Noah," she says randomly, because she tends to ramble when she's nervous, "You should really consider joining the musical. Finn, Quinn, Brittany, and Santana are all in it too, so it's not like it's the stigmatized embarrassment that it once was, and you have quite a voice. I can tell you love music, I have an eye for that sort of thing, and I just think-"
"Whoa," Puck cuts her off, "Sorry babe, but I'm not going to join the musical. Having Rachel Berry as my girlfriend is already gonna put a dent in my rep, I'm not gonna do anything else to lessen my intimidation power."
"Did you just call me your girlfriend?" she asks cautiously.
"Um.. yeah..." Puck says, raising his eyebrows, "I thought you knew that."
"So tomorrow," she says, "If I hold your hand in the hall, you won't flinch away? You'll be proud to be dating Rachel Berry?"
"Fuck yeah," he responds, and Rachel winces a little at the crass language, "It's not like half the school didn't already see us swapping spit at Santana's on Friday."
She blushes. He has a valid point.
"Well then," she smiles and gets off her chair to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek, "If we're going to face that swarm of bloodthirsty piranhas tomorrow, then we're going to need our rest. It's getting late Noah, you should probably head home."
"But I just got here, like, twenty minutes ago," he replies questioningly, "I thought we were gonna sing.."
"Yes but, I had an exhaustive voice lesson earlier today and I just remembered there are a couple things I need to get prepared for musical rehearsal tomorrow."
Puck scowls and she bites her lip. Shouldn't she want to spend as much time with her boyfriend as possible?
"If you joined the musical though," she adds, "We'd have many opportunities to sing together."
"I dunno," he grumbles, putting his guitar in its case, "I'll think about it."
"Finn was confident enough in his own skin to do it," she challenges, "I guess he just must be braver than you."
"Yeah," Puck juts his head out, "And the dudes call him Finessa in the locker room."
She lifts her eyebrows at him.
"High School Musical launched Zac Efron's career to hearthrob status," she coerces, "Look at all the girls he has following him around everywhere all the time! It's a simple fact, women just can't resist a man who sings."
"Why do I need women when I have you?" he replies smartly, getting up and leaning in to kiss her.
"Because," she says, putting her hand to his mouth to stop him, "Everyone loves to be adored, and it'd be such a huge and thoughtful favor to your girlfriend."
She widens her eyelids and stitches her brow a fraction of an inch and pouts her lips, the same expression she uses when she needs to bend her dads to her will.
"You could bring along a couple friends too, we could really use more people. Please?"
Puck stares at her for a long couple of seconds before relenting.
"Fine," Puck grumbles, "When do I have to show up?"
"Tomorrow evening at seven," she beams, "You can come over after school and I can catch you up with everything you need to do. And if any of your friends are interested too bring them along as well. It's going to be really fun Noah, I promise."
"Whatever," he says, picking up his guitar case, "I'll see you tomorrow."
He gives her a kiss that she ends quickly but diplomatically, and he leaves without another word.
She sits back down on her bed and rests her chin on her hand. Things are changing so quickly, and she wonders how everything will be like at school tomorrow. The popular kids seemed pretty rowdy about her and Noah's display on Friday but.. will they still accept them Monday morning?
...
[Monday, morning]
The instant Finn wakes up he has a lightbulb moment. He knows exactly what he has to do to win Rachel back.
He goes to his laptop to look up the full lyrics of one of his all time favorite songs. Once he's printed them out, he goes downstairs and shuffles through the supply closet to find his mom's camcorder.
He sets everything up in his room so he can work on his project right when he gets home from school.
Afterwards, while he's eating his usual breakfast of eggs, bacon, and waffles, he finally checks his abandoned cellphone.
There's about 15 missed calls and 10 new text messages. Half of them from Quinn. He sends her a quick reply.
Finn: We need to talk. I think we should do an off-campus lunch or something.
It only takes her a few seconds to reply.
