Chapter 21

Leo had made up his mind. He had to do this. It was the only way and it had to be done quick. Before he changed his mind. Even before...

"Leo?"

He shuddered and groaned. He didn't need this. Maybe if he ignored Raph, he would just go away.

"Leo..."

Silence echoed through the lab, slowly becoming very agitating to Leo.

"I know you can hear me Leo."

"Just go away Raph," Leo muttered. He didn't roll over from laying on his side to face his brother. Heck, he didn't even twitch. All he wanted was to be left alone. He didn't hear anymore from Raph, but knew he hadn't left yet.

A chair soon scraped across the floor, stopping right next to the cot Leo lay on.

"I'm not leaving." Raph's tone was firm and gruff.

Leo refused to answer him. He didn't want to talk to him at all. He just desperately wanted Raph to leave. He couldn't carry out what he wanted to do if Raph was hovering over him like this. It just wouldn't work.

"Look Leo, I see you don't want to talk... This is hard for me too... but... uh..." Raph stopped talking and let the silence linger for a moment. "Uugghh... I CAN'T DO THIS!!"

The chair scrapped against the floor again and a pair of feet stomped away.

Leo thought he would feel better with Raph gone, but he didn't. He felt even worse. He curled tighter into a ball and just lay there, eyes squeezed shut. He could now do what he was going to do in the first place, but he didn't. He felt frozen to the cot.

After awhile shouts drifted to his ears and he knew that was his fault too. They were talking about him, arguing... He just wanted it all to stop. He tried to cover his ears, but their voices just couldn't be drown out.

"You're going to just leave it like this?" Don shouted.

"I can't do it Don!" Raph yelled back.

"Yes you can!"

"Oh I'm sorry. Would you like to try to kill Leo and then talk to him? Explain everything that went on in your head?"

A few moments of silence stretched thin.

"No?" Raph demanded. "Well that's because it's HARD!!"

"My son!"

"Forget it Sensei. Not now. I... I can't!"

The voices soon died down and as soon as it was quiet, Leo retreated deeper into himself, blocking out anything and everything. He didn't want to hurt. He just wanted the pain of what he had done to go away. And he wanted it to go away badly.

He didn't know how much time had passed before he finally rolled over to stare outside the lab doorway. It was dark out there, which he hoped that meant they were all in bed. Slowly, he pulled himself off the cot and snuck over to the doorway. Peeking out into the darkness and seeing no one there, he crept forward. Leo half expected someone to jump out at him, but getting to his room with no interference didn't calm him. He felt like a criminal in his own home. He dropped down on his bed with a sigh and pulled the covers over himself. Maybe there would be an answer to all this in the morning. Maybe he would have the guts to pull off what he had been thinking about doing before Raph had come into the lab hours earlier. He sighed and slipped off into a deep, but troubled sleep.

---

Two days had passed and Mikey was not his usual cheerful self anymore. Not that he had been in the last few days, but it still was unusual for him to be unhappy for this long. He felt better. He knew Don and Raph did too. The cure had done it's work. Don was sure happy for that, which made Mikey a little jealous, but that wasn't what was still making Mikey unhappy. No, it was Leo. His older brother was still troubled and Raph wouldn't talk to Leo. Or anyone for that matter. He just took out his anger and frustration on anything in the dojo. Mikey was happy to stay clear of Raph, but Don didn't. He tried once and awhile to get Raph to talk to them or better yet for him to Leo who needed to hear from Raph, but no such luck with that. Raph either ignored Don or argued with him, neither helping anything one bit. Leo on the other hand wasn't doing so great either. He never came out of his room. Mikey was surprised the morning just a couple days ago when he went into the lab to see Leo and not find him there. Nearly everyone had panicked until Don found Leo asleep in his room. Everyone sighed in relief at that and just let him be. But that wasn't going to work. Leo needed to heal and he needed it soon. Mikey couldn't stand the thought of Leo living like this for ever. Or even Raph for that matter. He sighed. Even Splinter had tried to talk to both Leo and Raph with no luck. Well now it was his turn. He wasn't sure about getting through to either of them, but decided he would try anyway. He walked to Leo's room first. He gulped and knocked on the door.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Minutes ticked by with no answer.

So he knocked again.

And waited.

And waited yet again.

"Give it up Mikey. He's not coming out."

Mikey turned to face Raph, having half a mind to argue with Raph until he understood. "Hey, I'm not giving up on him. If you haven't noticed, he still needs our help."

