Chapter Twenty One:
She slept little that night watching the monitors as he stirred from time to time. She finally felt herself dozing as she laid her head down and slept. She felt his hand pull away causing her to sit up.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he said.
"How do you feel?" she asked.
"Like I totaled the car," he said.
She said nothing.
"Accurate assessment?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Who has Matthew?"
"Mrs. Donner."
"Have you been home since…"
"No."
"You need to go. He's going to be…"
"I wanted to wait until you woke."
"I'd much rather be here than to face Matthew."
She grinned.
"I called Jim. He was here last night. He notified the lab."
He nodded and then winced when he tried to sit up.
"Are you…"
"I now know what a test dummy feels like in a test crash."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"State police chased a vehicle into mine. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Ouch."
"Good news is I'll get to spend some time with Matthew."
"He'll like that."
She stood to leave but turned suddenly.
"Griss…."
The door opened and they stared as Sofia stepped inside.
Sara glanced at Grissom and then Sofia before walking out the door. She hurried passed the others as they were coming in not stopping for their calls. She did not stop until she was pulling into the driveway and then she felt her resolve give way as she sat there trembling.
I could have lost him….
He could have died…
I have to let this go…
I have to or…
She sat there in the car and sighed as the front of her blouse dripped with breast milk. She slipped upstairs and changed. Mrs. Donner was asleep in the guestroom and she tiptoed into Matthew's room. She gently picked him up and he stirred opening his blue eyes to stare at her.
She smiled at him.
He wailed at her.
She quickly placed him on her breasts and he whimpered as he nursed furrowing his little eye brows at her much like his father often did when she had been caught doing something. She swiped at her eyes and kissed him on the forehead. Once he was finished, she took him into her room and laid down with him. Blue eyes stared at brown.
"Momma."
"Momma sorry Matthew. Daddy needed me."
He stared at her. She opened the dresser and pulled out a photo that was stuck in her poetry book.
"Dada," she said pointing at Grissom. "Dada needed momma."
He stared at her.
"dada."
She sucked in air as she listened.
"dada."
"Yes, dada needed momma."
"dada"
"Yes."
"dada"
"yes."
"dada"
"Me too," she got out between quiet sobs. "Me too."
She sat down stairs and watched him play with his toys when there was a knock on the door. She opened the door to find Brass and the others.
"Thought we would come by since we were in the neighborhood," said Brass.
She smiled as they came in. Greg went to sit in the floor with Matthew.
"He's getting so big," said Catherine.
"He said momma," said Nick. "He's a momma's boy."
"Coffee?" she offered.
They nodded as they focused their attention on the baby as Brass followed her into the kitchen.
"Heard you ran into Sofia this morning," said Brass.
"Is this the reason for the social call?" asked Sara.
"He was worried about you."
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine. How much sleep have you gotten lately?"
"Enough."
"Did you tell him?"
She stared out the window.
"Sara?"
"Every time I think I can do it…maybe we shouldn't be doing this…living here…"
"That's bullshit. Tell me, which of you wants to be away from Matthew. If you were both honest, which of you would want to be away from one another?"
"You make it sound so easy."
"It's not. Being committed is not easy. It means putting your pride aside and thinking about someone else…"
"I have! He's the one that…"
"Remember the wreck? Remember the feeling you got in your gut when you saw his vehicle? Want to wait until the next time to tell him?"
It made her flinch. She had been deathly afraid the moment she saw his mangled vehicle.
"How was he this morning?"
"He's in pain….wouldn't admit it too much but he's going to be in some pain for several days. He was pretty upset when he was told he would not be able to hold Matthew."
"He said dada this morning."
Brass grinned. "Tell him. He's not sure about himself with Matthew."
Sara looked surprised. "He's good with Matthew."
"Have you told him?"
She said nothing.
"Stop punishing him," said Brass as he picked up a cup of coffee and headed back into the study before stopping.
"As for Sofia…she won't be coming back to visit him…the nurses ordered her out when he became agitated that she was there. He kept asking if you were okay…that's why the others were calling for you…you should have stopped. He could have hurt himself."
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to hurt him."
"Go see him. Let him know you're okay."
