Disclaimer: I don't own them, just having some fun with them.

Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing. I know its been a while, but here is the new update so many have been asking for. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I have writing it.

No matter what had happened, she had still loved him, if she was honest with herself she still loved him, love doesn't just disappear, and to see him so broken was one of the hardest things she had ever had to witness. She couldn't find it in her heart to not console him, but she knew it would be the last time that she ever would. They lay in the room each crying for what they had lost that day.

XXXXXX

I love him, so how can I do this to him. He has shown me nothing but kindness since I have known him, yet I feel so betrayed. His touch ignites a fire within me that I can't compare to anything that I can remember, but I don't know if it's real or make believe. Does he really love me? Was it all a game to him? Was it just revenge? No, I don't think so. I can feel it in my heart that he loves me, but now it's tainted, could I forgive him? What about our son? What will I tell him as he gets older? He should know his father. I can't take that away from either of them, no matter what it costs me, they need to know each other. AJ isn't evil, he just lost his way right? No one that is purely evil could be as loving and caring as he has been with me.

Everything has been turned upside down in the last few days. As I looked down at AJ who had fallen asleep with me I took in his face. There are worry lines around his eyes, and a sadness that radiates from him even in sleep. He clings to me as if I am his lifeline, and I wish more than anything that I could continue to be that for him, because in some ways he has been mine as well. I can clearly remember why I fell in love with him, and I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but that's not an option any more, how can you be with someone who has lied about practically everything to you? I felt as though the rug has been pulled out from under me, and in all honesty, I don't know what I'm going to do from here.

The last few months have been such bliss for me. I've had a loving husband, wonderful friends, a wonderful home, a job that I love and a baby that I was more excited about than I could have ever imagined. Ok, I couldn't remember my past, but I had had enough glimpses of it that I could honestly say it was so painful that I really didn't want to remember, but now that it's been thrown in my face, I have no choice but to face it. There is an indescribable pain in my chest that is weighing on me, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. The thought of losing AJ terrifies me! The thought of going home to Trenton, well; let's just say that I know things will not go well. You don't need to be a fortune teller to understand this feeling of foreboding; it's almost as if a noose around my neck is tightening the longer I'm here in the hospital. I can't completely blame AJ for everything that has happened, he clearly loves me, but love isn't enough. God I wish it could be, but it isn't, not any more, maybe it never was.

XXXXXX

The hospital was in the distance now, we were making our way to the airport for the flight back to the states, and as soon as we touched down my life would never ever be as I had thought it would be again. It had taken two weeks at the hospital for the doctors to be comfortable enough to discharge me and allow me to fly, they still weren't happy that I was leaving, but Bobby was told what to look out for and he had already set up an appointment with an OB outside of Trenton for us.

I had spoken with my father and explained what I wanted to do, he wasn't thrilled, but he understood to a certain extent. It had probably been one of the hardest discussions that I had had with him, but I needed him to know that there was no way I would be living in Trenton, he could visit, but no one other than who I chose would have full access to my house. Justin had set everything up, a house had already been purchased, decorated and a security system in place, we were taking no chances, and there was no guarantee that we would be staying permanently. I wanted to see my grandmother, and to see if I could remember anything more from my past, but as far as staying in the states, I had no idea what I was going to do. I guess only time will tell.

I am a completely different person than the one that left Trenton all those months ago, or so I'm told. Maybe it's because I have options that I didn't before, or maybe it's because I had been completely removed from the burg', but Tank had told me that he was seeing an entirely different side of me. Well, I guess that shouldn't be a complete shock to anyone. How can you act the same when you don't even remember who you were before? Yeah I've been having more and more flashes of my past, but that's just it, they are flashes, little details of my past, but not much makes a whole lot of sense, at least at this point. I remember the guys, Tank, Lester, Bobby, my dad, but I still don't remember that much about Ranger. At times it's like having a panic attack when we try to talk, the sound of his voice causes some of the worst headaches I've had, so we have decided to take things as they go and he has promised at this point not to push.

