Chapter 11 Part II
Emma looks everywhere in the house but can't find Ethan nor anyone else. It seems that the children are still outside, so they haven't noticed anything.
To check if Ethan may have left, Emma looks out of the front door but his car is still there. He must be here somewhere then, so Emma exits through the terrace door and looks around the garden. From the left side behind the corner of the house she can hear the children play, so it's very unlikely that Ethan is there.
Emma decides to walk down the small hill behind the treehouse and the vegetable garden, leading to a swampy ground.
And there, behind some bushes, Ethan sits on a bench, bent down slightly, his head in his hands. Carefully, Emma approaches the bench and sits down next to him. For some time neither of them says a word until Ethan looks up at her.
"What the hell is she and how can that be?" Ethan asks, desperately clinging to a last chance of a plausible explanation.
"Please tell me that nothing of that really happened," he sighs as a last resort.
"I think it's best if she explains it herself. But please know, that it has nothing to do with your relationship," Emma answers.
"How can it not, when she has lied to me the whole time," Ethan says angrily while turning to look at Emma.
"I can understand your anger," Emma tries to calm him down.
"But Miss Peregrine didn't have another choice. It's her duty and I'm sure that it wasn't easy for her to lie to you, it must have burdened her incredibly but it had to be like that," Emma explains.
"You always have a choice!" Ethan insists.
"Maybe in your world," Emma keeps arguing. "But in your world humans can't change into birds either."
"No," Ethan sighs and lets his head drop into his hands again.
Compassionately, Emma strokes his back. "Talk to her," she advises in an encouraging voice.
Inside, Enoch has finished talking to Miss Avocet and is now sitting in a chair next to Miss Peregrine's bed, holding her hand.
A couple of minutes ago, she has begun to move again and is now slowly waking up.
"Ethan?" Alma whispers as she's slowly coming to herself and feels someone holding her hand. But as she opens her eyes she sees Enoch looking down at her and can't help feeling a bit disappointed.
"No, I'm sorry," Enoch says quietly. Alma closes her eyes again but begins to remember what has happened. Quickly, she opens them again and wants to get up but feels too weak. Enoch stops her gently and makes her lie down again.
"I've talked to Miss Avocet," Enoch begins to distract her.
"You've what?" Alma asks, giving Enoch one of her death glares.
"It was necessary and you know it," Enoch says calmly. He has stopped being afraid of that look a long time ago and he doesn't let it stop him from telling Miss Peregrine off when he needs to.
Sighing, Alma closes her eyes and relaxes again. She knows as well that this could have ended a lot worse and that it was unreasonable to do it without the help of another ymbryne.
"She said, that you were really lucky and that it was serious and that you should have called her for help. In fact I had to talk her out of leaving everything behind and coming immediately as she was so worried about you," Enoch explains.
"But that's ridiculous," Alma cuts in. "It's so much more dangerous for her, she would risk aging forward when doing such a long trip!"
"Exactly. That's the reason why I was able to stop her," Enoch answers.
"But she will be calling again to see how you are and she said, that you need to rest a lot but at the same time you need to practice the transformations regularly if you want to get back to how it was before your accident."
"Ok," Alma sighs. She has known that she has to do something like that and she's already afraid of it as it won't be painless in her current state. "How often?" she asks her boy.
"At least once a day, in the beginning it's best to do it twice and later it's enough to do it every second day," Enoch repeats what Miss Avocet has told him. "But for now, you should rest some time until you try it again."
Alma nods groggily before she realizes what she wanted to do before Enoch started talking about Miss Avocet.
"What's about Ethan?" she asks worried. She still sees his shocked expression as he was looking at her earlier. She has dealt with multiple normals before and she has seen so many reactions but nothing was like that. The way Ethan looked at her, so confused, shocked, hurt and even repulsed.
"Emma is with him," Enoch interrupts her thoughts.
"Ok," she sighs. She wants nothing more than to talk to Ethan but her whole body feels so sore and weak that she's a bit relieved that Enoch wouldn't let her go anyway. And at least Emma is with him. Exhausted, Alma closes her eyes again and soon she falls asleep.
Enoch, who didn't want to leave her earlier is now quite relieved to have seen her awake. Now he feels comfortable to leave and only check on her from time to time.
In the living room, Enoch meets Jake and Olive who have started preparing something to eat. The other children are running in and out of their rooms.
"Oh, Enoch," Olive calls him as she sees him coming.
"What happened, you and Emma were suddenly gone and then I saw Ethan outside. He seemed upset. Is Miss P. alright?" Olive asks concerned.
Also Jake looks at Enoch expectantly. "She's fine now I guess. We had a bit of a disaster earlier with the result that Ethan saw Miss P. transforming," Enoch explains.
"What?" Olive and Jake ask in unison. "How could that happen?"
