Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its original characters. No copyright infringement is intended with the posting of this story.

A/N: Here we go. This chapter is not going to be easy. Consider this your warning and know there's a purpose. Life is not full of sunshine and rainbows and neither are my stories.

All the thanks in the world to my beta and friend, BPlemons. Any and all mistakes are mine thanks to my twitchy fingers. ;)

.o0O0o._R0ADiES_.o0O0o

Chapter 20

Peace Sign Middle Finger

o0oOo0o.o0oOo0o

...BELLA...

Felix seems taken aback by my sudden change of heart, but he doesn't waste a second before he accepts my invitation to come inside with a gentle pull from my hand.

"Bunk beds. Nice."

"Yeah," I smirk, "We didn't have much of a choice. All of the rooms have'em."

I kick the door shut with my foot and toss my phone onto the top bunk with the sole purpose of not being tempted to check it again.

The image of Irina sitting on Edward's lap in a bathrobe… his lips pressed against her skin… it's already been cemented into my forever memories.

There's no erasing it.

The smiles on their faces… they continue to haunt me.

No matter how hard I try, I can't shake the visual of Cullen's betrayal.

Every time I blink it's all I see, and each and every time it hurts a little bit more.

Conversation.

Distraction.

Fire and flames.

I need them all.

Desperately.

"Where's the little drummer boy?" I randomly question, even though I couldn't care less.

"Drew? He's not as concerned about his rep. I kind of have this whole straight edge thing going right now. My manager is in talks with Disney for a live action film they're casting. One wrong photo on the web could really mess all of that up for me, so I've been trying to lay low."

"Disney?" I snicker, "Well, say no more. Every little girl deserves a tattooed prince to fawn over. Make yourself comfortable. I promise to keep your reputation in check, Voltoro."

I give him an overly animated salute and then open the only window in the room to help keep the air circulating once we light the joint that's in his hand.

The second the frigid air hits my face I hug my body with purpose and flee toward the bed so I can pull the fleece blanket around me and hide under its embrace.

Felix laughs and scoots up the mattress, taking the spot beside me.

He leans back against the wall and smirks after bumping my shoulder with his, "Wanna make-"

"Stay in your lane new friend. There will be no making out. You're strictly here because of your weed. Nothing more. Nothing less." I inform him before he can finish his predictable sentence.

"Fort, woman! I was asking about a fort!?"

I suck back my laughter and shake my head, feeling surprise wash over me in response to his natural ability to actually make me smile without it being forced.

"You're not normal, Voltoro."

"What? My brother and I used to make forts all the time when we were kids, especially when a good cold front would roll through. All that trapped air in a tightly closed space. It's an instant hot box, and this joint you're craving could actually make things even more fun."

"We're not building a fort. I'm not drunk enough for that level of ridiculousness." I quip with a roll of my eyes.

"Fine. Suit yourself. You're the one shivering like a chihuahua in the middle of a thunderstorm. Come to think of it, is this why they call you Birdie? Do you usually fly south for the winter like all of the other birds?"

This time I laugh out loud, "I loathe the cold, but no. That's not why they call me Birdie."

He nods with a curl of his lips and then lifts his arms to place his palms behind his head, "I bet you can't wait to get out of Denver then, huh?"

"Yup, but not because of the snow or the frigid temperature." An impulsive sigh follows my words. "That would be too simple, and nothing in my life is simple because that would be boring, and I don't do boring."

He pauses, considering what I've just said, but there's something about the look in his eyes.

He knows better than to ask me to elaborate.

Which is good because I'm not about to spell it out for him even if he does ask.

"So, where's your boy at, Bella Swan? He's not going to come busting in here looking to kick my ass is he?"

I stare hard in his direction, wondering why he's chosen to bring up Cullen.

Especially when I've opened the door to let him in, sans chaperone.

When I realize it's my ex he's actually talking about and not my boss, I instantly settle back down. But Felix's raised brow doesn't escape my attention.

"Liam's in the next room getting a blow job from Rainbow Brite in the flesh," I eventually share while pulling my blanket up even higher, "And no. He'd have zero issues with you being in here with me."

