Disclaimer: Same as it always is.

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Ok, this will be my last update on this series for a good while. Tonight's show is brought to you by the Bubbly one, herself—BubblyShell22…and Crown Royal Cognacs! I say that because I think I may have had a bit too much Crown Royal and it has "inspired" me to write this thing, here. I haven't had too much BubblyShell, though I'm sure it's possible, however. Ah well, let's go, shall we?

Okaaaay, Brock Lesnar (real name: Brockenmeyer Lester) was born on the blighted, gritty, tough streets of Webster, South Dakota. As a kid, he was constantly teased because of his last name. The kids would mock him saying, "Hey Brock, I bet your middle name is 'Child-mo'!" And all the kids would laugh at poor little Brocky. Well, one day, he had enough. He started hitting the other kids with chairs, building blocks, die-cast cars—anything he could get his hands on. Over the years, he started getting comfortable in this "proactive" approach to dealing with teasing. So, it's only natural that he grew up being very defensive.

He attended his local high school in Webster, because the only mode of transportation his family had wasn't the family car—they had a family BIKE. Anyway, he wrestled in school and wound up getting suspended for F-5ing a teacher through a cafeteria table for giving him a "D" on his science exam and then pointing out—in front of the whole class—that that makes the 9th consecutive "D" he's gotten that year. The teacher went on to further embarrass Brock by saying that his grades for that marking period look like somebody with a stuttering problem trying to say "Doughnut" or something—"d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d…"

This was commonplace for Brock, actually, because he'd usually get distinguished "F"s, only on occasion he'd get a "C", and him and his family would celebrate by taking the family bike and riding down to the town square, where all the people of his city gathered—all 25 of them. They'd go people-watching—in other words, they'd just hang around and stare at people before Pop Lesnar would ride them down to the local Dairy Queen. They kicked him out of the drive thru because they don't allow bikes in the drive-thru. Buuuuut, it didn't stop Brock from getting his Mr. Misty! By the way, the local hang out was the Rite Aid store, where Brock and his friends would constantly be getting into trouble.

A couple years passed and Lesnar got sick of the home life and attended the University of Minnesota on a full wrestling scholarship for his junior and senior years of college; his roommate was fellow professional wrestler Shelton Benjamin who ALSO served as Lesnar's assistant coach. When we asked Lesnar what it was like rooming with Benji, he had this to say:

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"Yeah, Shelton's cool, I guess. His mom would come over and bring him food—mostly fried chicken and malt liquor. But DAYUM, did she have some big fucking TITS, man!"

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It should be noted that, during this time, Lesnar's dad refinanced their home in order to get Brock his first car, a 1983 Honda Civic. The sad part was that, even after refinancing their home, Brock still owed $2000 for the car. The last time Pop Lesnar refinanced his home, he was trying to pay for a toaster from Rent-a-Center. Rent-A-Center has threatened the Lesnars with toaster repossession on numerous occasions because Pop Lesnar thinks he should've been done paying by now. But that's neither here nor there…or ANYWHERE, for that matter.

Anyway, prior to joining the Minnesota Golden Gophers, where they gave him an honorary gopher hat—it was a baseball cap with cartoonish eyes and buck teeth hanging down in front of the bill. Rumors circulate to this DAY that that hat was modeled after some goofy-looking kid from the remedial golfing class that went to school with Lesnar, some guy name Tiger Woods, I think. But that's not important, though.

Lesnar wrestled his way through college. However, there was one time that will go down in infamy. During a school assembly, Lesnar incited a riot by standing on stage in the auditorium and issuing an open challenge. Several teachers and some students accepted the challenge, however, Brock just kept suplexing everyone who came up on stage. By the time he was done, there were 15 bodies scattered across the stage with Brock standing there, smirking, while the other kids in the audience booed.

That's when a revelation hit him. He didn't know what it was, but it felt good, real good. He just had his first taste of "heel heat"! And he wanted more, much more.

In the days and weeks that came, he'd be wandering around town, doing all sorts of heel-ish things. There was an old lady who asked Brock to get her kitten out of a tree. Brock shook the tree and the kitten fell out of it but it landed on a rock, shattering its skull. Brock just stood there laughing as the old lady was crying, trying to revive her kitten. And, another time, he was hacking into peoples' Facebook accounts and sending pictures of his erect cock to random people on their friends lists…yeah, all SORTS of trouble.

Well, one day, his mom got tired of him being a nuisance and told him to get a job. Brock bought a newspaper and started searching the classifieds. Frustrated, he couldn't find any work. He knew Burger King was hiring, so was Mickey D's, but the most heel heat he'd get there would be if he spat in peoples' food or clipped one of his public hairs and put it in someone's milkshake, or something. Yeah, yeah, those things are good for a cheap laugh, but it wasn't REAL heel heat, like he desired.

Then, one fateful evening when he was on the toilet, a thought hit him! So, he finished up what he was…doing, filled his gas tank in his car, and drove to Stamford, CT. He went into the WWE offices and filled out an application to be a wrestler. He got hired, met some fat, balding Jewish guy name Paul, and they became lovers and he began his career, with Paul as his valet. He was happier than EVER, now that his dream was realized—he was wrestling, he was getting paid, he knew Paul had a crush on him, and all was well with the world. The one downside was, he didn't like wrestling Hogan-he complained that, after his matches with Hogan, the scent of Ben-Gay would take him a COUPLE of showers to get rid of.

He eventually got bored with that and went to MMA, where he could relive his high school and college days by hammering people for REAL! Brock eventually came back to WWE, though, where he is still at as I write this. Will his dreams continue to be realized? Yes and no. Will he further his career by remaining in WWE? No and yes. But, whatever road he decides to take, just remember—you heard it HERE first!

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The end.

Alriiiight, that it! This is the last update for this series for a while. I hope you all enjoyed this—especially YOU BubblyShell22. Shell, this one's for you! Please review and know that your comments are appreciated. Even if you can't STAND my writing style, let me know! I value opinion and, besides, speech is free!