DISCLAIMER
The following is a fan-based
FICTION
Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul Root A and Tokyo Ghoul:re and other products related to the TG Series are all owned by Sui Ishida, Shin Towada and Shueisha.
F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.
Chapter 20: Mistaken Idea of Self
Tooru sat calmly in the comfy couch of the living room as he-she patiently waited for the dinner to be done and ready to be eaten.
It felt weird to once more use a skirt, Saiko having had unquestionable fun in dressing her up to show best her female side.
Secretly the teen enjoyed trying out the various clothes her friend had smuggled in what was meant to be just a guest room.
Even asking to Shirou regarding Saiko's blatant take over of that room was met with a defeated sigh, showing how much it was useless or heartless to fight for that argument.
Tooru had thought more than once if she could have been capable of truly be able to appreciate the simplicity of some feminine dresses after having limited her wardrobe to boy's pants and shirts.
Sure, it had its benefits to be able to use long pants while training or doing some excursion but the itchy sensation it brought a prolonged use during her day? That was tragic.
"And the chicken is in the oven.."
Her eyes blinked and turned to stare at the approaching man as he sat close to her, his body slouched in a tired position.
It was just them, Saiko being busy finishing drying her hair after a quick bath.
To think that this simple repairman, this curious individual from the CCG, trusted her..
We trust you.
"Shirou-sensei?"
The red-haired man opened one eye, turning his amber to stare softly at her. "Yes?"
Am I a monster?
"W-Why did you accepted me to sleepover with Saiko?"
The Emiya sighed, seemingly expecting that kind of question.
"Because you are Saiko's friend."
Liar~
The dark thoughts raged like a storm in her mind as she evaluated his words.
"B-But what if I do that again? What if I h-hurt Saiko?"
When!
"Do you want to hurt Saiko?" This sentence surprise the girl enough to elicit a panicked reply.
"N-No! I don't want to."
He smiled and she felt her concern soothe a litte, just a little bit.
"Then you are not going to." He said with a certain tone. "Because you are stronger than you think."
What a dumb reason!
"B-But I am not a good person. I k-killed animals and-" "Tooru."
She paused, him calling her name with such a caring worry that she decided to just be quiet.
"When I was your age, I... I had one of the weirdest dreams a teenager could have. I wanted to be helpful to all those around me, to try and be like one of those heroes in the fairy tales."
Tooru nodded, her eyes calmly following his changing expressions as those helped to show the truth behind the words leaving his mouth.
"Yet as much as selfless it might seem to someone, it wasn't." His face scrunched in a slightly pained look. "I still remember the burning sensation aching my lungs in that terrible fire that killed my parents. I remember the screams, I remember being helpless."
His smile was empty. "Do you want to know why I'm telling you this? What is the relation with your inner struggles?"
Her mouth was closed shut, but she nodded slowly at him, curious where he was going with this topic.
"If you are not a good person, then why are you so worried about others?"
Because... they care for me. But she was still a monster.
"I will hurt them, that's why I want them to-" "To stay away from you, as you continue to despair in your problems all alone?"
Her eyes closed. "Yes."
"That's rubbish!" The exclamation partially broke the moment, yet the momentum survived enough for the girl to not be truly shied away from the discussion. "You truly expect me to believe you are a bad person that also goes so far to protect her precious people?"
He snorted as Tooru considered this fact. Was this how she was?
Confusion evident in her expression, Shirou patted her head, surprising the girl mid-thought.
"You are still young, Tooru Mutsuki, and you will learn soon or later that the right path of your life is not the simplest nor the easiest. It's the one you built for yourself."
"But... how do I do this? How do I find what I truly am?"
His smile widened and Tooru let a small smile form in her face. "Continue to live and enjoy the various moments that makes your heart warm."
In that brief moment, the girl's soul quivered as she leaned his face onto the man chest and released all the pain, all the frustration and all the confusion she had accumulated so far from her childhood into the tears that started to flow from her eyes and into the young man's shirt.
In that moment Tooru felt once more like a little child, her father crouching and hugging her, making it sure she felt safe...
"Tooru-chan! Stop hugging Shirou-sensei!" The girl jumped in surprise, eyes wide open and directed at the chesire smile on Saiko's face as she successfully managed to scare the heck out of her.
"S-Saiko-chan!"
She giggled before sniffing the air, eyes widening in panic. "Sensei, the chicken!"
"Oh right! You should start to move at the table."
"Yes, Shirou-sensei." "Yes, dad."
The blue-haired girl's head snapped to the wide-eyed friend and she blinked in shock.