Even when we were together Liam wouldn't have cared.

That was the kind of relationship we had because we'd always trusted one another.

No matter what.

No questions asked.

The joke was on me though, since he clearly never deserved my trust in the first place and he'd likely been cheating on me the entire goddamn time we were together.

"Um, shouldn't you be a little more bothered by your boyfriend chasing the rainbow?"

I shake my head, avoiding Felix's eyes, "Nah, we have an understanding. If I'm not in the mood to suck his cock, he can find someone else who is," I lie through my teeth as I begin picking anxiously at my fingernails.

When I steal a glance in Felix's direction, absolute shock has taken control of his face.

The sight causes me to suck back another laugh and shrug my shoulders.

An impulsive sigh leaves my lips, "It works for us."

"I guess everything I've heard about you is true then, Ms. Swan."

"I dunno, Mr. Voltoro, what exactly have you heard?"

He grins and moves in even closer, leaving very little space between us.

The scent of his cologne surrounds me.

It's musky and sweet, and I can feel the warmth of his skin where it's rubbing against my arm after he taps my thigh and rests his wrist beside mine.

He's making progress, but I'm determined not to react.

For now, it's a welcomed distraction, but that's all it is because I'm not ready to become that girl.

Not tonight.

Felix clears his throat and runs his index finger up my forearm, "I've heard that you're cool as hell, and not like most girls."

"Well clearly that's true, but what else?" I push, already knowing there's more based on his anxious stare and the way he's undressing me with his eyes.

He smirks even wider, "You're a grade-A lay."

I can't help but snort out loud, "What a shame. All those points you've earned. Gone. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. So sad."

"Hey, I'm being honest. That should actually score me a few bonus points! I've also heard you're a badass roadie, but you disappeared tonight before I was able to really see you in your element. Which is a shame because I'd been looking forward to watching you kick ass."

Now I'm able to relax again, "Okay. That one's true. I am, without question, a badass roadie."

"Well, two out of the three isn't too bad."

"Sure hon, give yourself a cookie and pat on the back. Now light that spliff so I can numb my inhibitions and bring myself closer to tomorrow-land."

Felix nods obediently and pulls his lighter from his pocket, shifting his weight further into my shoulder.

"Ladies first."

I grab the joint and light it up, sucking back on the paper filter with my eyes sealed shut while holding my hit deep in my lungs for as long as I can. After releasing a cloud of smoke from between my pursed lips, I let my body melt into the pillow that's propped behind me, "Jesus, you got that from Liam?"

He laughs and takes the joint from my hand, coughing into the air a few seconds later, "Yup, I did."

Felix and I do this back and forth a few more times until I finally wave in his direction, letting him know I'm good since goosebumps are now covering every inch of my exposed skin and my toes are curled beneath the blanket.

We won't talk about the way the wallpaper is moving.

Or how the shadows in the room are all starting to come together.

"Seriously. What kind of weed is that?" I whisper, stretching my arms high above my head, then dropping my hands into my hair, dragging my fingertips through the ends, "Because I'm high as fuck right now and I'm gonna need more tomorrow."

"I dunno, Liam said it was his best herb. We didn't get to talk shop."

I nod but keep my eyes closed, allowing myself to enjoy the quietness that's finally reached my head now that I'm numb and everything around me feels like a cloudy dream.

Seconds later the mattress dips and I peek through my lashes.

Felix is lying on his side with a goofy ass grin on his face while he studies my own as if he might be quizzed on it at a later time. When he reaches over to tuck my hair behind my ear, I shutter away and grab a pillow, instantly sticking it between us.

I've invited him into my room, but I'm not looking to actually let him into my panties.

Although, flirting with possibilities can be the best medicine when you're trying to forget about a broken heart and the boy who broke it.

Especially after detrimental letdowns, like the one Cullen's served up this evening.

"Hands to you," I snicker, "And stop looking at me like that."

"Sorry… it's just… You put up a good front, Bella Swan, but there's sadness on your pretty face. It wasn't there earlier. What's changed?" He whispers.

