Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (the characters), Hana Yori Dango or Boys Over Flowers (their awesome storylines!).
Boys Over Flowers
Chapter Twenty One ll Pageant
Heart hammering. Palms sweaty. Fingers twitching. Strange ringing in my ears, getting louder and louder as the seconds passed. I could almost feel my pupils dilating as I stared around.
I could remember feeling this nervous just once, many years ago. It was my first violin recital and I was only six years old. My teacher had ushered me on stage and I remembered freezing up at the sea of faces suddenly in front of me. The lights shining on the stage were too bright for my eyes and the piece I had worked on tirelessly for the last month had flown completely out of my mind. I was left with nothing but my nervous wreck of a body.
The St. Meyer auditorium was full of people, many, many more than I would have expected. They were all applauding, cheering, supporting their own friends or family or school candidates. I stood squeamishly in the middle row as the girls around me beamed and waved, elated by this welcoming as much as I was nauseated by it.
And it hasn't even begun yet.
"GO BELLA!"
Over the deafening screams, I heard a cheer - for me? I wondered, nonplussed - and looked over at once. There, near the back of the audience, were my family. Seth was waving madly and Nessie was bobbing up and down on Dad's shoulders. I grinned at them.
Behind them were F4. They were smiling at me in a way that I couldn't explain - it was almost smug, but also proud and encouraging in its own way. Edward caught my eye and winked. Even from this distance it still made me act outrageously. With them was Alice, who was screaming her support for me in her lovely soprano voice. I chuckled, my heart swelling.
They're all here. Everyone who means something to me - they're all here. It made me feel better.
The host was speaking as the cheers died down and the audience members took their seats. "These fifty lovely ladies will be whittled down to just one, grand winner who will take home a hundred thousand dollars prize money, free tuition at St. Meyer School, and a crown to signify that they have been this year's lady of the St. Meyer Ladies Pageant. It is an honourable and prestigious title indeed."
I shuffled uncomfortably, twisting my fingers.
"Now in a few minutes, these ladies will be returning to the back room to prepare for the first round. And this year's first category... will be talent."
There was a sudden stillness in the air as the forty-nine girls around me began silently and frantically thinking of what they would do. My stomach churned with supreme nervousness as the host continued.
"They will have one minute to exhibit a talent that they possess to the judges, but it is a talent that must be important for and worthy of a young lady. Hence each candidate is expected to spend several seconds either at the beginning or the end of their display to explain why their following talent fits this category." He turned to look at us, holding his hands out, "Ladies of St Meyer's pageant, you have ten minutes to prepare. You may leave. We look forward to your exhibitions."
Cheers and applause started again as we filed out to the back rooms. My mind was buzzing, but at least this was something I could do. I could play my violin - I wasn't sure if that was impressive enough for the judges, but I could cobble something together about why music is worthy of a young lady, or whatever.
If only they could see your thoughts. They'd really know what a true lady you are.
Oh, quiet.
I bustled to my table, walking past girls who were murmuring to themselves, doing twirls, singing in lovely voices, touching up their make-up, ordering their servants to bring them bananas to juggle (how was that important for a young lady?) or changing out of their school uniforms into something else.
I halted in my tracks as I saw a girl take out a polished violin and begin playing. It was beautiful. Half the room went quiet to watch and listen as she slid the bow effortlessly over the strings, filling the air with a sanguine, moving melody. Many people smiled; my heart plummetted to my stomach. Noticing me staring at her, the violinist stopped and looked at me. As she smiled, I recognised her as the girl from earlier; Melody Stanton. What a fitting name.
"Hi," she said genially, "You're the girl from before, aren't you? With F4? I'm Melody." She held out a hand, her nails perfectly manicured, and I took it with my own trembling one.
"I'm Bella," I managed to reply.
"Nice to meet you, Bella. I would love to chat with you more, but I don't want to interrupt your practise time," she said, "So may the best girl win, huh?" I had to smile back. She wasn't fake or like any of the St. Meyer princesses at all. How could anyone be so sweet?
"You play really well," I said weakly as I walked away. She grinned, "Thank you!"
Oh dear. My heart sank still further, perhaps somewhere down near the region of my feet, as I hurried back to my corner. But it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt when I discovered my violin was missing. I knew I had brought it here and stowed it under my allocated vanity. But when I got there, that space was empty.
For a few minutes, I nearly lost my head trying to find it. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. Not even the first round and I'm going to have to forfeit.
"What's the matter, Swan? Missing your violin?" sneered one of the other St. Meyer students who was participating. She smiled nastily before continuing her practise. I glared at her, feeling a lurch of revulsion. Those girls had probably taken it as a practical joke - nothing was below St. Meyer students.
But knowing it now didn't make a difference. They wouldn't give it back to me - and even if they did, I was out of time. I hadn't practised anything and I hadn't formulated a coherent, fancy explanation. I was utterly doomed.
Such is my life. Boy, have I said that a lot lately.
I sat there for awhile, contemplating my doom from various different perspectives and feeling strangely calm about it. I knew I couldn't do anything about my situation.
Because I had no other talent. I was only good at the violin. Apart from that, nothing stood out about me. Average, plain, dull, common - I'd heard these words enough to know what I was like. But then... hadn't I also been singled out from the entire school to be laughed at, bullied and ridiculed?
"How could that be? It just doesn't make sense. I - I mean, I'm not pretty or - or smart, or rich..."