"Did you just call Shirou-sensei 'dad'?"
Cheeks flaring in embarassment, whatever excuse Tooru was readying up for that mistake but Saiko beat her to it.
"Yas! Someone else to add to our small fanclub!"
... "W-What?"
"Shirou is so much a loving parent even through a single adult and I found out recently that I wasn't the only one to think that. Thus I decided to found the fanclub of people believing this too. At the moment there are only two members, me included, and I think you would like to meet Hina-chan."
..."O-okay?"
"Yes! Thank you, Tooru-chan!"
W-What has just happened?
The silence of his cell was one of the few things Donato Porpora had come to enjoy during his quite long stay at Cochlea.
For some reason that particular day that very silence felt wrong, as if forced to happen.
Sound of soft footsteps started to fill his ears as the Clown looked at the entrance of the special room in rapt curiousity.
The door opened to reveal a young woman donning a nun cloth approaching his glass-walls.
"My, my... a visitor, at this hour?" His voice didn't cause a change on the blank visage of the beautiful young woman. "How may this humble servant of God help you, Ortensia-san."
"You knew of my arrival, good." Yellow eyes bored dreadfully onto his soul but the Ghoul kept his peaceful smile perfectly visible. "Such a shame this 'humble servant' decided to turn his back to the very Lord that gave him this life."
"Are we sure that this is the truth? I mean, it's not like we can say for sure how I ended up in this sad, empty theater. We can assume, much like how I assume how your father died ten years ago."
A scowl appeared on her face, sending chills to his old bones.
"As perverted as you are, you never truly removed God from your heart, did you?"
His smile turned regal, religious. "The Almighty Lord is someone that helped me in my darkest moment and gave me solace. May I ask what does our Lord need from me?"
"I heard about your commitment to a cause that goes against our mission of peace, Porpora." Her tone steeled and showed the harshest of the feelings. "Denounce this squallid alliance and return to abide by God's word."
The man closed his eyes, standing still as he sighed tiredly. "As much I praise your dedication in trying to redeem me, Ortensia-san, I have to sadly refuse those orders... as my mission is to truly reach a new compromise of life, something God would look and approve."
She blinked, showing intellectual surprise at that curious answer.
"New compromise? You mean bringing an end to the already uneasy coexistence between humans and Ghouls and sparking the apocalypse over Tokyo?"
"Sometimes blood need to be shed to make sure the wheel of history turns around properly, Ortensia-san, and for the just cause I'm fighting for, then yes, label me a genocidal murderer but you will find it difficult to still stop me and my posse."
She stared few moments more before turning around and retreating the way he came from, leaving the smiling Ghoul on his own thoughts about God.
For some reason, that meeting had brought him back a thirst to return and read once more about the word of the Saints and God.
For he was still a man of faith and in those hard times he needed to know he was truly in the right.
Omake: What his Alaya-
"Neechan! This Shirou-chan refused me once more! Help me!"
Gaia sometimes wished for her to have kept a metaphysical form, away from the whining mess that was her little sister.
"Alaya-chan, maybe you should stop trying to be so aggressive... and focusing on collecting every single Shirou Emiya."
The Manifestation of Earth paled at the murderous glare coming from her shorter but hotheaded sibling.
"I cannot do that, neechan! All the Shirou-chan need to be mine as they are all fluffy and cute to pat once in a while."
"Maybe that's why EMIYA Alter actually hate you..." The whispered words still reached the Will of Mankind's ear, whom promptly broke into tears at being reminded of that particular wayward Shirou.
"I-It's just a phase! He-he will come back to me soon!"
Gaia sighed as she sent the small email to her friend.
G: Are you sure you cannot take me in?
JB: I'm sorry for your pain, G, but I have to deal with my own issues. Maybe in the future.
G: Understood.
Secretly a blush formed in her face as she contemplated that reality coming true.
Hehe~
AN
Man, today I feel completely drained today.
Also did you all see that cheeky insert I did in the Omake? I wanted to spice things up and decided to throw my body as a sacrifical lamb (willingfully accepting being crushed on by Fate!Earth-chan xD)
Review Q&A!
Kayen1024: The Quinxes will need to have a strong connection with Shirou. It's essential for the plot!
ThatIdioticMelody: Thank you and also that trip I already did this morning. RN I am at home aching in the wooden chair I use as gaming seat.
Yolea Irk's: Why bring Sakura? I think Shirou can do just fine.. plus that 'Shirou is best Mom' fanclub is growing stronger...