Okay finally finished mixture of writer's block and trying to not fail a class that I am in. Not my best but next Chaps going to be mostly really funny.

I have about half of the next Chapter already written on paper so yay! Going to start copying it on my computer tomorrow and I know every bit that I am going to do with it. I actually started that chapter on paper about a week before I finished this because I had so many ideas for it.

Okay after all my happy explanation.

Okay this is a guest review that I would like to comment on.

kara:is this supposed to be a parody? because so far that's all it's measuring
up too. what type of dad doesn't know his son's name? and i'm pretty sure your
decision to make it so that akamutsu can't pronounce L's because Japanese
people can't is racist. i haven't found this story funny. it seems like you
decided to take a good attempt at a story and ridicule it. i honestly can't
figure out if you hate the harry potter series, your own story, or your
readers.

My Answers

I made this because I liked the idea of seeing Sirius and Remus as parents. I think Sirius would be a loving parent but I also think he is a bit clueless when it comes to what you should and shouldn't do in all things including parenting. No It isn't a parody it's just suppose to be funny but also has a bit of a plot line, I'm not making fun of anyone(not normally) and I am not ridiculing the book.

The name part, this is Sirius we are talking about. I think of him as goofy and childish. He only thinks of Harry as Harry and avoids things he doesn't like. He hates Harry's full name so avoids even thinking about it, so Harry is now just Harry in his mind.

I made up everything about Akamutsu. When I added that detail I made it so he was authentic because I didn't want him practically fresh from Japan sounding like he could speak English extremely well when it doesn't go with his back story or personality. He wouldn't use a charm for translation unless he absolutely had no choice at all it could be used to someone else's advantage in his mind if he did. I imagined the reason he is having trouble with his English is because he has taken it upon himself as a sort of challenge to teach himself English. He is proud. I already have the person that I am going to have help him in the story. He can't just suddenly be perfect at English if he had only started to teach himself it not even a half a year ago.

I also feel no racist feeling towards anyone, it is rude to assume that and that is actually what set me off. My best friend is treated like crap half the time and told that she doesn't talk right because she is part black so she obviously has to speak Ebonics. Paul who was one of the same people that said rude things to my friend said that I was a pure ass racist kkk cracker because he was Portuguese and made people act weird around me because of that said that to me when I finally had, had enough of him treating my best friend like crap and myself. I am about 3/4ths white and a 4th Native American(most people at school knew that and everyone knew my best friend was the one I am talking about) Sorry but making a point Alexis. My gran on sperm donors side is full native American and Mom is 8th. Anyway I chewed him out and I was looked at like a monster, when it wasn't anything about race or anything I told him that I wouldn't let him treat us like crap and that he needed to stop getting in my face and that all he was, was a no bite bully that needed to get off of his high horse and leave everyone alone because no one wanted to hear what someone like he was had to say.

And lastly I have no hatred for the book, my story or the readers. I wouldn't spend the time typing this or responding if I hated these things. I enjoy people reading my stories. I am not trying to ridicule the Harry potter series at all.

Sorry for the annoyingly long explanation people. I hope I don't seem those things to you guys because that isn't at all how I feel or how I am.

The thing I don't understand the most is why did you read until chapter 19? I really hate when people do that. Why, why would you read something you hate so much? Don't read it if you don't like it!

Now no more answering Flames that were unnecessary. Please don't be angry with me people.

Here is the story.

Start Chapter 20

"Come out and face me you pathetic coward! Err! I should have drowned you the moment you were born! Disgusting little mudblood loving taint!" The man snarled. Sirius eeped, "what do we do Remmy?" He whimpered. Remus turned to Sirius, "get to a floo and call your mother or even Bellatrix if you have too! I-I will hold them off!" Remus said. He stood ridged with his wand pointed at the door.

"How? There isn't a floo in here!" Sirius said. "I will keep them away from you, just go!" Remus whispered urgently to his mate. Sirius nodded. Both men burst through the door Remus facing Orion while Sirius sprinted to the fireplaces.

