NOVEMBER 2011

The biggest mistake Tate ever could've made was killing Chad and Patrick.

I warned him that as much as he disliked them alive, he would really dislike them dead… when they'd be stuck in the house forever. Even Constance – in all her distaste for the couple's lifestyle – didn't think trapping them in such a permanent state was very bright. Everyone cautioned Tate that this murder was definitely and irrevocably a mistake.

Of course, Tate was infamous for his mistakes, so he did it anyway.

When I found out, I cried. He had only created more chaos through his anger, and caused a major shift in the politics of the house once again. Chad and Patrick were well-liked by those whom Tate had scorned – Moira was quickly a good friend to them, certainly, and she held power amongst the other spirits.

Even Tate realized he'd made life (or whatever this was we were experiencing) harder on himself. It was a major, colossal mistake.

Through my tears over the murder, I still helped Moira and Constance clean the blood off the basement floor. Their death was on my hands, too.

It was an ordinary Monday, nothing spectacular happening in the house other than Violet being that much closer to finding out about Tate. And I guess, by default, finding out about me, too.

I was sitting on the floor of Tate's room, hiding myself from the other ghosts and Mr. Harmon, when suddenly both Tate and Violet came crashing through the door. Kissing passionately.

Then he pulled his dingy sweater over his head, revealing his pale chest, and immediately, I froze. They didn't know I was there, or at least Violet didn't. She was about to give her virginity to Tate, something I could only pretend to do, and I couldn't force my legs to move away. It was like watching one of those vehicle safety tapes from school, where they talk about how badly disfigured someone for not wearing a seatbelt, and it's horrifying but everyone still watches in rapt fascination.

Off came Violet's skirt and tights, Tate's ripped jeans. Then both his boxers and her panties were gone in one fell swoop as their bodies hit the bed.

He was beautiful. He was always beautiful, even when he was crawling on top of another girl. I was cursed twice in my after-life: one, I had to stay forever in a house that would never be my home; and two, I would never be able to find Tate as disgusting as I should have. I would always and forever see him as my own private God.

But I did receive some redemption for my pain when tried to remove her shirt, only to have his hands swatted away from it. She didn't let him take it off her, and I had to laugh. Attempting to preserve modesty when he was about to fuck her seemed like a classic Violet move.

He entered her slowly, her eyes shut tight like a horror movie was playing. For me, the scene may as well have been Freddie Krueger slashing someone up in his dream hell. But for her, it was genuine pain.

Tate grunted out her name, fully sheathed inside her tightness, and before I knew it, his eyes were staring into mine. Challenging me with his smirk, letting me know he knew I was there. And that, I suppose, was my third death curse: I had never been able to hide myself from him, no matter how desperately I tried.

His look, however, broke the spell, and I found my legs carrying me from the room faster than I ever thought possible. I'd once again been chased from my own room by my lover.

Or murderer. Or whatever he was.

My stranger.

The second biggest mistake – the one that would divide the house indefinitely – was the rubber man.

Because Tate, with all his undying and childlike love for Nora, used the disguise to fuck Vivien. It might have been forgivable, might have been something I could live with or at the least forget, had he not lied about it for half a year.

When I finally did find out, from Hayden of all people, it was more than just a betrayal: it was an embarrassment.

I found Tate in the basement, sitting there like the corpse he should've been and staring at the dingy wall.

"Tate," I half-yelled as soon as I saw him. His gaze quickly snapped to mine, his eyes looking almost concerned like they once might have. "What the fuck are you thinking anymore?"

"What?" he sneered, clearly not understanding why I was breaking my radio silence toward him just to fight.

It was almost laughable – his ability to ruin my existence without even realizing.

"Well, for one thing, I heard you're planning on a baby heist once Vivien gets pregnant," I stated firmly. "Oh, and I also heard about how you snuck into her bed and raped her in that sick S&M costume last year."

"You're upset because of my act of brilliance?" Tate questioned, eyebrows raised halfway to his hairline.

"In what sick world are you living in that fucking Vivien Harmon was an act of brilliance?"

"In this world," he emphasized. "I'm living in this sick and disturbed world that – for whatever reason – is completely inescapable no matter what we do. Vivien has the babies, she dies or gets taken away or whatever, and the babies stay here. With us. It'll be good for Nora to have a baby again; she won't be so sad all the time."

I scoffed at that.

Even though Tate and I had been together for half a lifetime, he still didn't consider the reality of how his actions would affect me. He acted for everyone but me – for himself, for Violet, for Nora. The reality that had been trying to consume my brain was suddenly becoming overpowering: even after so many years, it was possible that Tate had never loved me.

"When do I get to stop being sad?" I questioned quietly, realizing that we'd both been silent for several moments. I didn't notice the tears forming until they hit my cheeks. Pathetic little girl crying for him again.

"When you realize that, in this house, you're the only one who wants to hurt you."

Chapter Title: Lulu - Lou Reed & Metallica - released November 2011

A/N: Oh, um. Hi. It's... been a while. I'm the worst, you all are amazing, etc. This chapter takes place during the events of "Rubber Man."

Also, question for those who want to answer: In an ideal universe, how would you want to see this story end? Where do you want to see Freyja at that point? What about Tate? I'm wrapping things up, and I'm kind of torn between a few ideas, so I'd like to know your opinion.