"Your temper's not that great, either."
"Exactly! So you can stop talking nonsense."
"But you're also the first girl that caught my attention. So in that case, what I said makes perfect sense."
Like a beautiful stroke of inspiration, it came to me. I wasn't sure if it work - in fact, it had a very large chance of kicking me out of the competition straight away. But I still had to give it a shot. Because... well... the host had asked for my talent, hadn't he?
The lights on the stage dazzled my face again. Melody Stanton was having her moment of glory, playing the violin with such precision and passion that I could make out the judges nodding at each other, obviously impressed. She had said an eloquent, short speech about how music releases the hidden swan within each lady. Thunderous applause met her recital and I was ten times more afraid about what I was about to do. It seemed like an even more of an abysmal idea now.
"Good luck, Bella," Melody whispered as she walked past. I smiled feebly.
"Next to present her talent will be Isabella Swan of St. Meyer School."
I could hear Alice and my family cheering the loudest as I walked on stage, every nerve of my body shaking. I approached the host very nervously and asked, "Um, can you please help me out with my talent?"
He looked as though he thought he'd heard me wrong.
"Pardon me?"
"Can you please be a part of my exhibition?" I re-worded my request, "Please just follow my lead." I quickly explained what I wanted him to do while the curious whispers and murmurs grew louder, people wondering what I was doing.
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems I have the honour of helping out Miss Swan with her exhibition. Please allow me." The host sounded bemused as he put down his microphone and looked at me. I gave him a meaningful nod, positioning myself to the side of the stage and turning my back towards him. I was clutching a handbag to my chest.
Here goes nothing, I thought with relish.
I heard the footsteps, felt his presence behind me, and the bag was grabbed from me. Spinning around, I snatched the bag back, began beating (gently, of course) every part of him I could reach, and when he tried to make a grab for me again, I aimed a well-delivered punch to his face. Of course I didn't really hit him, but he keeled over and fell onto the floor just as I had instructed him. I was rather impressed by his acting. He was quite good.
There was laughter and gasps from the crowd as I turned to face the judges and audience tentatively. I was sweating from the struggle and from my nerves.
"Ladies and gentlemen," I began, voice shaking, "This is my talent, if I may so call it. I believe it is very important for young women to be able to defend themselves against the trials of life, in whatever form they may come in, and to stand up for themselves. We must always be able to hold our heads high and give an answer to anyone who challenges our self-worth." Thank you for teaching me this about myself, Dad and Edward.
"So that concludes my exhibition for today. Thank you for your attention."
I didn't dare look at the judges' expressions, almost certain that they were mortified at this obscene display of violence which was the furthest away you could get from ladylike behaviour. To my surprise the audience gave me a respectable amount of applause and some people were cheering who were not my family or Alice, so that made me feel a little more confident. But in the end, it was the judges' opinion that mattered.
I trooped back to the back room, still shaking.
Well done, fierce Bella. You really had your moment of glory.
A part of me really could not believe I had had the nerve to do it. For the remainder of the first round I sat silently in my spot, staring into space. When they finally called of us back out again, I was sure that I had not made the next round. Half the girls were going to be cut already. I was sort of relieved to see that many of them didn't look as confident as they had at the beginning of the pageant. A relief to know that they were human too.
They called out the names of the girls who had made it into the next round one by one. Melody Stanton was among the first to be picked, commended for her "beautiful display on the violin". My insides squirmed very unpleasantly as the number of spots left decreased, and I was still left standing on the stage. I could see Mum looking at me with desperate sympathy.
Finally, there was only one spot left.
It's all over. All the weeks of intense training... all for nothing. I bent my head down and resigned myself to the worst.
"And finally," said the female judge, "Concerning this candidate, we were rather intrigued by her unique exhibition of her talent. But Miss Isabella Swan," she looked at me and I suddenly snapped my head up, my breath caught in my throat.
"We do agree that is very important for young ladies to know their self-worth and be strong, powerful creatures that can protect themselves. For that, we have decided that you will be the last candidate to join the second round."
There was a particularly loud cheer from the back corner where my supporters were, and it took me a long time to process what had just happened. I had made it into the next round. I made it. I grinned suddenly, looking over to the corner. Mum was crying. Edward gave me the thumbs up.
I had made it.
I suppose it was a good thing after all that I'd punched Edward Cullen in the face. After all, I never would have discovered this talent of mine otherwise.
The second category was intelligence - and I felt like I had several guardian angels watching over me, singing me praises and buttering my bread when the host announced what it would be about. Riddles.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, I said feverishly in my head over and over again.
Each of the girls were asked five riddles in a row; if she could answer all of them, she was automatically through to the next round. Of course, no one could answer all five riddles at first, and so the process kept going until Melody finally answered a set of five. She was the first of ten to make it to the third category. Warm applause met her victory as the brunette gracefully waved to the audience and stepped off the stage. The remaining nineteen of us were beginning to feel the pressure.
"What has neither flesh nor blood nor skin nor bone, but has fingers and thumbs of its own?"
Why couldn't I get that one? I thought mournfully, trying to keep my hands clasped still in my lap. It's gloves. GLOVES! I tried to convey to the girl beside me, who was tongue-tied and clearly losing her head. She'd only answered one correctly so far.
