Chapter Twenty-One
Chloe stood up from the booth and stretched her body, drained by the emotionally taxing experience. She truly appreciated the love and the concern expressed in so many different ways by everyone present in the pub, but she couldn't take much more of it without breaking down. Every word, every comforting embrace, every concerned look was another weapon battling her thinning wall of control, the only shield standing against the overwhelming despair and painful sorrow that was struggling mightily for supremacy. Walking as unobtrusively as possible, she pulled on her black jacket and made her way to the restroom, acknowledging words of comfort and smiles aimed her way with a small nod of appreciation.
In the restroom, Chloe threw her purse on the counter. She leaned over the sink and splashed her face with water. Wiping the water off with a paper towel, she got a good look at herself in the mirror. "Ohh," she grimaced, disgusted with her unflattering reflection. Her eyes looked larger than normal due to the dark violet circles surrounding them, her pale skin clashed violently with her black dress, and the hollow cheeks showed plainly that she had lost a significant amount of wait. Chloe bit her unpainted lips before curling them into a feral snarl. "I look horrible."
Shrugging her shoulders, Chloe balled up the paper towel and threw it out. "Not much I can do about it now," she whispered forlornly to herself, deciding that looking like hell was only another cross to carry. Much lighter than the other ones weighing her down. So lost in her own thoughts was Chloe that she jumped when the restroom door opened.
Nancy opened the door slowly, peeking her head almost guiltily around the corner. Seeing Chloe staring at her curiously, she quickly stepped through the door and closed it smartly behind her. She hid the large white envelope that she carried behind her back. Nancy gulped reflexively before she haltingly explained to a quiet Chloe, "I know what you're thinking and you're right."
"I'm right? About what?" Chloe asked genuinely puzzled. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the counter. She waited for Nancy to continue, actually grateful to have the distraction.
On a loud expulsion of breath, Nancy admitted on a nervous rush, "I followed you in here, Chloe, so that we could be alone." She tapped the envelope against her leg but was sure to keep it out of Chloe's sight, unsure of Chloe's reaction to what it contained. The contents of the envelope could make or break Chloe.
Chloe's eyebrows snapped together, baffled by Nancy's surprisingly anxious demeanor. With a small frown, she inclined her head towards Nancy. "Why did you want to be alone?" She laid her hands on the edges of the counter and stared at Nancy patiently.
Nancy anxiously chewed off the rest of her lipstick. She had debated with herself for most of the week about the contents of the envelope but then had decided that Chloe deserved to see what was inside. She looked at the brave young woman who was obviously held together by a very thin thread of determination that was rapidly deteriorating before the eyes of every one in the pub. Hoping she was doing the right thing, Nancy informed her in a shaky voice, "I wanted to give you something, Chloe, something very special. Without everyone looking at us." Gradually, Nancy brought the envelope out from behind her back.
Chloe followed the envelope as Nancy held it in the air and looked at the envelope in fascination. Realization dawned swiftly. She gasped loudly and covered her mouth. The little color remaining in her face drained quickly away, making Chloe look even paler in the harsh fluorescent lighting. "Ohh, Nancy," she murmured moments later, touched by the gesture but scared to actually look at it.
Nancy correctly interpreted the various emotions flickering across Chloe's face. Interest, realization, sorrow, despair, excitement, gratitude, and, finally, resignation. Her heart mourned even more for Chloe. Struggling against a sudden onslaught of fresh tears, Nancy held the envelope out to Chloe. She watched impatiently when Chloe only looked at it with wide uncertain eyes, without making a move to take it. Frustrated, Nancy rolled her eyes and grasped Chloe's hand. She pressed the envelope into her outstretched palm.
Chloe bit her bottom lip, trapped between viewing the contents and ripping it to pieces. "I can't open this now," she informed her in a hoarse whisper. She pressed the envelope to her heart, holding it tightly. Coming to a decision, Chloe realized that she wouldn't be able to open it until she was finally able to let her control down. "Later. When I'm alone."
Understanding perfectly, Nancy brought her hands to her cheeks, unsure how to comfort her. "Of course, Chloe. Call me if you need someone to talk to her." Nancy pulled Chloe into her arms and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "I love you, sweetheart."
