Cartman X Kyle XXI
((Joyful Note: Okay kiddies, last chapter. Hope you liked it. I didn't add disclaimers because if you seriously believe Trey or Matt made this strange tale of homosexuality between Cartman and Kyle, you need to leave right now and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Because if you do, you'll probably notice you have a peanut lodged in your brain. I know it was probably there since birth, but please remove it before coming back. Thank you, and enjoy the end))
Stan and Wendy walked home from the bus stop together. Stan felt totally lost with all his best friends killed off, so Wendy was coming over to his house to comfort the raven-haired boy. Well, actually it seemed more that she was yammering about school…
"I wonder why Butters was spying on the Goth kids all recess" Wendy wondered out loud apparently.
"Aw, who gives a crap" Stan muttered, kicking a rock on the side of the road.
"I mean, Butters must be-"
"Geez Wendy, please try to understand I just had to death with the death of my three best friends this morning! Stop talking about irrelevant things already!"
"But I thought men didn't like to discuss their feelings!" Wendy snapped.
"No, but we expect our girlfriends to drag it out of us anyway!"
"Okay, then do you want to talk about it?" Wendy asked gently.
"NO! I'm fine!" Stan snapped.
"WHAT?! But you just-"
"No, you're supposed to-"
"Aw FUCK this Stan! You're too needy!" Wendy snapped.
"H-huh?"
*****
Damian pulled his dad's chariot up to a large spinning blue portal at the furthest reach of hell. An ugly old troll man was sitting next to it.
"Wow, would've thought I'd known about that" Damian said raising an eyebrow at the huge spinning thing as they all got out of the chariot.
"Huh, yeah I guess" Kyle nodded, holding Cartman's hand. The fat boy still seemed incredibly amazed that the Jewish boy was showing willing affection for him "So, let's go back to life!"
"No" the troll man croaked.
"Mmph? Mmph mmph mmph!"
"Yes Kenny, it's within 24 hours" the troll growled deep in his throat "But only one may pass through this portal each day"
"Mmph?! Mmph mmph mmph mmph!"
"Yes, well for the past eight years you've been the only one to reach this place so I never had to tell you before"
"Wait, so only one of us gets out of here?" Kyle asked, looking at his two friends. There was silence.
"I think… it should be you Kahl" Cartman sighed "You're the intelligent goody goody, they probably need you up there to cure cancer or something"
Kyle scowled "Hey! Well what about you? You… uh… well… the world will be really boring if you're not there to fight with!"
"MMPH! MMPH MMPH MMPH!" Kenny yelled, waving his arms in anger.
"Well, you're apparently long past your expiration date anyway Kenny" Cartman pointed out.
"Mmph…"
"But Cartman, don't you see?" Kyle said, grabbing the fat boy's other hand as well and looking deeply into his eyes "Both of us would be miserable without the other! Even before Wendy's podcast you saved me and my family from the mug storm in San Francisco. We need each other for rivalry, for insults, and no I guess for this" he kissed Cartman gently.
Cartman gulped "W-well… so you think we should stay in hell together and just let Kenny go home?"
"Woo hoo!' Kenny cheered, and charged through the portal. There was a flash and the lue light went out.
"KENNY!" Kyle gasped "You bastard!"
"Geez, that sucks" Cartman frowned.
"So now we're really stuck in hell together for eternity, never aging" Kyle breathed, no believing it, or hardly.
"Yeah" Cartman breathed as well. Then his piggy eyes widened "WAIT! So we're nine forever? God, now we'll never get to make sweet love down by the fire!"
Kyle twitched "Excuse me?"
"Wait!" Damian said suddenly "There may be another war of out of hell"
"We'll take it!" Cartman said quickly.
"Well I could take a few months to deal with the invoices and forms, but we could send a request to God to see if you can get a life extension, I think Kenny had to do that once" Damian explained.
"So… then we can go back?" Kyle asked wide eyed.
"Yes, it should work, it'll just take a few months" Damian nodded.
"Sweet" Cartman grinned, and pulled Kyle into his arms. The red head didn't fight at all as he swept him into the best kiss of their lives.
And then back at Damian's house Cartman sucked Kyle's balls in the bathroom for several hours. They were both very satisfied as sweat ran down their bodies and they rubbed together in pure pleasure until Pip walked in to change his stockings and saw the two in the middle of this sexcapade. Then Damian came in, then Satan came in, called a camera crew, Kyle got pissed, Cartman started selling t-shirts and all was well in the world… or in hell anyway.
((Joyful Note: I couldn't end on a fluffy note… so I hope someone else laughed besides me…))
*****
Kenny came into Stan's bedroom to see the raven haired boy standing on a stool with a noose around his nexj.
"MMPH!"
"Kenny! Wendy broke up with me again!" Stan wailed.
"Mmph? Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph?"
"She said I was too wimpy for her now!"
"Mmph mmph mmph mmph mmph!" Kenny muttered and forced Stan down. After a long talk, the raven haired child of white trash parents agreed not to kill himself for now.
After another Kenny death he was able to deliver the message to Stan that Kyle and Cartman would be back in a few months. Stan would look forward to that day.
THE END
((Joyful Note: Okay. This is seriously the end. Hope you liked it. You might notice some little strange random things like Butters spying on the Goths [not vamps if you thought that was the allusion] and Pip in a French maid outfit, the whole Craig X Tweek romance thing. Well… those stories will be made, with references to this story. Plus, I'll have some sort of sequel story eventually for this, but not for a while. Like, a few months down the road. So I hope you'll read and enjoy my other stuff whenever I get it up. Oh, did I mention it will almost all be gay? Sorry if you don't like that but eh, whatever. I haven't asked this till now, but please don't forget to review! Luv ya'll!))