Unfortunately, her time was up before she could think of an answer, and then it was my turn again. I tried not to pay any attention to the swivelling of a thousand eyes upon me, and tried to concentrate instead of what the next riddle would be. I was good at riddles, so I could do this. Right? I was intensely grateful for all the times Dad had asked us them. I was also intensely grateful for the time Jacob had asked me, "What belongs to you, but others use it more than you do?" because this very same riddle had been asked of me a few moments before. I'd caught Jacob's grin in the crowd when I answered with flourish.
"Your turn, Miss Swan," the host said, reading off his cue card. "There is a bridge you wish to cross, and no matter if you fly, walk, run or drive, it will always take five minutes to get across. Guarding the bridge is a sleeping troll who wakes up every three minutes to tell you to 'go back' to the end of the bridge. How will you get across the bridge?"
I immediately fell into deep thought. At first, as all problem riddles do, it seemed impossible to solve. But I'd learnt one trick to unlocking riddles is how they are worded.
It will always take five minutes. There was no loophole around that. Who wakes up every three minutes. There was no loophole around that either. There was no way I could make it across the bridge without employing a trick of some sort.
It was funny how far away the audience and the stage was to me. I took that as a good sign that I was concentrating.
...Wakes up every three minutes to tell you to 'go back' to the end of the bridge.
'Go back'...
I had the answer. I felt triumphant and a little smug, just like I always did when I figured out Dad's riddles.
"I will walk across the bridge normally, but right before the troll wakes up I will turn around and face the other direction. Then, when he tells me to 'go back', I will proceed to the other end of the bridge pretending that that was my starting point. Therefore I would have made it across the bridge," I explained with relish. The host beamed and nodded.
"That is correct, Miss Swan. You have proven yourself in the intelligence category - you may join Miss Stanton to go through to the next round!"
I felt rather dazzled as I stumbled off the stage. I'd made it through another round - I'd actually made it. And I was the second to have done so, right after Melody Stanton. This was even a moment that I could feel pride over.
There was an intermission after the second round, so I was able to talk to my family and friends. It felt especially good to see them after those two categories, and there was a lot of laughing and exclaiming. I felt elated.
"Nice, Bella, really nice demonstrating your infamous punch," Emmett patted me on the back, guffawing, "You would've gotten ten out of ten from me."
Mum, on the other hand, was reproving.
"I nearly fainted with horror when you did that, Bella!" she exclaimed, her hands fussing over my hair and uniform, "Lucky you had a good explanation for doing so." Then she paused and turned back to Emmett, "But what do you mean, her 'infamous punch'?"
"Ah," Emmett said slyly, "Clearly you have not heard of the circumstances under which your daughter and Edward met."
I went red and interrupted quickly, "But where is Edward anyway?" They were all here, clutching drinks and snacks - all except for the bronze-haired boy.
"He went to the bathroom a few minutes before the second round ended. He'll be back soon," Jasper said with ease. I nodded, and then Alice captured my attention by talking about all the funny and amazing moments of the pageant I had missed since I was back stage most of the time.
"Are you going to make us proud and win it, Bella?" Jacob asked with a wry smile as the audience began making their way back to their seats. There was a call for the remaining ten candidates to return to the back room.
I was a bit preoccupied; Edward still hadn't returned and I'd wanted to see him at least once before going back to the pageant. "Oh - I don't know," I said uncertainly, "I've been really lucky to have even made it this far." To be honest, I was feeling that my luck had ran out. Intelligence and talent were two things I could bluff my way through, but I was sure that was it. Perhaps that was why I really wanted to see Edward, when I was in my more victorious state.
My fate was surely sealed when the third category was announced - charm. It was to be a very fleeting round; we were standing in a line on the stage when it was announced. We only had a minute to think about a particular trait of our own that would be charming to the judges. Charming? I groaned. This was definitely my waterloo.
Melody Stanton was the first in line. She talked about the various charities she volunteered at in her clear, sweet voice; that, backed with her incredible set of dimples, certainly won over the judges. She was definitely a favourite to win.
I grew increasingly nervous as the microphone continued down the line. Charm, charm, charm. I racked my brains frantically, cursing all the piano-playing, running and economics-learning that I'd undergone with F4. None of that mattered now. Why couldn't they have spent those hours instead cultivating a charming quality within me?
The girl right before me was having her turn. It was all over. Really. I would have to openly admit that I had no charm and forfeit from the pageant in front of everyone. Worst of all, in front of those who really believed in me. My stomach seemed to dissolve.
And then it was my turn.
Mouth dry, hands sweaty, I looked up towards the audience. The light dazzled my eyes and all of a sudden, my voice was gone. I couldn't even utter my forfeit. At the back, Dad was smiling encouragingly at me. Even in my current state I noticed that Edward wasn't with them. That made me feel even worse.
The heat rose to my face. No, more like the blood rushed up there, flooding my cheeks with colour.
You're about to lose this pageant, and you're blushing?
I'd always hated how I blushed so easily. It was such an embarrassing and humiliating giveaway. And yet...
"No wonder why Edward likes you so much, hey? Your blush can be really charming to guys when it hits them unawares. You should harness it to your advantage, Bella. Almost got me there."
I opened and closed my mouth again, like a fish gurgling in water. I'd suddenly found my voice.
"I... I honestly could not think of anything about myself that many would think was charming," I admitted weakly, "But... I just remembered how a friend of mine said that when I blush, it can be sort of charming. I really don't understand what he means, but... there you go."
