Thank you to all my loyal readers, I'm very glad that people are enjoying this little bit of insanity.

No this isn't going to be a musical story/songfic, but I just had to include this.

http : / bit . ly / pLdXdB is the primary list that I'm picking from, feel free to e-mail with suggestions for more.

"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Harry and Hermione and that they had found the method to escape that their plight required.

. . .

Or had they?"

Harry peered around the corner of the hallway nervously, having given up using the mirror provided by Hermione a while ago due to the shaking of his hands. The two of them were soaking wet thanks to a certain poltergeist, who would get the hexing of his afterlife if they could ever figure out one that would stick to the bloody jerk, dumping dozens of water balloons on them. Thankfully this time it was actually water and not some other liquid. What greeted him was an odd looking man, and his odder looking sister. These must have been the new caretakers Dumbledore was talking about.

The new caretakers, one of them in a victorian maid's uniform, greeted them. "Good day?" the bald top man asked as Harry fully came around the corner, holding Hermione's hand.

"Not really," Harry answered with a defeatist shrug that felt almost too natural for him.

"You're wet..." the hunchback stated as though it wasn't blatantly obvious to everyone and their incestuous sister. What doesn't everyone have those? Must be a Transylvanian thing...

"Peeves caught us," Hermione answered dryly as she clung to Harry. Something was off about this pair, and she wanted to keep a slight distance from them. Besides, Harry made her feel safe, warm, and... tingly.

As a suit of armor crashed in the hallway upstairs, the caretaker Riff Raff blinked slowly and beckoned the two students to join him and his lover/sister/who-cares-really-she's-hot on the way to the great hall. Where noises of laughter and merrymaking could be heard from outside. "Sounds like a party..."

Riff Raff's ears perked up, and he seemed to take on a whole new demeanor, the picture behind him of a farmer and his wife suddenly holding up a pair of signs which read, toghter, "Don't, for crying out loud, continue!"

"You've arrived... on a most special day... it's a celebration of the master's upcoming nuptials..." the man explained while his sister stretched out on the top of a banister. When Harry looked at the picture next to Riff Raff again, the couple inside had apparently fled.

Hermione smiled as she stepped forward in support of Harry. "Oh... lucky him..."

"You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky. WE'RE ALL LUCKY!" the redhead finally spoke before letting out an ear-splitting shriek of laughter and sliding down the banister as a nearby clock chimed the hour. Out of nowhere, a strange thumping music filled the air, and Riff Raff walked over towards the clock, opening it to reveal a skeleton inside.

"It's astounding... time is fleeting... madness takes its toll," the blond half-sung while doing things to the skeleton that aside from being questionable in nature were rather disturbing. Magenta drove the two students forward with a hiss. "But listen closely..."

As Harry and Hermione attempted to turn away, they were confronted by Magenta with a wild-eyed smile. "Not for very much longer..." she half-sang while doing somethingwhich looked almost but not quite like a dance move crossed with throwing her hands into the air after running through her wild hair.

Backing away from her with nervous smiles they faced Riff Raff just in time for him to sing, "I've got to... keep control..."

Suddenly the music kicked into high gear as the 'caretaker' ran towards a support pillar. "I REMEMBER! DOING THE TIME WARP!" Getting tot he pillar he hiked his foot up twice before continuing to sing. "DRINKING, THOSE MOMENTS WHEN..." he proceeded to circle the pillar, popping out on the other side with a lustful look shot at Magenta, "THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME!"