Raph actually sighed deflated and nodded. "I know Mikey. I know..." He hung his head and joined Mikey at Leo's door. He knocked. "Leo, let us in."

Mikey was surprised Raph agreed so quickly. It have him a little hope as they waited for Leo to answer his door, but there was still no answer after a few minutes.

"Come on bro. We need to talk," Raph said firmly.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited some more with more silence.

"He's not coming," Mikey muttered, his hope squashed like a bug.

Raph huffed and shoved the door open, barreling inside. "Leonardo! We have to..."

Mikey blinked surprised at Raph, knowing he shouldn't have been. He quickly went in after him, nearly crashing into Raph, not seeing that he had stopped. "What's wrong dude?"

"He's not here," Raph whispered.

"He's not?" Mikey came around Raph and had a look for himself. Sure enough, Leo was not in his room. "Then uh... where'd he go?"

"I don't know." Raph scowled as he turned to Mikey. "But we better find him."

Mikey looked at Raph, then Leo's empty and unmade bed. Leo always made his bed. He gulped and noticed Leo's room was more messy than it should have been. Things sticking out of their places or not even put away. Which meant only one thing... Leo was more troubled than they thought. "You don't think he'd..."

"I sure hope not Mikey," Raph said in defeat. "Let's get Don and go find him."

Mikey nodded and followed Raph out of Leo's room and down to the lab. Don was so busy working at his desk, Mikey didn't think they'd be able to pull him away from it if it wasn't for the fact that they needed to find Leo.

"Don we need to search the lair. Leo's not in his room," Raph said.

"So?" Don asked, not looking up.

"So we need to find him. You know he hasn't been out of his room since he went in there a couple nights ago."

"You should see his room Donny. It's a mess," Mikey spoke up, desperately needing to convince Don to help search. What if Leo wasn't even in the lair? He swallowed, trying to ignore that thought. "Leo never leaves his room that messy."

Don finally looked up at them and slowly put his screw driver down. "Ok. Let's spread out and search the lair."

Mikey nodded quickly, glad that they were going to look now. He would feel so much better knowing where Leo was. "I'll take the kitchen."

"Just don't go eating something while you're in there," Raph muttered.

"I know that," Mikey raised his eye ridge at Raph, then turned and headed out of the lab. Entering the kitchen, he didn't see anything. Just a mess from this morning's breakfast, which once again Leo had not joined. He walked deeper into the kitchen and looked every where a turtle could hide if Leo was just trying to hide from them. A few minutes later, confirming the kitchen was empty, Mikey sighed. He spied his bag of chips lying on the counter and how tasty the chips inside looked. He shook his head. "No. We're supposed to be looking for Leo."

The chips sat there... tantalizing... tasty.... calling for him...

"Maybe just one..." Mikey snagged a chip from the bag and ate it. "Or two..." Before he knew it, he had eaten half the bag without even remembering to go join his brothers to see if they had found Leo yet. He shoved in one more mouthful and exited the kitchen.

"Are you eating again?!" Raph demanded from the left, making Mikey jump.

"Uh... no..." Mikey answered with his mouth full and swallowed. He smiled sheepishly. "Find anything?"

Raph seemed to deflate and loose all his anger at the mention of their older brother. "No."

Mikey lost all interest in his chips and sighed. They just had to find Leo. "And you guys looked everywhere in the lair?"

"No, I forgot to look wherever your brain is," Raph snapped. "Of course we've searched everywhere!"

"Ok, ok dude. Calm down."

"I am calm!"

"Sure you are," Mikey said slowly as he saw Don come up with his tracker. He was never so grateful to see the brainy turtle. Especially since Raph looked like he was suddenly in a mood to clobber him. "Did you find his signal?" he asked hopefully.

Don frowned. "No..."

"No?!" Raph demanded. "How're we supposed to find 'im if we don't even know where to search?"

Don looked up and glared. "How about being patient for once and letting me explain?"

Raph glared back and crossed his arms.

"Well Donny?" Mikey asked, desperately wanting this glare contest to be over so they could find Leo.

Don blinked and looked at Mikey. He sighed and turned his attention back to his tracker. "There's no signal now, but there was a couple hours ago."

"And that means..." Mikey started, trying to figure it out.

"Our signals are recorded for the past twenty-four hours. We can trace Leo's signal from the lair to where it disappeared," Don explained.