I look up and see his smile is sincere.

It's not thirsty with lust or desire.

My surprise causes him to smirk and let out a soft laugh. "My pick up lines might be cheesy as hell, but I'm not stupid. Something is bothering you. I know you're hiding from it, whatever it is, or you never would've let me through your door tonight."

My eyes look away from his challenging stare and I instantly go back to picking at my cuticles, "It's been a disappointing evening, so yes, I am absolutely using you as a distraction. If that bothers you, you can take your happy ass out the door."

Felix laughs and nudges me with his elbow "Very few things in this world bother me, and walking out that door is not an option because I've already made it my mission to make sure you fall asleep smiling tonight."

I smirk and give him a light shove, "How many times must I say it? I don't entertain the entertainment."

"I dunno, you've been doing a pretty good job at keeping me entertained since the moment you fell on your ass in the green room."

I reach over to smack him in the chest, but he catches my hand with his and holds it in the air.

"How about just a kiss then? Only a kiss?"

Here we go again.

"No! Don't you dare break into a rendition of Mr. Brightside! I legit cannot stand that stupid song!" I warn with a swift flick to his forearm.

I stare foggily at where our fingers are now laced together, propped in the air over the pillow I've placed between us.

When I don't let go, he starts to spin my thumb ring without breaking our stare.

For some reason, this calms me back down.

Without warning, he pulses my hand and tugs hard to bring my body over his lap. I straddle his hips and look down into his hopeful eyes, then roll my own with a heavy sigh leaving my lips as his fingers leave mine to slide down my arms in search of my thighs.

"If I kiss you, will you move the hell on and find someone else to conquer?"

Felix raises his brow and offers me a sly grin, "I can promise to at least try, but something tells me someone like you won't make that very easy."

When I look away to hide my bashful reaction over his softly spoken words, I notice the clock that's sitting on the bedside table.

It's after two in the morning.

Nothing good ever happens after two in the morning.

Why should that change now, Birdie?

This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my adult life, but it's been a while since I've allowed myself to make an impulsive decision.

The last time I'd jumped without looking or taking a breath, I'd ended up pinning my heart to my sleeve, only to have it stolen and crucified by Edward Cullen.

At least this time my heart is already broken and I'm in no rush to have it mended.

There's a voice instantly pestering me in the back of my head, warning me to abort and kick Felix out, but right now… at this moment... nothing else matters except finding a way to forget and feel numb.

I'm here.

He's here.

I need to keep my mind far away from the person who's not here because he's the one who's chosen to be with someone else, and that hurts more than I'm ready to admit.

Before Felix can say another word, I lean down and press my lips against his, shifting myself further against him when I feel his excitement come to life beneath me.

His tongue finds mine, and his hands instantly begin to travel up my shirt, causing my body to tremble under the touch of his warm fingers and palms.

When he reaches behind my back in an attempt to get to the fastener of my bra, I feel myself beginning to frown against him. That probably should've slowed me down, but it doesn't. Instead, it frustrates me and causes me to pull at the fabric of his own top.

We break our kiss for a fraction of a second while his shirt comes off and he returns his mouth to mine, moaning like an animal against my returned grin.

I mean, he's not a bad kisser.

In fact, he's shockingly good.

He's just not who I want to be kissing.

I don't let that bother me too much though since the person I want more than anything right now has abandoned me, and I'm stoned out of my mind and apparently horny as hell.

I desperately want to let go.

I'm sick of being tethered to my own rules and having to overthink everything.

Especially since everyone else around me has been breaking the rules for weeks and doing whatever the fuck they want, regardless of the consequences.

Why should I sleep alone in this cold room when there's someone here who wants to keep me warm? I've been loyal and true to Edward since our first stupid kiss, and all the while he's been splitting his time between Irina and me. Never once have I given him a hard time about that, or made him feel guilty.

He's made his choice though.

Now it's time for me to make mine.

My hands reach down and grab Felix's belt buckle, unfastening it as quickly as I can.