It was poorly worded, poorly expressed, but people were chuckling appreciatively. Emmett was waving his hand for an air high-five, grinning broadly. I smiled and raised my hand back. The judges were muttering to teach other, heads together. Then one of them stood up.
"Well, Miss Swan, if I can be frank, your blush is quite charming," he said candidly, "We the judges feel that there is a modesty and honesty to you that it is important for all young ladies to possess."
I looked up, hardly daring to believe it.
He looked at me and... smiled?
My heart thudded. No way.
"Congratulations, Miss Swan, you are through to the fourth and final round of this year's St. Meyer Ladies Pageant."
I was pretty sure my mouth dropped open. I could feel the blush returning valiantly, much to the amusement of the crowd.
Rapid blood circulation of mine, thank you.
When Esme and Edward had first suggested that I enter the St. Meyer Ladies Pageant, never had I expected to make it to the final round. I'd come here due to a combination of good timing, pure luck and the seemingly insignificant and trivial things that my friends and family had made known to me. Even when I'd gone through to the second and third rounds, I was certain that I wouldn't win. How could I? I was Isabella Swan. Pale, shy, awkward, brown-haired, middle-aged in nature and eccentric in a very mundane and uninteresting way.
Perhaps I was being a bit harsh on myself, but winning and glory were things I'd always viewed for others. Others like Melody Stanton. Others who just appeared to deserve that sort of thing because they were so... so...
I seriously don't have a way with words.
But now, as the fourth category was about to begin, I felt a sudden thrill as an impossibility came to me. Out of forty girls, only five were left. And I was one of them. I had a chance of winning. I could possibly win this. Could I? Was it right of me to even hope it?
"Hey, Bella."
The five of us girls were in the back room, each in our own corner as we prepared for our final category - beauty. Similar to the first round, we were to give a short speech and demonstration about beauty and what it meant to each of us. The four other girls had changed into pretty dresses and were doing their make-up while writing up what they were going to say. I had to admire their focus.
Melody had walked over to me; she looked like she was all ready for her final round. "I just wanted to say congratulations," she said, "I'm really impressed by the things you've done and said in this pageant so far. You're a really interesting person."
I chuckled and said doubtfully, "Yeah. I suppose I get that a bit..."
She sat down beside me, "Do you know what you're going to say for this round?"
I looked at the blank pad of paper in front of me. "I'm still thinking about it," I admitted, adding jokingly, "Maybe I'll get another stroke of inspiration at the last minute."
Melody chuckled, "You'll do fine, Bella. I just wanted to ask... um... sorry if this is a bit forward of me, but how do you know the F4 boys?" She seemed curious.
"Oh, it's a long story," I replied, "But I guess it's because we go to the same school and... our paths crossed one day."
"Oh," said Melody slowly, nodding. Then she smiled at me, "It's just, you know, they're such an exclusive bunch. Even though I saw them every summer since we were kids, they've always kind of kept to themselves. Even Edward, who I saw the most, is only polite and civil to me at the best of times. But you seem to get along with them really well."
I cracked a smile as I thought about that. Melody quickly stood up, "Oh, I better not waste anymore of your time. Good luck, Bella."
For the next few minutes I pondered, doodling all over my page. Beauty... beauty... How could I talk about beauty without sounding cliched? Playing to my strengths had worked well so far, but I had exhausted everything. Connecting music with beauty seemed cliched, and at any rate, the girls still hadn't had the manners to return my violin yet.
I sat there absently with my chin in my hand for awhile, random thoughts slipping in and out of my mind.
How do I know the F4 boys...
They'd helped me so much in the weeks preparing for the pageant, but in the end it was other things that had actually helped me. I'd punched Edward Cullen, helping me discover my hidden aggressive side. I'd been told riddles by Jacob Black. Emmett McCarty's teasing had turned my frustrating blush into a weapon.
And Jasper Whitlock... maybe Jasper could help me with the final round.
I'd thought it only as a joke, but as I remembered another conversation I'd had with the blond-haired guy, I realised that he could indeed help me.
It was my final moment to impress. I stepped forward on stage, much less nervous knowing that this was the last time I'd have to do this. Unlike Melody and the other girls in their nice dresses, I was still in my school uniform. I suppose it was fitting, because it was easily the most expensive article of clothing I owned and therefore the best that I could wear. I hadn't bothered with any make-up or fancy hair-do.
The audience were all waiting. I was the last candidate to present my speech.
And then all of a sudden, the pressure hit me and I felt sick.
Heart hammering. Palms sweaty. Fingers twitching. Strange ringing in my ears, getting louder and louder as the seconds passed. I could feel my pupils dilating as I stared around.
I could remember feeling this nervous, about two hours ago. It was at the beginning of my performance in a pageant that I had no hope of winning. Only a handful of people in the sea of faces really supported me; the rest were all blank, stranger faces.
I was looking at the crowd now, half-hidden in shadows and darkness as the lights above me blinded my eyes and made me feel hot. I couldn't explain why I felt so scared or tongue-tied.
"Miss Swan? You need to begin speaking now," the host prompted me worriedly. But I couldn't move my lips.
"Go for it, Fender-Bella! You have to show them what you're made of."
A lone voice called out from the audience, a voice that had been the source of much frustration, anger, pain, warmth and happiness this past year. I looked over at once and clapped eyes on a tall, impossibly beautiful boy.
I let out a shaky breath I didn't know I had been holding, and smiled. He's back.
Edward Cullen was smiling at me with so much trust and so much pride. I remembered the words he'd said to me the other night. "I believe in you. I always will."