"And we'll go from there," Raph concluded.

"Yes," Don nodded.

"Let's go," Raph muttered, walking to the lair door.

Splinter stood in front of Raph, blocking his way to the door.

"Woah sensei, where'd you come from?" Mikey asked, clueless as to when the rat master had come out of his room.

"My room," Splinter replied calmly.

"We're going to find Leo," Raph told him impatiently.

Splinter nodded. "I know. I want you to be careful. We do not know that state of Leonardo's mind. He may be more troubled than we think if his room and his mood is any indicator."

"You've seen his room?" Mikey asked, surprised at how much Splinter knew. Well, he shouldn't be surprised about that. Splinter found out about everything. But he was still surprised anyway.

"Yes my son. It troubles me," he said softly. "A great deal."

"We'll find him sensei," Raph spoke up.

Splinter nodded and stepped aside. "See that you do. And be careful."

"We will," the three of them chorused to their sensei.

Splinter nodded, putting both hands on top of his walking stick and leaning on it.

Raph closed the distance to the lair door with Mikey and Don on his heels. The door opened silently to the tunnels of the sewers. "Let's go bring him back," Raph muttered.

Mikey walked behind his two brothers as they stepped out into the tunnels. They followed Don's direction, hoping to bump into Leo soon. That was soon short lived as an hour passed and they were still following Leo's earlier signal.

"Are we there yet?" Mikey asked.

"Mikey!" Raph yelled.

"What? I'm worried..." the orange banded turtle admitted.

The tunnel quickly quieted.

"We are too," Don whispered finally. "We're should be almost there."

Mikey nodded even though he knew Raph and Don couldn't see him nod while he was still behind them. He sighed and hopped that Leo was alright. It looked he was still in the sewers since they had been for the last hour, but that didn't mean anything. Leo could wander the sewers for hours before deciding to go up top. He worried that Leo already had gone up and had run into a group of Foot ninjas, but he dismissed the thought. He couldn't think about it. He didn't even know how Leo's fighting skills were anymore. Sure he was tough when he thought he was still Shade, but he remembered now. He was Leo again. And in Mikey's mind, his older brother was breaking. "Tell me why we didn't just call him?" he whined.

"Cuz it might spook him," Raph muttered.

"We don't want to upset him and have him run all over the city," Don said. "He's secluding himself and until we find him and can talk face to face, we have to respect that. Or he might not listen..."

Mikey nodded to himself again. "Makes sense. I think..."

Raph snorted, but kept quiet.

They walked for awhile longer before Don stopped in his tracks, staring at the ground.

"What is it?" Mikey asked.

"Leo's shell cell," Don said, bending down to look at it.

Mikey came around Don and looked at it, crumpled to pieces on the ground. "Looks like it's been stepped on."

"Yeah, I think you're right Mikey," Don agreed.

"Well that's unusual," Raph grumbled.

"That I'm right?"

"Yes."

Mikey stuck his tongue out at Raph.

Don hit Mikey over the head. "Quit it."

"Ow... hey Raph hits me, not you."

"We need to focus." Don looked at the busted shell cell again, then the area around them. "It doesn't seem to look like their was a struggle here..."

"Does that mean anything?" Raph asked, raising an eye ridge.

"Well, technically no... but it's better than finding a blood stain or something," Don answered.

"True," Raph admitted.

"Leo's has to be around here somewhere," Don said, looking off at the two tunnels that branched out from their position.

"Let's split up," Raph ordered.

Don nodded. "Works for me."

"You and Mike take that direction," Raph said, pointing right. "I'll take the left."

"Ok, but remember, be careful if you find him. We don't know what he's thinking or doing," Don advised.

Raph nodded and started heading left. "Noted."

Mikey headed right with Don. He was silent for the longest time. "Will we find him?"

Don sighed. "Yeah. We will Mikey. We will."

The two headed on, trying to find their older brother, hoping that they would find him soon. Mikey wanted Leo back, not just in the physical sense, but in who Leo really was. He really missed him. Even Leo's arguments with Raph. He would give anything to hear those two arguing over anything. He sighed once again. 'We'll find you Leo. I promise. And we'll help you.'


And... yeah. I have nothing to say about the lateness of this chapter except being sick for two days awhile back and then forgetting and being lazy. Hope you all are still with this. It's nearing the end, sad to say. That said, please review. ; )