Summary: Story 21: 2-in-1 Brother(s) – Remaining Grace, Sequel to Story 11, 15, 18 & 20 [What if Sam's body is still not healed enough to survive on its own after Gadreel got cast out? Will he agree to possession by another angel if the angel is a good friend? A trusted brother? Tag: Season 9] Words: 1,721
Recommend to read Story 11, 15, 18 & 20 before continuing with this one.
Rated: K+
2-in-1 Brother(s) - Undeserved Wrath
Sam flops down on his bed, belly to the sheets and hugging the pillow that he has laid his head on, with his hair spreading across his face in messy disarray. It has been a long day. The exhaustion though is purely mental. His body feels fine (thanks to Cas), much better than it's supposed to, given the ordeal with the grace extraction.
After several minutes lying on the bed, Sam remembers that he ought to close his eyes to fall asleep. He squeezes his eyes shut at that thought. Seconds pass by and Sam gave up, eyelids flipping open. He rolls over to lie on his back, gazing upwards at the rotating ceiling fan. There is an uncomfortable stirring feeling in the pit of his stomach and he knows, exactly, why.
The day's event is weighing on his mind. Although he had felt justified at the time, he can't help but realise upon further reflection, that he had directed an unfair amount of anger towards Cas. Most of it was not even meant for him. Moreover, the amount that was allocated for him had also been blown out of proportion, because of the parallel that Sam has drawn of his case to Dean's. He deliberated for a while longer on how to phrase his apology before mentally clearing his throat.
[Cas...?] He called out tentatively in his mind and a few seconds later, he felt his presence making itself known.
[Hey, Cas, thanks for showing up. I er, I want to speak to you.. obviously... Huh. Actually, I just wanna say, uh...]
[I know.] Cas told him.
[You do...?]
[Yes.] It is hard not to, when Sam has been dwelling on it for the past half an hour or so. [I'm not angry. Don't worry about it, you can sleep now.]
[Cas... I'm sorry, really, I shouldn't have lost my temper, it wasn't fair... you didn't deserve that.] Sam apologised anyway.
[It's ok, I understand. You're human, Sam. And human emotions... They can be overwhelming. I realised that when I was human myself.] Cas said understandingly.
[Thanks, Cas.] Sam sighed gratefully. [And thanks for just now too. I wouldn't still be in one piece after that if not for you.]
[You're welcome. Does that mean you have forgiven me for the unauthorized possession of your body?] Cas asked.
[Yea... sure, you were just trying to save my ass.] Sam replied with a short laugh.
[And Dean?] Cas asked for the absent one.
Sam's smile stiffened at the question. Does he blame Dean for not going through with the extraction like promised? Yes. There is still that resentment when he thought of his older brother. But if he could forgive Cas, then why not Dean too?
If he looks at this incident alone, Cas has had a much bigger role than Dean in hindering their plan to track down Gadreel. So, it should follow that if Sam is cool with Cas, he should be so with Dean as well. Yet this clearly isn't the case... Why the double-standard? Maybe the resentful feeling isn't entirely logical or justified? Or maybe there's always a different standard for that closest person you trust and expect from the most.
Moreover, the reason that Sam gave for Cas (for "just trying to save my ass"), it was the exact same thing that Dean was doing, with both Gadreel and the grace extraction.
But, no. They are different.
Dean tricked Sam into Gadreel's possession and Kevin died because of that. And the extraction was done to find Gadreel, to avenge Kevin. And Dean promised - he owed it to Sam, to Kevin, to do it. But once again, like with Gadreel, he broke his promise - in the name of saving Sam.
So they are different. It wasn't Cas who had indirectly killed Kevin using Sam's body and it wasn't Cas who lied to him and undermined his will. It was Dean.
[Sam...] Cas said in a quiet voice, responding to the bitter thoughts going through his head, [From how I hear it, it seems like he was out of options at the time. He meant well...]
[Cas.] Sam interrupted him, not wanting to hear this anymore. All his life, there is someone or something that is pulling his strings; making his paths and pushing him on to them, whether he wants it or not. It used to be dad when he was a kid, then it was the Yellow-eye demon, then the angels, then now, even Dean... He is sick and tired of having others dictate his life for him - it is his life for God's sake!
[Sam, it's not like that...] Cas says in a soft voice.
[Cas, please.] Sam thought wearily.
A moment of silence fell between them before Cas spoke again.
[... No, I'm not siding with Dean in this.] Cas picked up the subtle emotion within him.
[I didn't think that.] Sam replied defensively, though not entirely true.
[I can see why Dean did what he did, and I also understand how you feel deceived, undermined. I am not picking a side, Sam.] Cas reiterated. [I heal you, not because Dean asked me to, but because you are my friend, and a good man, who deserves to be saved.] Although Sam did not agree with everything that Cas said, he is thankful for it.
