CHAPTER 21

KARMA POV

When she heard the doorbell, her heart stopped for a second. She wasnt expecting anyone, but everything in her body wanted it to be Amy. Even though seeing Amy right now might spark a papparazzi frenzy, she really needed to talk to her. She had still not received a response to her stupid text and her mind was making horror stories in her head. Whether the outcome was good or bad, Karma just needed to know. She had put her heart on the line and jumped. Even if it didnt send Amy straight into her arms, at least Amy should know that it was never one sided.

Answering the intercom turned out to be a bad idea. It was Arthur the doorman. Apparently the entire outside of the building was covered with papparazzi and she started to panic. She called Liam immediately and then Shane. She needed to get out of here without being spotted somehow. Only Shane would be able to help her out with that one while Liam took care of the situation downstairs. She waited for about half an hour before Liam called her from downstairs saying that he managed to get everyone to the front with a promise of a press conference from Karma herself. Shane rocked up and helped her with a disguise and arranged for a car to meet them at the back entrance.

As they got into the car, Shane looked at her with a concerned look on his face.

"Karma honey, not to be an asshole, but you look like shit. Are you ok?"

"Nothing is ok Shane, I havent slept in ages and I still havent heard anything from her."

"She will come around babe, just be patient. Where do you want to head to right now?"

"Take me to Amy's beach house."

"Karma, are you sure thats a good idea?"

"Shane, I have to talk to her. And besides, no one knows that we even know each other, so its probably the safest place for me to be right now."

He didnt argue. They made the drive there and when they stopped in front of the house, Karma was gripped with fear. She wasnt even sure if Amy was here right now, let alone if she was alone, but she hadnt considered anything but seeing Amy. Her life was a little crazy at the moment and once again filled with so much noise and Amy was the only person in the entire universe that could silence the noise within Karma. She got out of the car and told Shane to leave her.

"Shane, I love you. Thank you for always being my hero, but this is something not even you can save me from. I need to do this alone. I will call you if I need you ok?"

She stood in front of the door for what seemed like hours. She was playing and acting the speech in her head while pacing endlessly. Finally she figured its now or never. She rang the doorbell before she could change her mind and run away like a coward. Those few minutes waiting was torture. She was more terrified of this moment right now than any moment ever in her life. There was still no answer and she suddenly wondered if Amy was even home. She suddenly realised that she didnt really have anywhere to go right now. Going to a hotel runs the risk of one of the staff leaking her to the press and Shane and Liam were obvious choices. She also couldnt stand in front of her door like an idiot. She knew that the thoughts crossing her mind was a bad idea, even as the idea was forming, but she felt like she had no choice.

She made her way around the side of the house where she found a lower wall than all the others. She took off her shoes and jumped up and over the wall, she hoped to god that the alarm wouldnt go off, but she had to take the chance anyway. She walked towards the beach and when she finally reached the sand, she sat down and pulled the hoodie over her head. She just sat there for what seemed like forever, just thinking. She thought back to when she met Amy in the ballpit, she thought about how Amy made her laugh when her Gam Gam died and how Amy always did those little scavenger hunts for her on her bday. Then she thought about the night of Farrah's wedding when Amy overcame her fear of talking in front of a crowd and declared her love for Karma. She remembers the fight afterwards and how broken Amy had looked. All the memories came rushing to her and tears were just flowing freely from her eyes.

How had everything become so messed up? It should have been so simple. She had always loved Amy, why couldnt she just have said it and none of this would have ever happened. She was filled again with guilt as she thought about Amy being so broken that she tried to end her life and then her thoughts wandered to what if Amy had succeeded. Fuck, it was too much to imagine. She laid down on the sand and just stared at the clouds. It was the first time in so long that she felt so peaceful just doing something so simple as sitting on the beach.

She thought about what had just happened at her building. This was getting too much. Sure, before, all she wanted was the fame, now she wasnt so sure anymore. I mean for God's sake, she pretended to be a lesbian with her best friend to be popular. Now, in hindsight, she hated it. Her entire life was broadcast on a constant basis, the label controlled so much of her time and self that she felt like she was in a cage half the time and the only person she had ever loved, is marrying someone else. She realised that she wants out. This is the last album she owed the record label according to the contract and she doesnt want to renew it. She was tired of the fame, she realised that she wanted more out of life than being a puppet.

She cast all those thoughts aside and all she knew right now was that Amy was the most important right now. Nothing else mattered. She needed to make things right with Amy and she was going to, no matter what. Even if Amy only wants to be friends or never wanted to see her again, she was going to fix it one way or the other. She realised in that moment that the only thing that has ever been constant in her life was her love for Amy, even with her absence for the past 5 years, her love for Amy had never changed, never diminished, not once. She just lay there for ages with her eyes closed with a montage of moments with Amy playing over and over in her head. She felt more happiness in this moment than she had in years. Amy was her calm to her storm, her quiet in the noise, her pleasure during the pain and her foundation when her world seemed to fall apart.