With that, I took a deep breath and began speaking in Spanish. People were confused and began muttering, but I continued, undeterred. Then I continued in Japanese. At last, when I was sure the very confused host was about to cut me off, I switched back to my native tongue.
"Someone once told me that being able to learn and speak another language is a beautiful thing. He said that language isn't just words, but a way of life, of culture and traditions and relationships. By knowing and speaking a different language, it can beautify a person as they learn to be more understanding, tolerant and expressive," I took another deep breath.
"I only started at St. Meyer this year, but I've learnt a lot about this tolerance and understanding. So please excuse me for my plain appearance today, but I hope... that this beauty that I've talked about still shines through... if only just a little bit."
I stepped down dizzily from the podium, only faintly registering the tumultuous applause that greeted the end of my speech. I was overwhelmed by the weightiness of what I'd said - of truths that even I hadn't realised in my own heart. Glancing up, I caught sight of Jasper's serene smile and twinkling grey eyes. He gave me a single nod of approval.
Thanks, Jasper.
The next ten minutes passed by in a blur as they judges went away to discuss their scores and the final winner. I wish I could go and talk to my family and friends now. I wanted it to all be over. If only all this could pass without having to announce a winner. I felt squeamish with anticipation and dread. The audience were babbling their own opinions to their neighbour.
At last, the judges returned.
"We have decided on the winner and the two runner-ups. If we say your name, please step forward."
Complete silence filled the auditorium. You could hear a pin drop. I clasped my hands tightly together and held my breath.
"Melody Stanton."
Out of the five of us, Melody stepped forward.
"Astrid Devondale."
A girl with raven black hair joined Melody in the front line.
"And Isabella Swan."
My heart hammered in my chest as I took a trembling step forward. This was it. I'd really made it to the final three. What if I actually won this? It wasn't impossible anymore - in fact, it seemed very possible. Maybe I was delusional.
"In third place," said the lady judge, "Is Astrid Devondale."
Astrid seemed happy enough, walking over to shake hands and receive her bouquet of flowers. At this point, I thought I would faint. I felt sicker than I'd ever felt before. This sort of suspense shouldn't be allowed. If I win... I can restore everything back to my family. Oh, please.
"And now, we shall announce the grand winner. This year's lady of the St. Meyer Ladies pageant is..."
The spotlight was roaming everywhere. I squeezed my hands into fists, staring hard at the ground, feeling as though I might combust. There was a continuing drumroll and the seconds stretched into what seemed like hours as it went on and on -
"Melody Stanton. Congratulations!"
My surroundings melted around me as people leapt out of their seats, screaming and clapping for Melody. The beaming brunette had walked forward, donned with the tiara and sash and an enormous bouquet of flowers. The lights and attention were all on her as I stood in the shadows, trying to absorb what had happened. Whereas I had been tense mere seconds ago, I was flat and deflated now.
I lost. I came second. I lost.
"That means Isabella Swan is our runner-up for this year. Miss Swan, congratulations." The female judge was beside me, pushing me forward as I, too, was handed a bunch of flowers. I wasn't prepared for the spotlight yet, but I had no choice. The lights and attention was fixated on me now, and I was surprised by how many people were clapping for me.
"I wanted to make a quick announcement, everyone," Melody was speaking into her microphone. Her arms were still full of her prizes and the flowers. "I just wanted to say thank you for all your support, particularly those who flew from London to see me. But as I have won free tuition at St. Meyer but intend to stay on at my own school, I want to give it to Isabella Swan. Like the judges, I was really impressed by her performance in this pageant and think she deserves it." She looked at me, smiling, and extended the envelope.
"Here you go, Bella," she whispered.
The words were lost on me. Cheers rose as I took the envelope and looked at Melody with as much gratitude as I could muster.
And then, out of the blue, some St. Meyer students began calling out.
"Well done, Isabella!"
"See you next year!"
"You did our school proud, Swan!"
I never thought I'd see the day that would be said of me. It was a funny thing, but seeing people united in their support for me... I couldn't help but smile, touched by what they were saying. There was some choking emotion within me as well. I'd been the black sheep of St. Meyer school, but somehow had turned out as their school representative.
Life was certainly temperamental.
The auditorium was practically empty by the time my family reached me on stage. I was so glad to see them.
"You did beautifully, Bella," whispered Mum, holding me tight. "My beautiful Bella. We're so proud of you."
"Bella, Bella, Bella!" Nessie exclaimed, jumping up and down with her arms held out; I laughed and picked her up. "You're the best sister in the world, Bella! The most beautiful, wonderful, brave, amazing - "
"Nice work, big sis," grinned Seth, putting an arm around me as far as he could reach. He would soon be taller than me, I knew, and I had to make the most of the opportunity to ruffle him on his head now.
Dad stood in front of me, his brown eyes glistening. I looked back at him with a small smile. The two quiet members of the Swan family, unable to express our emotions and feelings in words.
"You showed them, Bells. Well done." I'm so proud of you, Bella. You're truly my daughter, of my own blood and flesh. I'm so proud of the way you've grown and matured. I love you.
I grinned, "Thanks, Dad." For always understanding and supporting me. I love you, too.
"Family hug!" yelled Nessie, now reaching out for Dad. And within seconds I was squished with four pairs of arms wrapped around me, supporting and holding me up as they always had. I'd definitely grown since coming to St. Meyer, and I'd only come out of love for my family. If there was anything I couldn't stand it would be disappointing them...