"Miss Peregrine's earlier transformation had some aftereffects and made her really sick. Then, as Ethan was with her, she transformed uncontrollably. Luckily, Ethan was able to treat her somehow as it was really scary, seeing her like this. But for him it was a real shock. Emma is now talking to him," Enoch sums up the whole story as best as he can.
"Oh my god," Olive sighs. "What a story..." Jake adds. None of them has thought of something like that when they asked Enoch.
"Do you think he will be alright?" Jake asks worried and Enoch shrugs. "I don't know, he looked pretty shocked. But let's see what Emma can do." Olive and Jake both agree.
"And Miss P. is really alright?" Olive asks then. "I hope so," Enoch answers honestly. "She had multiple seizures before Enoch gave her something, then she slept but I just talked to her and it seems that she's ok now."
Olive just wanted to ask about more details but suddenly the terrace door opens and Emma enters the living room, followed by a terrible looking Ethan. All of them can only imagine how he must feel at the moment. No one knows what to say, so they all look at Emma for support, but she just shakes her head, indicating that there's nothing to talk to him about at the moment. Luckily they are all saved by their younger siblings, who come running into the room.
"Oh, Ethan, you're here," Claire exclaims happily. She's wearing one of her princess dresses as well as Bronwyn, who comes after her.
"Yay, can you play with us?" she asks enthusiastically.
"I'm sorry girls, but not today," Ethan says and wants to go to the front door.
"Don't you want to stay for dinner?" Olive asks quickly. "I'm sure Miss Peregrine would love that," Emma adds carefully as she sees Ethan hesitating.
"Oh, is that so?" he asks sarcastically and turns around to look at the teenagers standing next to the dining table. "And who asks what I would like to do?"
"We're sorry," Olive says. All of them look down at the ground.
"Maybe you can understand it better when you've talked to her," Jake suggests.
To change the subject and to save Ethan from the need to answer, Emma starts talking to Enoch.
"How is she doing?" she asks him. It wasn't easy for her to leave her ymbryne back earlier but she knew that Miss Peregrine's first priority would have been Ethan.
"She slept for some time and as she woke up it was much better," Enoch reports and Emma nods relieved.
This new subject ripped Ethan out of his self-pity and he remembers that the woman he loves has been seriously sick.
"Has she had any more seizures?" Ethan asks Enoch concerned again. Enoch shakes his head. "No, luckily not," he says. "Thank you for helping her!"
"Yes thank you!" the others say as well. Now Ethan feels slightly ashamed. Miss Peregrine means everything to these children and she had been in a dangerous state earlier, while all he was thinking about was how she lied to him. If something had happened to her, Ethan would have never forgiven himself.
"Of course," he just says and looks at the ground.
"So let's just eat together and afterwards everything will seem easier," Emma suggests.
And Emma was right. As soon as all the younger children join them on the table, the atmosphere gets lighter again.
"Ethan," Hugh calls across the table. "You definitely have to see my new trick. We will have a home match in two weeks, maybe you can come and watch as well."
"I would love to, Hugh," Ethan answers honestly. No matter what happened between him and Alma, he still likes all the children like he has before.
"Just let me know when and where it will be."
"Ok," Hugh answers happily before filling his mouth with some noodles.
"Oh, yes, Ethan! Will you come as well when we'll have a competition?" Claire wants to know.
"Of course I will," Ethan assures her and the girls smile at him.
After the meal, the boys clear the table as Emma and Olive take care of the younger ones. They don't want to go to bed without a movie, but Emma can convince them that it will also be fun to read a story together in one of their rooms. Of course, Millard Hugh and Horace are not so enthusiastic about it as the younger ones and girls, so they quickly disappear into their room to read their own books before getting ready for bed.
Soon it gets quiet in the living room, as also Jake and Enoch have joined their girls. The only one who's still sitting at the table is Ethan. Emma had offered him one of Miss Peregrine's wines, that he gladly accepted. Now he's sipping at his glass, thinking about everything that happened and what he expects from another talk with Alma.
Just as he wants to fill up his glass once more, Ethan hears something from behind and turns around to see Alma coming out of her room.
She's incredibly weak and tries to make her way through the corridor into the living room holding onto everything in her way for support. Not thinking about his earlier feelings, Ethan jumps to his feet and runs towards Alma to catch her before she falls to the ground.
"I'm sorry," Miss Peregrine says while holding onto Ethan's strong arms. She tries hard not to lean her head against his chest, even if her whole body longs for his support and warmth. At the moment she's just happy, that Ethan hasn't left yet.
"Let's get you to bed first," Ethan answers dryly and helps Alma back to her room, where she lies back down and Ethan takes his seat in the chair next to the bed.
For some time no one says a word, both unsure how to begin.
"I don't know where to start..." Alma tries to formulate an excuse.