"Sirius get back here! You shall pay for ruining my trip to that gods forsaken desert!" The younger man yelled. Spell were being shot in all directions and people screamed, running away in droves. "You are insane Regulus!" Sirius shouted. He jumped over some slutty looking secretary who was huddled on the ground. "Me you must be joking you disgusting blood traitor, I did not abandon our family you warped freak of nature! You destroyed our family! Mother will not even talk to poor father anymore because of you!" Regulus shrieked like an angry child.

Sirius suddenly began to laugh and stumbled. He squeaked when he felt Harry shift and cling to his torso like a baby monkey. He had thought that he was still asleep. "How-how dare you laugh at what has befallen my family because of you! Now turn around so I may watch the light leave your eyes!" Regulus snarled.

Sirius quickly whipped around, "instantanea adipem!" Sirius said. He grinned when Regulus froze. His cheeks bulged out and hung on his face. After that his arms swelled until they were flabby and at least five times their original size his legs became so large around that his trousers began to tare and his dress shirt's buttons went flying when his stomach rounded to the point it fell to his knees in several thick rolls. Regulus stumble and fell, looking like a very bloated beached whale. Sirius barked out laughter. He began to laugh so hard that he looked like he was ready to topple over at any moment. "Look Harry love, I made a whale! Isn't it so ugly?" Sirius cooed. Regulus gasped for air he had trouble even lifting his head so he couldn't even get a glimpse of this Harry that Sirius was talking to.

Regulus slowly eased his wand to his side and grunted in effort he cast a silent Feather weight charm on himself and slowly forced himself to his feet. He stumbled because he was so unused to his new body, his entire equal liberum was off. He growled, "I am going to cough* gasp* kill you for doing this to me you useless taint!" Regulus wheezed. Sirius snorted, "how? You can hardly move." Sirius said, smirking. "You-you just shut up!" Regulus said, his face turned purple. Sirius snickered, "alright Mr. Whale, I'll shut up after I'm done with my floo call!" Sirius said. The bloated creature frowned, "What is that thing cling-ing to your stomach?" Regulus grunted out. Sirius growled, "non of your business!" He said through his teeth. Sirius turned and held Harry protectively, "tell Mummy if up his daddy's bum boy tries to hex me okay love?" Sirius said gently. "O-Okay Mummy." Harry whispered. He peaked over his mother's shoulder at the increasingly larger blob man.

Regulus was becoming so large that even though he had a feather light charm on himself he still was having trouble even lifting his wrist. He moaned from the effort.

Sirius cradled Harry to himself and went to stick his head in one of the 20 or so fireplaces in the room. "Sirius!" Remus yelled fearfully. "I am going to turn you into door mat you disgusting little seed taint!" Orion sneered. Sirius eewwed and his face turned into a disgusted grimace. "Why?" He whined.

"Mummy, his wand is glowing purple!" Harry said with big frightened eyes. "What!" Sirius squeaked. Right as he was about to turn around a shadow loomed over him. "Sirius I think you should tell me what is happening!" Lucius said. He went stiff when he saw Remus. His arm was shredded and he had stakes in both of his hands. Remus hung from the outside of one of the offices walls. Sirius whimpered at the sight, "oh Remmy!" He said looking horrified than his eyes lit with rage and madness.

"Sirius!" Lucius he said in warning after putting up a shielding spell. A floo flashed a few fireplaces down.

"Gomez darling I told you that it was rude to kidnap people, much more polite to just kill them! Isn't that right Wednesday sweety?" A woman in a painfully tight looking floor length black dress said. The girl she seemed to be talking to was ghostly pale with clothes that were even dolor than herself. "Of course mother, it's terribly bad manners to leave them waiting." The girl said in a creepy flat tone. The woman smiled and patted the girl on the head. "Don't touch me!" A decrepit old lady said, literly hissing at the frightened looking Auror. "I would do as she says dear, she bites!" The woman said sweetly.

Gomez sighed, "I know darling I was terribly rude wasn't I?" he said sounding guilty.

"Damn, blood traitor betraying us for that!" Orion snarled. The only one that seemed to notice the new arrivals was Harry. "You are being ridicules Orion! If you actually tried to communicate with your family every once in a while you would have know that Sirius is now accepted back into the family!" Lucius said. He looked completely annoyed. Orion threw another spell at the trio which Lucius countered. "What are you speaking of? You disgusting curr! Tricking our society into thinking your worth more than a piss on!" Orion ranted.