I saw the look of sadness cross his face when he promised not to push, and I asked the guys about it, but they said in time things would become clearer. I hope so, it's confusing, but one thing that I have figured out is that it is his voice that said the words that have caused me such sadness, have haunted me since before I woke from the coma, but what do I do about them.

Landing, I took one last look at AJ. Holding his hand the entire flight has allowed me the security I needed to feel. I know that it was not what the guys wanted to happen, but I needed his touch, the reassurance that everything in the long run would be okay, even if we couldn't be together. As we stepped off the plane, two men in suits moved up to us and moved to cuff him. AJ never struggled of fought for his freedom; he accepted what they were doing. They turned to move away and take him to the car a short distance from our plane, but I refused to let them go. AJ turned to me at the sound of my voice, I placed my hand on his cheek while looking into his eyes, "Another time, another place and everything would have been different. No matter what, know that I love you. You are in my heart and soul; our son will connect us forever. I will not keep him from you." AJ shed a tear and leaned in to kiss me lightly on the lips.

Looking in my eyes he said, "I love you. No matter what, I love you. Please believe that." He leaned his forehead against mine and took in a deep breath. "Remember who you are now, not just what you used to be. You are so much stronger. That is what our son needs." He kissed my lips one more time and the two suits pulled him forward toward their vehicle out of my reach.

I whispered to his back, "I know, and I believe you. Always." I saw the tension in his shoulders release as he moved to the door of the car. When it closed with him inside I caught his gaze once more, I saw the sadness, but also the love in his eyes, and it was only to be broken when the car moved forward to take him to his new home until he had completed his time served.

Justin came up behind me and placed a soft hand on my shoulder offering his silent support. I needed a place to get myself centered before we went any further, and apparently it was clear to him just what I needed. Swiftly moving me to the SUV without a word he helped me in and he had a few words with Lester. Before I knew it we were on the road in silence. The tears streaming down my face must have warned everyone from attempting to speak to me, and I couldn't have been more thankful for their silence. If I had tried to speak I would have broken down in sobs.

A short time later we were pulling into a parking lot of what looked like a park. It wasn't crowded, but I could see a pond in the distance through the windshield, and people walking around at a leisurely pace, some with their dogs. I hadn't paid any attention to where we were going, and honestly nothing looked familiar, but I trusted Justin and Lester to know where to go, and I was obviously right. I needed to see and hear the water and life around me, without there being too many people. The guys would watch over me and let me work through my emotions before they pushed.

Getting out of the SUV Justin held me tight against his side and the rest of the guys stayed back and allowed us to move close to the pond. Sitting on a bench just staring out over the water I could let my mind drift, and the tears continuing to flow. Thinking of all the time I had spent with AJ, every touch, every kiss, his kind words, I had to believe they were all true. I knew it deep down that they were, but I still needed to remind myself of that. I had to be able to tell our son how much his father loves him, and I had to acknowledge that I needed to move forward from here. Knowing that there were so many things up in the air made me uncomfortable, but with my friends, I knew that I would get through this. I'm strong, just like AJ told me. No matter what I was like before, no one was going to walk all over me now, or ever again. I would be the strong woman everyone claimed I was. I would be the mother that my son needed. There were no other options for me, and I'd do my damndest to do that.

It took a while, but finally Justin broke the silence, "Are you okay? I know that was hard for you. It breaks my heart to see you like this." he explained holding me tight against his side.

Leaning my head on his shoulder I took a deep breath, "I may not be right now, but I will be. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do." Taking another shuddered breath, "God I love him so much, and it just tears me up to think of what he's done. I don't think I will ever get past that, but I also won't keep him from his son. That wouldn't be fair to either of them." I stated with absolute conviction at the end.

After a few moments of silence he spoke again, "You're a good person. Too good for any of us really, you know that, right? I don't think anyone else would look at this situation and not completely cut AJ off for what he did."