Ducking out of the way of the incoming bald hunchback and his sister, Harry and Hermione watched in fascination as they locked hands and raised them up, while singing "And the void would be calling..." A moment later the two turned at the frightened pair of students and charged at them, sending them running into the Great Hall, where the entire student body were dressed in strangely muggle tuxedos with every color under the sun, and a few that shouldn't be, represented on their vests and cummerbunds. Instead of being filled with tables, the entire hall was emptied save for a single throne at the far end, some much smaller tables with food piled on them, and what appeared to be a working jukebox. All this was shunted to the far back of their mind as the rather effeminate looking group, which was hard to pull off in tuxedos, turned as one towards the doors and began singing along with the song as though it'd been rehearsed. "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

After that they turned towards the throne for a moment, before repeating the facing of the doors, this time with their hands jutting out pleadingly towards the quartet in the entrance. "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

Somehow the focus of the room suddenly shifted to a small alcove that had been unnoticed previously, where Professor Flitwick seemed to be reading a giant tome on top of a golden raven, inside what appeared to be a study of some sort. Standing from his chair, the professor pulled out a chart from thin air with what looked like simple dance steps on it. Pulling out a pointer, he taped the top portion of the chart which showed two pairs of feet and an arrow across the top. "It's just a jump to the left," he explained calmly.

As a whole the group ripped the attention back towards them with a vengeance as they all jumped a large step to the left, shimmering their hands down in front of them to their knee level. After that, they sang out loud while tapping their right foot off a short distance to the side. "And a step to the ri-igh-igh-igh-ight!"

Giving the pair a sense of whiplash, the attention shifted again towards Professor Flitwick, who was holding his hands about shoulder height before lowering them down and gripping his hip, elbows out. "With your hands on your hips."

Back in the main ballroom, Harry and Hermione were forced to focus on the assembled dancers, raising their hands up in a cross before their faces, before lowering them down at their sides, in much the same manner as the professor had done. "You bring you knees in tight!" the chorus sang out loudly before snapping their knees closed with an almost audible click. Then they formed several circles, giving Harry a glimpse of Dobby in one of the strange outfits, before he was blocked by the mass of bodies.

"But it's the pelvic thrust," the circles sang out while doing exaggerated thrusts towards the center. As they repeated, they continued singing, "That really drives you insa-ay-ay-ane!" As they bounced on the last note, the singers rotated their upper bodies around in an almost calisthenic motion.

The students all turned to face the door again, flaring their hands again. "Let's do the time warp again! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

Harry and Hermione both decided it might be a good idea to leave, and turned to attempt to run away, unfortunately they were stopped by Riff Raff and Magenta blocking their way. Their attention was focused on the maid as she spun into the room proper. "It's so dreamy... Oh fantasy free me!"

As she whipped her hands up above her head again and thrust her chest out, Hermione and Harry were both pushed into the room after her by Riff Raff. They couldn't help but watch as she drew her clawed fingers across her eyes, backing towards a window. "So you can't see me..." she continued singing before ducking out the window, her voice carrying inside, "No... not at all."

Suddenly her head appeared resting on the sill of a window behind one of the food tables, "In another dimension..." slowly her eyes became half-lidded, locking on the two students that happened to have had a lot of mental reformatting done recently. "With voyeuristic intention..."

The implications caused both of the young and still, as far as they knew, virgin students to blush fiercely and avoid each others eyes. "Well secluded, I see all."

While attempting to look anywhere but at each other or the maid, they found themselves focusing on the hunchbacked caretaker who was giving them rather dangerous looks of his own. "With a bit of a mind flip..."

Magenta took the windowsill and used one of the side pillars as a dancing pole as she crescendo-ed off of her brother. "You're into the time slip!"

Without much reaction to the extravagance of his sister's actions, Riff Raff offered the pair of stunned students a Treacle Torte as he almost casually continued singing. "Nothing... will ever seem the same."

The bushy haired maid strode out onto the table, somehow missing the food without ever breaking her eye contact with the terrified pair of mentally readjusted teens. "You're spaced out on sensation!"

"LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION!" Riff Raff shouted as he crushed the torte in his hand, surprising the two students who pulled away nervously, only to find themselves surrounded by the other survivors of the year from hell.