"I know," Chloe answered, returning the hug with as much warmth as she could muster. She pressed her cheek against Nancy's. "I love you, too." Chloe untangled herself from Nancy's embrace and picked up her purse from the top of counter. Staring at the envelope as if she was afraid it would burn her, she gingerly put it inside. Then, without saying another word, she looked at Nancy and left the restroom.
The second the door closed, Chloe glanced towards the back exit, desperately needing to escape the pub and all of the people in it. She finally needed to be alone. She gasped when she saw who was near the door, obviously getting ready to leave. Ethan was standing near the door, his own coat draped over his arm. Heading with determined steps towards him, Chloe touched his shoulder. "Ethan," she called softly to him when he didn't respond to her touch.
Ethan didn't acknowledge her presence or her touch for a moment. Sighing, he finally offered after a long minute of silence, "Want a ride?" He still refused to look at her. Instead, he shrugged off Chloe's touch as if he found it offensive somehow and opened the back door, without knowing if Chloe was going to follow or not.
Chloe sent one last glance back down the hallway. Suddenly, it felt like the walls were closing in on her, suffocating her. Like a wounded animal, she needed to find some place private to lick her wounds. "Yes," she exhaled loudly in relief. Ethan walked to his SUV, the sounds of Chloe's footsteps echoing behind him on the sidewalk. When they reached his car, he opened the door and climbed in. Chloe entered after him. A silent Ethan started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
Chloe leaned her head against the plush seat, closing her eyes and trying to ward off the horrifying events of the day. Ever since Nancy had given her the envelope, her control had been stretched passed its limit. Breathing in deeply, she called on the last vestiges of her strength, just wanting to make it to the solace of her home before she could finally give into her overwhelming grief.
The silence stretched between her and Ethan, only broken by the consistent sound of the tires traveling on the pavement underneath. Tired of her own thoughts, Chloe stole a glance at Ethan underneath partially closed lashes. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes, a telling sign to his many sleepless nights. His eyes themselves were extremely bloodshot, jagged lines of red interspersed among the white background. She almost envied him the release he had found. Not that crawling into a whiskey bottle was her idea of coping, but, at the very least, it would be a way to forget the unimaginable pain of their loss.
"Thanks, Ethan," Chloe finally whispered hoarsely, breaking the almost comfortable silence. She brushed a loose stray of hair out of her face and stared at him fully, willing him to respond.
Ethan glanced at Chloe out of the corner of his eye, keeping most of his attention on the road ahead. "For what, Chloe?" he asked her, his voice gritty from lack of use. He hadn't spoken more than three whole sentences today, relaying mostly on grunts and nods in response to the people who dared to comfort him.
"For taking me home," she replied immediately. Sighing deeply, she rapidly concluded that Ethan was one of the few people who could totally relate to her. Giving into the overpowering need, she slipped off her low-heeled shoes and gingerly massaged her aching feet. "I couldn't stay in the pub another moment."
Ethan mulled over Chloe's words stoically. His hands tightened reflexively on the steering wheel. "Yeah," he finally muttered, coming to the blinding realization that Chloe was experiencing the same pain that rode him mercilessly. "I know what you mean."
Chloe nodded her head. Reluctantly slipping her feet back into the confines of her shoes, she muttered, "Exactly. Everyone means well, I know that they do, but I can only take so much of the pitying glances, the whispered words when they walk by me."
"The never-ending stream of condolences, of concern," Ethan stated fiercely, despising the ordeal that they had to go through today. "As if any words could ever bring Greta or Brady back."
Chloe shivered uncontrollably at the harshly stated but realistic words, chills coursing up and down her spine. She hated having to face the reality of their deaths. "I just want to go home," she said mournfully. "Be by myself for awhile."
"Me? I'm gonna crawl into a whiskey bottle and not come out for a few days." Ethan curled his lip into a disgusted snarl. He threw a side-glance at Chloe, wondering if she would reprimand him for his chosen way to deal with Greta's death. He knew that most of his friends weren't too pleased with the solace he had sought. Like he gave a good damn.
