The Deadpool Chapter

Deadpool sits inside his little office inside his little hideout where he's keeping all of the secrets behind the whole story, watching a hundred and five camera angles fixated on Fury, who he had chained to a rock again after he tried to escape.

Uhm, Wade… I think the readers are reading this.

"Huh?" Deadpool looks around. "Who said that?!"

Your conscience, Wade.

"I don't have a conscience!" Deadpool jumps up and pulls two pistols out of his holsters. "Is it you again, Phantom?! If it is then you forgot to take me out to dinner before we left Manhattan!"

Actually, you never bought the sub sandwiches… and no, it's still your conscience.

"Damn it, that's right!" Deadpool puts his pistols back into his holsters and slouches back down on his seat. "It's… sooo boring to keep staring at this guy all day! I mean, can't he at least try to break out?! I'm getting sick of this James Bond 007 spy game with this guy!"

You could just shoot him in the head and get it over with, end the story right there.

"Why?!" Deadpool freaked out. "Where's the fun in that?! No no, if this is going to be a good story, it's going to be done right!"

And how do you plan on doing that!?

Deadpool stood up and walked over to a whiteboard. "It's simple… ladies and gentlemen… we kill… the Phantom."

Don't quote the Dark Knight, it's not even in the same comic-book company.

"I don't care! You shut your trap!" Deadpool continued his rant. "Well first, I'm going to get rid of the Phantom, because he's just boring, I mean come on! Are we really going to let this guy take charge of a team?! NOO! He needs to go see a good psychologist and be featured on the next Maury or Dr. Phil, cause that guy is just all sorts of messed up! Ha ha!"

That's a little bit too far, don't you think , Wade? You're not exactly sane yourself.

"Yeah?" Deadpool throws a pencil on the nearby wooden table at the camera monitors. "At least I'm not Mr. Suicide here trying to kill himself by submerging the helicarrier!"

He did that to save millions of lives, you yourself didn't believe in murdering all those innocent lives.

"Whoa whoa buddy!" Deadpool cut the music record off. "You must have me confused with a superhero! Haha, because I honestly don't care!"

Okay, then what happens after you kill off Phantom?

"I said we're going to get rid of him!" Deadpool draws a small cartoon of Phantom and puts a large red "X" all over his cartoon. "I'll send him to therapy for the rest of eternity!"

"And then, I'm going to don his hood and cape and call myself 'Phantom-Pool'." Deadpool draws a cartoon figure of a hooded Deadpool.

It doesn't sound as catchy, maybe The Hooded Deadpool?

"I said for you to shut your trap!" Deadpool yelled. "And HECK no! Do you honestly want me to go parading around like The Hooded Man, jeez, that's got to be the cheesiest name for a bad guy I've ever heard of! It's almost like as if Stan Lee got high off his mustache and named Spider-Man the Eight-Legged Freak instead of Spider-Man. Ha, try telling that one to your kids, folks!"

Well, The Hooded Man has another name, you know!

"Yeah, don't get me started on that! I know that whoever is writing this story right now is keeping that from the audience, but he's just pissing me off doing that!" Deadpool crossed his arms. "Oooh, if I was in control of this story… Death will fall in love with me all over again, and she'll ask me 'Oh, Wade, please sign my copy!' And I'll be like… 'Sure, baby, anything for an adoring fan!'"

Keep dreaming, Wade, you'll never be in control of the story, the writer is always in control.

"NO he's not! I killed the ENTIRE universe in ONE comic! So pipe down before I go after DC too! Superman has it coming! Heh, I'll show him that he can bleed!"

He turned back to his white board. "So, anyway, instead of recruiting Loser #1, Loser #2, and… well… I'll recruit the chick, she'll be my lovely damsel in distress for times when Deadpool needs a lady to save, you know what I'm saying?!"

So you'll get rid of Wolfe and Firewalker instead?

"Have you SEEN Wolfe?!" Deadpool angrily asked. "He's the biggest Wolverine copycat I've ever seen! Hell, I'm surprised I haven't even seen Wolverine in this comic yet! The moment I do, I'm telling you, it's going to be like two parallel universes when those two losers meet!"

What about Firewalker?

"Meh, I hate anybody who tries to control fire. There's too many comic book characters who do that." Deadpool shrugged. "Find a REAL superpower, one that's actually scary. You see fire? I like fire. I'm not scared of fire!"

And from there…? Perhaps you should actually take control of S.H.I.E.L.D., get rid of the Avengers and what not.

"Pah-lease!" Deadpool chuckled. "I TOLD you! I killed those losers in ONE comic! Plus, I saw their asses get beat by Ultron in that new movie… what was it? Rage of Ultron? Cage of Ultron? Sage of Ultron? I DON'T KNOW! It was funny though!"

Deadpool walked away from the whiteboard and ran right off the page and onto the parallel universe between stories.

Look where you've gotten yourself into now, Wade, floating in nowhere.

"Ooooh! It's like in that one movie, Interstellar!" Deadpool laughed. "Floating in space, woohoo!"

"Hey you idiot!" A voice was heard through the space. A large spaceship was travelling through as it passed by Deadpool. "Watch where you're going!"

It was a small raccoon driving it.

"Hey, it's… it's Rocket Racoon!" Deadpool waved as he flew by. "Gosh… I hope Star-Lord doesn't remember how much the ungodly amount of money I owe him is."

Wade, you owe every superhero money.

"NO I DON'T!" Deadpool yelled. "Well, maybe."

So where do we go from here?

Deadpool smiled underneath his mask. "Let's find out what happens to Phantom, eh?"

He floats a little through space, moving his arms as though he were swimming through a sea of stories and finds himself popping into the end chapter, falling from the skies and landing smack down in a deep and dark rift. "That hurt!"

I thought you didn't have feelings, Wade!

"I don't!" Deadpool laughed. "But that's what most people say when they fall down, haha!"

He got up from the ground and looked around the realm. "Looks like the crack of a man's…"

Right then, he spotted Phantom's body. He ran right over and saw him, maskless, dead.

No… Wade, Phantom dies…?

"Holy shit!" Deadpool exclaimed in excitement. "The Phantom ACTUALLY died?!"

Isn't he the protagonist of our story?

"He's the stain in my life!" Deadpool angrily said, kneeling down to investigate.

"Well, from the looks of it…" Deadpool placed glasses on his face to seem smarter than what he actually is. "Yup, he died of being too boring of a character, next body please!"

Wade, this is serious, what actually happened?

"Oh, fine!" Deadpool sighed. He looked down and saw that Phantom was holding some sort of organ in his right hand… a heart? He had a huge gaping hole in the middle of his armor as well, so the assumption is that Phantom ripped out his own heart.

"Looks like he saw his women with another dude and… ate his own heart out! Badum, tss!" Deadpool stated.

But how?

"I have no clue!" Deadpool shrugged. "And I don't care!"

*Sighs*, let's go back to the main story then… we'll figure it out later.

Deadpool happily obliged as he jumped out of the rift and back through the universe vector and back onto the page to his little office in his little hideout, sitting back on his chair, leaning back, and staring at Fury's bald head all over again.

"Hey, guess what? Yeah, you, reading this!" Deadpool grinned. "I'm just kidding, Phantom isn't going to die."

You're an ass, Wade.

"Okay, then MAYBE HE IS!" Deadpool angrily replied. "When I find you, little voice in my head, I'm going to tear you apart limb from limb and sell your corpse on the market for the highest bidder!"

Awh, you're too kind, Wade.

"And… and then I'll eat your brain!" Deadpool continued.

Won't replace the non-existent one you have now.

"I heard that!"