"In the beginning would be good," Ethan retorts almost coldly, which hurts Alma deeply. But she just swallows and keeps talking.
"It's not as easy as you might think," she begins to explain.
"I'm not thinking anything, believe me," Ethan says waiting for Alma to start.
"It all began when I was 3 years old. My parents couldn't cope with children, that were different," Alma explains. " So my brothers and me came to an orphanage where all the others were like us."
"Birds?" Ethan asks incredulously. He is just about getting used to the thought of Alma as a bird and now there are even more people like this.
"No, not birds but different," Alma sighs and closes her eyes while brushing her hair out of her face.
"I can't, Ethan," she says then. "I don't know how..."
"Just keep talking Alma, it's already crazy enough so it can't get any worse," Ethan says, now getting slightly impatient.
"Ok," Alma sighs before taking a deep breath.
"This orphanage was for peculiar children, like me and my brothers and it was one of many others. These institutions are unknown to normal people and they are managed by more experienced women, called ymbrynes."
"And what's that now?" Ethan asks confused.
"That are women like me, who have the same ability," Miss Peregrine explains. She has told these things to so many people in her life but this time it's different.
"You mean they all change into birds from time to time and keep it a secret from their partner?" Ethan guesses sarcastically.
"Not exactly," Alma says deliberately ignoring his other comment. She knows that she has hurt him but that's something she has to fix later. "Yes they can turn into birds, but normally it happens only when you want it to. This earlier wasn't supposed to happen but that's another story."
"Ok, ok, one at a time."
"Yes," Alma agrees. "So these women can transform into birds among other things and they look after all the children in their orphanage, much like I do here."
"Does that mean, that all your children are...?" Ethan cuts in and Alma nods.
"They are different, or like we say peculiar."
"What exactly does that mean?" Ethan asks confused by this term.
"They are in multiple ways different compared to normal children but I'm sure you will see soon enough. Anyway, I grew up in this orphanage and as my abilities began to show, they noticed that I will be able to become an ymbryne one day and they started training me until I was old enough to manage an orphanage on my own," Alma explains.
Slowly Ethan tries to understand, what she has just told him.
"So there are many orphanages with strange children and women, who turn into birds?"
"I would prefer if you don't call them strange," Alma corrects him. "But yes, that sums it up. Although there used to be more orphanages but after some sort of war many of the children died."
"And where do all these children come from? And how come no one knows about these things?" Ethan keeps asking. He's still too confused.
"They are born like all other children. But as they are not necessarily born to peculiar parents they are usually unaccepted in the society, abused or simply abandoned. And that's another duty of an ymbryne. We find these children and bring them to one of the orphanages."
"And people never notice you or ask questions?" Ethan asks doubtfully.
"We have our ways to deal with them," Alma tries to answer his question without saying too much for now. Of course she would never lie to Ethan again if he decides to still spend time with them in the future. But first she doesn't know how he'll decide and second, she doesn't want to overwhelm him with too much information now.
"Ok, I'm not sure if I want to know about it," Ethan answers unsure.
"It's nothing bad, trust me," Alma assures him and Ethan nods.
"So, you pick up these children somewhere and care for them. I think I can understand that somehow but why do you turn into a bird and how did you hide it from me? I mean, I was with you for days when you were in the hospital. Why did it happen this morning and not then?" Ethan asks confused again.
Alma sighs before answering.
"That I can transform into a bird is how I was born and it's the main criteria of an ymbryne. It enables us to do other things, which can get necessary when protecting all these children. But normally we don't transform very often. You just do it from time to time to keep your body used to it."
"But then I don't understand it...," Ethan starts again but Alma cuts in.
"Yes, I'm coming to that. When I had the accident I couldn't transform as long as I was injured."
"Which was very long," Ethan adds, now guessing what Alma wants to say.
"Exactly. In fact my peculiarity may even be the cause for that as well. I'm not sure and I've never heard of anything like it but Enoch, Emma and I were guessing that my body healed unusually slowly because it's so changeable but that again is another story."
Confused Ethan tries to follow Alma's explanations but for the first time today he finally begins to understand at least one mystery about this woman, something that seemed so unexplainable as they talked to the doctors in the hospital.
"Anyway, I wasn't able to transform for some months and after my leg had healed I decided this morning to try the transformation, not knowing if it will work."
"And that's what caused your seizures?" Ethan asks.
"I think so yes. I was able to transform into my bird form and back but it left my body quite sore and weak. That's when you saw me. I don't know what happened then but I think that these cramps have been the aftereffects of the unhealthy transformation this morning."
Ethan takes a deep breath. All of this is just crazy! He knows so much about science and the human body, how can what he learned today be possible? But it was real, he saw it. And it seemed so painful for Alma. For a short moment all his anger and confusion is replaced by worry again. He had seen Alma seizing and normally her alarming state would have been reason enough to call an ambulance. He can just be lucky that nothing else happened and that she is now awake and talking to him.