"Alright, Bells. You show them what you're made of."
...quiet and resilient Dad...
"I won't regret anything, honey, as long as you're happy."
...loving and hare-brained Mum...
"Right back at you, big sis. Any guy who wants to ask you out will have to pass the Seth Swan test first."
...loyal Seth...
"Aw, but I wanna stay up with you, Bella!"
...and sweet little Nessie.
It had to be because of the pageant, but I was feeling so emotional. The moisture crept into my eyes as my heart swelled and my throat tightened. It was a fair few minutes before we released each other, and some St. Meyer students lingering by approached me.
"Bella, come to the hall afterwards," the girl said, "We're having our school gathering there. Everyone will want to congratulate you."
Really? I thought back to the sea of faces in the audience before, smiling and applauding my effort despite the fact that I hadn't won. It never ceased to amaze me how united St Meyer was, either in support of or against me. "Oh - yeah," I said distractedly, "I'll be there."
As soon as the girls were gone, I turned back to my family. "Should I really go?" I asked offhandedly.
"Yes!" my family exclaimed in unison and I took that as my cue to leave.
"Okay, okay, I'm going."
I smiled as I walked down towards the hall by myself ten minutes later. I had become so incredibly fond of the school buildings and grounds, it was almost embarrassing to admit. I wondered what was going on in the school hall. I was really only going there to see Alice and F4 -
And Edward, the voice inside my head automatically added, and my stomach lurched with sudden nerves and excitement. I knew I was really looking foward to seeing him and talking to him properly after this whole fiasco of a pageant. The one person who'd stayed by my side and encouraged me the whole way. It's stuff you always read about in books and see in movies, but it meant so much more than I could fathom. I was becoming such an emotional wreck.
I'd reached the door of the hall and opened it to walk inside. The room exploded.
Or at least that was my initial thought as the hundreds of students inside screamed and cheered my name. I stood in shock as confetti rained upon me and applause began to fill the room. Applause for... me? Again?
The triplets fought their way to the front of the throng and I gaped as them as they regarded me with wide beams and friendly, open arms.
"Bella, you made us so proud!" Irina gushed.
"It was the first time I was happy seeing you in our school uniform," Lauren nodded emphatically.
Tanya looked at me a bit begrudgingly before saying, "You were pretty awesome, Bella."
"Oh - um - well - thank you," I stammered, too bewildered to say anything else as hundreds of other smiling, glowing faces looked at me. I suddenly spotted Alice with the other three members of F4 a little way back, all grinning at me, and my heart leapt in response.
"Bella!" yelled Alice, running over towards me.
"Alice!" I half-cried, and we met each other in a delighted, wild embrace, our happiness borderlining hysteria before I turned to greet the other guys. They all offered their congratulations to me, heartily teasing me about my unique performance in the pageant.
But there was someone missing, of course, and I didn't miss it for even a second. As if he knew what I was thinking, Jacob said gently, "Edward had to leave. He said he had to take care of something."
The disappointment followed my initial reluctance to believe those words and I just nodded, trying to smile. It's nothing. Something important probably came up. It doesn't mean you're any less important to him... And you saw him during the last round, he was there, cheering you on...
"Bellabee, you want some food? Let's go grab a plate," Alice said, breaking into my stupor. I nodded, allowing myself to be pulled by her towards the buffet table as my own disappointment closed in upon me. Now I knew just how much I had been looking forward to seeing him.
The party was pretty much what I expected. I couldn't deny that I did enjoy sitting with Alice and F3, listening to their banter and light-hearted conversation as the night wore on. Other students occassionally approached us to congratulate me, but they were quickly on their way again, mingling and talking with the others. It struck me how exclusive we'd somehow become as a unit. Alice and I had always been on our own since no one wanted to befriend me, the common girl, anyway, and F4 had also always been held in an unapproachable light. But it was funny how the two of us had combined. It was such a deeply complicated friendship that I was sure anyone would find it hard to penetrate.
"Well it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, isn't it? We should do it, man. After graduation," Emmett was trying to persuade a reluctant Jasper and Jacob to fly outer-space with him.
I know. Outer-space. It was ridiculous.
I glanced over at Alice, but this was one of those rare times where she and I did not connect. She was totally engrossed in their conversation about flying to outer-space and staying there for a few days, like it was some hotel on earth somewhere.
The gulf between my world and theirs was larger than massive, and I had arrived prepared for this. Right?
I had to smile to myself as my own words came back to me again. I guess some things just didn't change. I was still the poor, common girl amidst the country's cream of the crop, bedazzled and overwhelmed by what money could buy.
My phone suddenly began to buzz in my pocket and I pulled it out.
Edward Cullen the Great.
There was a swooping sensation in my stomach. A flicker of what I'd felt before they'd announced the pageant winner. It was ridiculous. I quickly excused myself from the others and went into a quiet corner of the hall. I picked up the call.
"Hey," Edward greeted, exaggeratedly casual. It made me smile.
"Hey."
There was a period of understanding silence in which a lump rose to my throat and I tried to swallow it. I had to tell him. I had to, no matter how much I didn't want to disappoint him. It was difficult finding the right words to say.
"I... didn't win." My voice broke towards the end, but I held back the tears.
His voice was gentle and understanding.
"I know. I was watching right till the very end."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"What are you sorry for?" he sounded amused.