He smiles against my mouth and then runs his needful hands firmly down the swell of my back until they reach the elastic band of my lounge pants, grabbing my ass, and causing me to moan.

"I knew you'd change your mind."

"Shut up before I change it back," I hiss as his teeth nibble at my ear lobe.

I've already made up my mind though.

There will be no going back.

I might hate myself in the morning, but hating myself will be far easier than hurting like this.

.o0O0o.O.o0O0o.

I'm dreaming about Edward and his heartbreaking smile when something startles me awake, random tears already welling up in my eyes.

Wait.

What?

The sun is up, so why am I in someone's arms?

Shit.

I'm wrapped in someone's arms.

Whose arms am I wrapped in?

Slowly, I turn my head and realize it's Felix who's surrounding me, but he's fast asleep with a satisfied grin on his face.

Dammit.

Why is he still here?!

My eyes blink hard several times to better focus my vision and my heart begins to race with my sobered thoughts while I think back to the night we'd shared.

I've actually done it.

I've broken a rule that was practically branded into my soul, and it's all because of some pretentious Full Sail graduate who I'd given my heart to only to have it crushed and molded into something I don't even recognize anymore.

This is absolutely Cullen's fault, me hooking up with the entertainment, and now I want to hate him even more.

Just as I start to sit up to wake Felix and kick him out of my bed, the door swings open and a flood of light washes over us.

The moment my eyes meet Edward's I feel as if I've been kicked in the stomach a thousand times.

He's speechless.

So am I.

He just stands there in the doorway with his face twisted in confusion and his fists clenched down at his sides, looking back and forth between Felix and me where we're still lying in our bed.

"You've gotta be kidding me! This asshole?!"

I shove Felix hard to stir him awake.

Finally, he starts to move with an obnoxiously loud yawn leaving his lips and a full stretch of his colorful arms.

It's probably not going to matter that our clothes are on, but that's okay because I'm determined to have zero shame over anything that's taken place in this room while Cullen's been away getting his cock sucked by Irina in her suite.

Edward's stare narrows in on the way I'm propping myself against Felix's lap, and he clenches fists at his sides until his knuckles turn white while his jaw tightens with rage.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I guess I should've knocked first. I just never expected-"

"Says the person who was cozied up with Irina fucking Dawn all fucking night!" I shout back, feeling my own rage rise while I glare into his fired up eyes.

Seeing him standing there looking as broken as I feel… I don't even care.

He made his choice when he chose to not show up for me.

Nothing he can say now will make up for that.

Nothing.

"What the hell are you talking about, Bella? I've been sitting in a goddamn jail cell all fucking night! Aro just finally bailed me out!"

His words send a fresh blow to my gut and my heart begins to twist itself into a brand new debilitating knot.

Impossible.

He has to be lying.

This doesn't make sense.

"Jail?" I whisper, looking past him toward the open door, "Wh… why didn't you call me?! Why didn't you let me know what was going on!"

"Because Irina shattered my phone and then tossed it from her balcony! I don't know your number by heart! Who memorizes numbers anymore?! Did you really think I would deliberately NOT call you and just stay out ALL night!? Jesus Christ, Liam has fucking ruined you hasn't he?! This right here?!" He waves his hand at Felix and me, "This is pathetic and weak, Bella!"

His explanation continues to swirl around me, attacking me from all directions while I try to process everything he's said.

The way his face keeps breaking every time he looks at Felix and then back at me... it's crushing me to the point where breathing has become a labored task and tears are starting to flood my eyes.

He's right.

How could I have let myself believe he'd turn his back on me?

How could I think he'd fall into her arms so easily when just hours ago he told me he loved me and he was ready to make that known?

But then I remember the picture.

"The photo… Irina posted a photo of the two of you looking so happy… she was sitting on your lap… in a bathrobe... and you were kissing her cheek." I manage to get out after I clear my eyes of the tears that haven't soaked my t-shirt.