"How are you feeling now?" he asks concerned.
"My muscles are still sore and weak but I think it's over now and I will soon be fine again," Alma guesses.
Relieved, Ethan nods and stands up.
"Where are you going?" Alma asks immediately.
"I'm sorry, Alma. I can't do that. I'm really happy that you're feeling better but I just can't."
Shocked Alma looks back at him. Of course she knows that this is too much to understand immediately and that she has really hurt him but it went so gut the last few minutes and now he just wants to leave?
"It feels like I don't know you," Ethan raises his voice. Now as he can be quite sure that Alma will be fine all his anger returns at once.
"What was that for you, our relationship?" Ethan snaps at her.
"This has nothing to do with us!" Alma desperately wants him to understand that.
"No?" Ethan asks back angrily. "How can you hide something so important from me and then tell me it has got nothing to do with us?"
He walks around the small room and runs his fingers through his hair. He didn't want to shout at her but this is just too much for him.
"Was our relationship just a game to you? We never had a future together like this!"
Alma shakes her head but she doesn't know what to do.
"Our whole relationship was based on a lie, Alma! And you can't tell me that it has nothing to do with us."
"But you have to understand! It wasn't my wish to keep it from you. But no ymbryne is allowed to tell someone as her first priority is the safety of her children," Alma tries to explain.
"Do you think you should protect them from me? That's ridiculous, Alma!" Ethan argues.
"No, Ethan! Of course not! But all ymbrynes learn in their training that it's safest for all peculiars when we keep it a secret."
"That might be right and everything, but one thing I don't get. Why couldn't you trust me? That's the basis for every relationship. Did you think I would tell everyone I know as soon as you tell me?" 'Ethan accuses her.
"No Ethan, don't say it like that. Can't you understand me at all? There were so many reasons and I thought about telling you a lot. But first, it's not desired that ymbrynes tell others and then I didn't want to involve you in everything as it has been quite dangerous lately. Furthermore it's always the same: Who wouldn't tell something like that during the first meeting and than the more time passes, the harder it gets."
"I'm not sure if I can understand you, Alma. All these things sound more like excuses to me than real reasons."
"That's a bit unfair, Ethan, don't you think?" Alma retorts. "I know that I've made a mistake and I'm really sorry. But you have to know that I've always trusted you with my life as well as the lives of my children. I don't know...keeping it a secret is rooted in our society like nothing else. All of the children have been through so much before they were found and if the whole world would know about it, the few peculiars of us would be persecuted or whatever. That's the reason why the ymbryne council decided to handle it this way."
Ethan wants to say something but Alma cuts him off.
" I know that you would never betray us like that but it's like it is. Normally, we live quite isolated and have no contact to others, so no other ymbryne has been in a situation like this. And Ethan, before you say something. I know that it's no excuse either but we've been through so much before we came here. All of us nearly died, I couldn't protect my children and when we came here I couldn't risk anything."
"But Alma, that's the thing. Why do you think that telling me would be a risk?"
"I don't Ethan, honestly. But I came here with the intention to do everything to keep us save, including keeping it a secret. Of course that changed when we two got closer but I really thought that it would be best to leave it the way it was before. Maybe I was a coward and I was afraid of losing you. But I really wanted to protect you as well."
"Did you really think, that we could be together like that. That you could live a double life, one with me and then one where you don't hide your secrets?"
"And that's it, Ethan. We have to live this double life anyway. It was a mistake and I know that now but I told myself that our secrets are something we should try to abandon from our daily life as best as we can and don't let it be a part of it anymore. Then everything will be easier. Of course I could have made an exception with you but I was convinced that it's easier for everyone when we go through with it completely. Where do you draw the line. When I would have told you, some of the children would have wanted to tell one of their friends and so on. And that's definitely not possible, so I had to stick to my own rules. It doesn't mean that I didn't want to tell you, though."
"That's all very well but it doesn't change the fact that you lied to me and that I didn't know the real you even after being together with you for some months. I can't forget that so quickly. And then you tell me all this crazy stuff. I'm sorry Alma, I need time," Ethan says and then turns around and leaves her room.
Shocked, Alma watches her door closing loudly. She desperately wants to follow him but she still feels too weak and besides, she has said everything she can and talking more about it won't change a thing. She needs to give Ethan the time he needs. And if he'll decide that he can't forgive her, she has to accept that.
Nonetheless, it hurts that Ethan has left like that. And only the possibility of him never coming back breaks her heart.
It's strange that she of all women feels like this. So many years she has lived without a partner, so sure that she had everything in her life. And now after only some months with Ethan, living without him again seems so impossible. And that's why Alma can't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. Exhausted and heartbroken she lies down again and curls into a ball, crying silently.