"Hay dad can we keep it?" A cubby boy said pointing at Regulus. "I promise I will barely feed it and not groom it and ignore it everyday!" He said with wide pleading eyes. "I'm sorry Pugsly my boy but it is up to your mother." Gomez said and patted him on the back. "Please mom!" Puglsy said. She sighed, "well maybe... Do you promise you will take it on walks with a reverse spiked collar and use the cattle prod on it if it doesn't try to go to the bathroom on my most beloved great great aunt Bonehidea's original Babylonian rug?" The woman said. Pugsly grinned, "Really you'd let me use the Cattle prod?" He said gleefully. "Of course darling! Way wouldn't I let you spoil your new pet?" The woman cooed.

"Oh my sweet ghastly Morticia!" Gomez said and took her hand in his. He began to dramatically kiss at her hand and dropped to his knees, hugging her around the waist. "Such a monstrous pet owner!" He cooed. "Oh, Gomez, you are making me turn gray!" Morticia said, looking flattered.

Harry couldn't help but to stare at them. He had thought that his Mummy was a bit crazy... These people had to be at least as crazy as he was most likely even more crazy and in a very different way. "Mummy, who-who are they?" Harry asked. Sirius quickly swung around with his wand in his hand and squeaked. "Oh, Merlin's hardy balls no! I thought they weren't allowed in the country for causing that Muggle Massacre!" Sirius said and lightly tugged at Lucius's sleeve, "What Sirius can you not see i am in the middle of saving your family's life!" Lucius snarled. "I know but the Adams are here!" Sirius said staring up at Remus. "What? It is illegal for any Adams to come to England!" Lucius hissed. "I kno-"

"Sirius darling what are you doing here? Who is that man that is hanging from the wall?" Morticia asked gliding over to him. Sirius cringed and held Harry in a vice like grip. "That's-that's my bonded, Remus." Sirius said, tearing up. Morticia frowned, "don't cry darling! We do not want you looking any more lively with that dreadfully healthy looking skin do we?" Morticia said. Sirius gave her a creeped out look but didn't say what he probably wanted to say.

"S-Siri, get your mother, she can-can deal with this alright?" Remus suddenly said gasping like he was having trouble breathing. "Shut up dirty half-breed!" Orion snarled. Sirius paled and growled, "no, Lucius you get my mother and take Harry and I will burn him alive!" Sirius said with a twisted grin, "I'm going to boil you alive for saying that! My Remmy is far more magically pure than you are you nasty pathetic old man!" Sirius snarled and began to laugh manically.

Lucius gave Sirius a confused look. "Sirius I do not believe-" Sirius pushed Harry into Lucius's arms, "just be quiet you and get my mother, now!" Sirius said in a voice that was far more authoritative than Lucius was use to hearing from him. The Black's family instability was practically screaming at him in the face and he didn't want to be on the receiving end of what ever Sirius might do in the state of mind he was in, it was far to dangerous.

"Alright Sirius." Lucius said and very slowly moved to the fireplace, not wanting to move in a way that Sirius might have perceived as threatening. He flooed Walburga's home and whispered the password that would allow him to speak to her. "What do you want Lucius and why are you calling me from the Auror department?" Walburga said. She was sitting in a dark gray high back chair with a book in her hand.

"I am sorry Lady Black but you must get here right away! Orion is attempting to kill Sirius and Remus... He needs to get to St. Mungo's and worst of it all the Adams are here as well!" Lucius said. "What?" Walburga shrieked she flung herself from the chair and stomped over to the fireplace. "At least my Harry is no a part of this!" She said. Lucius grimaced, "that is not completely true ma'am..." Lucius said. Walburga growled, "what?" She said. "Well for some reason he is here." Lucius said sounding afraid to even tell Harry's grandmother. Walburga grabbed a hand full of floo powder, "get out of my way now you dim witted moron!" Walburga said. His head quickly disappeared and Walburga used her powder to step through.

Nearly everything around Orion was on fire in different shades of purples, blacks/grays, greens, and blues. Orion actually looked frightened. His eyes were darting around like a rat trying to find a hole to hide in. Sirius on the other hand was breathing harshly with a crazed grin on his face he was about half way to Remus. The Auror that had led the Adams through the floo was gasping and begging for help from underneath Regulus who was flushed a ugly purple and was easily as big as a baby Orca but was almost completely round, looking like he had tiny nubs for limbs.