Edward growls and pulls hard at his hair, "I don't know what to tell you, Bella. There were zero happy moments shared between Irina and me last night. ZERO! I went there and did everything I told you I was going to do. We argued. She yelled and threw things. The police showed up and took me to jail because she'd bruised her own damn eye and cut her lip acting like a lunatic. They assumed I did it when she wouldn't talk. All it took was me being a few hours late though for you to jump into bed with some other fuck!"

Felix clears his throat and slowly gets up from the mattress to grab his shoes and jacket, "I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but I'm gonna go so you two can figure it out."

"Oh no, by all means, you should stay Voltoro. Bella loves a good morning fuck to help her start the day. I'm just not gonna sit in the corner and watch the same way Liam likes to."

"EXCUSE ME?!" I roar, jumping up from the bed and shoving Edward as hard as I can, my rage consuming me, "Don't you dare come in here acting all high and mighty! I've had to watch you with her for WEEKS! You don't get to act like a martyr just because you eventually decided I was the better fuck!"

The way Edward's shoulders fall when my words reach his ears... it causes me to hold my breath and glare into his hollowed broken stare while I wait for him to say something in return.

"SERIOUSLY?! I gave up everything last night so I could be with you, and you think I did that because of the sex? Wow. Unfuckingbelievable!" He shakes his head and pulls at his hair again, shifting his weight side to side in front of me, all the while refusing to look me in the eyes, "You really don't know me at all do you? I fucking told you! I said the damn words, Bella! I told you how I felt! What else did you want from me?!"

"Bro, I didn't know the two of you were together. I thought she was with Liam and he didn't seem to care too much if I-"

"Of course he didn't care! He's never cared about her! Get the hell out of here, Voltoro, before I kick your fucking face in and land my ass back in jail!"

My heart feels as if it's been pressed through a grinder and then butchered into a million pieces, but I'm also shaking with fury and frustration.

I watch Felix go, and that's when I notice Emmett, Jasper, and Liam all standing in the doorway with looks of shock and confusion plastered across their sleepy faces.

Well… Jasper and Emmett look shocked.

Liam looks surprised, but there's a barely-visible smirk hiding at the corners of his mouth that I'd like to slap from his face.

When my tear stained eyes meet Emmett's, he slowly shakes his head in disbelief.

"Birdie, what the hell did you do?" My best friend questions after stepping into the room.

I narrow my eyes and grab my jacket from the chair, then shove my feet into my boots without saying a word to any of them.

"What? That's it? Now you're just going to run off?" Edward barks from behind me as I head toward the door without slowing down.

"I fucked up okay? But I'm not going to sit here and be judged by the four of you!" With my last word, I throw my middle finger into the air and leave them all behind before they can say anything else to stop me.

I need to get away so I can process everything that's happened and try to make sense of it.

I'm not the only guilty person.

Once they have all of the facts they'll know I had a reason to jump the way I did.

Hell, maybe I was sabotaging myself.

Maybe I was subconsciously looking to poison the well to save myself from the future that would eventually set around Cullen and me.

Edward told me he loved me.

He told me he was ready to commit, but what did I do?

I jumped into bed with someone else the second something happened to make me blink and question it all.

He's right.

Liam has ruined me.

The idea of trusting someone completely with my heart again... it scares the shit out of me.

Liam's scarred me in ways I hadn't even begun to realize.

So I did the only thing I could do.

I set fire to the possibility of finding love again the moment Edward gave me a reason to light the match and watch it all burn.

A/N:Sigh. I know. We're not happy. It's important to remember, people make mistakes. It's how they learn from their mistakes that should matter. Please don't write off Bella yet. She still has some learning to do, but it's coming. I promise. Was Bella right to react the way she did, given the situation she's been in with Edward for the last several weeks, and everything Liam's put her through? There's also one more twist coming that might shine a brighter light on things involving last night (some hints were scattered in the chapter). So please keep an open mind and know there's more to come. Just like with Edward... we didn't have all of the facts while he was at Irina's hotel.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

*Reviews make me smile*

(Even though I'm nervous about this one, haha.)

As thanks for your words, I've shared an outtake with you from Edward's POV,

from when Aro picks him up from Jail with Irina in tow.

You can find it under; Roadies Outtakes on my profile.