"You... really believed in me."
"I still believe in you, Bella," he replied nonchalantly, "You're a clumsy, accident-prone fender-bender that can't be taken down. I know that full well."
I chuckled, looking up to the ceiling to hold back the tears. It was taking a lot of effort to keep them in. It felt like there was an enormous weight in my chest and talking to Edward was only making it heavier.
He spoke again, his tone different. "Sorry I can't be there today. I suddenly got really busy..." Was it my imagination, or did he sound almost sad? "But I'll see you tomorrow," he continued, more briskly, "There's something I want to give you to congratulate you."
"A present?"
"Of sorts."
I frowned, "You know how I feel about presents."
"And has that ever stopped me?"
"I guess not," I sighed.
"So I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Edward pressed on, "I'll meet you in the town square cafe at one o'clock."
"Mmmm."
"You better not be late," he warned.
I chuckled again, starting to feel better. The weight and pressure of the pageant must have been driving my emotions all out of whack. But it would be all back to normal soon. Tomorrow.
There was another short pause before he said suddenly, "Hey, Bella?" There was a strangled note of urgency in his voice.
"Yeah?"
"I'll... see you tomorrow."
I was perplexed, but decided not to probe him. I would talk to him tomorrow. "Okay. See you then."
"Bye, Bella."
After we hung up, I leant against the wall and let out a sigh. It was a good sigh, if such a thing exists. I felt comforted by Edward's phone call. Everything would be back to normal soon. The pageant was over. The school year was almost over. There would be a time for a breather.
But the day's surprises hadn't come to an end yet.
When I went home for dinner, there was a lot of good news awaiting me. Mum had cooked up a feast to celebrate my performance in the pageant, but it turned out there was a good deal more to celebrate about in the Swan family.
"You were reinstated?" I gaped at my father, who was characteristically composed and calm although his eyes said it all. "That's - that's - that's so great," I stammered as Nessie and Seth continued their celebration chant and dance around him. Dad's back to his normal job. Everything's going to be okay again. I couldn't believe it.
"I have good news too, Bella!" squealed Nessie, "Miss Nelson is coming back to my school! I'll be in her class again."
My mouth dropped open. I was in a total state of disbelief. "R - really?" I said, "Oh - Ness - I'm so happy for you." I glanced curiously at my parents as I bent down to give my little sister a hug, but they just smiled at me, positively glowing. It was almost too good to be true.
"Her school rang today with the good news," Mum explained flippantly, "And also offered me a teaching block for the next term."
Now this was really getting bizarre. "Are you serious?" I gasped; my heart was swelling so much I thought it would take off into the sky like a balloon filled with helium. "Mum, congratulations - Nessie, Dad, Seth - everyone... just... wow." Everything really is going to be okay again. The thought overwhelmed me with so much relief and gladness that I felt the emotion heaving in my chest.
"And you owned the St. Meyer pageant, Sis!" whooped Seth. He grinned at me, "I've never been prouder to be related to you, Bella."
I just laughed, "Thanks a lot, kiddo!"
There was a lot of laughter and shouting and smiles that night as we sat around our dinner table. There was an enormous white iced cake that Mum had made, with icing that read Congratulations, Bella. She'd also cooked all my favourite things. It was a happy night. Perhaps we use the word 'happy' so much that it doesn't seem as strong as a word anymore. We like to emphasise it with big words such as blissful or wonderful or exultant. But to me, that was truly a happy night, with all the beautiful emotions and feelings the simple word evokes; a night filled with warmth and joy and security and love.
Everything is going to be okay again.
I went to bed that night with a heart and soul full of gratitude. I was so relieved that I didn't even question how everything had suddenly and miraculously been returned to my family. Instead, I crawled into bed anticipating tomorrow's date with Edward. Even after all this time, my heart still fluttered.
"There's something I want to give you to congratulate you."
"A present?"
"Of sorts."
I sat up suddenly in my dark room, having just realised something. I couldn't quite explain why it was so important at that moment, but in my half-asleep mind it was a critical revelation.
In the short time that I'd known him, Edward Cullen had given me many things...
Let's see - a red card, a desk, a dress, a uniform, a violin, a snake, an entire restaurant, his jacket, Natasha Korsakova's music book, a phone, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
...but not once had I given him anything. He hadn't even eaten his slice of birthday cake or accepted a present I was going to buy him. I suppose he had everything he could possibly want, but the sudden desire that had sprung within me to give Edward something - something tangible, something he could keep - was strong.
I sat there in the darkness for awhile, thinking and pondering. And then it came to me.
With a smile, I switched on the light, pulled on a jacket and picked up my violin.
"Bella, you look superb!"
I laughed, ruffling my sister on the head. "You're so easy to please, Ness," I said, picking up the rejected clothes on my bed and hanging them back in my wardrobe. It was the first time I'd ever spent so long deciding what to wear before a date with Edward. It was a warm day so it was one of the few times I put on a dress.
Nerves and excitement tingled my body as I made my way to the town square cafe. It was the same one we'd gone to after the idiot had stood in the rain waiting for me for four hours. I chuckled inwardly at the memory. Since I was a little early, I sat down at a table by the window and tried to calm myself down. Waiting for Edward always made me edgy; sudden doubts and insecurities always assailed me. But they also always disappeared when I saw him.
I was sitting down, fiddling with the bow on my present to him, when the chair opposite creaked. I delayed the moment I would see him, preparing for the crazy and illogical spasm of the heart that would follow. I looked up.