"What is going on here!" Walburga snarled. "He-he hurt my Remus and called him a DIRTY HALF-BREED and-and he could HAVE HURT MY HARRY!" Sirius said sending an explosive burning spell at his father who cringed and whimpered after his arm got caught in one of the blazes he shrieked when the flame somehow leaped from his sleeve to his beard, "bloody hell! Aaaahh, Merlin hairy left ball!" He said he smacked at his beard frantically.

Walburga growled in anger but rolled her eyes and sent the counter hex at her 'husband's' beard. "Orion you idiot go to your ugly dowdily filled monstrosity you call a house before a gut you with my button hook!" She barked. Orion glared and nodded, "only if you beat that whelp for humiliating my Reggie!" Orion said childishly. Walburga snorted, "why would I do that when my idiot has given me many things Regulus has not. Like let me see, a respectable son in law, someone to spend time with. He actually sees me more than once every several years! And he gave me something very important that you should have already known about!" Walburga said. Orion gave her an annoyed look, "what are you speaking of woman?" he barked.

Pugsly began to bounce on Regulus's back. "Look mom! Sprinkles is also a trampoline!"

"You have what you need to figure it out if you do not look at it as much as you should it is not my fault if you do not know what I speak of!" Walburga said dryly. "But-but, that is not fare! And what about Reggie?" Orion said, looking like he wanted to stomp his foot. Walburga rubbed her face, "and I wonder why Sirius is the way he is." Walburga muttered to herself.

"Lucius give me Harry so you can get employees from St. Mungo's please. Sirius bring Remus over here so I can assist you in removing those, now!" Sirius did as he was told.

"Harry I am going to send you to my home but I will have someone get you once your father is stable is that alright with you?" Walburga said gently. Harry sniffled and nodded, "is my Daddy going to be okay?" He asked. Walburga nodded, "of course! If not at the hospital that he shall stay with Lucius or myself and I will have Snape make him potions, they are far superior to the ones at the hospital!" Walburga said puffing herself up. Harry smiled meekly and hugged her, "good." he said and nuzzled her. She patted his hair like a dog and put him in the fireplace with floo powder in his hand and a some in her own. Walburga ran her finger over a small knife that she had hidden in a container for blush and allowed three drops to fall into Harry's palm.

"Now say number 12 Grimmauld Place, London alright?" Walburga said. Harry nodded, "alright," He threw the velvety ash-like substance, "number 12 Grimmauld Place, London!" Harry said. He disappeared in a flash of colors and sounds. The last thing he saw was his Daddy being held in his Mummy's lap with blood running down his face and a glimpse of the white bones in his staked hands.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Harry caught himself before he fell on the floor. He slowly made his way from the fireplace and coughed from the ash that he had swallowed. Animal heads and were jutting out of every wall making Harry cringe. "Who's be breaking into Kreacher's Mistress's home?" A voice hissed in the practically infinite dark of the rest of the room.

"I saids, who's be breaking into Kreacher's Mistress's home!"

Chapter 20 End

So done with this chapter and I am very sorry for the rant!

Also, if you guys want I will add more of the Adams family which I do not own, or just leave it open for imagination or what not. I don't know why I added them but I think they would be the wizerding family that even that Black's would be locking up their shutters for. If continue with them in another chapter or two I already know a decent amount on how I would portray them and how they would interact with others.

Creepy boy is going to come up again in two or three chapters.

I have the poll up for Harry's pairing.

The contest as I have stated several times before is on my profile page and I also have one entry.

Please Review! SORRY for the rant but I was angered by the comment. I found it very insulting. Kind of like when the person that wrote the Harry potter Vampire girl based, my Immortal trolled me except when I realized who it was I couldn't stop laughing. Anyway PLEASE REVIEW IT MOTIVATES ME! I'm fine with criticism but I find it extremely rude to Flame people and that includes myself. I would never do that to you so I would like the same courtesy thank you.

Next chapter hint: Crazy House elves, hungry walls, and obsessive houses