"But what would that do to Jake?" I asked as I rubbed my belly. "He needs to know his father. He wasn't an accident. He was and still is wanted. I never want him to feel as though he was anything other than loved completely by anyone in his life. AJ may have made some bad choices, but there has been some good to come of it, and that is how I have to look at this." I tried to explain.

"Do you think you could ever forgive AJ completely? Once he's done serving his time. Do you think that you two could get back together?" Justin asked.

I shook my head no. "He betrayed me Justin. He lied to me from the beginning about practically everything. Even if it was by omission, it's still a lie. I know that he loves me, and I know that he loves his son, but I don't think that I could ever completely trust him with my heart again."

Before we could continue our conversation we heard loud barking and some scuffling from our right, but still off in the distance. Justin's left arm went to his waist band to his gun and we both turned to the right to see what was going on. A large hairy dog, golden in color, was struggling against his leash, rearing up on his hind legs and jumping forward in our direction. The owner was a thin, but somewhat muscular male with shaggy brown hair and was struggling to keep him under control, pulling back on the leash without much success. The look on his face was one of complete shock as if he had never seen his dog act this way. The noise was disturbing the ducks laying on the grass around the pond and they began to fly around quacking their obvious displeasure. I could feel the guys starting to move closer to where we were sitting.

Watching the dog continue to struggle I felt a sense of familiarity with him. I looked at the owner again, but didn't recognize him, although when we made eye contact there was an obvious sense of confusion and recognition in his gaze. He suddenly released the leash and dropped his arms to his side and the dog took off in our direction. It only took seconds for the dog to make his way to us and he was half standing on the bench we were sitting on attempting to lick my face, his tail wagging wildly behind him. I couldn't stop the giggle at his excitement. As soon as the dog made contact with me we were surrounded by the guys, Ranger and my dad being front and center, their back facing me.

The man who had been holding the leash finally came out of his shock and started in our direction with a look of disbelief on his face. Only he was stopped by very unhappy ducks as they started to dive bomb the man, pecking at his hair and ears. A few even dared to land and went after his pants, attempting to get any part of him they could. The mans' arms began to flail around trying to ward off the attack, but the ducks were relentless. They not only continued to pull on his hair, but they were pooping on him and forcing him in the direction of the pond.

I watched the scene in front of me play out as I pet the big hairy golden dog. I couldn't help but laugh full out at what was taking place. The man was becoming more and more agitated as the ducks attacked him, and he called out to them to 'quit it', arms still swatting them away and his feet began to trip over each other the closer he got to the pond. It was no time before he was falling into the pond and was suddenly submerged under the dirty water. I felt sorry for the guy for being all wet and covered in pond scum, but somehow I didn't feel that bad for him, which I thought was weird since I didn't know him. However I just couldn't stop laughing.

Before I knew it Ranger, Lester and my dad were pulling us away from the scene and we were still surrounded by the rest of our group. "We need to get out of here Beautiful. I don't think you're ready for another confrontation today. And that's exactly what would happen if we stick around."

I didn't really comprehend what he'd said, but I let it go only saying between fits of giggles, "Poor guy. He certainly isn't going to smell pretty for a while." That caused the guys to laugh harder.

"Honestly it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Morelli deserves far worse." Ranger commented with a slight smile as we all loaded in the car.

I ignored his comment since I didn't know why he would say such a thing. But then again, I didn't know who the guy was or what was between him and all of the guys with me. "I know this is going to sound bad, but I needed that." I continued to giggle as we pulled out of the parking lot. I felt lighter than I had when we arrived at the park, but by no means did I feel that everything would go smoothly. With a lighter heart I decided I needed to see Grandma Mazur. I knew she could help me.

Thank you for reading along. I am back, but I won't be posting as often as I originally was with this story since I've gone back to work. But I am determined to complete this story by the end of the year.

Thank you to everyone who voted in the pole for Morelli getting attacked by ducks. I hope I did it justice. I just needed to break up the sad in this update. I hope you will continue to read along with me. There will be a new update posted next week.