Elena's POV

It's been a few days since the scare Damon caused us. Emerson hasn't been crying as much lately, she's sleeping better, only waking up twice now for feedings. Damon has been sleeping in later and going to the office around noon. This does mean he isn't home for dinner but twice a week…which also means he's not home to help put the kids to bed, and when he is home he retreats to his office.

I was getting tired, I feel like he has forgotten my role is his wife not nanny. Don't get me wrong I love my kids more than anything, however I am sleeping in the nursery almost every night so that Emmy doesn't wake Damon up but I can be close in case she needs something. "Elena I'm home." I looked at the clock on the wall 11:28. I curled into a ball on the couch and pretended to be asleep. "Elena?"

I heard him come into the living room and walk around the couch. "Elena." He whispered kneeling next to me

I didn't make a move to 'wake up'.

"Come on Princess." I felt his strong arms underneath me "Let's get you to bed." Bridal style he carried me up to our bedroom.

I counited pretending to be asleep while Damon went to take a shower. I felt the weight on my chest from everything going on. I felt two lone tears roll down my cheeks. I felt the bed shift and realized the shower had turned off and Damon crawled in next to me. "Elena…My sweet Elena." He whispered "I wish I could tell you what everything you do means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you Kitten." He took a deep breath and continued "I know I've been busy lately, you've taken on so much with the girls, especially having the twins two days a week. Gosh Elena…you do more for us than I ever imagined. I love you so much." He kissed my cheek and laid next to me

I felt tears rolling down my face, he wrapped his arms around my waist. This is the most he'd touched me since Emerson was born. I felt everything in me breaking. I wasn't planning to let him know I was awake, but I felt the nausea in my throat. I bolted from the bed and into the bathroom. I lost all my dinner into the white porcelain bowl. My hair was in my face for a few seconds until it was quickly swept up by Damon. Just when I thought I was done another wave came. My tears mixed in the bowl with my vomit. After I done I sobbed uncontrollably as Damon wrapped his arms around me.

"Elena, what is going on?" My husband asked me

After 15 minutes of sobbing I got myself together and Damon led me into our bedroom. It was just after midnight. "Elena please talk to me."

I opened my mouth to speak and I heard Emerson cry out. I quickly left the room to find my baby girl standing in her crib crying out. "Are you hungry Princess?" I sat in the rocking chair and nursed my daughter

Forgetting the fact that I left my husband sitting on our bed after having a meltdown. "Elena." His voice was soft as he stood at the nursery door

"You can't just leave me in there after that."

"I'm sorry, duty called. I needed to feed our daughter." I whispered

"Elena Salvatore. Look at me." He demanded getting not only my attention but Emerson's

"Damon…now she's not going to finish and my boobs are going to hurt." I whined

"Elena. Put Emerson down and come here." He demanded again

I complied laying a happy Emerson in her crib and leaving the nursery. We walked into our bedroom that we rarely share anymore. "Elena…this marriage is never going to work like this." Damon took my hands in his "I am at fault for a lot of things, I know that, but I need you to talk to me."

"Do you think I'm attractive?" I whispered ashamed of the question

Damon's POV

"Damon, do you?" She repeated after I didn't answer

"Elena, why would you ask that? Of course, I find you attractive!" I told my wife

"You have given me kisses here and there, but you have barely touched me since Emmy was born. It's been months Damon."

"Elena…I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was neglecting you…. I've been so overly focused on myself."

"I just miss you…and I love Caroline, Josie and Izzie…but she never offers to watch Camille and Emerson to give us a night out…I watch all four girls all day long for her to go to work and I sit here with no one to talk to. I'm getting tired of being just the nanny." She cried frustrated she quickly got up and left the room

I texted Caroline that we needed to talk after hearing Elena go out back into the yard. My phone rang within minutes. "What's wrong?" she whispered "I was up with the girls."

"Care…I know that you are dealing with things with Stefan leaving, and your new-found love, but my love is being destroyed…Caroline I need you to take the girls for the weekend. We need a break for the two of us. Elena thinks she's just the nanny."

"Damon, you married the nanny, this is her job." Caroline said

"Caroline!? How can you say that?" I was shocked

"Damon, take a look in the mirror, you were lonely and felt abandoned so you jumped on the first thing that walked through the door, and married her, she will always be the nanny."

With that I hung up the phone. I looked out the window to see my bride sitting by the pool. I haven't been a good husband, not since Emerson was born, I think she still blames me for everything that happened the week of Emerson's birth, the drinking, the early delivery. All of it. I grabbed the monitors and rushed downstairs where Elena was stepping into the pool, in just her undergarments. "Elena, you're going to freeze." I whispered hurrying to the side of the pool

"Let me. I don't want this Damon, I love my babies…But I can't be their nanny. I won't."

"You are right Elena. I have been treating you like the nanny and not as my wife. I am so sorry. I feel like you are still angry with me because of what happened with Emmerson. I don't want to lose you. I need you, I want to move away from Mystic Falls, and take the girls and you and we can start over." I reached for Elena's hand "Please…be my wife Elena."

There were tears rolling down her cheeks. "Damon." She sobbed out "I…I tired to kill myself." She whispered I wasn't sure I heard her right

"What did you say?" I gently asked her still reaching for her hands

"When we came home from the hospital…I went into the medicine cabinet and found…I found the painkillers they put me on when Tyler attacked me. I carried them in my purse and I went to the cemetery. I was going to end it all. I was ready Damon, but all I could think as a swallowed a handful of pills was…I didn't get to say goodbye." Elena sobbed "From when I was younger…I learned how to make myself be sick, so I did everything in my power to be sick and I was…Over and over again. Then I rushed into the doctor making the claim I thought it was something different. She told me I was okay and sent me home."

"Elena…you've been carrying this with you for 3 months?" I grabbed a towel and pulled her out of the water wrapping her in my embrace

"I was ashamed…I went back to the doctor and told her everything Damon, she prescribed me anti-depressants…but I can't nurse if I take them and I can't do that to my baby."

"Elena…why are you hiding this from me?"

"Because I didn't give you the us time you wanted…and now I have to work so hard to make sure the babies don't bother you because you'll…" Her voice trailed off

"I'll what Lena?" I gently asked as we swayed to the sound of the white noise coming from the baby monitor

"I don't want you to be him." She brokenly whispered

"I will never become him Elena, the biggest difference between me and him…is I love you and I love our life together."

A/N: Honestly have no clue where this story is headed! Oh my gosh y'all! Review!