Chloe didn't reprimand him. Instead, she shocked him. "Getting drunk, huh? Haven't tried that yet." Intrigued, she considered the idea as she tapped her finger against her chin. Looking at him curiously, she inquired with lifted eyebrows, "Does it work?"
Ethan focused entirely on the road before he spat out furiously, "No! Fuck it. Not at all. But getting drunk does give me the illusion that everything's fine, that my life hasn't been altered beyond my worst nightmare."
"The illusion? Maybe it'll be worth it," she mumbled to herself, thinking about trying Ethan's way of dealing with the pain. With a groan, she decided, "Even an illusion has to be better than facing the truth."
With a squeal of tires and the smell of burnt rubber, Ethan made the turn and pulled swiftly into Chloe's driveway. "We're here," he announced needlessly. When the car came to a complete, and jarring, stop, he leaned over the console and reached into the backseat. Moving his jacket around, he extricated a bottle of whiskey. "I bought this off of Shawn. Well, bought with his knowledge may not be the best term," he amended with a grin of his former debonair self, remembering how the elder Shawn Brady had refused to sell him any of his liquor. He had merely waited until the coast was clear and swiped a couple of bottles, leaving money for them on the counter and hiding the evidence under his jacket. He hadn't been one of the best ISA agents ever for nothing. "Want one? I have two."
Eyes focused intently on the bottle in Ethan's outstretched hand, Chloe further contemplated the idea, liking it more and more with each passing second. "Blessed relief," she mumbled, more to herself. Looking up at Ethan, she came to a final decision and nodded curtly. "Thanks, Ethan. Maybe this'll work." She accepted the bottle from her brother-in-law with a small smile of gratitude.
"Like I said before, it won't," Ethan assured her quietly with eyes hazed over with soulful pain. He watched Chloe open her door and step out of the car. Rolling down the window, he called out to her, "Chloe."
The call stopped her in her tracks. Chloe pivoted on the stone walkway leading up to the front of her house and strode swiftly back to the car. She shivered while the cold wind cut through her silk dress, thinking that the promised storm was nearly upon the town of Salem. "Ethan?"
Ethan laid his arm on the door and leaned out of the car. Clearing his throat, he paused and then made a startling offer, the first time he had reached out to anyone in the days following Greta's death, "If you need anything, give me a call. Don't know what shape I'll be in…"
Chloe digested the offer gradually. A real smile, tiny in its appearance, graced her lips, a movement her face had nearly forgotten about. "Thanks, Ethan. Same goes." Chloe paused but then asked hesitatingly, "Ethan, you're more than welcome to come in, keep me company…"
Ethan nodded gratefully at his sister-in-law but the sharp look in his eyes turned down the offer before he could get the words out. "Thanks for the offer, Chloe, but no. We both know that I would be horrible company right now, not fit to be seen with anyone."
Chloe placed her purse across her shoulder and acknowledged Ethan's refusal with a curt nod. She hadn't really expected him to accept. In fact, she was kind of glad that he hadn't. Now she would finally have that time to herself she had been needing and craving all day long. She waved to Ethan and stood solemnly on the stones, watching Ethan's taillights disappear, a whiskey bottle clutched tightly in her hand.
Chloe's hand froze in the air as a sudden memory hit her strongly. She was transported back in time to last week when she had said goodbye to Brady for the last time. The night he had to go into Basic Black. The night he had been in that awful car accident. Chloe closed her eyes while she remembered the searing kiss he had given, the very last kiss he had bestowed on her lips. Her lips actually tingled as she imagined Brady's were on hers once more. Bringing her hand to her lips, Chloe pressed her fingers against them. Somberly, she admitted to the uncaring wind, "Oh Brady, I miss you. So much."
Looking down the road one last time, she reluctantly faced the fact that Brady was not coming back. Sighing deeply, Chloe swirled around and began the slow, painstaking walk to her front door with bowed shoulders, swinging the bottle of whiskey in her hand with each step. When she reached the front door, Chloe dug for the key hidden deep within her black purse. Finding it, she placed it in the lock and entered her quiet house.