And then, he suddenly remembered what Cas said about having to stay away during the grace extraction.
[Cas!...] Sam exclaimed.
[I'm fine, Sam. Dean wasn't pulling the syringe when I came forth. My grace has not been elicited.] Cas replied before Sam could form his concern into full sentences.
[What happens if you did?] Sam presses his lips into a tight line.
[My grace will be depleted.] Cas stated simply.
[And?] Sam pushed, but Cas seems reluctant to give further details.
[.. And nothing.] Cas said rigidly.
[You're a terrible liar.] Sam rolled his eyes across the ceiling.
[That is not true. I once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother.] Cas countered matter-of-factly, rendering Sam speechless for a couple seconds.
Although the mind-sharing-hence-thoughts-sharing situation is mostly one-sided (angel side up), Sam could, to some extent, read Cas's thoughts too.
[Don't change the topic, Cas. What is it? Why are you worried? It's... something about your grace?] Sam asked in concern.
[My grace... the grace that I have right now, it's not my own...] Cas said hesitantly.
[Ok...? And?] Sam urged him to continue.
[It will not last forever.] Cas said.
[What happens then?] Sam continued asking.
[... I die.] Cas said evenly.
"What?!" Sam jumps up on his bed.
"Why didn't you say anything?... What can we do?" Sam asked out loud in his anxiety.
[The borrowed grace will sustain me for quite some time. We have more urgent matters at hand. This can wait…] Castiel explained, but Sam is still worried.
"Wait a moment..." Sam froze in horror as he just realised the immense risk that Castiel had taken by jumping forward during the grace extraction. If a substantial amount of his grace had been extracted then, he would have died.
[Sam, I'm fine. It wasn't as risky as you imagine it to be...] Cas reassured him.
"You could have died, Cas! What were you thinking?!" Sam exclaimed madly.
[Sam...]
"Wait... How else will you lose your grace? Are you losing it when you heal me?!"
There was a pregnant pause before Castiel answers.
[No, if I perform the healing in moderation, it does not drain me any more than maintaining any other human vessels.]
[Oh. So... are you doing it in moderation?] Sam picked up on the conditional "no", much to Cas's displeasure.
[I promised to heal you as soon as possible...] Cas began and Sam shuts his eyes and tilts his head back in exasperation.
[No.. Cas!... God...] Sam sighed deeply and, for the second time of the day, seriously considers chasing the angel out of his body, but for his own good this time.
[I know how you feel about being possessed, Sam. And I will do my best so you can be the only governor of your body. I can do this.] Cas reassured him.
[You're right. I don't.. like to share the control centre to my body, but you know what I not like more? To see my friend dying because of me. Again.] Sam said with hardened eyes.
[Sam...] Cas began, but Sam cut him off. He doesn't need a replay of the "Kevin's death is not your fault" speech.
[Cas, man, listen. You've got to stop pushing yourself alright? Take as long as you need. Really. I trust you.] Sam told him in full sincerity.
[… Cas?] Sam called out when he did not reply immediately.
[Thank you, Sam. That means a lot to me, your trust.] Cas was deeply touched by his friendship and concern. He can truly sense that genuineness within Sam as he said this.
It is puzzling to the angel, why Sam himself can't see what seems so crystal clear to him: That this being is good - to his core. Castiel was ashamed that he ever regarded Sam as evil; an abomination, due to his infliction of the demon blood. He was too quick to judge and he has known for a long time now, how very wrong he was.
[Of course.] Sam responded to his thanks. [Hey, after all we've been through... You know, if it had been anyone else that night...] Sam trailed off, but Cas heard the rest of it anyway. If it had been anyone else but him, Sam wouldn't have said "yes". He'd rather die.
[Anyway, take it easy from now on, alright? Or I'll kick you out of here, I'm serious.] Sam told him in a brighter voice, turning away from that last ominous thought.
[Yes, you are serious. I understand. I will conduct the subsequent healings in moderation.] Cas promised.
[Great. Thanks, Cas.] Sam said with a yawn.
[Goodnight, Sam.] Cas's voice faded inside his head.
[Night.] Sam thought out the last word before finally settling in for the night with reasonable (amount of) content.
Although there is still zero progress in saving the world, Sam has had some in saving his friend, Cas. And to Sam, that is important progress.
I have some very hazy ideas of where this story is going from here on but it'll probably take some time to form in my mind and even more time for me to write them down ›‹ Also, there are currently 2 one-shot ideas in my head that I've yet to write out~ Timeee, I need more free timeeee~ Apparently group projects (x4) and free time do not co-exist whatsoever.
Writer's Random Rant: Who's excited for Scoobynatural!~!~! *Raises both hands* \^0^/