To my utter surprise, Jacob Black gazed back at me.
"Jacob?" I said, wrong-footed.
"Hey, Bella," he greeted simply, taking his seat.
Confusion was probably the best word to describe how I felt at the moment, "Hey... but... where's Edward?"
"He asked me to come on behalf of him."
On behalf of... him? I was silent as I registered this. Edward hadn't planned to come... at all? I grew cold at the thought.
"You're disappointed, aren't you?" Jacob broke into my thoughts, and I quickly looked up, beginning to protest. But he just smiled knowingly.
"You're always very transparent, Bella. Edward can't come today. He's probably on his way to the airport now, getting ready for his flight to Tokyo." Jacob sighed heavily, muttering, "He's a real idiot."
At these words, I perked up. "What... what do you mean?" I said urgently.
"Yesterday, during the pageant, Edward's mother forcibly dragged him back home to negotiate her terms with him. She's a true iron woman, through and through. They made a deal that if Edward agreed to go to Japan for a few years to learn how to run Meyer Group, she would return everything back to your family and allow you to graduate from the school. That way, even if you didn't win, he would still be able to help you."
Something very cold seemed to have entered my body. For awhile, I couldn't say anything.
"And he agreed?" I whispered at last.
"At first, I think he really believed you would win, and in his brashness said yes to the proposal. But then after talking to him yesterday, I don't think so anymore. I think Edward was prepared that you may not win and was still willing to go through with it. He really has come a long way since meeting you, Bella. But that still doesn't make him any less of an idiot."
I was so stupid. I'd been busy celebrating with my family and feeling all elated and accomplished when this had been happening in the background. Was this the reason for the sadness in Edward's voice when he'd called me last night? I was a whirlwind of emotions as I processed this news. I pressed my mouth in a hard line.
"So what are you going to do now?" Jacob asked, watching me closely.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... are you just going to continue sitting here?"
I took a deep, steadying breath. True to my defensive nature, I was trying my best to bury my feelings.
"What can I do? The fool made his own decision without even talking to me about it or considering how I felt. I guess he's always been like that. How can I do anything about it now?" I sighed exaggeratedly, "Well, I guess that's that. Since you're here on behalf of Edward, I guess you'll have to accompany me for the day. He always says it's such a chore to stay with the clumsy and infatuated, fender-bender-causing girl." I tried to crack a smile at Jacob, only to be met by his hard stare. My smile faded.
"'That's that', Bella?" he repeated, "Are you really going to just let him leave like this?" His words rocketed through me like whiplash. "You're not even going to try and stop him, and you really think you still have the right to call him someone you care about?"
And in a flash, my own words came back to me.
"Are you really just going to let her leave like this? Aren't you even going to try and stop her? Do you really think you still have the right to say you love her when you're just going to - "
"I'm going."
I let out a deep breath, my lower lip trembling as the angry spark in Jacob's eyes faded away. He gave me a much warmer smile and said, "This really loyal and determined girl once said those words to me. Now it's your turn, Bella."
My heart was pounding as the news hit home, with all its ramifications. Edward was leaving. He's leaving the country this afternoon. You won't see him again for a long time. Sudden panic seized me and I stood up at once. Jacob grinned, also standing. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the coffee shop.
"I know my best friend's an airhead sometimes, but I knew I could count on you," he said as we hurried to the main road. I couldn't speak; everything felt tightly shut up inside of me and I was suddenly so afraid.
Jacob whistled for a taxi and it slowed down in front of us. He opened the back door, motioning for me to sit inside. He leant against the cab as I clumsily climbed in and fitted my seatbelt. He's leaving. He's leaving. It kept going on and on in my mind.
"Edward told me to give you these." Jacob held out a thin, long, beautifully wrapped box and a matching golden envelope. I stared at them, taking them with my shaking hands. The present. Of sorts. My lip trembled some more. I looked up at Jacob almost desperately. He simply gave me one of his sunny, encouraging smiles.
"Good luck, Wonder Girl," he murmured, nodding at me before handing a wad of money to the taxi driver and shutting the door. I looked back, waving at him before he disappeared around the corner.
He's leaving.
The cityscape flashed past the windows as I gazed at the golden gifts in my hands. I was still holding my present for Edward. It would be awhile before we reached the airport. I was in a dreamlike trance; I couldn't believe all this was happening. And I was terrified that I would miss him. Please.
Cullen, you idiot. Why do you always make the decision on your own? I thought vehemently, trying to cling onto fierce Bella for strength and sanity.
I looked down at the gift in my hand again, realising that I was squeezing the card unconsciously. He wrote me something. Apart from his cryptic text messages, he had never written something for me before. I was almost too scared to read it. But I knew I had to.
So very slowly, as the taxi moved against the clock to reach the airport, I pulled out the card and began to read it.
A/N: Hi. :D I know many of you possibly wish to peg random objects of fancy at me for the very long time it has been... but... I'm back? My uni semesters are OVER and I am free to write and create and explore once again. :) This first half of the story is very close to its end, and I WILL update MUCH MUCH MUCH quicker than I have in recent... months. As always, much appreciation to those who have reviewed and read and bugged me to update. :) It means so much. And sorry if this chapter seems rushed - to be honest, it is. I'd had one section written for about 8 months and wrote everything else around it in the last week whenever my guilty conscience kicked me. Any questions, you know what to do! - msq.