It looked like each of the members was Gryffindor, Cedric Diggory, or Dobby the House Elf. Unfortunately the sight of them all thrusting their hips at the pair would be eternally burned into their retinas, no matter how many obviation attempts were to come in the future. "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

Almost as suddenly as they appeared, the circle of schoolmates vanished, revealing Riff Raff and Magenta flashing hands over at the jukebox as they swung their arms in step. "Let's do the time warp again!" What was waiting on top of the jukebox was a rather disturbing vision of sparkly sequins in gold, with black trim. The yellow coat was matched to the top hat, while a vibrant glittery red bow-tie seemed to hover above a leopard patterned sequins corset holding up nothing. Black stockings ran down the sparkly girl's legs to where blue socks and black shoes rested next to her bum. To say Ginny had looked better was a VERY big understatement.

To make things work, she winked at Harry as he held Hermione, and began to sing. "Well I was just walking down the hall, just having a think. When a snake of a guy, gave me an evil wink. Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise. He had a classy tone, and the devil's eyes. He wrote to me, and I felt a change. Time meant nothing. NEVER WOULD AGAIN!" Ginny sang out loudly, giving Harry disturbing flashbacks to a chamber with huge snakes inside it.

This meant that he missed the majority of the student body all hip thrusting at him and Hermione again as they sang, "Let's do the time warp again!" Unfortunately, this was enough to bring him back into reality so that he could catch sight of the various dancers jutting their hands into the air towards the throne. "Let's do the time warp again!"

The hall suddenly darkened to reveal Professor Flitwick's alcove where he was standing on the desk with his hands on his hips. "It's just a jump to the left!" he called out, causing the entire student body to jump leftwards with enough force to cause the castle to tremor as the lights snapped back on. Somehow they had formed several lines stretching the length of the entire hall from the entrance to the the raised dais that used to house the staff tables, and now only a lonely throne remained.

Then the lines of students thrust their legs out to the right, while their hands flashed that direction as well. "And a step to the ri-igh-igh-ight!"

The darkness once again slammed down, focusing its sole bastion of light around Flitwick as he turned on the balls of his feet, showing off the position of his hands. "Put your hands on your hips!"

Once again the return of light to the room meant a return of the muscic and action to the dancers. They wiggled their fingers as they brought their hands up over their heads and down onto their hips while singing, "And bring your knees in tight!" This caused an almost instant click as all the knees seemed to join together, before the damnable pelvic thrusting returned. "But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-ay-ay-ane!"

Harry and Hermione couldn't help but notice that Riff Raff and Magenta were lost in their own little world of dance as they boogied in between the lines together. Another double repeat of "Let's do the time warp again!" was joined this time with the dancers leaping into the air and facing the other direction. Followed oddly enough by another repeat of the same actions, so that everyone was facing their original directions.

Then they all splashed a hand towards Ginny as she let out a shriek that sounded half in joy, and half in torment as she sprang off the jukebox and began doing something that appeared to be tap dancing. The interlude was cut off when she herself spiraled into the throne's dais and crashed down onto the steps.

While she recovered herself, the crowd repeated the refrain, "Let's do the time warp again!" twice. Once she found herself in the center of the amassed students along with Riff Raff and Magenta, the lights flashed over to Professor Flitwick.

"It's just a jump to the left!" he called out, matching the step with three mirror copies of himself joining in.

The students performed the called action, before thrusting their legs out to the right again, drawing off their hats into the air to the left. "And a step to the ri-igh-ight!"

As the lights flashed over to Flitwick, who instructed everyone to put their hands on their hips, Hermione began trying to get Harry to move towards the now-vacant door, which he was more than happy to oblige with as they began the knee locking and the pelvic thrusting.

They'd just touched the doorknob when everyone froze at the end of the song and collapsed, the music that had been playing sounding as though the record player had just had its power pulled out. Looking out over the collapsed student body, Harry and Hermione could only think of one thing to do. Looking at each other to assure they both were thinking the same thing, they opened the doors and ran for their happy rooms as fast as their legs could carry them.

That was another avenue of research that would be delayed due to necessary mind wiping. If only they had stayed a moment longer, they'd have seen a blinding flash of white light coming at their backs from the Great Hall. However, they didn't and the last thing they knew was being surrounded by white light, the only sensation they could feel is the grip on the other's hand.

After that, they knew nothing more of Hogwarts and its insanity until they woke. But that is a tale for another late night double-feature picture show.