Remember the Name
A Naruto x Harry Potter Crossover
By
EvilFuzzy9
"The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst."
- Marge Kennedy
A/N: Have you heard of Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth? The Naruto spinoff comedy manga with Lee as the main character? Well, apparently they decided to make it into an anime.
Yes, it's just as ridiculous(ly hilarious) as you would expect.
Also, Gred and Forge are fun to write, but damned hard to keep under control.
Also, also, Walburga's rant in this chapter is largely derived from rants of hers in chapters... five and six, I believe, of OoTP.
Samui fought the urge to gag as the sickly sweet scent of rotting wood filled her nostrils. Number Twelve, despite the best efforts of the Weasleys (plus Karui), still stank horribly. Even from the outside, the black-painted, dilapidated manse was the very picture of decay. And even compared to the other houses lining Grimmauld Street, Number Twelve looked dreadful.
Honestly, it was an eyesore and one of the most unpleasant places Samui had ever had to set up camp. She hated having to report back there after every shift, but it was a necessity, and an order besides.
So it was with great reluctance that she was now standing outside of the Black Manor, waiting to be let in. There was a sound like chains being moved coming through the door, but other than that, the wards on the house kept her from hearing anything else from within, no matter how much she strained her ears. That made her uneasy, because she would never know if she was walking into a trap like this.
The door opened, and she was immediately assaulted by the sounds of shrieking and shouting.
"—products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks—"
"—Urusai kuso-baba! Kisama wa—!"
"—How dare you befoul the house of my fathers with your—"
"—Urusai urusai urusai! Kono baba no baka!"
"—Stains of dishonor, filthy half-breeds, blood traitors, children of filth...! Begone from this place!"
"Ie da!"
Samui flinched at the volume of the apparent shouting match. For a portrait, Walburga Black had a damn good set of lungs on her.
Reluctantly following Moody inside, Samui shot a glare at Karui. "Don't encourage her!" she snapped once the portrait-based paused in her/its tirade.
"She started it!" Karui shot back immaturely, causing Samui to groan and Walburga to redouble her ranting.
Samui shook her head, deciding to head somewhere quieter. It was futile, she knew, since there was no place in the house that Walburga's voice could not reach, but she still wanted to put some distance between her and the bickering pair.
Looking around, she noticed a younger girl with a head of bushy brown hair and a scandalized expression on her face, staring in the direction of Karui and Walburga.
"You new here?" she asked, not remembering seeing the girl before.
The girl, shaken out of her reverie, nodded. "Yes — Yes, I just arrived here recently... In fact, I think I got here not even ten minutes before you did."
"I see," Samui said. "Are you the Granger girl the Weasleys were expecting?"
The girl seemed to blush at this for some reason, before she nodded again. "Yes, I'm Hermione — Hermione Granger."
She held out a hand, and Samui, remembering what she had learned of English customs so far, took it in her own and shook. "Pleased to make your acquaintance," she said politely.
Noticing Hermione shooting a glance over her shoulder, she grinned wryly in spite of herself. "I assume you've met my teammate Karui and our honorable host Walburga?"
"Is Wall-Booger!" Karui corrected automatically from the other end of the hallway, causing Samui to roll her eyes.
"Er, no, I haven't..." Hermione said quietly in answer to Samui's question, not looking very thrilled at the idea of talking to either of the indicated individuals.
"Well, too bad, because you won't get to now," said Samui, taking the brunette's hand and dragging her down the hall and up the stairs. "Come on, I imagine the Weasleys will be quite glad to see you."
"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, "Bloody hell, mate, it's great to see you again!" He pulled her into a bear hug, causing the brunette to turn an interesting shade of red. "I was starting to go crazy, here, without someone to talk to!"
From over in the corner, two identical redheads affected exaggerated looks of dismay.
"What—" said Fred.
"—is our company—" continued George.
"—not good enough—"
"—for ickle Ronnie-kins?"
"You wound us!"
"You insult us!"
"It's an atrocity!"
"A monstrosity!"
"A crime!"
"A pity!"
"A tragedy!"
"A comedy!"
Ron spluttered, ears red, but he didn't say anything more. Nor did he release Hermione from his hug.
Gred, seeing this, grinned knowingly and turned to Forge.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, O twin of mine?"
George nodded. "Yes. But where would we find enough gloom treacle to fill the Black Lake?"
Fred shook his head. "No, not that. ...Though if I'm thinking what you're thinking, than that sounds like an excellent idea..."
"Oh, but isn't it?"
"It is indeed."
"And to think that our baby brother is growing up so quickly!"
"Yep. Soon he'll be leaving the nest—"
"—and getting a job—"
"—and getting married—"
"—and giving us tons of nieces and nephews to spoil—"
"—and corrupt—"
"—to drive their dad spare!"
The twins laughed.
"Oh, it'll be grand!" said Fred, clapping a bemused, befuddled Ron on the shoulder.
"Take care of our brother, won't you?" George teased Hermione, causing the girl to sputter indignantly, futilely insisting that there was no such relationship between her and Ron.
TTFN and R&R!
translation notes:
"urusai" - shut up
"baba" - old woman
"baka" - fool
"kisama" - "you", very rude and disrespectful
"ie" - no