Quinn: You're right, you do have some explaining to do for ignoring me all weekend. I've been craving Subway, I'll meet you at your locker after 4th.
He replies with a quick 'K' and gulps down the last of his orange juice.
Today's gonna be a game-changer.
...
"Berry, nice skirt!"
Rachel instinctively pulls her skirt down and turns around ready to face whatever tormenter trying to embarrass her today. She's mildly shocked when she sees senior linebacker Josh Henderson walking a couple steps behind her and giving her a totally genuine smile.
"Um, thanks?" she replies, as he takes a few long strides to catch up with her.
"Anytime," he answers, "You know, Puck's a total douche and everything, but he sure knows his women, and damn if I didn't notice how hot you were until Friday night."
She's officially speechless.
"Bye berry," he salutes, winking at her as he steps into a classroom.
Two seconds later, a couple of Cheerios smile and wave at her as she passes them.
What in the world is going on?
She turns the corner and sees Puck, walking towards her with that trademark smirk on his face.
"Thank goodness," she says, as he reaches her, "Something bizarre is happening.."
Before she can say anymore Puck takes her hand and pushes her against a locker so he can give her a very wet kiss.
When he finally lets her come up for air, the first thing she sees is a certain six foot three football player glowering at them from a few yards behind Puck's shoulder. She quickly looks away.
"Although your public display of affection is admittedly courageous, it's not something I'm comfortable with Noah, so I'd appreciate it if you could desist from doing that anymore from now on."
"K," he answers, moving away so he can give her room to groom her now disheveled appearance, "What were you saying?"
"Oh, it's just, I don't know, people are being.. well.. nice to me. And I don't understand why."
Puck shrugs, "I told all the dudes in the locker room on Saturday that if anyone messed around you from now on, they'd have me to answer to. I also reminded them of how scorchingly hot you are, something that a lot of them agreed with me about after seeing you at Santana's. So you don't have anything to worry about now with the Puckmeister by your side, your good."
Rachel looks at him in wonder. Is this really happening? Can she finally retire the emergency slushie recovery kit? She gives Puck her biggest smile and jumps into his arms to give him a humongous hug.
After they've said their goodbyes and headed their separate ways, Rachel's re-reminded of how much of a difference one night can make in a high schooler's life. Girls who never before deigned to talk to her in homeroom and first period engage her in small talk, guys who never looked at her except to throw an egg in her face are now only throwing flirtatious glances down her way. It's both disconcerting and exhilarating.
But then comes second period, where Finn corners her the minute she walks into the Astronomy classroom.
"We need to talk," he says, following her to her seat.
"I'm tired of talking Finn, it never gets us anywhere. What's done is done, and frankly, I for one am just glad at least one of us had the courage to break out of that delusional inertia we were suspended in to actually act, instead of silently and ineffectively brooding."
"Okay I have no idea what you just said but," he takes a deep breath, "I'm breaking up with Quinn tonight, and I have something for you that I'm gonna give you afterwards that's really important."
She turns to face him quickly. Is he serious? She covers her face with a mask of indifference. She can't let him get to her, she needs to protect her heart.
"Even if I were to believe you, why would you wait until now to break up with her Finn? After all this time?" she asks, her countenance arranged in an illegible expression, "Is it because now I'm no longer the branded freak that I once was?"
"No! It's cuz I'm a dumbass! Just wait until tonight okay? I'll prove myself to you. Like I shoulda done on Friday."
She purses her lips and looks away. Finn gets the message and moves to a seat a couple aisles down.
She hates him. She really does. She hates how he can make her second guess herself and her decisions with one look from his molten amber eyes. She hates that the sound of his voice make her hormones go crazy and clog up her throat with emotion. She hates how he's the only person in the world who can break through her usually indelible composed veneer. But most of all, she hates how he's burrowed himself so deeply into her heart that she can't even enjoy the day that should be one of the happiest of her life.
...