She came for a visit that afternoon leaving Matthew with one of the nurses while she sat with him. He was anxious to leave but was disappointed that he would not be released until the next day.
"Was he really upset?" Grissom asked.
"He got his point across," she said with a grin.
He returned the grin.
"He said dada," she blurted out.
His grin turned to a smile.
"I was trying to explain to him where I had been. He said dada. He kept saying it over and over. I think he misses you."
"I miss him too."
They were quiet for a moment.
"Sara…"
She got up suddenly, "I think they will let me bring him in here for just a minute…would you like to see him?"
"Yes…yes I would."
She disappeared for a few minutes but then returned holding Matthew. He squealed when he saw Grissom and held his hands out. He took him despite Sara's objections. She noticed the pain behind his eyes but he smiled at Matthew as he grasped his hands about Grissom's face and then said very loudly, "dada". Blue eyes watered as blue eyes twinkled.
"I love you Matthew."
"Dada!"
"Yes, I'm dada."
"Dada"
He chuckled.
Matthew turned and smiled at Sara. "Momma."
She grinned. "I think we can work on some more words now."
She took him despite his refusal to leave Grissom. He cried holding out his arms. She could tell it bothered him that Matthew could not stay.
"Tomorrow," she said to them. They looked at one another. Matthew began to cry. Grissom struggled with his emotions.
"Tomorrow," she said again as she walked toward the door but stopped. "Grissom? He cries for you because you're a good father," she said as she walked out.
She laid him down for his nap and headed downstairs for a glass of milk when she heard the click of the door. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and glared at him.
"What are you doing here?' she demanded.
"They let me go early," he said.
"Bullshit!"
"If Matthew blurts out that word, we'll know where he got it," he said as he stared at the steps.
"Where are your discharge papers?" she asked with arms folded.
"You did the same thing for the same reason," he shot back.
"No, I didn't. I was worried about Matthew. I wasn't sure you could take care of him. What's your excuse?"
"I missed him."
I missed you….
She sighed. She took the papers from him and then looked at the prescriptions.
"I got them filled," he said as a peace token.
She sighed. She headed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass pouring some juice and then another glass with milk.
"Pick your choice," she said.
He reached for the juice while she opened the prescription bottle and handed him one as he took it. She watched him as he pretended to feel fine as he slowly headed toward the stairs. She drank the milk and then followed. He made it half way when he felt her slide under his arm and helped support his weight. She forced him to go to his room, pulling back the bed covers. He sat down and watched as she knelt down and began removing his shoes.
"Sara, I can do that," he said.
"So can I," she said.
She went to the dresser and pulled out his pajamas. She came and stood in front of him. He stared at her.
"I removed these for two years…I think I can help you put them on," she said matter of fact.
He stood and she unbuttoned his shirt. He tried not to breathe in too deeply as she stood so close. The smell of her hair was intoxicating and he suddenly found himself aroused. She eased his shirt off mindful of the shoulder and the ribs and replaced it with the one. She reached for his pants and he stopped her.
"I can do this," he managed to get out.
She stepped back and he was disappointed when she left the room. He exhaled and removed his pants, dressing into the pajama bottoms. He started to sit back down on the bed when he tiptoed into Matthew's room to check on him. She lay there on her bed and listened through the monitor as she heard him in there. He returned to his room and lay down gently wincing at the pain from his shoulder and ribs. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. She waited an hour before making her rounds to check on Matthew and then walked into his room. He appeared to be asleep as she pulled the covers up. She started to leave when she stopped to stare at him.
I could have lost you…
You could have died…
Need to forgive….
She walked to the other side of the bed and slipped beneath the covers. She eased over until she was up next to him. She laid her head down on his chest and kissed it gently. She missed this. She had always loved sleeping with him. She wiped her eyes quickly before any drops could dampen his shirt. She hugged herself closer to him as she felt his arm wrap around her. She stiffened but then relaxed when she realized he was still asleep. She closed her eyes and joined him.
Note from author:
You see…I told you fluff and more fluff. We'll be pulling fluff out of everything. Keep the reviews coming. I love the comments. Take care! Penny